Mustard Seed Faith

     The prognosis was bleak. Cancer was not only in her breast, it was also in her bones and blood. She was thin from treatment, and from the cancer that was robbing her appetite and depleting her body. People spoke in hushed voices, sharing their skepticism regarding her already poor prognosis. She was faced with certain death this go round, and she seemed to know it. We all did. As she lay in her bed, weak and tired, the days ticked slowly by. It could be any time now, we all assumed. We prayed for healing, but doubted it would happen- at least not on this side of eternity.
     We've all been there, haven't we? Faced with the certain death of a loved one- whether physical in nature, or perhaps the death of a marriage. We doubt that healing is possible, yet we pray for it anyway. Doubting means we don't really have faith at all- not even the size of a teeny, tiny mustard seed. Here's one of the faith problems we are experiencing with modern day technology- our knowledge weakens our faith. The doctor gives us a detailed report, based on blood work and imaging scans, so we choose to believe knowledge, over the thought that God can still heal. Our spouse has filed for divorce, and has no interest in reconciling, so we assume it's over. We wish for reconciliation, but we just don't believe it will happen for us.
     James 1:6 tells us to "ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." Asking- without doubt? Ouch! To be perfectly honest, I'm guilty of asking with plenty of doubting. I want it- I may even think God wants it too, but my head knowledge gets ahead of my heart. Instead, God wants me to pray with an unshakeable faith. Matthew 17:20 comes to mind: He said to them,  "For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." This shows how limited we have become in our prayers, because we seldom believe He is truly capable of the impossible. 
     I don't write this as if I have the answers for a greater faith. In reality, I'm ashamed of the smallness of mine. And I wonder- if I actually believed it really were possible, would the outcome of my prayers be vastly different? I believe in my heart that they would. The truth is, the more we seem to think we know, the less we believe that God is able to do what knowledge says isn't possible. We doubt the miraculous, because the odds seem against us. But God isn't confined by odds or chance, and I often forget that.
     The thing is, sometimes God really does choose to take them anyway. We hope for a different outcome, but it's not in His plan. And some marriages come to an end, as much as we hoped and prayed they wouldn't. We don't always have the answers here, and oftentimes, we don't understand them. But how many times am I guilty of praying without truly believing? And would my life, and those I pray for, be transformed if I kicked that foolish habit? I absolutely believe they would! So as we move into another year that will be filled with its own challenges, may we move forward expectantly, as we ask God for the impossible. And may our hearts be humbled and blessed when we see Him move in ways we can't even begin to comprehend.

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Matthew 21:22 (ESV)
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (ESV)
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our lack of faith- we acknowledge that it's sin. Help us to pray with believing; for You alone are capable of the impossible. Thank You, Father, for hearing and answering prayer. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

Lord, Help My Unbelief

Back in my 30's, I experienced a weird list of physical symptoms that left me discouraged, unwell, and simply stumped. From joint pain to strange marks on my skin, to intestinal issues, fatigue and other annoyances, I had no clue what was going on in my body. I saw a few different doctors only to get different diagnoses—none of which treatment ever seemed to help. I began to think others thought I was crazy, but deep in my heart I knew something was wrong with me. 

After years of dealing with these random symptoms, I finally got an infectious disease physician to discover the cause: Lyme disease and related co-infections. I never remember being bitten by a deer tick, but the evidence was present and making me feel miserable. 

During those years of feeling pain, I remember vividly pleading with God for healing, only to be disappointed that the symptoms lingered. I believed He could—I really did, but He chose not to give relief for over a decade. Did this make Him less able, or was my faith being tested?

Unwavering faith in God's ability in any situation is something I wish I could proclaim to have, but I've struggled with doubts before. I've had doubts over the state of my marriage—that God would be able to fix the mess we were in. I've had doubts that various friends or family members would be healed from serious illness. I've doubted my abilities as a mom, and how to handle certain situations. Doubting is not a distant possibility for me—I'm well acquainted with it, sadly. 

Doubt is a lack of trusting God, which on paper, sounds ridiculous. How could I doubt God when He has proved time and again His faithfulness to me? Satan uses these moments in our lives to whisper words of doubt—doubt that God is able to help us since He seems to be doing nothing about our problem presently. 

This brings to mind a story from Mark 9, which involves the father of a son possessed with an evil spirit. The boy had convulsions from this spirit and was unable to speak or to hear. The father had asked the disciples to heal him and they had been unable to so he brought him to Jesus. The man asked Jesus, "if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus questioned him saying, "if I can? All things are possible for the one who believes." The father then said, "I believe; help my unbelief!" Jesus then healed his son, but only after he believed in Jesus' ability to do so. 

Friends—can you relate to this father? I sure can! Sometimes I know my belief is clouded by fear. I feel He is able, yet my heart still feels doubtful. How I long to perfectly trust Him at all times and in all things! God really is always able, and yet I often need reminders through pain-filled, trust-building life experiences.      

What are you waiting for today? Does it seem impossible? Out of reach and unlikely? It is sometimes difficult to continue to believe God is able when He seems to be silent. These are thoughts I've often wrestled over myself, but waiting is actually good for me—as much as I dislike it. Waiting exercises my trust in the ability of God to do what may seem impossible. On the days when our waiting seems unbearable and the situation seems impossible, we can, like the father in Mark chapter 9, cry out to Jesus with the same words: "Lord, help my unbelief!" 

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 ESV
And he said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Luke 24:38 ESV
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV

***what we must come to understand is that His ways are higher than our ways. He won't always give what we pray for—even if we believe He can. It's in those circumstances that we must trust His plan for saying "no" has a spiritual purpose greater than our healing.