Lord, Help My Unbelief

Back in my 30's, I experienced a weird list of physical symptoms that left me discouraged, unwell, and simply stumped. From joint pain to strange marks on my skin, to intestinal issues, fatigue and other annoyances, I had no clue what was going on in my body. I saw a few different doctors only to get different diagnoses—none of which treatment ever seemed to help. I began to think others thought I was crazy, but deep in my heart I knew something was wrong with me. 

After years of dealing with these random symptoms, I finally got an infectious disease physician to discover the cause: Lyme disease and related co-infections. I never remember being bitten by a deer tick, but the evidence was present and making me feel miserable. 

During those years of feeling pain, I remember vividly pleading with God for healing, only to be disappointed that the symptoms lingered. I believed He could—I really did, but He chose not to give relief for over a decade. Did this make Him less able, or was my faith being tested?

Unwavering faith in God's ability in any situation is something I wish I could proclaim to have, but I've struggled with doubts before. I've had doubts over the state of my marriage—that God would be able to fix the mess we were in. I've had doubts that various friends or family members would be healed from serious illness. I've doubted my abilities as a mom, and how to handle certain situations. Doubting is not a distant possibility for me—I'm well acquainted with it, sadly. 

Doubt is a lack of trusting God, which on paper, sounds ridiculous. How could I doubt God when He has proved time and again His faithfulness to me? Satan uses these moments in our lives to whisper words of doubt—doubt that God is able to help us since He seems to be doing nothing about our problem presently. 

This brings to mind a story from Mark 9, which involves the father of a son possessed with an evil spirit. The boy had convulsions from this spirit and was unable to speak or to hear. The father had asked the disciples to heal him and they had been unable to so he brought him to Jesus. The man asked Jesus, "if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus questioned him saying, "if I can? All things are possible for the one who believes." The father then said, "I believe; help my unbelief!" Jesus then healed his son, but only after he believed in Jesus' ability to do so. 

Friends—can you relate to this father? I sure can! Sometimes I know my belief is clouded by fear. I feel He is able, yet my heart still feels doubtful. How I long to perfectly trust Him at all times and in all things! God really is always able, and yet I often need reminders through pain-filled, trust-building life experiences.      

What are you waiting for today? Does it seem impossible? Out of reach and unlikely? It is sometimes difficult to continue to believe God is able when He seems to be silent. These are thoughts I've often wrestled over myself, but waiting is actually good for me—as much as I dislike it. Waiting exercises my trust in the ability of God to do what may seem impossible. On the days when our waiting seems unbearable and the situation seems impossible, we can, like the father in Mark chapter 9, cry out to Jesus with the same words: "Lord, help my unbelief!" 

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 ESV
And he said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Luke 24:38 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV

***what we must come to understand is that His ways are higher than our ways. He won't always give what we pray for—even if we believe He can. It's in those circumstances that we must trust His plan for saying "no" has a spiritual purpose greater than our healing.