The Importance of Belonging

 New social situations have always been difficult for me. You may not think that would be true if you know me, but I struggle with walking in a room of strangers and feeling comfortable. The older I've gotten, the more confident I feel in these situations, but I still wouldn't choose it. But when I was younger, the first day of college classes had my stomach in knots, and my breath a little short. There is no way to assess the layout of the classroom ahead of time-you simply open the door and then quickly decide where to sit and what to do. I also remember the new world of attending business networking events where I would walk in a restaurant, know almost no one, and have to find my way into the group. Why are these uncomfortable situations for most of us? It all comes down to our real need to belong and to feel accepted by others.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "I don't care what people think about me"! And while it's an easy thing to say, it's almost impossible to fully believe. I don't honestly know anyone who would walk into a room full of strangers whispering and glancing their way, and not feel uncomfortable and upset. I remember studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs in sociology, a theory made up of the five essential human needs. And guess what made the list?-belonging! Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. This group can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, fellow believers or strangers. If you are human, you need to belong.

For many of us, it's a lifelong struggle. Even when you do find yourself in a group of familiar people, you question others thoughts of you. You wonder if shared glances and whispers are being made at your expense. You may feel inferior to certain members of your circle of friends or acquaintances. "So-and-so" makes more money than you. Someone else is more physically attractive. Everyone laughs at her jokes, but yours don't bring the same bang. Your co-worker may be the brains behind the project, making you feel inadequate. We come up with a million little reasons why we aren't quite accepted, and doubt our worth and ability to "belong" in this group. And when we do this, we feel less about ourselves than who God created us to be.

I think one of the most refreshing and amazing aspects of being in God's family, is how readily He accepts us. We don't deserve to be in this beautiful family, but through the blood of Jesus, we are made acceptable. In the darkest place of my life, the Son of God came into that space, seeking my rescue. If ever there was a time I wasn't acceptable, it was in the darkness of my sin, and yet the love of Christ was demonstrated in how He chose to meet me in that place. By His blood, I was made right before the Father. God's family is full of misfits-me being one of them. And yet when we come together, we belong because we have been adopted into the family.

When I think of how God sees me as His daughter, it should chase away my insecurities. Not in a way that makes me prideful, but in a humbling way, I can walk in the confidence of His love. Even if people choose to ignore me and not make me feel welcome. Even when I am surrounded by strangers. Because the truth is, I really don't belong here. I wasn't made to fit in with the world-I was made for heaven. Somedays this truth escapes me and I allow Satan to whisper words that cause me to feel anxious and unsure of myself. But I hope that the next time I feel a sense of anxiety in the presence of strangers or those who aren't welcoming, that I will remember who I really am. I pray I'll remember that I am a child of God, and in His Kingdom, I am always accepted. May each of us feel a real sense of belonging when we think of our identity in the best family of all-the family of God!

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12, ESV),

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (Romans 12:5, ESV).

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19, ESV),

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God (Romans 15:7, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting us. The cost was high-the very blood of Your Son, and we acknowledge this truth and offer our thanksgiving. Help us to remember when doubts and insecurities creep in, that we belong to Your family and nothing can change that. Help us to walk in Your love, and welcome others in the way you welcomed us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

An Ephesians 5 Wife

 Maybe you've witnessed it like I have, and it made you cringe. A woman, mad at her husband, smacks him out of anger. People stare-amused, and some even laugh; but not me. If anything, it makes me sad and it shows disregard for what Ephesians 5 has to say about our role as a wife. Just because we are the "weaker vessel," doesn't give us authority to show this ultimate display of blatant disrespect. And while this way of being disrespectful is obvious, there are more subtle ways of disrespect that I often am guilty of. So, what can we learn from Ephesians 5 about being a godly wife? I would like to insert the scripture right here, so we can uncover the truth about being the wife God wants us to be.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:27)."

"However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)."

First, we have the instruction to submit to our husbands, and as modern-day women, this word makes us squirm. We live in a world that is about serving self, making submission feels repressive. Truthfully if practiced God's way, this is a completely inaccurate thought. We aren't asked to be a doormat, or to be treated as one, but rather to encourage leadership in our husbands. While this subject is too big to limit to one blog post, the idea behind it is one that encourages the husband to love his wife as himself, and lead by love. I love how Dr. James Dobson made this statement: "The relationship isn't of master to servant; it's of lover and beloved." The women is not inferior to the man, she simply accepts his godly, loving leadership and allows him to guide her-offering security and support. 

But the bigger point of my blog post today falls into the final instruction to wives in Ephesians chapter 5~respect your husband! While I certainly don't physically assault my husband, I confess to failing to respect him at times. Disrespect is so rampant in our culture that we are often de-sensitized to how we transfer this behavior to our relationships without really realizing it. We may point out the faults of our husband to our girlfriends, or even in a social setting right in front of him (I've been guilty). We criticize him or pick jokes at his expense in front of the kids. We correct him in front of others, belittling his self-confidence. We laugh at something he is sensitive about. There are so many examples of disrespect that are oftentimes deemed socially normal, but fall short of what scripture teaches. This behavior tears down the spirit of our husband and is a cancer to his self-confidence and ability to lead well.  

It's pretty commonplace to respect authority in the workplace. We generally don't speak rudely to our boss, refuse to listen to the CEO, or disregard the suggestions of the one who signs our paycheck. And we certainly wouldn't physically assault them, as that would surely land us out of a job, and behind bars. We show respect to our boss because they have a position of authority over us. There is purpose in their position, and they are looking out for the good of the whole. Their leadership is for our good, and benefits all who submit to their authority. It's crazy how we readily accept their authority, and willingly respect them, yet often fail to show our husbands the respect they need. 

If there is a lesson we can learn today about being an Ephesians 5 wife, I pray it finds us more mindful of how we are treating our husbands. I pray our hearts would be changed by this scripture passage, and that we would remove any areas of disrespect we find in our own marriages and relationships. They so easily sneak in, and they are like poison to a healthy, godly union. God placed this passage in His Word because He is a good Father who knows what we need the most. I pray as a wife, these words will change me, and transform the way I treat my spouse. Just as a boss's leadership benefits the whole, the loving leadership of our husbands is for the good of our marriage and our family. May I never minimize the truth of this, and demonstrate behavior and actions that align with giving him respect.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word gives us instruction for being the wife You want us to be. Help us to submit to Your ways, and in turn, submit and respect our husbands. May we remember that our marriage is a picture of Your relationship with the body of Christ, and the seriousness of that responsibility. May we be a clear picture of an Ephesians 5 wife, bringing glory to You, Lord. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Life's Second Biggest Decision

 I have a confession to make, and I hope I don't cause any of you women readers to fall into the same obsession as me. I love Freebird boots, and can't seem to stop perusing their website, trying to choose my next pair. They are hand-made, and the sizes can be slightly off, so I read and read and read all the reviews in hopes of choosing the right size. I never buy them without some sort of promotional discount, but the best I usually get is 20% off. If they are discounted, the company won't accept returns or exchanges, so it's very important to choose precisely. There is an actual hashtag for #freebirdaddiction, and I guess I can say that resonates with me. And while choosing the perfect new pair of Freebirds has a cost investment, it won't ultimately change my life if I choose wrong.

Choices-we make them every day. Some are bigger and some are less consequential. I choose what to feed my family for dinner, I choose what to wear each day, and I choose where I need to go. All of these choices and decisions are pretty unimportant, and won't generally make a huge impact on my life. Then I find myself making bigger decisions. Where would I go to college? What do I want to do with my life? Should we buy a new car or a new house? Are we ready to be parents? Where does God want me to serve Him? These decisions are much more impactful, and need careful consideration when making a choice. 

Life's biggest decision is the choice we make about Jesus Christ. Will we accept His free gift of salvation and allow Him to wash us clean of our sin and guilt, or will we ignore His gift and ultimately find ourselves eternally separated from God in a place of eternal punishment? Because this decision affects not only this life, but our eternal destiny, it's obviously the big one. And yet many people ignore His calling, and live a self-centered life, seeking pleasure and their own way. If you haven't yet made the decision to be a follower of Jesus, I urge you to choose Christ and accept His free gift today. This is the most urgent issue we face, and should be treated with seriousness and without hesitation. 

But what's second in importance? What other decision has a huge impact on our life? I can't think of one more important than choosing a spouse. This choice should be given careful consideration, and should include a lot more than just physical attraction. Are you both on the same spiritual page? Do you have a similar desire to allow God to lead you in your lives together? Do you feel safe and secure with this person? Are there multiple red flags? Have you spent enough time together to really know one another? Do you share a future vision that you are mutually happy with? Do you both want a family? Are you committed to stay together, and learn from the things that make you so different? 

Even after we make our choice, there will be issues that arise through the years. You'll disagree. You'll find certain habits annoying. Our spouse could become disabled or disfigured. They may lose their job or fall into periods of depression. They may gain weight or lose their hair. They'll get wrinkles, and wear their favorite shirt over and over again, even though you strongly dislike it. They'll leave clothes on the floor, and chew louder than you prefer. There will be a host of reasons why this person you chose so carefully, will occasionally drive you crazy. But here comes another very important choice-will you stay? Will you stay when life gets hard, and life changes each of you? 

Marriage is such an important decision, because it's to last a lifetime. There shouldn't be an escape clause. This person is your person-flesh of your flesh. You have become essentially one when God joined the two of you together. So many people throw in the towel and walk away, only to be let down that the next person isn't perfect either. And so I want to encourage any who have not made this choice yet to choose well. Look past the exterior, and look deep at the heart. Is this a heart you trust and respect? Is this person someone you are excited to share your whole life with? Will this person be strength in your weak areas, and will you decide to love them-no matter what?

Our spouse will bring us joy and disappointment. And we will bring out those same feelings in our husband or wife. We aren't promised an easy road as God's children-but rather that we will be called to identify with suffering like Jesus did. That means sometimes life is hard, and bad things will happen. Looking at my own marriage, I am thankful for the choice I made. Some seasons have been difficult and heartbreaking, but most have been joy-filled. And the seasons that were hard, ultimately brought us closer together. Our journey is a story we have made and lived out together. God has revealed great purpose in our love story, and I am blessed each day to be living out His plans for us. So, weigh your decisions and seek His best for you. And just in case anyone wondered, my next pair of Freebirds are on the way! 

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him (James 1:5, ESV).

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:6, ESV).

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you (Psalm 32:8, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, may we seek Your way for us in our lives. We confess our need to bring our decisions before You, waiting on Your best for us, and yet we often choose without consulting Your Word. Help us to remember the value in seeking Your Word when we are faced with decisions-especially in choosing a spouse. We thank You for Your grace, mercy and wisdom. In Your name we pray, Amen!

**There are certain circumstances where it is biblical to leave. If your safety is in jeopardy, or the safety of your children, please seek shelter and help. There are other situations, such as infidelity, that may cause one to leave a marriage. But in most cases (not all, but most) , healing and restoration is possible.

Not Your Average Soldier

 There is something awe inspiring about a Navy Seal. It brings to mind post-9/11 images of men capturing hostages in the most extreme cases in the Middle East. It conjures up memories of the capture and assassination of Saddam Hussein, and the harrowing training and complications associated with this feat. A Seal is the cream of the crop, and requires intense training and skill in order to carry out the responsibilities of their job. Not just anyone can be a Seal, and most of us would not be able to pass the rigorous standards required for the position.

First, a Seal must be a man under the age of 28 (I'm out). They must also be an active-member of the U.S Navy. A Seal must have great vision-not just 20/20, but at least 20/40 in one eye, and 20/70 in the other. They must be a U.S. citizen and pass physical screening that has set requirements for swimming, running in boots and pants, sit-ups, push-ups and pull-ups. There are minimal rest periods allowed between each activity, and to be frank, most of us could never achieve this level of fitness!

Even with extensive training, a Seal is still subject to failure and could fall victim of casualty in training and in combat.  Seals are human and therefore, have limitations. While they have been given top of the line armor, it's not guaranteed to protect them in any and all situations. Being a Seal involves a great deal of personal risk, and while highly revered, they are still men who answer to their commander. This commander is also human, and is subject to failure and defeat. While this group of soldiers are some of the best we've got, they are not infallible and their efforts and victories will see failure and success.

I will never be a Navy Seal. I don't fit the qualifications, and I never could and yet I am a soldier. Not only am I soldier, but my Commander is not subject to failure and defeat. He hands out the best armor to His soldiers and when worn properly, it sufficiently protects us for the battles of this world. The weapons of our warfare don't wound others, but rather defend us from a very real enemy-the god of this world, named Satan! 

God has given us 7 pieces of armor to guard ourselves, but our armor is quite different from the armor of a Seal. What does our armor include?

Belt of truth- the foundation of our faith is based on truth

Breastplate of righteousness- put on righteousness to protect our hearts

Proper Footwear- Guiding our steps from dangerous paths

Shield of Faith- to extinguish the flaming darts of our enemy

Helmet of Salvation- protects the mind from damaging blows from our adversary

Sword- the Word of God is our sword

Prayer- such a powerful weapon we are privileged to have access to.

Practically speaking, how do we see these pieces of armor play out? While there are many examples, we will only name a few. Whispering scripture when faced with temptation of any kind is a powerful way of escape and provides victory over the temptation. Choosing to stand up and speak truth in a world full of lies and deceit is an effective use of our belt. Refusing our feet entrance into places that will bring us down spiritually is good use of our footwear. Putting safeguards in place to keep us accountable from viewing things that are harmful and will lead us away from godliness is another use of our armor. Doing the right thing when it's easier to fit in, exercising faith in the midst of fear, and saying "no" to indulgence of our fleshly desires, are all good indications that we are properly armed.

All around us, there are opportunities for our enemy to attack. But we are not your average soldiers, fighting with man-made weapons. Instead, we have armor that is trustworthy and has stood the test of time. We've been given every weapon necessary to withstand the attacks of Satan, and when we keep our armor on, we will not fall to our adversary. We have the privilege of knowing the final verdict for Satan: failure, defeat and eternal punishment. We also have the joy of knowing our end is secure in Christ. We will never be defeated because our God will be victorious. And while life can be full of trials and temptations that can seem like defeat with our world-focused mind, God has not left us alone without offering us protection. He has given us the tools needed to be victorious over Satan's schemes against us, so that we can live with confidence in the middle of spiritual combat. Let's keep our spiritual vision sharp, living under the protection of our Undefeated God and the armor He graciously has given us. 

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:11, ESV).

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8, ESV).

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7, ESV). 

In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one (Ephesians 6:16, ESV);

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the armor You have graciously given us. We often feel weak and we easily fall, only to realize we took off the armor You have given for our protection from the enemy. Help us to stay armed, and to remember we serve a God who is undefeated and will never fail. We have complete security in You, Lord. We pray this in Your name, Jesus, Amen!