If it Didn't Happen for You

     My broken marriage was restored earlier this year, and I can tell you this- it wasn't my doing. I've had people ask me what I did, that would maybe help their own situation. I can't say why it happened for me, or that I am more qualified to receive this amazing gift than any other person. Frankly speaking, it wasn't owed to me just because I prayed for it, even though I longed for it in the depths of my soul. Because the bottom line is this- I can want something all day long, but if God isn't in it, and if hearts aren't changed on both sides, it likely won't happen.

     In my case, I wanted restoration. I prayed for it almost without ceasing. I was willing to work for it, and make necessary sacrifices. I was willing to go to marriage counseling and work through the tough issues that drove us apart. I could wish and work for it all day long, but if my husband had not opened his own heart to the calling and convicting of God, it wouldn't have happened for us. 

     We are only responsible for our own choices, and sometimes that truth can unsettle us. Had my husband chosen to ignore God's voice, we would probably be in the middle of a painful divorce. What choices are your loved ones making that you'd love to influence, or change? You may wish for a child to find victory over a drug addiction. You may wish for your spouse to stop being physically abusive. You may wish you could say just the right thing to lead your brother away from a life of alcoholism. Your son may be battling pornography, and you feel helpless. Your spouse may be lying in the arms of another man, leaving you heartbroken and lonely. These are choices that are being played out right before our eyes, causing deep pain and despair. And yet they are their choices- outside of our own control. We can plead, wish, and pray; but we can't make their choices for them. 

     I have spoken to some dear friends who have waited decades for their wayward spouses. My heart hurts for them. They wish for reconciliation too, but they are only one half of the broken marriage. We can pray for God to work in the lives and hearts of our estranged spouse, hopefully bringing them back, but they must open their own heart to His voice. Nothing I did on my own is responsible for my restoration story. I don't have any hidden secrets I could share that would make you say, "Ahh.. that's what it is!" I don't hold the key to success for a restored marriage. I honestly don't deserve the grace and mercy God has poured into my life and marriage, and yet that didn't stop Him. All I can tell you is this- God did it! He worked a miracle for us, and He can work one in your situation as well. Your child, your husband, your wife, your brother, your mom, your best friend- all can be reached by Him. No one is too far from His reach, no matter how bad it looks today! 

     If you're still waiting, know that He knows how hard the waiting is, and He cares so much about your situation. If you gave up, His heart hurt along with yours. You are only responsible for the choices you make- and sometimes the ones we love the most will make bad choices that will change the course of our lives forever. You are not responsible for their unwillingness to listen to God's voice. But you are responsible for your own choices- are you choosing well? My own marriage wasn't restored because I'm special, or God loves me more. It simply happened because both of us listened to what God had to say about it, and because of this, He is mending what our sin broke- because that's what God does!

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gift of restoration. I pray that others who are not given this opportunity, and are hurting today, will feel Your comfort and peace. Heal broken hearts, Lord, and turn back the ears of those who have wandered far from Your voice. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

     

Short-Sighted Prayers

     If we are all honest, we're guilty, at times, of offering up short-sighted prayers. We pray for the things we want today. We pray for things that will make us happy now. We pray for things that will make us comfortable and remove any current pain we may be experiencing. From the earliest memories of my prayer life, God has heard a lot from me about what I want, and not nearly enough about what He wants. I'm often guilty of having Ruth-vision, instead of God-vision. 
     Oh how thankful I am, for a God who understands my heart, shallow as it can be. I know He understands my prayers, and hurts when I am hurting. But when I was faced with a broken marriage, my short-sighted prayers were thrown at the feet of Jesus with a feverish pace. "Lord, help me through this day. Dear Jesus, restore my marriage. Heavenly Father, change his heart. Lord Jesus, change my heart. God, help me!" I longed for Him to remove my problems and pain immediately. My prayers were about my comfort, but sometimes, God moves us out of our comfortable state on purpose. 
     Imagine if I learned to pray with far-sighted vision. One that asked for things like, "Lord, exercise my faith in You!" Or, "God, thank You for allowing me to experience pain and loss so that I may use it to relate to others who are walking in similar trials." Maybe even this- "Jesus, use this for as long as You feel it necessary, so that I may be more like You, and point others to You!" These are prayers that we are afraid to pray, because the reality is- these prayers will cost us. 
     Honestly, it's a lot easier to pray this way when you've already reached the other side of a particular battle. We pray that God will use what happened to us for His glory, in our more comfortable state of relief and victory. But in the thick of our heartache, these are hard words to say. I take comfort in the prayer of Jesus when faced with the looming sacrifice of His life on the cross. He prayed, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup (of suffering) pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39 ESV). Of course none of us like suffering, loss, or pain- not even Jesus. But in our obedience to faithfully enduring a trial or hardship, we are living with God-vision. When we pray with an attitude of seeking God's will in a situation (including His timing), we are praying a far-sighted prayer. 
     This angle of prayer takes courage and faith in our Heavenly Father. It will oftentimes cost us our comfort and our current happiness. But it won't ever cost us our security, when we realize we are always secure in Christ- our unchangeable foundation. And it won't cost us our joy, when we recognize that joy is found in Christ alone. I don't write these words as an authority on always praying with far-sightedness, because it's an honest struggle for me, as well. But in the middle of our battles, we will never be sorry when we pray for His will to be done. While we may flounder at understanding His ways on this side of eternity, one day it will be crystal clear. We will see all the pieces come together in one giant story of redemption- and our own obedience will show its evidence in God's master plan. What an honor it will be when we see how our little part in the bigger story allowed for His glory to be revealed. God help me to pray with a heart that seeks Your vision, and not mine!

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matthew 6:10 ESV
For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. Hebrews 10:36 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to transform my prayer life in accordance with Your will for me, and not my own. I confess that I love to live a life of comfort, free from suffering. But there is a cost associated with an easy life, and the cost is the loss of being molded into someone more like You. Help me to pray with God-vision, and not my own vision. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

Those Who Believe in Us

     I've been blessed in life with a large support group. These people believe in me, even when I doubt myself. They've encouraged me through the more difficult classes or exams in my years of education, prayed for me when I was ill, rallied me through child rearing, cheered for me during competition, and consoled me in my heartaches. These are people who love me, and they back up their words with action. I am thankful for this wonderful group of people, and oftentimes wonder what I would do without them. 

     Having people that believe in me is pretty powerful, but I am also blessed with people that believe in us- my marriage, specifically. Spending time with people who support my marriage, whether in good times or bad times, is so important. I've witnessed people who cheer for the individual, and not for the couple. They will encourage you to "do you", and that "we" aren't so much the focus. If you have people encouraging this way of thinking in you, I will boldly say this way of thinking is against scriptural teaching. 

     Marriage was God's idea. It is a covenant made before God, that isn't meant to be broken. While a marriage facing a sexual affair, like mine, breaks the covenant, God is always a God of restoration. He believes in mending broken things, just like He believes in saving sinners. People who supported our marriage in the darkest of times, were true warriors and champions of love. We were rich with many who prayed for us, visited us, encouraged us, and supported restoration, continuing to do the same today. They believed restoration would happen for us, not giving in to doubt.  

     While having people who believe in me is a gift I greatly appreciate, having people who believe in us is invaluable. Believing in us requires faith- faith that God would work a miracle in us. It required knowledge in One able to restore, transform, and heal. Without the hand of God intervening, I have no doubt we would have been finished. But I love how God gave us people early on in our marriage- people who understood marriage God's way. People who knew the Master Healer, and how He longed to heal the broken. People who refused to bash our spouse, even when they likely deserved it. People who knew, somehow, someway, that God would see us through. 

     If you are married, surround yourselves with people who believe in the two of you. When you do, you have a good support system in place if you ever find your marriage in a crisis. While we always have our Heavenly Father available to us in any situation, we know He gives us other believers to help hold us up through life's journey. I am thankful for each person God has placed in our lives for support and care. And I am thankful for those who not only believed in me, but believed in the truth that what God began in the two of us, He would bring to completion. Because of what they witnessed God do in their own lives, they knew that no situation was without hope- not even us! Thank you for never giving up on us, and believing in the beautiful reality of what we are enjoying in our present- a restored marriage! 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13 ESV
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Romans 14:19 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Hebrews 10:24 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for surrounding me with people who believe in my marriage. In the dark times, it must've seemed difficult to imagine a restored marriage for us, but there were those that continued to believe it would happen. Thank You for those who continued to remain hopeful, supporting us with encouragement,  because they knew the God we serve- A God who delights in restoration. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

Living With Regrets?

     Regrets- things I wish I had never done or said, yet they remain unchangeable in nature leaving me with bad memories. From lies, to friend choices, to spending habits, to perms in just the front of my hair in high school (not even kidding); the list is pretty extensive in reality. Some of these regrets are easily forgettable, and some change the course of our lives. Maybe you understand the bigger regrets in painful ways- things like unsaid apologies, a loss of time spent with a parent who has passed away, a poor example of behavior in front of your children, substance abuse, or even infidelity. These are regrets that can cause deep pain and psychological issues, yet we can't undo what we've done. When I look behind me, I see a trail of mistakes and missed opportunities, some which are painful to recall. But looking back keeps me locked in regret, rather than focusing on what's ahead with more discerning eyes and a wiser heart.
     The truth is, we all have regrets. We all have those painful choices we made that hurt others and led to disappointment and heartache. We chose paths motivated by our sinful flesh rather than the leading of the Spirit. But we must choose to learn from our mistakes without allowing them to define our present. People have asked me if I would wish away the affair that assaulted our marriage, and I confess this is a difficult question. While the affair stripped away my security and trust initially, it also brought about some pretty amazing things as well- a keen awareness of God as Comforter and Friend, and a more tender husband and marriage relationship. 
     While we all have regrets, we need to learn to leave them behind us and not allow them to bring us down in our present. It doesn't really matter if I could make changes in the past, because I can't. What's done is done, and it simply can't be changed, so why waste time and energy thinking about it? But today- today is full of new possibilities and opportunities! I can make a difference today and make better choices with spiritual discernment. I can pray about my decisions and wait on God's leading for today and the future. I can appreciate the marriage I have today. But I can't make different choices in my yesterdays. 
     Regret is a thief. It will rob you of peace, joy and contentment. If we allow it to remain, it will rob our relationships. Regret has its place between sin and confession, and from there, we need to let it go. Whatever regrets you are facing today, make each one right and choose to release them. God can use our failures for good- that's part of what He does. I don't want to go through life carrying the identity of my past sin, and I'm sure you don't want to either. Release any whom you may be forcing into a lifetime sentence of regret by truly forgiving them and allowing them to move forward. And why not start with yourself? Release yourself from the burden of regret, and step into the future with  determination to let go of the past. Today is a new day- live it joyfully, without regret!

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, Philippians 3:13 ESV
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for the sins of my past- each one is against You. Help me to release myself from guilt and regret after forgiveness is given. None of us are perfect, Father, and I pray that I will truly allow Your blood and Your grace to cover my sins, allowing me to let them go. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen! 

Unloved like Leah

       If you've ever felt "less than", I get it. Whether you were overlooked for making a school sports team, a runner-up in a pageant, missed a promotion to a more qualified co-worker, or lost in an art show to someone more talented, you understand the sting of feeling passed over. These are life events we all face at one time or another, and the best way to move forward is to dust ourselves off and keep going. But sometimes, being "less than" hurts far more than we feel capable of handling on our own. Being rejected hurts, but being rejected by the one we love is devastating and seemingly impossible. I've had a Bible story on my heart for quite a while that paints a clear picture of being unloved and looked over for another. If you would like to read more of the story, you can find it in Genesis 29. 
     Here is a brief synopsis of the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel: A long time ago, in a far away country in the east, there were two sisters. The younger sister had a beautiful face and a good figure, while the older was plain and less attractive. A young man comes into town and finds the prettier sister at the watering well as he inquired of his Uncle to some of the local men. She is the daughter of his Uncle Laban, and he is welcomed into their home. He falls desperately in love with this pretty young woman named Rachel, and eventually asks her father for her hand in marriage. He offers seven years of his life to her father in exchange for Rachel. He works for seven years and feels like it was only a short time because of his great love for her. After his wedding night, he wakes up in the morning to find his Uncle had tricked him and given him the older sister, Leah, as it was the custom to marry off the older first. He then waits one week, and is given his long anticipated bride, Rachel, in exchange for an additional seven years of service to her father. This begins a long, complicated, painful journey for these sisters, and Jacob. Marriage was never intended to be shared, but rather a sacred union between two individuals. God knew the complications, jealousy, and heartache that would result from polygamy, and because of this, it was not His intention that we would share our spouse with another. 
     Imagine with me the pain Leah was forced to endure because of her father's deceit. Rachel was always given the place of favor among Jacob, and Leah was not cherished. Jacob would choose to lie in Rachel's arms over Leah's. Jacob would choose to spend his free time with Rachel, and not Leah. Leah would yearn for his love, only to see it showered on her sister instead. Rachel would become jealous and unkind towards her sister for her ability to bear children, while she remained barren for quite some time. Leah hoped that bearing sons would cause her husband to love her, but she was unable to capture his heart. 
     Have you ever felt like a Leah- unloved, unseen, unchosen, and cast aside? No matter who or whatever causes us to feel this way in life, as God's children, we are never unloved or unchosen. While the sting of rejection doesn't vanish because our Heavenly Father loves us, we can rest assured that He will heal our hurts and He understands our feelings of being unloved. No one ever felt as unwanted as our Savior did. If your heart is hurting and heavy from being overlooked, put away or cast aside, lay your burdens at His feet, and hear His precious promise to you- You are my beloved, and I have chosen you!

For you are a people holy to the LORD your God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 14:2 ESV
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 ESV
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so thankful that we can be sure of Your faithful love towards Your people. While we may feel cast aside by those who love us here, we know You will never forsake or leave us. Thank You Father, for Your faithfulness and Your perfect love for us. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!