God loves Sinners

     Loving difficult people isn't easy, and if I'm really being honest, I find it almost impossible. People who are rude and have nothing kind to say grate on my nerves. I can't even begin to understand people who are abusive to their children or loved ones, and their sin angers me. For those who are unkind to my children, it takes restraint for me to not get involved (because I know they don't want me to)! Annoying drivers don't cause loving feelings to escape from my mind or lips. In short, I see love as something that you earn from me, rather than a way of life.
     When it came to infidelity in my marriage, I felt some pretty unloving feelings. When I thought of the woman that had an affair with my husband- no real love there. When I listened to painful words said to me, they were stored up for feelings of resentment. This is the way of our sinful human hearts. We like to tweak the golden rule to suit us, and make it more like this: do to others what they deserve, by how they treat you. Ugh, this mind of mine is often unrighteous and full of yuck. 
     I often get stuck in these thought patterns and then ask myself why in the world God would love me. Sure, I remained faithful to my husband when he wasn't faithful to me, but I have plenty of my own sin to make me wonder at God's love toward me. It's easy for me to point fingers and think God sees me as "less bad" than the next person, but that just isn't the case. He doesn't keep score, He sees all sin as sin. And for some reason our minds can't fathom, He chooses to love sinners, even while He hates sin. 
     What sin do you struggle with? I have my own list, and it's sadly pretty extensive. I can get caught up in the injustice of sins that hurt me, but ultimately sin is against God. And my sin is just as ugly as the next person. Sin makes me fall short of God's standard, no matter how "big" or "small" it may be. God has compassion for us when we are hurt by sin, but He also calls all of us to confess our sins and repent (changing our behavior). So while infidelity deeply hurt me, it hurt God more. And even while it hurt Him, He loved the sinner no less. And He loves me that way too- without conditions or limits. I won't ever understand it this side of eternity, but one day when I'm face to face with my Savior, I can't wait to tell Him how thankful I am for His unconditional love towards sinful me!

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 ESV
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 ESV
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 ESV
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I can't understand Your love for me, but I'm thankful for it. I love others with a love tainted by sin, placing limits on my love by how they treat me. Help me to throw out the limits and conditions that hold me back from loving like You love. Lord I am so thankful You came to die for my sin and wash me clean. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Don't Rush "Right"

     There is nothing that unsettles me like having my "right" disrupted. A mess on the kitchen floor, a missing check, a piece of wayward hair, or a dinner gone bad can yank my chain. "Right" feels good to me, and I don't want anything or anyone to mess it up. Doing so frustrates me, and makes me feel stressed. It's silly, since life is rarely full of days that go perfectly right, so why I let it get to me, I don't know. 
     What I do know is that when "right" turns "wrong", I scramble to clean up the mess and restore order once again. It doesn't really matter about the process, as long as it is quick. That works just fine when you're dealing with little life messes, but when you're facing infidelity in your marriage, quick won't work. Fixing the bigger issues in my life takes time, effort, patience, and the help of my Heavenly Father.
     I confess when it came to my broken marriage, I initially rushed "right." I hated being broken, and longed for things to feel normal again. I accepted an apology without a change of heart. I wanted to believe him, because I wanted to believe. I forgave, and didn't wait to see the spiritual change I longed for. As a result, I found myself in a mess again from rushing forward. I welcomed him back home, wanting so desperately for him to be there. But I soon discovered that without a spiritual change, this wasn't what was right.
     Waiting is hard, isn't it? Especially when you don't have peace with your "now." I knew that scripture urged me to wait on the Lord, and I heard if from others. But sometimes when you're hurting while you wait, your heart can get in the way of wisdom. Yes- I longed for the wrongs to be made right, but until they really were right, it was wrong to push forward. And yet life is a learning process, and God understood my longing. 
     After my husband walked out the door the second time, I knew I could not receive him back without a change in not only his heart, but his spiritual heart. I would not rush ahead this time, but would exercise faith and patience as I waited to see what God had for me. I didn't know what that was, but I knew that until He gave it to me, I wasn't interested. Some things are just not meant to be rushed into, but when God unmistakably opens a door, I don't want to miss it. And I hope I'm not too busy to notice from rushing around to find that missing check or fix a piece of wayward hair! 

The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps. Proverbs 14:15 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 ESV
For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 ESV
For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him. Ecclesiastes 8:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to exercise godly patience and not rush things. It's hard to wait, yet I know that waiting for Your timing will bring about the peace I truly long for. Guide my steps, and give me eyes to see like You see, and a heart that seeks Your way, and not my own. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Resentful of Others

     Have you ever looked around at other people and felt resentful of their easier life? Their seemingly perfect marriage? Or how about their effortless ability to hold on to their youthful figure, but if you eat ONE donut, you need stretch pants? There are always people with more money, bigger houses, people who get to travel more, or families with perfectly behaved children. We can get so focused on what others have, that instead of seeing the good things we possess, we resent the blessings others are enjoying.
     Sitting in the middle of a painful marriage is a hard place to sit. While statistics say otherwise, it can feel lonely in the harder days of your marriage story. I would look around at all of my family and friends and see few of them really struggling. It isn't that I wanted them to struggle, but at times, I resented that I was. While they had that special person they could always count on to be there for them, I was hurt that I did not. 
     We all want happy and healthy marriages, but we can lose sight of the truth of what love is. Love isn't a feeling. Love isn't based on passion. Love isn't conditional. Love is a choice- a simple choice to love no matter what. For my readers who are married, remember that. Choose to love on the hard days, and remember that commitment is a promise. Rather than looking somewhere else when your marriage is struggling, look at the changes you can make in yourself to improve your marriage.
     We are all resentful of others at time, and falling into the "everyone does it" camp, doesn't make it right. We all have our struggles- no one is without them. Some of us are called to walk harder lives than others, but for those called to walk a harder road, we have so much opportunity for Christ. How can I use the painful journey through infidelity to help others? How can I use it to point others to Jesus Christ? Whatever road you are called to walk, use it! The harder ones give us the biggest voice. It's easy for me to resent the ones with easier life journeys, but if we change our perspective, we can see our situation as an opportunity for something great. God doesn't want any situation to defeat us, but rather that we would use it to defeat the enemy instead. 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31 ESV
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; Hebrews 12:15 ESV
Surely vexation kills the fool, and jealousy slays the simple. Job 5:2 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to be happy for the blessings others enjoy and not allow their blessings to be a point of resentment in my heart. It's so easy to be jealous of others, and yet You have blessings for me. Help me remember the things You bless me with, and to use my harder seasons to point others to Your Son. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

How I Felt About Him When We Were Apart

     My husband always had my heart before he walked out the door. I found him fun, attractive and my other half. For almost 25 years, he was there, and I always figured he would be. When I discovered his affair, I had some pretty hurt and angry feelings- naturally. I had always joked about shooting him if he ever cheated on me, never thinking it was a real possibility for us.

     When he left, I honestly was torn in two about how I felt about him. I felt disgust and anger one minute, and compassion and love the next. My heart and mind had loved him so long, it didn't know how to feel differently. And yet I kept finding myself astounded that this man I had loved so long would betray me in this way. I would see him and feel like I either wanted to hide, or hug him. It was a very confusing time for me.

     I have never been that person that yells, screams and throws things. While other people offered their feelings of what they would do (or think they would do), it just isn't like me to be vindictive or ugly. It isn't that I didn't have those feelings or daydreams, but I couldn't do it and feel good about it. To be honest, my biggest feeling for him was concern- concern for how he was damaging relationships, hurting those who loved him the most, and turning his back on God. None of this was like the man I had loved and lived with for most of our lives. This concern was motivated by my feelings of love for him that I still felt.

     We had our face to face moments, and usually after the initial pain and anger started to shift, we could spend time together and show kindness and care. He was very forthright and honest at owning up to our situation, and I think that helped me to feel compassion rather than hatred. Another contributing factor - a big factor- was what God kept speaking to my heart. Over and over again He urged me to love him, pray for him, and show him kindness. It wasn't always easy, but I knew it was one way of reminding him that God loves us without conditions. And God asks us to love like He loves. This love is sacrificial, and a love we often feel for our kids, but less often feel it for an unfaithful spouse. Loving a spouse is a choice- one we make each day. I chose to love him regardless of his behavior and choices, and whether he returned my love or not didn't matter- I was choosing to love him the way Christ loves me. The rest was up to my Heavenly Father, and I trusted Him for whatever was ahead for us.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sin. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 1 Peter 1:22 ESV

May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3:5 ESV

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to love- even when it's hard. I thank You for faithfully loving me, no matter what I do or say. Your love is faithful and kind, and I want to love like You love. Help me to love like that, Father, In Your precious name I pray, Amen! 

Sunday Relationship Post- Complimenting One Another

     I am honored to know a lady that makes everyone feel like a million bucks. Elsie goes out of her way to make everyone feel special, beautiful, loved and appreciated. If you are blessed with knowing her, you know how amazing she is. Being around someone like her leaves you feeling positive and full of smiles. Why can't we all be more like my friend, Elsie?
     In a relationship, compliments are important. Whether you compliment each other's looks, accomplishments, cooking, or new outfit, compliments feel good, and make you feel cherished and appreciated. If you don't compliment your spouse, someone else will. Why would we want our husband or wife to be complimented by others, and not by me? We all have a need to feel wanted and appreciated, and we especially need to feel that with our life partner. 
     Make a point today to compliment the one you love. The more you do it, the better you will feel. Don't worry about keeping score- they make take a while to catch on. But if you do feel neglected and need complimented more, don't be afraid to have a conversation about it. Often times, we get so busy doing our own thing that we forget to speak kindness to those we love. It isn't good enough to think it- we need to make sure we are saying it!
     God made us with a need to feel loved and appreciated. While He does love us- so very much, if we are in a relationship, we should be expressing the things our spouse needs to hear. Just as God reminds us of His love for us, we need to show that same kind of love to others. So let's try to be more like Elsie to a world that needs to smile more, and feel loved and appreciated. And why not start with the person who needs it the most from you- your spouse. Let them know today how much they mean to you, and what it is about them that you love. It only takes a simple compliment to turn a bad day around. 

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:2 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to compliment others - especially my spouse. May my pride not hold me back from saying things that build others up. Thank You for speaking of Your love towards me, and help me to speak of mine for others. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Feeling Vulnerable

     It feels pretty awful to feel vulnerable when it comes to your own spouse. It's a byproduct of not being able to trust them and feeling at risk. Things I had never considered before were now a reality for me. All of the years that I explicitly trusted him were now a thing of the past. New things went through my mind that i had never thought of before.
     I've always been an open book with my husband (and most other people as well). I never had anything to hide or feel like it should be tucked away. I changed my laptop passwords and my cell phone password frequently. Because I sought advice from others, and wrote about my feelings in journal posts on my laptop, I felt a need to protect those words from my husband coming across them. I had notes written with monthly budget amounts in case I faced an attorney someday over a request for a divorce. All of these I wanted to hide from any curious eyes.
     It also causes vulnerability to feel that you have no clue about what decisions are floating around in their mind. They may be using time for financial planning that protects them, and pulls the rug out from under you. In my situation, he was the sole provider, and I was at the mercy of what would happen if our marriage ended. And while you have attorney's advice on what can be done to protect yourself, it still feels awful to not know what steps they are taking on their end. 
     These are feelings that shouldn't exist inside of a God-centered marriage, and yet they were my daily reality for quite a long time. If you know these feelings, you understand the insecurity they cause, and how it can be frustrating and angering to experience them. But no matter what my marriage situation was, I had to remind myself that my future didn't sit on my husband's shoulders, but rather in the mighty hands of my Heavenly Father. He would protect me, no matter what I faced- He would provide for me because He is always faithful. I never have to worry about myself when I'm under His wings, and I can't outrun His hand of protection and provision. It was those thoughts that kept me grounded and sane when fear crept in, and made me feel vulnerable and uncertain. There was always the knowledge of God's care over me, and He spoke it to my bruised and wounded spirit. No matter what you face, friend, if you belong to Him, there is no reason to fear. There is no situation too big for Him, and He reminds us through His Word that nothing is too hard for Him. 

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who hate you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:27-31 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for always protecting me and looking out for my own good. It is scary and unsettling to feel vulnerable in a bad way, and I'm so thankful You are with me in those times as well. Help any others who are facing those feelings today, and remind them of Your steadfast love and care. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

His Story- Back with No Change

     Back in August of last year, I returned home after several months of living with my sister. My time back home consisted of a couple months, and I know people have wondered why I came home, only to leave again. What motivated me to return, and why didn’t it last?

     My life is in North Carolina. The woman I was involved with was from Michigan, and nothing I knew or was involved with, other than her, was there. My family was in NC, my children were in NC, my work was in NC, my friends lived in NC, and I built a business in NC. My mind was torn, at the time, in where I really wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I could see the hurt I was causing to those I loved here in my home state, and it bothered me immensely. But other times, I could avoid seeing those I loved, and I pushed it from my heart and mind.

     I was also deeply influenced, not only from my own selfishness, but also from the lies of Satan. I could hear his voice whispering words of doubt- telling me that it was too late to rebuild what I had destroyed, and that coming back would result in people looking down at me the rest of my life. But I would get windows of clarity, and see those lies for what they were. And so I returned home, believing I could make the necessary changes, and patch broken relationships. I felt that with effort, I could restore the spiritual brokenness I was experiencing, and while I should have known better, I was believing in my own capability to fix things, rather than recognizing that only God could restore what I had carelessly destroyed.

     And after returning home, it didn’t take long for me to see that I was not where I needed to be spiritually, to make things right. I received grace from others, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I would see those I knew were praying for me, and it amplified the feelings of guilt I already felt, and so I desired to remove myself from those feelings once again.

     It was my own foolishness that once again contacted the other woman, and felt I had been missing what we had together. And yet when I walked away from home, it only took a week for God to open my eyes to my situation, and the foolishness of my thought pattern. I want to warn any who are flirting with danger, when it comes to your marriage. No matter how far you’ve gone, it is never too late to turn around, and make things right with God. Whether you get the opportunity with your spouse, children or loved ones, that is secondary to making things right with God. Don’t listen to the lies of Satan, that it is too late for you. God is a God of grace and mercy, and we can never wander so far that He won’t pursue us and lead us back to Him. How grateful I am to this wonderful God I serve, and His compassion to His sinful people- a compassion I don’t deserve, yet He showered me with it.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV

Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago. Acts 3:19-21 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t deserve Your grace or mercy, and yet You liberally shower me with it. Humans have a problem giving it to others, and yet You, a God that is Holy and just, give it to us- Your people. I thank You for it, not only today, but every day. Thank You for being a loving and gracious Father, In Your precious name I pray, Amen!

Never Say Never

     There are a few things I have proclaimed I would never do in life! One was marrying my husband;) My husband was my younger brother's BFF, so I never took him seriously when he said he liked me. I also never really thought I would be a fan of spray tans, but today, I sit here nice and golden (not orange), waiting to board a ship tomorrow. I mean, who likes to be pale when you're cruising the high seas? So I've learned something about the word "never" - a word I should use less often, and with careful consideration.
     Never was a word we used about infidelity. In our marriage, we believed it was a "never"- yet here we are, living in the  "it happened to us". I wonder if you've said it about your marriage, too. While it's an admirable goal, and one we hope to live up to, it's also a prideful statement. Anyone can fall, and I was taught that lesson in a painful way. I think a much better way to look at infidelity is to not say "never", but to carry out daily practices to protect you from a real possibility of falling to it. Because if you know my husband, you know, like me, that it really can happen to any of us. And while you may outwardly acknowledge the truth in that, you may inwardly whisper- but not for us. 
     What are your "nevers" in life? Looking back, how many did you actually end up doing at some point? For me, I have crossed plenty "nevers" off of my mental list. I've found that my "nevers" were rooted in pride, believing myself to be better than I truly am. But I've also found freedom in falling to them- freedom that when I do fall to my own ridiculous standards, God isn't surprised, and He is there for me, waiting for me to allow Him to carry me through. 
     If you feel as if you are safe from an extramarital affair, let go of that assumption. There isn't a need to feel fearful when you let go, but instead, look to God as the foundation in your marriage, and build it up day by day. Acknowledge your need of protection from sin, and arm yourselves daily in staying committed, and faithful. And please, never say never when it comes to infidelity. Instead, pray that God protects your marriage, and that you remember Who should be guiding each of you every day! You are never safer than when He is at the center of your marriage- so don't let Him go!

But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3 ESV
Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess my pride in believing I am above falling to sin. Help me  protect my marriage by allowing You to be at the center of it, and encouraging my spouse to allow that as well. Thank You for faithfully restoring and forgiving when we do fall. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Intimacy after Infidelity

     This is a hard topic to write about, and I would love to skirt around the issue, but it's a pretty big part of the story. Not to mention, my parents read my blog ("Hi Mom and Dad" ;) and yet, I feel called to tastefully bring up this subject. For some, you may have experienced infidelity in your marriage, and were never intimate again with the spouse who betrayed you. For others, like me, you have experienced intimacy with your spouse, after a sexual affair. 
     For all of my almost 25 years of marriage to my husband, there was never anyone else to compare myself to, when it came to sex. We married as virgins and figured out the whole mystery of sex together. It was beautiful and pure and I never had to wonder how I measured up. He had the same luxury, knowing that I only knew him, and there was no judgment or comparison in the bedroom. This is the way God designed sex- as a way of demonstrating love between a man and wife within the union of marriage. Our world has a really messed up view of sex- very different than what God created it for, and Satan has used sex to lure plenty of married men or women away from their spouse. 
     Friends, if you and your spouse have only had sex with each other, thank them today for their gift of faithfulness. This gift is so precious and not to be taken for granted. I confess that I never anticipated an affair in our marriage, and felt secure in remaining untouched by sexual betrayal. Because it has touched our marriage, I now wonder things I had never wondered about before. It's natural to wonder how I measure up or where I fell short. It's hard to think of what was exclusively mine, being shared with an outsider. It's painful to have images or scenarios in our brains that may or may not be real. It was far simpler before these issues and heartaches became a part of our marriage, and yet they are. 
     So, how do we deal with them? Other than counseling (which I strongly suggest), how do you gain confidence in intimacy after betrayal? Can you gain confidence? In my story, it was initially hard to do, but with God's guiding, and open communication, healing comes. And while I will save most of that for another day, the bottom line for today is this: God never intends for our marriages to face infidelity, and it is outside of His plan for us. But He will use sexual betrayal to teach us more about His faithfulness, when we experience unfaithfulness by others. And just as He makes us new creations in Christ, He can also mend a broken marriage. It will take time, patience, effort and consistency. But there is no problem too big for Him- in all things, and in all ways, He is able. My hope is, was, and will be in Jesus Christ! I choose to listen to what He says about me, than what Satan whispers in my ear. I refuse to play the comparison game. I am who God chose for my husband, and so I am not only the best woman for him, but the only woman. God help us to remain faithful all the rest of our days- and thank You God for making broken things, wonderfully beautiful again!

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 ESV
"You shall not commit adultery. Exodus 20:14 ESV
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 ESV
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of sex; it's a beautiful gift, and yet so often abused and used in the wrong way. Protect our marriages from sexual betrayal, and when we are sexually betrayed, may we come to You for healing and hope. Help us not to be held captive by feelings of inadequacy or rejection, but to remember what You say about us. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Jesus in the Storm

     I think of Jesus in a passage found in Mark 4, on a ship with His disciples. There was a terrible storm that blew up while they were out on the water and the winds howled and the waves splashed so high, the water was flooding the ship. The disciples were terrified and feverishly trying to fight against capsizing or drowning. Jesus was on the ship with them, but instead of being worried and uptight, He was sleeping. The disciples finally came to Him with frustration asking how He can sleep when they were in this situation. Jesus calmly awakes and rebukes the waves and wind and the storm immediately vanishes, leaving only peace and calm. The disciples are astonished at His ability to control even the winds and the waves. 
     I faced a storm in my marriage. The storm of infidelity was ugly and terrifying. I was like the disciples, feverishly trying to find a way to simply survive and escape the awful effects of it. My winds and waves came in the form of rejection, betrayal, insecurity, shock and pain. These feelings crashed against my spirit, wounding me and leaving me afraid and vulnerable. And yet Jesus was not afraid, nor was He vulnerable, and He was with me in that storm. He was a calming presence, assuring me that the winds and waves wouldn't have the ultimate victory. He was strong and powerful, able to conquer my storm, though He chose not to for longer than I desired. 
     Jesus is always in control in every situation, so He never needs to worry about outcomes. He knows what will happen, and He won't ever be taken by surprise. If I could have peeked a year or two into the future, I may have gotten my answer and not felt the need to be as insecure or worried. But God doesn't want me to go through a storm without learning some valuable lessons. And so I kept fighting against those winds and waves until I finally realized that the storm wasn't mine to fight. I was exhausted from the burden of fighting the storm and simply allowed God to take my burden and trusted Him to fight it for me. And just like we read in Mark 4, my Heavenly Father brought peace- not peace because the storm was no longer there, but peace in allowing the One Who is able, to fight it for me!

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind  ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" Mark 4:37-41 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for staying with me through the storms I encounter in my life, and for conquering them when I give up my will for Yours. Help me to learn the lessons from the storm, and come out on the other side with renewed faith and strength in Your power and ability. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Triggered

     If you have experienced an emotional trauma in life, you likely have triggers that bring it back to mind. It may be a smell, a phrase, a song, or something you see. You may think you have effectively put it away from the forefront of your mind, and when you experience a trigger, it slams its unwelcome presence back to the surface of your brain. We may do our best to try to avoid our triggers, but at some point, we will likely come face to face with one that will unnerve us and cause us to remember. 

     For me, I have quite a few that come to mind. I love music- many different genres. There is an extensive list of country music songs that make me dive for the power button, hoping to never hear them again. And places- I have a list of them that I prefer not to revisit for the memories they evoke. Even seasons can be painful, remembering what was going on during that time when we were in our valley of pain and heartache. 

     You likely have your own triggers, and you know what they are. It's crazy how well we think we are doing, and then a trigger puts us back in our minds to a place we don't want to remember. But the triggers will stay with us, so I have made a plan for what to do with them when they surface- because I know they will. I could choose to let them ruin my day or moment, or I can look at them in a different way. I can see how far I have come from that bad memory, and how God faithfully walked me through the storm. I can remember the family and friends that stepped in and carried my burdens with me. I can see how God used that bad season to make me stronger and more dependent on Him. I can see how He placed people in my life that would need me because I know the pain of that trial- and how their need of me, in turn, helped in my own healing. Yes, I will choose to think of the good that came from those bad moments when I hear that blasted song yet again, or think about that place I don't want to go, ever again. And one day, those memories won't hurt quite so bad. I'll learn to be thankful that God allowed them, knowing it would be a part of my story that would make me softer, more relatable, and overwhelmed at God's ability to make what was intended for evil, more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. 

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. Deuteronomy 8:2 ESV

Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, Isaiah 46:9 ESV

I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. Psalm 77:11 ESV

I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. Psalm 143:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, my memory holds some painful experiences, but I pray that You will help me recall Your faithfulness to me through those experiences. You walked me through the darkest parts of my story, and You are there even when I think I don't need You. Lord, I always need You, and I'm thankful You are always there with me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

     

Sunday Relationship Tips- Making Time

     Have you ever longed for a couple days, way back then? Before cell phones, tv, dishwashers, cars, internet, and washing machines? I know- lots of manual work we aren't used to doing ourselves. But I'm talking about time when life was simpler and less crammed full of activity. While we have all the luxuries to make our work shorter, we aren't benefitting from them in the form of leisure. With all of the time I save from having a dishwasher or washing machine and dryer, I will find fillers for the time I saved. This is the way of modern day living, and there are some pretty steep consequences involved.
     Relationships are suffering from lack of making time for them. We like to think we are doing good things by filling our day to the brim, but in the end, we are paying a high price. While there is a place for work, studying, running errands, and exercising, if they leave no time for prioritizing our relationships with those we love and our relationship with the Lord, we need to find things to cross off our list. 
     We are busy people, and we like to point out to others just how busy we are. Can you imagine if you spoke to someone, and asked how life was and they told you this? "Well, I went to work today and made time to sit down and talk with my wife for a while. We ate dinner and then took a walk together, just enjoying the day and each other's company. We came home and played a game with our kids and then had some devotion time together before we turned in a little early." You might think to yourself, wow- wish that was my life, it sounds so easy and almost lazy. Instead, we wake up and check social media. We work out and grab coffee and a granola bar on the run. We work and we pack up more work to bring home with us. We drive the kids to practice and try to make all their games. We rush around and try to squeeze in church and some yard work. Then we crash in bed and start all over again the next day.
     This frenzied pace doesn't allow for cultivating relationships. I'm serious when I suggest looking for things to cross off the list. Being an overachiever can make you an underachiever with your spouse, or in any close relationship. In my own marriage, I can look back and see how being too busy resulted in a relational disconnect. Make time for those you love and care for. And make time for growing in your relationship with Christ. When we make our spiritual journey a priority, we can see with clarity the importance of the choices we are making. We all have things we can cross off our list- even something as simple as setting a limit on social media, or a television time limit. When we show those we love that they have a place of prominence in our time, it builds the relationship up, rather than tear it down. What will you cross off your list today?

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Hebrews 10:24 ESV
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 ESV
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of time. I pray You will give me wisdom on how I spend it, and that I will make time for not only knowing more about You, but that I'll spend it loving others and making them a priority. Help me to have the discipline to cross things off of my list that are keeping me from connecting effectively with those I love. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Just for Spite

     When people do bad things to us, we like to get even. You hurt me; I'll hurt you. People misuse the biblical truth of "an eye for an eye" to retaliate when someone hurts us. But when we really know the whole picture of His Word, it couldn't be further from the truth. But I've been there, and I've done it. And I'm betting you can relate, because that's our nature. 
     I started this behavior as a little child with my siblings. If you hit me, I'll hit you back, and hopefully a little harder than you hit me. I carried it with me into my school years, where a friend would say something I didn't like, so I snapped back. Or there were even times when I just didn't like someone, for no particular reason, so how about I do or say something that will upset them, or hurt their feelings? I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty. And guess what? It didn't stop when I was a teenager- I have carried it into my adult relationships as well.
     We get a little better at disguising it when we get a little older. If I don't like something you did, I may push you away to make you "pay". If I don't like something you said, I may use your words against you in the future to get a little dig in. Because the bottom line is, I'm selfish, and more interested in making myself feel good, than to make others feel good. And this carried over into my marriage. Can you relate? 
     I remember times when I wasn't getting my way in my marriage, or wasn't being heard, so I decided to do something "just for spite." You know, you only get momentary pleasure from that behavior, and then the Holy Spirit (if you're listening) will bring a feeling of remorse. In the end, I never felt great afterwards, and it showed a spirit of spiritual immaturity and selfishness. I can even think of examples in my parenting where their behavior had an uncalled for response from me to make them "sorry" for what they did or said. I'm not talking about proper discipline, because I'm a big advocate for that. I'm talking about preferences that didn't cater to what I really wanted. 
     Can you think of times when you did things for spite? Our spite hurts others, and is never the right approach to a wrong action taken against us. I am so thankful I love and serve a God Who doesn't play the games we play. If He were ever to get even with me, I can't tell you where I would be- but I can tell you I would not have a heavenly home. While it was my human nature to be spiteful towards my unfaithful spouse, it should not be in my spiritual nature. The very foundation of a christian life is found on the principles of grace, mercy and forgiveness. These attributes won't come easy for us, but when we follow the example of Jesus, we will extend them, rather than use spiteful behavior. 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Romans 12:19 ESV
Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, keep my heart and mind from spiteful thoughts and actions. Help me to exercise grace, love, and mercy demonstrated by Your Son. May I learn to be patient and kind to everyone, and especially to those who hurt me. Teach me Your ways, and help me to live a life that pleases You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Remembering 2/14/18

     If you have had a serious break-up, or your marriage faced an affair or another serious issue, you probably remember Valentine's Day in that time period. I dreaded it from the day he walked out the door. Sadly, I only had about six weeks before the day was upon me. For 24 years, we had enjoyed this day together. We always got each other a sappy card, a gift, and enjoyed a dinner date out to celebrate. It was a special day of celebrating our love, and I had always looked forward to it.
     But 2/14/18 wasn't like that. It was sad and awkward. If I could have somehow slept through it without waking until 2/15, that would've been great, but that wasn't really fair to my kids, or possible. The day before, I remember getting a text from my husband that it would be a difficult day for us, and I knew that for me, that was definitely true. I missed our traditions, and I missed what was.
     The great thing about friends and family is they don't let you go through it alone. My house ended up looking like a florist shop. Between my kids and my nieces and nephews and friends, I had multiple vases of flowers, giant teddy bears, more chocolate than I should have considered eating (but did), balloons and cards. And I loved each sentiment from those who cared so much for me that they made sure I felt loved on that day. What a wonderful network of people I have- people that love me and show their love by words and actions. 
     And as lovely as all that was, in the quiet of my heart was a searing sadness that no flower or card could ever fill. And it's in these moments that my Heavenly Father literally carried me through. He loves me at my best, and He loves me at my worst. I can't ever do anything so terrible that I would lose His love for me. His love is faithful and pure, and has no ulterior motives. He IS love, and He reminded me of this truth through the love of others, and words in scripture. He whispered words of love and hope in my heart when I desperately needed it, and I will be forever grateful for Him. 

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3 ESV
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16 ESV
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whosoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithful love for me. Nothing I can ever do would make You choose to stop loving me. Help me to love others the way You love me. I am thankful, Father, for those that stepped in to show me Your love in my time of need. Help me to do that for others the rest of my days, In Your name I pray, Amen!

Social Withdrawal

     For as far back as I can remember, I have been a very social person. I love get togethers, talking with friends and family, coffee with a friend, or going somewhere with a group of people. Being alone has its place, but I like it in small doses (and in broad daylight;). I have never been accused of being a loner or recluse, but when our marriage faced infidelity and my husband left, I changed.
     I don't know if it's "normal" or considered customary in cases of separation and infidelity, but I know that for me, I socially withdrew. I had no clue what to say to people, and I didn't want to face their questions or pity. Somedays I handled it better than others, but other days I wanted to lock myself in my room for the entire day. Initially, I would sit on my couch for hours and wonder how this happened. I would read my Bible for hours on end and journaled verses that I found especially helpful. On my couch, I felt safer, and my family teased me about getting up, and out. 
     If you have been betrayed by your spouse, and were separated, you may know what I experienced. It was completely out of character for me, yet it was my unique way of trying to deal with a situation I never imagined would be mine. In many ways, it was an avoidance of enjoying life and moving forward. I felt so sad and heartbroken that I had little interest in doing things that used to bring me joy. Such a big part of who I had been for the past 25 years was wrapped up in my husband, and who we were together. Learning to be separate from "us" was difficult, and it was hard for me to find my way.
     While I avoided family functions, conversations with mutual friends in the grocery store, and other social situations, I found immense comfort in drawing close to the Lord. I felt Him with me, and I craved His soothing presence. Even though I felt alone in many ways, I was vividly aware of how He was present with me. It wasn't that I didn't have people that sat on my couch with me, because I did. My sister, daughter, and niece or nephew spent many hours of many days and evenings on it with me. But moving out of my safety zone was difficult for the first 6 months or so. Eventually, with the encouragement of others, and prodding from the Spirit, I was able to slowly come out of my social withdrawal, and begin the process of finding who I was, without him. The more I came out amongst others, the more I saw how many of us there were. And God began opening my heart to see my situation as a ministry of sorts. If you have been called to walk a difficult road in your life, look around you. There are those who are hurting, and need encouragement, a listening ear, and a friend. Our ministry as christians, is to reach out to those around us with a need. We have been given a unique opportunity to use our journey through a situation, as a way to show others the hope found in our Heavenly Father. And each of you that needed me, well- I thank you for helping me along my own path to healing, and restoring my "social butterfly" status!  

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah 6:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for helping me overcome social withdrawal. I thank You as well for sending those who encouraged me in my darkest times. I pray that You will give me a heart of compassion for those who have walked my journey, and offer them the hope I found in You. Help me to see the needs of others who are searching for answers, and may I always direct them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!