I am one that finds change unsettling. I like familiar. I don't find bumps in the road exciting, most of the time. I like my routines- not that I don't like vacations from routine, but there is comfort in doing the same things. Familiar feels safe and soothing, while unexpected jolts can be frightening and worrisome.
While I know there are never guarantees for tomorrow, I still have dreams of my future. I think it's normal and healthy to prepare for what is ahead, and when I see myself years down the road, I had a vision. I saw my husband and I celebrating the weddings of our children, hand in hand. I could see grandbabies, and the joy they would bring us. I envisioned trips to Grandma and Grandpa's house, and all the spoiling we would do, together. I saw bucket list trips we would enjoy in our later years, when the kids were gone, and it was quieter around here. I saw years of caring for one another, and serving our Lord together. But I never imagined this wouldn't be so- by choice.
I understand that my future vision could change from an accident or illness. But what I didn't see, was that it could be altered from a failure to commit. I never looked into my golden years, seeing all of this unfold as separate entities- my life, and his life. And yet, when an affair presented itself, I was no longer certain of what could be. I envisioned all of those future events with tension. How would we act towards one another? How would we learn to have a new relationship, outside of marriage? These were not things I enjoyed thinking of, and prayed that somehow, God will enable me to have the strength to live whatever He had for me, faithfully.
Life often presents us with "different", doesn't it? We are going along our merry way, and BAM- we get hit with unexpected twists and turns we weren't anticipating. Some changes are good, and exciting, and others bring us heartache and pain. I find such comfort in the faithfulness of God. He is with me today, and whatever tomorrow presents, He will be there as well. While we can't know exactly what our future holds, we can know He will meet us there. Life isn't predictable. But I am ever grateful for a God who is unchanging! So as I look ahead at my future, I can release the tension I feel at the unknown, and trust that He will lovingly care for all that is ahead for me!
But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Psalm 36:5 ESV
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, while I can feel afraid at times, at what lies ahead, help me to remember that You will meet me there. I never have to fear that You will leave me, or let me down. No matter what comes my way, You are faithfully with me- loving, guarding, guiding and protecting. Thank You for your faithfulness to me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Caught in the Act
We have all seen movies, or maybe read a book about a couple found while committing adultery. Or maybe it hits closer to home- and you were the one that discovered them. Extreme emotions arise- emotions of anger and shock. We want to drag the adulterer out, and find a way for justice and even humiliation.
I can see myself, standing among the accusers. How dare this person dishonor me in this way? I'm hurt, and want revenge. Who will help me find the justice I am seeking for my betrayer? I have many who are angry with me. Every single one accompanying me wants this sinner to pay for the offense, and carries stones to throw at him. We bring the betrayer to a Man, sitting in the temple. We tell Him of what this person has done. Isn't it punishable to a high degree? This is a direct disobedience to one of the basic Ten Commandments- surely He will help us. He is known to many as One who has great authority.
The Man doesn't say anything. It's crazy, that He would just sit there. If He had seen what I saw, and felt the things I felt, surely He would help me. I look at my spouse with disapproval, and even something deeper- disdain. The more I argued my case, I began to see the others, drop their stones and slowly walk away. One by one they left me standing there with my husband, and this Man. How could they leave me, when they were supposed to be my friends? I felt betrayed by them as well. And so I looked at this Man, as He began writing in the sand with His finger.
And in the silence, I began to reflect on my life. This Man was quiet, yet His eyes caused me to begin a good self assessment. And it's as if a screen begins to unfold before me. I see myself telling lies to those who love me. I hear my voice whispering "I hate you," when I was punished by my loving parent. I see my hands hit my very own brother. I see myself make a choice to touch someone I shouldn't. I hear my thoughts daydream of killing someone that wronged me. I see myself drawn to sexual sin. I turn my back on those that are poor, and in need of help. I hear myself scream at my child that needed my attention, rather than disapproval. I disciplined out of anger. I spoke against my husband. I failed to show love to a neighbor. I judged other people's sins, and failed to see the severity of my own. And tears began to slip down my face. I turned to look at my spouse, and I no longer see him with anger. I look at this Man, and I feel loved, rather than judged. And I silently turn, let the stone drop from my hand, and leave this Man with my husband. And I walk away convicted of my own sin, and lovingly aware of overwhelming grace received from this Man, called Jesus.
***This is a story found in John 8:1-11. I have used it for the setting of my own story, to show how Jesus sees each one of us, carrying our own stones against our betrayers. I pray you'll join me, in having the courage to release your grip on the stones, and reflect on God's grace towards you <3
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, it's so easy for me to see the wrong in my betrayers, and want retribution. What was done was wrong, and it hurt me. And yet when I am drawn to look closely at my own heart, I am convicted of my own story of sin, hurt and betrayal. Help me to drop any stone I may wish to cast at others, and offer the grace You offer me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I can see myself, standing among the accusers. How dare this person dishonor me in this way? I'm hurt, and want revenge. Who will help me find the justice I am seeking for my betrayer? I have many who are angry with me. Every single one accompanying me wants this sinner to pay for the offense, and carries stones to throw at him. We bring the betrayer to a Man, sitting in the temple. We tell Him of what this person has done. Isn't it punishable to a high degree? This is a direct disobedience to one of the basic Ten Commandments- surely He will help us. He is known to many as One who has great authority.
The Man doesn't say anything. It's crazy, that He would just sit there. If He had seen what I saw, and felt the things I felt, surely He would help me. I look at my spouse with disapproval, and even something deeper- disdain. The more I argued my case, I began to see the others, drop their stones and slowly walk away. One by one they left me standing there with my husband, and this Man. How could they leave me, when they were supposed to be my friends? I felt betrayed by them as well. And so I looked at this Man, as He began writing in the sand with His finger.
And in the silence, I began to reflect on my life. This Man was quiet, yet His eyes caused me to begin a good self assessment. And it's as if a screen begins to unfold before me. I see myself telling lies to those who love me. I hear my voice whispering "I hate you," when I was punished by my loving parent. I see my hands hit my very own brother. I see myself make a choice to touch someone I shouldn't. I hear my thoughts daydream of killing someone that wronged me. I see myself drawn to sexual sin. I turn my back on those that are poor, and in need of help. I hear myself scream at my child that needed my attention, rather than disapproval. I disciplined out of anger. I spoke against my husband. I failed to show love to a neighbor. I judged other people's sins, and failed to see the severity of my own. And tears began to slip down my face. I turned to look at my spouse, and I no longer see him with anger. I look at this Man, and I feel loved, rather than judged. And I silently turn, let the stone drop from my hand, and leave this Man with my husband. And I walk away convicted of my own sin, and lovingly aware of overwhelming grace received from this Man, called Jesus.
***This is a story found in John 8:1-11. I have used it for the setting of my own story, to show how Jesus sees each one of us, carrying our own stones against our betrayers. I pray you'll join me, in having the courage to release your grip on the stones, and reflect on God's grace towards you <3
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, it's so easy for me to see the wrong in my betrayers, and want retribution. What was done was wrong, and it hurt me. And yet when I am drawn to look closely at my own heart, I am convicted of my own story of sin, hurt and betrayal. Help me to drop any stone I may wish to cast at others, and offer the grace You offer me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Hands
I remember, as a new mom, looking at my son's hands and wondering what their history would be. What would they do? Who would they touch? What would they feel? Would they be loving hands, or hurt others? These were my thoughts as his little fingers gripped mine. Hands physically connect us to others, and his tiny hands were precious to me.
I've always loved my husband's hands. They feel like a man- they tell a story of hard work and care. They fix things, they create, they instruct, and they please. They are much bigger than mine, and my hand felt safe and secure in his. But when I discovered his unfaithfulness, his hands told a story I didn't like. They now included deceit and I wondered many of the same things about them that I had wondered about my son's tiny hands. What had they done? Where had they been? Who had they touched? These thoughts wounded my spirit.
I could choose to get stuck in that negative thought pattern, or I could take a good look at my own hands. What is their history? Who have they hurt? While my hands have often been loving, they have also been unkind. As a kid, these hands hurt my siblings. My hands have touched things they had no business touching. My hands have neglected the needs of others. My hands are also guilty of a less than upstanding history.
This draws me to think of another pair of hands- hands that have scars. These scars tell a story of sacrifice and love beyond comprehension. They were the only hands that have no history of sin, yet they had nails cruelly placed in them. They were hands that healed others, fed the hungry, embraced children, and reached out to any that would come. They never hurt. They were hands that were full of compassion, and they stretched out in love on that cross of Calvary.
I look at my own hands now- dirty with sin, and I am thankful for those scarred hands. For in them, He washes the dirt from mine, and gives me hands that are clean before the Father. While my hands have a history of sin, through His precious sacrifice, they are clean. No matter what they have done, before our Savior, the dirt of sin is washed away with His blood. This helps me to look at the hands of others with new eyes- eyes that see His ability to erase the sin history of our hands, and give us hands willing to serve Him. Thank You Lord, for forgetting the sins of my past, and giving me a future full of grace, and fresh starts.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8 ESV
Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven: Lamentations 3:41 ESV
Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the LORD! Psalm 134:2 ESV
Let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! Psalm 90:17 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help my hands to be busy with Your work. Help me to look at my own hands, and what they have done, rather than looking at the hands of others. May my hands be kind, gentle, useful and compassionate. While my history holds disappointment, my future is full of opportunity. May my best days of service start today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I've always loved my husband's hands. They feel like a man- they tell a story of hard work and care. They fix things, they create, they instruct, and they please. They are much bigger than mine, and my hand felt safe and secure in his. But when I discovered his unfaithfulness, his hands told a story I didn't like. They now included deceit and I wondered many of the same things about them that I had wondered about my son's tiny hands. What had they done? Where had they been? Who had they touched? These thoughts wounded my spirit.
I could choose to get stuck in that negative thought pattern, or I could take a good look at my own hands. What is their history? Who have they hurt? While my hands have often been loving, they have also been unkind. As a kid, these hands hurt my siblings. My hands have touched things they had no business touching. My hands have neglected the needs of others. My hands are also guilty of a less than upstanding history.
This draws me to think of another pair of hands- hands that have scars. These scars tell a story of sacrifice and love beyond comprehension. They were the only hands that have no history of sin, yet they had nails cruelly placed in them. They were hands that healed others, fed the hungry, embraced children, and reached out to any that would come. They never hurt. They were hands that were full of compassion, and they stretched out in love on that cross of Calvary.
I look at my own hands now- dirty with sin, and I am thankful for those scarred hands. For in them, He washes the dirt from mine, and gives me hands that are clean before the Father. While my hands have a history of sin, through His precious sacrifice, they are clean. No matter what they have done, before our Savior, the dirt of sin is washed away with His blood. This helps me to look at the hands of others with new eyes- eyes that see His ability to erase the sin history of our hands, and give us hands willing to serve Him. Thank You Lord, for forgetting the sins of my past, and giving me a future full of grace, and fresh starts.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8 ESV
Let us lift up our hearts and hands to God in heaven: Lamentations 3:41 ESV
Lift up your hands to the holy place and bless the LORD! Psalm 134:2 ESV
Let the favor of the LORD our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! Psalm 90:17 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help my hands to be busy with Your work. Help me to look at my own hands, and what they have done, rather than looking at the hands of others. May my hands be kind, gentle, useful and compassionate. While my history holds disappointment, my future is full of opportunity. May my best days of service start today. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Monday, January 28, 2019
Chasing away the Darkness
I'll let you guys in on a little secret about me- I am 48 years old, and I'm scared of the dark. Not the kind of scared where I hide under the covers, but I don't enjoy the darkness. In the dark of night, I hear the weirdest noises, and my imagination goes into overdrive. There is something unsettling about being in the dark, and not knowing what could be there. Even with my trusty Glock by my side, I still prefer the light of day.
Being separated from my husband created a new kind of darkness. Yes, I didn't like being alone in bed at night, but I'm talking about a darkness inside of me. My world was no longer bright, cheerful, and sunny. Instead, I felt gloomy, alone and vulnerable. Just as a dark night can hide a potential threat, the darkness in my marriage created an uncertainty that left me fearful and unsettled.
Truth be told, I would much rather sit in a spooky house overnight, by myself, than sit in the middle of a troubled marriage. While my fear is just imagined in a dark house, it's real in a marriage on the rocks. When I can't see what's ahead, I am called to faith, and when my faith is in the Solid Rock of Christ, I have no reason to fear. Darkness doesn't really have power over me when I recognize His ability to banish it, and spill His perfect light into all my unknowns.
I think one of the reasons we are uncomfortable with darkness is its ability to hide things from our sight. And yet, when it comes to our lives, we have no idea what tomorrow will hold for us. The future is not known, so we are called to something that gives us the assurance we need- faith! While my marriage was unclear, unsettling, and worrisome, I can rest in knowing my Heavenly Father will handle the stresses of tomorrow. When I can trust Him in the darkest places, my fear will transform into an unshakable faith.
In my marriage, I had to come to the place where I rested in His capable ability to handle it. It was terrifying to look ahead, not knowing which direction it would take. But when I saw His precious hand guiding me, calling me to trust Him and just let go, the darkness didn't stand a chance. Instead, I could hear His sweet voice reminding me of this wonderful truth- "Ruth, trust Me, and never forget, I am the Light of the World. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12 ESV).
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5 ESV
"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14 ESV
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 ESV
For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. Psalm 18:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your light- it comforts me in the darkness, and chases away my fears. I know You are always with me. I have nothing to fear when my faith is grounded in You. Help me to remember this when my circumstances seem dark and uncertain. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Being separated from my husband created a new kind of darkness. Yes, I didn't like being alone in bed at night, but I'm talking about a darkness inside of me. My world was no longer bright, cheerful, and sunny. Instead, I felt gloomy, alone and vulnerable. Just as a dark night can hide a potential threat, the darkness in my marriage created an uncertainty that left me fearful and unsettled.
Truth be told, I would much rather sit in a spooky house overnight, by myself, than sit in the middle of a troubled marriage. While my fear is just imagined in a dark house, it's real in a marriage on the rocks. When I can't see what's ahead, I am called to faith, and when my faith is in the Solid Rock of Christ, I have no reason to fear. Darkness doesn't really have power over me when I recognize His ability to banish it, and spill His perfect light into all my unknowns.
I think one of the reasons we are uncomfortable with darkness is its ability to hide things from our sight. And yet, when it comes to our lives, we have no idea what tomorrow will hold for us. The future is not known, so we are called to something that gives us the assurance we need- faith! While my marriage was unclear, unsettling, and worrisome, I can rest in knowing my Heavenly Father will handle the stresses of tomorrow. When I can trust Him in the darkest places, my fear will transform into an unshakable faith.
In my marriage, I had to come to the place where I rested in His capable ability to handle it. It was terrifying to look ahead, not knowing which direction it would take. But when I saw His precious hand guiding me, calling me to trust Him and just let go, the darkness didn't stand a chance. Instead, I could hear His sweet voice reminding me of this wonderful truth- "Ruth, trust Me, and never forget, I am the Light of the World. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12 ESV).
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5 ESV
"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14 ESV
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 ESV
For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. Psalm 18:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your light- it comforts me in the darkness, and chases away my fears. I know You are always with me. I have nothing to fear when my faith is grounded in You. Help me to remember this when my circumstances seem dark and uncertain. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Sunday, January 27, 2019
Where I'm Setting my Mind
I love big, and I love many. My husband, my kids, my family and friends hold my heart in a big way. I love to do things for them- cook their favorite meals, surprise them with something from Target, or send little texts that remind them of my love. I love things too- food (sadly), places (tropical), my Explorer, a good massage (Gayla- you're the best), and a good book. My laptop is awesome, and I'm a big fan of my own bed. I love my house, and I enjoy going out on our boat. But things are always less important than my people.
I put a lot of myself into the people I love. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of them, doing things for them, and loving them. And I like to take care of the things I love- keep them safe, clean and enjoy them. I love each person, and to a lesser degree, each thing- but they shouldn't be what I set my affection on. While my marriage was important, it should have taken its proper place after my affection for Jesus Christ.
The world, including me, gets a lot of things backwards. We have a "me first" attitude, and it causes us to live selfishly, instead of selflessly. Healthy marriages aren't built on selfishness. When I put my own wants and needs first, my marriage won't thrive. And even if I put my husbands wants and needs first, while our marriage will be better, it won't be the best it could be. But when I put Jesus in the proper place of priority, our marriage has the best chance of being the best that it can be.
This scripture should be my motto for life: Set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 ESV. If I give my Heavenly Father the proper place of authority in my life, all my other relationships will be better- healthier, and more satisfying. When I live and love according to the principles found in scripture, my marriage will benefit. When I look back over the past, I can see where I allowed my priorities to be out of order. While it is natural for a mother to love her kids ahead of herself, if I love the Lord more than them, I will be a better mom. If I love Jesus more than my husband, I will be a better wife. He must be first, and I should be last- loving others more than I love myself. This is the way Jesus lived, and loves. He loved me so much that He gave His life for me. I didn't deserve this love from Him, and yet He chose to give it to me anyway. When I love like Jesus did, every relationship I have will be much better. So I encourage each of you to love Him first, and others next. When you do, you will be amazed at the way it will enrich your relationships, and draw you closer to our precious Savior.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV
He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 ESV
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to properly prioritize my life, and my relationships. You should always come first, Lord, and yet I often fail to give you the prominence in my life that You deserve. Forgive me for my selfish ways, and help me to live and love like You did. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I put a lot of myself into the people I love. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of them, doing things for them, and loving them. And I like to take care of the things I love- keep them safe, clean and enjoy them. I love each person, and to a lesser degree, each thing- but they shouldn't be what I set my affection on. While my marriage was important, it should have taken its proper place after my affection for Jesus Christ.
The world, including me, gets a lot of things backwards. We have a "me first" attitude, and it causes us to live selfishly, instead of selflessly. Healthy marriages aren't built on selfishness. When I put my own wants and needs first, my marriage won't thrive. And even if I put my husbands wants and needs first, while our marriage will be better, it won't be the best it could be. But when I put Jesus in the proper place of priority, our marriage has the best chance of being the best that it can be.
This scripture should be my motto for life: Set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth. Colossians 3:2 ESV. If I give my Heavenly Father the proper place of authority in my life, all my other relationships will be better- healthier, and more satisfying. When I live and love according to the principles found in scripture, my marriage will benefit. When I look back over the past, I can see where I allowed my priorities to be out of order. While it is natural for a mother to love her kids ahead of herself, if I love the Lord more than them, I will be a better mom. If I love Jesus more than my husband, I will be a better wife. He must be first, and I should be last- loving others more than I love myself. This is the way Jesus lived, and loves. He loved me so much that He gave His life for me. I didn't deserve this love from Him, and yet He chose to give it to me anyway. When I love like Jesus did, every relationship I have will be much better. So I encourage each of you to love Him first, and others next. When you do, you will be amazed at the way it will enrich your relationships, and draw you closer to our precious Savior.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 ESV
He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 ESV
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to properly prioritize my life, and my relationships. You should always come first, Lord, and yet I often fail to give you the prominence in my life that You deserve. Forgive me for my selfish ways, and help me to live and love like You did. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Anxiety and Infidelity
Maybe you're someone who has struggled with worry and anxiety throughout your life, and maybe you even know the particular anxiety associated with infidelity. Since I was a little girl, I have been known to be anxious. A new school year, an oral report in college, a first date, or a dentist appointment (even a cleaning because they might say I have a cavity) can make my heart race, and keep me awake at night. I spent the early morning of my wedding day sick to my stomach because I would be the focus of attention for the day. A broken tooth or a root canal, could put me in cardiac distress;)
I have always been frustrated with anxiety, and wished for a way to get rid of it. I tried prayer, and I still worried- and I hated that. I tried medication, and it did help a lot, but I still worried. I asked God to help me have greater faith and trust, and had no idea how that would occur. When my husband left initially, and even just prior to that day, I was the most anxious I had ever been before.
There are so many problems and scenarios that run through the brain of a betrayed spouse. There are numerous questions in the "why" category- why did he do this, why did I not notice sooner, and why am I not enough? Then there were the "what" questions- what will I do, what should I say to people, what about our children, and what will ultimately happen? And then the "how" questions- "how will I support myself, how could he leave us, how can a christian do this, and how will I ever be ok? So many issues caused a feeling of restlessness and fear, and yet I knew God's presence with me.
When you face the tougher things in life, we find out a lot about our faith- not faith that I belong to God (I knew that I did), but faith in His ability to handle 100% of my burdens. I realized that my faith was weak, and my worry was a result of trying to handle things bigger than me. If I didn't know Christ as my Savior, then the burdens are mine to figure out. But when I serve the Almighty God, I am foolish to carry my own burdens, when He wants me to hand them over to Him.
For most of a year, I struggled against handing my anxious thoughts, and worries, over to Jesus. I felt a need for control that I found out, I never really had. While my husband was warring against Satan in one way, I was warring against him in another- he was using my worries to cause me to doubt the ability of my Heavenly Father. When I recognized this, it was such a relief to know that I could just give up. Not giving up in defeat, but simply letting go of trying to control the outcome of my marriage, and just leaving it with God. When I was able to come to this place, I knew that whatever God had for me, was the absolute best, and I would be content with whatever that was. Will I ever worry again? I am sure that I will (especially at the dentist). But I hope I can look back to this time in my life when I was so aware of my inability, and He displayed His perfect ability to fight my battles for me.
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to lay down each burden, as I get them. I am unable to handle them properly on my own, but You are perfectly capable. Forgive me for feebly trying to manage my troubles, and then falling to anxious thoughts. Lord, Your power and authority make You the perfect solution to our troubles, and so I place them at Your feet. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I have always been frustrated with anxiety, and wished for a way to get rid of it. I tried prayer, and I still worried- and I hated that. I tried medication, and it did help a lot, but I still worried. I asked God to help me have greater faith and trust, and had no idea how that would occur. When my husband left initially, and even just prior to that day, I was the most anxious I had ever been before.
There are so many problems and scenarios that run through the brain of a betrayed spouse. There are numerous questions in the "why" category- why did he do this, why did I not notice sooner, and why am I not enough? Then there were the "what" questions- what will I do, what should I say to people, what about our children, and what will ultimately happen? And then the "how" questions- "how will I support myself, how could he leave us, how can a christian do this, and how will I ever be ok? So many issues caused a feeling of restlessness and fear, and yet I knew God's presence with me.
When you face the tougher things in life, we find out a lot about our faith- not faith that I belong to God (I knew that I did), but faith in His ability to handle 100% of my burdens. I realized that my faith was weak, and my worry was a result of trying to handle things bigger than me. If I didn't know Christ as my Savior, then the burdens are mine to figure out. But when I serve the Almighty God, I am foolish to carry my own burdens, when He wants me to hand them over to Him.
For most of a year, I struggled against handing my anxious thoughts, and worries, over to Jesus. I felt a need for control that I found out, I never really had. While my husband was warring against Satan in one way, I was warring against him in another- he was using my worries to cause me to doubt the ability of my Heavenly Father. When I recognized this, it was such a relief to know that I could just give up. Not giving up in defeat, but simply letting go of trying to control the outcome of my marriage, and just leaving it with God. When I was able to come to this place, I knew that whatever God had for me, was the absolute best, and I would be content with whatever that was. Will I ever worry again? I am sure that I will (especially at the dentist). But I hope I can look back to this time in my life when I was so aware of my inability, and He displayed His perfect ability to fight my battles for me.
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to lay down each burden, as I get them. I am unable to handle them properly on my own, but You are perfectly capable. Forgive me for feebly trying to manage my troubles, and then falling to anxious thoughts. Lord, Your power and authority make You the perfect solution to our troubles, and so I place them at Your feet. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Friday, January 25, 2019
A Heart like King David
You may be familiar with David's story in the Bible. It's a pretty shocking one, to be frank. You have a man lusting after a bathing woman, and he uses his position of authority to claim her, sexually. Never mind that she is a married woman- married to one of his faithful soldiers. David has Bathsheba brought to the palace, and takes what he has no business taking from her. His sin led to a pregnancy. The pregnancy would expose his sin- and so he has her husband placed in the front lines of battle, knowing it would claim his life. He then takes her as his own wife, but God will bring to light what David tried to hide, as He always does.
This story isn't just a story, it happened. It reeks of sin and selfishness, yet King David is known to God as a "man after God's heart." In fact, God called him this on two separate occasions. Our humanity often doesn't speak the language of grace, like God. We look at this story and see someone who is awful, selfish, evil, and deserves punishment- but fail to see it in ourselves. Some possibly struggled with the blog post yesterday about the beginning of my husband's story of infidelity. But in all honesty, before God, we are all just sinners in need of His grace and mercy.
I love how King David's sin didn't disqualify him from further service to God- in fact, some of his best days came after his affair and murder of Uriah. Many of the most touching Psalms were written by David, with a broken spirit sold out for His beloved God- the God of grace and redemption. This brings another story to mind found in Luke 7 of a sinful woman who entered the home where Jesus was, and poured out an outrageously costly jar of perfume on the feet of Jesus, and used her hair to wipe it off. Simon didn't understand why Jesus would let this sinful woman come close to Him. I love how Jesus admonishes him and says these precious words: "because her sins have been forgiven, she has loved much (Luke 7:47)."
When we have experienced God's grace from a very low point in life, we have the makings of David's heart- one that wants to please God. We may look down our noses at sin, and never experience the joy of knowing God's grace at a level that brings absolute love and devotion. I want to have a heart like David, and I want to have compassion for those that are brought low. I want to see myself in David's highs, but I also want to see myself clearly as the sinful David- capable of falling, and often failing. I pray that I will guard myself each day, and understand how easily I can give in to temptation. And I pray most of all, to show God's grace to any who fall along their way, and to love them unconditionally, just as God loves me.
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15 ESV
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, Ephesians 1:7 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to recognize my own weaknesses, and not just see them in others. Give me a compassionate heart- one that sees the lost, the hurting, and those who have fallen, with love. I thank You for being a God of restoration, and I thank You for the countless times You have showered me with Your undeserving grace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
This story isn't just a story, it happened. It reeks of sin and selfishness, yet King David is known to God as a "man after God's heart." In fact, God called him this on two separate occasions. Our humanity often doesn't speak the language of grace, like God. We look at this story and see someone who is awful, selfish, evil, and deserves punishment- but fail to see it in ourselves. Some possibly struggled with the blog post yesterday about the beginning of my husband's story of infidelity. But in all honesty, before God, we are all just sinners in need of His grace and mercy.
I love how King David's sin didn't disqualify him from further service to God- in fact, some of his best days came after his affair and murder of Uriah. Many of the most touching Psalms were written by David, with a broken spirit sold out for His beloved God- the God of grace and redemption. This brings another story to mind found in Luke 7 of a sinful woman who entered the home where Jesus was, and poured out an outrageously costly jar of perfume on the feet of Jesus, and used her hair to wipe it off. Simon didn't understand why Jesus would let this sinful woman come close to Him. I love how Jesus admonishes him and says these precious words: "because her sins have been forgiven, she has loved much (Luke 7:47)."
When we have experienced God's grace from a very low point in life, we have the makings of David's heart- one that wants to please God. We may look down our noses at sin, and never experience the joy of knowing God's grace at a level that brings absolute love and devotion. I want to have a heart like David, and I want to have compassion for those that are brought low. I want to see myself in David's highs, but I also want to see myself clearly as the sinful David- capable of falling, and often failing. I pray that I will guard myself each day, and understand how easily I can give in to temptation. And I pray most of all, to show God's grace to any who fall along their way, and to love them unconditionally, just as God loves me.
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15 ESV
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, Ephesians 1:7 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to recognize my own weaknesses, and not just see them in others. Give me a compassionate heart- one that sees the lost, the hurting, and those who have fallen, with love. I thank You for being a God of restoration, and I thank You for the countless times You have showered me with Your undeserving grace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Thursday, January 24, 2019
His Story- Playing with Fire
This isn't something you set out to do. If I could have stepped back, and seen the destruction and ruin from my choices, I would have run the other way with abandon. But wisdom was no longer my friend, as I had ever so slightly turned my back on God. Satan only needs a tiny opening, and he attacks with vengeance. I had always considered myself strong, but I was about to be exposed for my lack of exercising His strength in me.
It started innocently enough. I had met her two years prior in a business setting. A co-worker of mine introduced us, as they had gone to school together. She was in our corporate accounting department at our headquarters, and each month I had to email her new accounts for editing and corrections. At the beginning of the month, I would send the expected email, and never thought anything of it. One particular month, I had an issue, and needed to call regarding it. We talked for a few minutes, and I found the conversation intriguing. The reason for intrigue, was her playfulness on the other end of the phone.
I continued to send my monthly email, and found out she had been transferred to another department. I was curious as to why, as I felt she did a great job in accounting. I found out her cell number, to inquire about the transfer. I wanted to know where she planned to transfer, and the reason why. I now had a dangerous piece of information- a personal way to contact a woman who wasn't my wife.
We now had established a regular format of conversation, based on me lending advice and support. I would check in every few weeks, and eventually every week, and before I knew it- daily contact! The more contact we had, the more fun it seemed to me. It felt like an outlet from my hectic life- an escape from what I felt trapped in. Conversations would start with business related issues, and then drift into more personal things. I vividly remember talking to her while driving, and she asked me if I was married. I remember feeling guilty when I told her I was, and I remember her pause in the conversation, and then we moved on to other topics of discussion.
My heart felt guilt in these conversations and thoughts, and God convicted me throughout this time, but I pushed it aside. So often I would get a text from my wife, followed by one from her. It was if God was reminding me of what I was doing- and who my attention should be on. I thought I could handle it, but without acknowledging the Spirit within, I was vulnerable and weak- a perfect target for Satan.
This is the beginning of a story I wish I could change, but I let down my guard, and left my First Love- Christ. It's so important to keep ourselves armed with the whole armor of God. His reasons for boundaries and warning of sin, isn't to punish us and keep us from good things. The fact is- He loves us, and wants to protect us from hurt and ruin. Had I been connected in a healthy way with the Lord, I would have avoided hurting my wife, my children, and so many others. If you have been there, you understand the guilt and devastation of your choices. But this is the beginning of my story- and I serve a God of amazing grace. As you journey with me through it, I pray you will see my story with eyes of compassion, and that you would use it as an example of a heart that grows cold to Jesus. Learn from my story- the great cost of turning from God.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10 ESV
Be sober-minded; be watchful, Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, how I wish I had listened to Your voice, and followed Your way for me. Instead, I allowed Satan to bring me down. I hurt those who love me the most, and I hurt You. Father, forgive me for the pain I have caused, and I thank You for grace I don't deserve, yet You liberally offer it to us without end. Help me to have the courage to share my journey, praying it will show others redemption found only in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
It started innocently enough. I had met her two years prior in a business setting. A co-worker of mine introduced us, as they had gone to school together. She was in our corporate accounting department at our headquarters, and each month I had to email her new accounts for editing and corrections. At the beginning of the month, I would send the expected email, and never thought anything of it. One particular month, I had an issue, and needed to call regarding it. We talked for a few minutes, and I found the conversation intriguing. The reason for intrigue, was her playfulness on the other end of the phone.
I continued to send my monthly email, and found out she had been transferred to another department. I was curious as to why, as I felt she did a great job in accounting. I found out her cell number, to inquire about the transfer. I wanted to know where she planned to transfer, and the reason why. I now had a dangerous piece of information- a personal way to contact a woman who wasn't my wife.
We now had established a regular format of conversation, based on me lending advice and support. I would check in every few weeks, and eventually every week, and before I knew it- daily contact! The more contact we had, the more fun it seemed to me. It felt like an outlet from my hectic life- an escape from what I felt trapped in. Conversations would start with business related issues, and then drift into more personal things. I vividly remember talking to her while driving, and she asked me if I was married. I remember feeling guilty when I told her I was, and I remember her pause in the conversation, and then we moved on to other topics of discussion.
My heart felt guilt in these conversations and thoughts, and God convicted me throughout this time, but I pushed it aside. So often I would get a text from my wife, followed by one from her. It was if God was reminding me of what I was doing- and who my attention should be on. I thought I could handle it, but without acknowledging the Spirit within, I was vulnerable and weak- a perfect target for Satan.
This is the beginning of a story I wish I could change, but I let down my guard, and left my First Love- Christ. It's so important to keep ourselves armed with the whole armor of God. His reasons for boundaries and warning of sin, isn't to punish us and keep us from good things. The fact is- He loves us, and wants to protect us from hurt and ruin. Had I been connected in a healthy way with the Lord, I would have avoided hurting my wife, my children, and so many others. If you have been there, you understand the guilt and devastation of your choices. But this is the beginning of my story- and I serve a God of amazing grace. As you journey with me through it, I pray you will see my story with eyes of compassion, and that you would use it as an example of a heart that grows cold to Jesus. Learn from my story- the great cost of turning from God.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 ESV
If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10 ESV
Be sober-minded; be watchful, Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, how I wish I had listened to Your voice, and followed Your way for me. Instead, I allowed Satan to bring me down. I hurt those who love me the most, and I hurt You. Father, forgive me for the pain I have caused, and I thank You for grace I don't deserve, yet You liberally offer it to us without end. Help me to have the courage to share my journey, praying it will show others redemption found only in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
ANNOUNCEMENT ---------COMING TOMORROW!!!
Starting tomorrow, I will start publishing posts that tell my husband's story. They will come out occasionally, as we work together to bring you the details of his story. I pray that you will openly listen, with compassionate hearts, as he courageously exposes his sin. It isn't an easy story to tell, and it isn't an easy story to write. Our purpose in sharing is two-fold: that it may cause you to guard your marriage against infidelity, and that you might see, through our story, the wonderful grace of Jesus Christ. Pray for healing to continue for us, and that our story may help others walking the same journey. We thank you for following us, and for your encouraging comments and prayers!
Much love,
Ruth McDonald
Much love,
Ruth McDonald
Home in Body
One of my favorite times of the day, was when my husband walked in from work, and everyone was home. Our day time separation was over, and my heart just felt lighter when he was with me. When he left, there was a huge hole in my life- no one to come in the door at the end of the day, and share my evening with. Yes, I had my kids, but it's a different connection with a spouse. I missed him, and I missed the way things had been years before.
When we had our initial reconciliation, I felt excited. Someone would come home to me again, and someone would share life by my side. I would get a phone call around 5:00, and have a dinner companion by 6:00. Things felt good, but we weren't where I really wanted to be. We reconciled because it was the "right thing to do," and sometimes, that just isn't enough. What was missing was a firm foundation in Christ, and allowing Him to make us new.
And so we made a go of it, on our terms. He felt better by doing what was right, and I felt hopeful that in time, God would reach his heart. I prayed God would use me to draw him closer to Jesus, and made an initial effort in making this work. But as the days passed, it was obvious that without Him at the center of our marriage, it would not be the better marriage we had hoped for. And after only a short 6 weeks time, I already noticed a shift in his devotion to me.
I knew it was happening again. The signs were all there. His phone became unavailable to my sight, and he withdrew. I would see him texting someone in a way where he would hide his phone from view, or he would lean back to text. His phone calls to me became short, so he had the rest of the commute home to talk to the one he really desired. He stopped texting me throughout his work day, and when I sent him messages, I would get one word answers. He avoided being home, and worked as much as possible to stay away from me. He became sarcastic and uncaring. And I realized that while I had my husband home in body, his spirit was elsewhere.
Have you felt this? Living together, but worlds apart? Goodness, it stinks! And in those times, it is much more comfortable to not have them home, than to have them home against their wishes. I felt like a burden. I felt twice rejected, and unwanted. I felt resigned to a life without him, and was beginning to think that was our destiny. I chastised myself for allowing him to come back home as a man I wasn't satisfied with- a man living apart from God. I had never walked this journey, and felt having him home was better than having him somewhere else. But if God isn't at the center of it, it isn't time. What a painful lesson that was to learn.
My story made me think of God. While He always knows my motives for returning to Him, He never turns me away. If I run, He pursues. I often return with a heart lacking enthusiasm, and yet He welcomes me, regardless of my heart. But He won't stop with me there- He will continue with me, until He not only captures my attention, but captures my heart. Oh God, forgive me for my wayward heart; a heart that has hurt You with my selfishness. Give me a heart devoted to Your ways, and Your Son! Help me to see myself through my husband's rejection, and return to You with abandon. Help me to serve You, not out of duty, but out of heart spilling over with love. And when I do, I will see my husband with Your eyes- lost, and in need of Your pursuit.
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Deuteronomy 6:5 ESV
This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. Acts 4:11 ESV
And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. Matthew 7:25 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to keep You at the center of my marriage, and all relationships. When anything else is substituted, I fail and struggle. Help me to see my own condition before You, when I see my wayward spouse. May my heart be turned to You, not by obligation, but by absolute devotion. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
When we had our initial reconciliation, I felt excited. Someone would come home to me again, and someone would share life by my side. I would get a phone call around 5:00, and have a dinner companion by 6:00. Things felt good, but we weren't where I really wanted to be. We reconciled because it was the "right thing to do," and sometimes, that just isn't enough. What was missing was a firm foundation in Christ, and allowing Him to make us new.
And so we made a go of it, on our terms. He felt better by doing what was right, and I felt hopeful that in time, God would reach his heart. I prayed God would use me to draw him closer to Jesus, and made an initial effort in making this work. But as the days passed, it was obvious that without Him at the center of our marriage, it would not be the better marriage we had hoped for. And after only a short 6 weeks time, I already noticed a shift in his devotion to me.
I knew it was happening again. The signs were all there. His phone became unavailable to my sight, and he withdrew. I would see him texting someone in a way where he would hide his phone from view, or he would lean back to text. His phone calls to me became short, so he had the rest of the commute home to talk to the one he really desired. He stopped texting me throughout his work day, and when I sent him messages, I would get one word answers. He avoided being home, and worked as much as possible to stay away from me. He became sarcastic and uncaring. And I realized that while I had my husband home in body, his spirit was elsewhere.
Have you felt this? Living together, but worlds apart? Goodness, it stinks! And in those times, it is much more comfortable to not have them home, than to have them home against their wishes. I felt like a burden. I felt twice rejected, and unwanted. I felt resigned to a life without him, and was beginning to think that was our destiny. I chastised myself for allowing him to come back home as a man I wasn't satisfied with- a man living apart from God. I had never walked this journey, and felt having him home was better than having him somewhere else. But if God isn't at the center of it, it isn't time. What a painful lesson that was to learn.
My story made me think of God. While He always knows my motives for returning to Him, He never turns me away. If I run, He pursues. I often return with a heart lacking enthusiasm, and yet He welcomes me, regardless of my heart. But He won't stop with me there- He will continue with me, until He not only captures my attention, but captures my heart. Oh God, forgive me for my wayward heart; a heart that has hurt You with my selfishness. Give me a heart devoted to Your ways, and Your Son! Help me to see myself through my husband's rejection, and return to You with abandon. Help me to serve You, not out of duty, but out of heart spilling over with love. And when I do, I will see my husband with Your eyes- lost, and in need of Your pursuit.
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Deuteronomy 6:5 ESV
This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. Acts 4:11 ESV
And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. Matthew 7:25 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to keep You at the center of my marriage, and all relationships. When anything else is substituted, I fail and struggle. Help me to see my own condition before You, when I see my wayward spouse. May my heart be turned to You, not by obligation, but by absolute devotion. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
A New Awkward
When it comes to being awkward, I take the cake. I often blurt out things people usually think, but don't say. Ask my people, and they will tell you it's true;) It isn't about being mean, it's about my mouth working before my brain catches up! And other times, it's my social nervousness that causes me to lose my cool for a sentence or two. Not that I claim to be cool, but you get the point. But around my family and friends, I don't feel awkward, so it was strange to suddenly feel awkward around my husband of 25 years!
I've known him practically my whole life. We have spent most of our days and nights right there with one another. I know all his quirks, and he knows mine. And if I were honest, I have more quirks than he does. I can tell you where he has scars, and what his favorite teams are. I know he loves white birthday cake, with white buttercream frosting. I know his shoe size, pet peeves, and the smell of his cologne. But when he left me, I felt uncomfortable around this man I knew so well, and loved so long. Who in the world is this person that did this to me? My best friend became a stranger in many ways.
If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. What do you say to this person? How do you act? I had no idea, and so I was most comfortable when he wasn't in my presence. When he would come by the house, my heart would beat fast and I needed gallons of water for my dry mouth. I found it hard to look him in the eyes, and I felt unsure of myself around him. What do you do when you find yourself here? I found that a very difficult thing to deal with.
Conversations had to happen. Issues had to be discussed. Communication was necessary, as we shared children, finances, and a home. In my situation, we did most of our communicating initially over text message. But little by little, we gained the courage to talk face to face. Doing this was painful at first, but became a little less awkward with time. Each time I found out he had been unfaithful, I started back at zero. This was a tumultuous time inside my head and heart. I would feel hopeful, and then crushed.
In this difficult time, I have no doubt I would have been lost without my Anchor in the Storm. If I needed courage, I prayed for it, and received it. When I was afraid, I spoke to Him, and knew He heard me. When I was angry, He calmed my spirit. When I was skeptical, I was reassured of His love for me. And when I was brokenhearted, He showed me a love I was desperate for. Around my Savior, there was never awkwardness, just love and acceptance. Infidelity is uncomfortable, no matter which way you look at it. It hurts people deeply, and causes great pain. But we have One we can take all of our feelings and insecurities to, and know He accepts us, and loves us. He will never hurt or betray us, and in Him, we can rest in absolute peace and comfort.
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, this is a messy situation, and one that causes me heartache and pain. Give me courage and peace when I am with my spouse, and also when I am not. Give me direction and guide me each day. I thank You for Your love and comfort, and for always making me feel accepted in You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen!
I've known him practically my whole life. We have spent most of our days and nights right there with one another. I know all his quirks, and he knows mine. And if I were honest, I have more quirks than he does. I can tell you where he has scars, and what his favorite teams are. I know he loves white birthday cake, with white buttercream frosting. I know his shoe size, pet peeves, and the smell of his cologne. But when he left me, I felt uncomfortable around this man I knew so well, and loved so long. Who in the world is this person that did this to me? My best friend became a stranger in many ways.
If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. What do you say to this person? How do you act? I had no idea, and so I was most comfortable when he wasn't in my presence. When he would come by the house, my heart would beat fast and I needed gallons of water for my dry mouth. I found it hard to look him in the eyes, and I felt unsure of myself around him. What do you do when you find yourself here? I found that a very difficult thing to deal with.
Conversations had to happen. Issues had to be discussed. Communication was necessary, as we shared children, finances, and a home. In my situation, we did most of our communicating initially over text message. But little by little, we gained the courage to talk face to face. Doing this was painful at first, but became a little less awkward with time. Each time I found out he had been unfaithful, I started back at zero. This was a tumultuous time inside my head and heart. I would feel hopeful, and then crushed.
In this difficult time, I have no doubt I would have been lost without my Anchor in the Storm. If I needed courage, I prayed for it, and received it. When I was afraid, I spoke to Him, and knew He heard me. When I was angry, He calmed my spirit. When I was skeptical, I was reassured of His love for me. And when I was brokenhearted, He showed me a love I was desperate for. Around my Savior, there was never awkwardness, just love and acceptance. Infidelity is uncomfortable, no matter which way you look at it. It hurts people deeply, and causes great pain. But we have One we can take all of our feelings and insecurities to, and know He accepts us, and loves us. He will never hurt or betray us, and in Him, we can rest in absolute peace and comfort.
Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, this is a messy situation, and one that causes me heartache and pain. Give me courage and peace when I am with my spouse, and also when I am not. Give me direction and guide me each day. I thank You for Your love and comfort, and for always making me feel accepted in You. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen!
Monday, January 21, 2019
I Don't Love you Anymore
When love is new and exciting, you can't imagine a day you won't feel that way. You get that fluttery feeling in your stomach when they touch you. You can't wait to see them after even a short time apart. They are always in your mind, and you often can't focus well on anything but them. This is love. But it's only part of love, and not what we will experience every day with our spouse.
Relationships grow, and we marry our love. Life settles in and the real life pressures begin to come back into our focus. We had been so busy with dating, and then wedding plans, that we weren't very focused on what else is going on around us. Work demands our focus. Responsibility piles up with owning a home, and paying bills. The grass keeps growing and it keeps needing cut. School loans mature. Pets that seemed cute to start our lives together with, have health issues, and require a lot more commitment and time than we anticipated. Sweet babies enter the scene, and our time alone together vanishes. Wife is busy with the kids, and husband is busy with his career. Tensions begin to escalate as we enter the full phase of family life.
It's interesting how different men and women are at our base level. Men are generally career and goal oriented, while women are more nurturing and loving by nature. How can two polar opposites function perfectly together? The truth is, they can't, and that is okay. God created us differently to compliment one another. But as we go along in life, we begin to see these differences as big problems that we are sure, others don't have. And we begin to doubt.
And one day, a very foolish thing comes across our minds- I don't love my spouse anymore. Some people process this in a more healthy way, and realize that we all feel "out of love" with our spouse from time to time. Others assume this is the end of a marriage, and call it quits. In our case, it led to an affair. Marriage kind of love is a choice- and not built on romantic love. There will be days I don't feel hopelessly in love with my spouse, and what I do with that is vital to a healthy marriage. While we need to put effort into maintaining our romantic love, we also need to remember our vow to love our spouse- regardless of my feelings and conditions.
Love is from God- and He is the essence of love. He is the only One that will perfectly love us at all times. Sadly, we won't return the favor, because we are selfish in nature. Our marriages are to be patterned after Christ's love for us- without condition. If we truly love one another like He loves, we will be wise enough to stay in the fight for our marriages. I remember the promises I made to my husband almost 26 years ago, and I know this- love is a choice, and I choose to love him, even on the hardest of days, because this is the love God has shown to me.
With humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:2 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me remember that love is a choice. I won't always feel romantic love for my spouse, but I will choose to love anyways. I thank You for the pattern of love You have shown us- a love full of grace and compassion. Your love has nothing to do with merit, and everything to do with choice. And so I will also choose to love Your way. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Relationships grow, and we marry our love. Life settles in and the real life pressures begin to come back into our focus. We had been so busy with dating, and then wedding plans, that we weren't very focused on what else is going on around us. Work demands our focus. Responsibility piles up with owning a home, and paying bills. The grass keeps growing and it keeps needing cut. School loans mature. Pets that seemed cute to start our lives together with, have health issues, and require a lot more commitment and time than we anticipated. Sweet babies enter the scene, and our time alone together vanishes. Wife is busy with the kids, and husband is busy with his career. Tensions begin to escalate as we enter the full phase of family life.
It's interesting how different men and women are at our base level. Men are generally career and goal oriented, while women are more nurturing and loving by nature. How can two polar opposites function perfectly together? The truth is, they can't, and that is okay. God created us differently to compliment one another. But as we go along in life, we begin to see these differences as big problems that we are sure, others don't have. And we begin to doubt.
And one day, a very foolish thing comes across our minds- I don't love my spouse anymore. Some people process this in a more healthy way, and realize that we all feel "out of love" with our spouse from time to time. Others assume this is the end of a marriage, and call it quits. In our case, it led to an affair. Marriage kind of love is a choice- and not built on romantic love. There will be days I don't feel hopelessly in love with my spouse, and what I do with that is vital to a healthy marriage. While we need to put effort into maintaining our romantic love, we also need to remember our vow to love our spouse- regardless of my feelings and conditions.
Love is from God- and He is the essence of love. He is the only One that will perfectly love us at all times. Sadly, we won't return the favor, because we are selfish in nature. Our marriages are to be patterned after Christ's love for us- without condition. If we truly love one another like He loves, we will be wise enough to stay in the fight for our marriages. I remember the promises I made to my husband almost 26 years ago, and I know this- love is a choice, and I choose to love him, even on the hardest of days, because this is the love God has shown to me.
With humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:2 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me remember that love is a choice. I won't always feel romantic love for my spouse, but I will choose to love anyways. I thank You for the pattern of love You have shown us- a love full of grace and compassion. Your love has nothing to do with merit, and everything to do with choice. And so I will also choose to love Your way. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Broken Home- Broken Kids
I am a mama bear when it comes to my babies. My babies really aren't babies- they are in their early 20's, but to me, they will always be my babies. If you hurt them, it hurts me more. I would walk through fire for them, and slay dragons for them, if they existed. I don't like to see them disappointed or hurt, and most parents feel the same way.
One of Satan's biggest lies, regarding separation and divorce, is that it's better for the kids this way. Unless we are talking an abusive relationship, I don't buy that lie. I witnessed the change in my children, and the devastating effect it had on them- and it wasn't for the better. Their security was shattered, their role model was tarnished, and their lives were forever changed by infidelity.
My kids grew up in a home centered on Jesus, and the principles of God's Word. They were told from the earliest age that we would always be together, and they didn't have to worry about divorce in our home. We told them we were 100% committed to one another, and would always remain that way. So they didn't worry- it wasn't in the cards for our family. They saw their friends families broken, but never feared it would happen to us. So when it did, it was completely unexpected, and an absolute shock.
Our children are a gift to us. They look up to us, and a stable upbringing is so important for a healthy mind. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our kids when they were told by their dad he was choosing to leave. If I could stop right here, and just reach out to any reader that may be on the side of having an affair- PLEASE COUNT THE COST! And for any other reader- GUARD YOUR MARRIAGE, PLEASE! Infidelity causes so much pain, and steals so much, from so many.
While there is a lot of brokenness in our family and home, we serve a God of restoration. If you are a christian, you've witnessed how He changed you when He brought you out of darkness, into His light. This same God can do this with marriages, and families. He can't do it without our cooperation, but apart from Him, I have no doubt we would remain broken. Relationships have to be rebuilt, and trust and respect will be a process. While I am a fan of quick fixes, there isn't one for a home assaulted by infidelity.
While a quick fix isn't possible, a long term solution is. In Him, there is always hope when we are willing. If you are both willing, the first key is to have God at the center of all that is ahead. If you try to use any substitute for the Holy Spirit, the results will be lacking. Be there for your kids as a safe place to share feelings, and give them love and support. Encourage counseling and foster an open line of communication with them. While we will at times fail our kids as parents, our Heavenly Father never will. We have the perfect example in Him, and the perfect Parent. We will fall short of His example, but with His guidance, and our obedience to Him, we can repair what was broken. It may never be the same, but there is a possibility for something better- and only God can do that.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, Titus 2:7 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. Psalm 71:20-21
Dear Heavenly Father, help our children who are hurting from our choices, and those of our spouses. Help us to be there for them, and show them unconditional love and support. Give healing and restoration, as only You can. I thank You for the precious gift of our children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
One of Satan's biggest lies, regarding separation and divorce, is that it's better for the kids this way. Unless we are talking an abusive relationship, I don't buy that lie. I witnessed the change in my children, and the devastating effect it had on them- and it wasn't for the better. Their security was shattered, their role model was tarnished, and their lives were forever changed by infidelity.
My kids grew up in a home centered on Jesus, and the principles of God's Word. They were told from the earliest age that we would always be together, and they didn't have to worry about divorce in our home. We told them we were 100% committed to one another, and would always remain that way. So they didn't worry- it wasn't in the cards for our family. They saw their friends families broken, but never feared it would happen to us. So when it did, it was completely unexpected, and an absolute shock.
Our children are a gift to us. They look up to us, and a stable upbringing is so important for a healthy mind. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our kids when they were told by their dad he was choosing to leave. If I could stop right here, and just reach out to any reader that may be on the side of having an affair- PLEASE COUNT THE COST! And for any other reader- GUARD YOUR MARRIAGE, PLEASE! Infidelity causes so much pain, and steals so much, from so many.
While there is a lot of brokenness in our family and home, we serve a God of restoration. If you are a christian, you've witnessed how He changed you when He brought you out of darkness, into His light. This same God can do this with marriages, and families. He can't do it without our cooperation, but apart from Him, I have no doubt we would remain broken. Relationships have to be rebuilt, and trust and respect will be a process. While I am a fan of quick fixes, there isn't one for a home assaulted by infidelity.
While a quick fix isn't possible, a long term solution is. In Him, there is always hope when we are willing. If you are both willing, the first key is to have God at the center of all that is ahead. If you try to use any substitute for the Holy Spirit, the results will be lacking. Be there for your kids as a safe place to share feelings, and give them love and support. Encourage counseling and foster an open line of communication with them. While we will at times fail our kids as parents, our Heavenly Father never will. We have the perfect example in Him, and the perfect Parent. We will fall short of His example, but with His guidance, and our obedience to Him, we can repair what was broken. It may never be the same, but there is a possibility for something better- and only God can do that.
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, Titus 2:7 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. Psalm 71:20-21
Dear Heavenly Father, help our children who are hurting from our choices, and those of our spouses. Help us to be there for them, and show them unconditional love and support. Give healing and restoration, as only You can. I thank You for the precious gift of our children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Embarrassed by a Failed Marriage
We can say it over and over again, but it just isn't true. We DO care what others think of us. It's nice to pretend we don't, and to tell others it doesn't matter, but it doesn't make it true. While there is definite shame for the unfaithful spouse, I felt it as well.
I didn't realize it before, but my marital security and integrity were important to my pride. I like to appear to have it all together. I want others to see that my life is neat and tidy. I don't want to appear flawed and messy. I don't leave my house without make-up. I usually go to the grocery store in nice clothes, and freshly washed and styled hair. I like a clean car and a clean house. I want others to see my kids behaving. I want them to believe my husband is amazing, and that together, we have a great thing going. What I came to realize is this- I stunk of pride.
Why I held myself to this ridiculous standard, I don't know. But I do know that when our marriage fell apart, it further crushed my proud spirit, and caused embarrassment. What would people think? What will they say? I wanted to hide my marriage problems, because I was ashamed that I fell short of what others may think of me. How crazy this thought process was, and how short it fell from living in a meek and humble spirit. And a further shot to the heart is the reminder of what God says about pride- He hates it.
When I think of how Jesus lived, it is deeply humbling. He came from a poor family, in a nondescript town. He didn't have monetary possessions. He spent time with sinners. He had only one possession at the cross- His garment. This man, Who was God in flesh, had not one stitch of pride in His character, and He had every right to. When I think of His attitude, and then I see mine, I drop my head in shame. Shame that isn't about my circumstances, but about my heart. My pride had to be humbled if I were to serve Him the way He wants me to.
When I could release myself from the expectations I placed on myself, I felt a burden lifted. I still wear my make-up, and get dressed for the grocery store, but I'm not afraid to tell my story. I tell others that I'm messy and broken, and how God's grace is working in my life and my marriage. I don't try to hide my story from others, and felt relief at sharing our struggles. And when I let go of my pride, and allowed myself to be authentic about my situation, I found so many others that could relate to me. I didn't feel that connection when I lived in my pride, but I felt it when I allowed myself to be broken- just like everyone else.
For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3 ESV
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. Proverbs 18:12 ESV
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV
The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, in your lofty dwelling, who say in your heart, "Who will bring me down to the ground?" Obadiah 1:3 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live humbly before others, acknowledging my failures and shortcomings. These are things that show my need of You, and Your perfect ability to help me overcome them. I thank You for caring enough for me to show me my prideful heart, and change it. Help me to share my story with others, so they can see You woven throughout it. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I didn't realize it before, but my marital security and integrity were important to my pride. I like to appear to have it all together. I want others to see that my life is neat and tidy. I don't want to appear flawed and messy. I don't leave my house without make-up. I usually go to the grocery store in nice clothes, and freshly washed and styled hair. I like a clean car and a clean house. I want others to see my kids behaving. I want them to believe my husband is amazing, and that together, we have a great thing going. What I came to realize is this- I stunk of pride.
Why I held myself to this ridiculous standard, I don't know. But I do know that when our marriage fell apart, it further crushed my proud spirit, and caused embarrassment. What would people think? What will they say? I wanted to hide my marriage problems, because I was ashamed that I fell short of what others may think of me. How crazy this thought process was, and how short it fell from living in a meek and humble spirit. And a further shot to the heart is the reminder of what God says about pride- He hates it.
When I think of how Jesus lived, it is deeply humbling. He came from a poor family, in a nondescript town. He didn't have monetary possessions. He spent time with sinners. He had only one possession at the cross- His garment. This man, Who was God in flesh, had not one stitch of pride in His character, and He had every right to. When I think of His attitude, and then I see mine, I drop my head in shame. Shame that isn't about my circumstances, but about my heart. My pride had to be humbled if I were to serve Him the way He wants me to.
When I could release myself from the expectations I placed on myself, I felt a burden lifted. I still wear my make-up, and get dressed for the grocery store, but I'm not afraid to tell my story. I tell others that I'm messy and broken, and how God's grace is working in my life and my marriage. I don't try to hide my story from others, and felt relief at sharing our struggles. And when I let go of my pride, and allowed myself to be authentic about my situation, I found so many others that could relate to me. I didn't feel that connection when I lived in my pride, but I felt it when I allowed myself to be broken- just like everyone else.
For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3 ESV
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. Proverbs 18:12 ESV
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV
The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, in your lofty dwelling, who say in your heart, "Who will bring me down to the ground?" Obadiah 1:3 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live humbly before others, acknowledging my failures and shortcomings. These are things that show my need of You, and Your perfect ability to help me overcome them. I thank You for caring enough for me to show me my prideful heart, and change it. Help me to share my story with others, so they can see You woven throughout it. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Friday, January 18, 2019
Grace like Hosea
If we could see our whole life picture ahead of us when we choose someone to marry, I wonder what we would do differently. If you saw your spouse, unfaithful in the future, would it change your choice? What if they were repeatedly unfaithful, and caused you a great deal of hurt? Wouldn't you want to run from what you saw, and choose differently? And what if God asked you to marry that person anyways, what would you think about that?
There is a book in our Bible called Hosea- it's one of the minor prophets in the cleaner part of your Bible;) Hosea was instructed, by God, to marry an unfaithful woman. It seems pretty ludicrous, that God would ask this of him, but He did. I love how Hosea was obedient, and didn't pitch a fit- he simply obeyed. Gomer was an unfaithful wife that surely caused a lot of heartache for Hosea. But God had a reason, as He always does for what He asks of us.
In Gomer, He saw me; and in Hosea, He saw Himself. By requesting that Hosea marry Gomer, He was allowing a picture of His immeasurable grace. I am the unfaithful one, when it comes to God. And time and time again, He takes me back because that is His character- a God of love and endless grace. It doesn't make sense to us that He would reach out to us every time we turn away from Him, because it is against our nature. We like to hold on to grudges, and refuse to give grace and compassion to those that have hurt us, but when we refuse to extend grace, we are saying our standards are higher than His.
The older I get, the more I realize God asks hard things of us, sometimes. But He never does it to cause us pain or harm, He does it out of love- to make me more like Him. God led me to this book of Hosea often after my husband left, and I knew He had a reason. It popped up in my devotions, it popped up in sermons, and it popped up in conversations. I couldn't argue that He was asking me to apply this story to my own marriage.
If you're struggling with extending grace to the one who has betrayed you, remind yourself of the grace God shows you. Hosea didn't partially obey, he chose to be obedient, and love his unfaithful wife. This is a hard thing for our hearts to comprehend, and sometimes, we don't quite make it there. Other times, we may not be given the opportunity to repair what has happened. But if you do have the opportunity, and if you're willing to be like Hosea, you have an opportunity to be a picture of God's love towards us. In any situation, grace is yours to offer- and in it, you'll find freedom!
And from his fullness we all have received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, 2 Timothy 2:1 ESV
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. 2 Peter 3:18 ESV
But as you excel in everything- in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you- see that you excel in this act of grace also. 2 Corinthians 8:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to show grace like Hosea. In light of the grace You have shown me, I have no right to hold it back from others. Give me the strength to be liberal in extending it to those who have hurt me. I thank You for Your grace towards me, for it shows a love greater than I can understand. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
There is a book in our Bible called Hosea- it's one of the minor prophets in the cleaner part of your Bible;) Hosea was instructed, by God, to marry an unfaithful woman. It seems pretty ludicrous, that God would ask this of him, but He did. I love how Hosea was obedient, and didn't pitch a fit- he simply obeyed. Gomer was an unfaithful wife that surely caused a lot of heartache for Hosea. But God had a reason, as He always does for what He asks of us.
In Gomer, He saw me; and in Hosea, He saw Himself. By requesting that Hosea marry Gomer, He was allowing a picture of His immeasurable grace. I am the unfaithful one, when it comes to God. And time and time again, He takes me back because that is His character- a God of love and endless grace. It doesn't make sense to us that He would reach out to us every time we turn away from Him, because it is against our nature. We like to hold on to grudges, and refuse to give grace and compassion to those that have hurt us, but when we refuse to extend grace, we are saying our standards are higher than His.
The older I get, the more I realize God asks hard things of us, sometimes. But He never does it to cause us pain or harm, He does it out of love- to make me more like Him. God led me to this book of Hosea often after my husband left, and I knew He had a reason. It popped up in my devotions, it popped up in sermons, and it popped up in conversations. I couldn't argue that He was asking me to apply this story to my own marriage.
If you're struggling with extending grace to the one who has betrayed you, remind yourself of the grace God shows you. Hosea didn't partially obey, he chose to be obedient, and love his unfaithful wife. This is a hard thing for our hearts to comprehend, and sometimes, we don't quite make it there. Other times, we may not be given the opportunity to repair what has happened. But if you do have the opportunity, and if you're willing to be like Hosea, you have an opportunity to be a picture of God's love towards us. In any situation, grace is yours to offer- and in it, you'll find freedom!
And from his fullness we all have received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, 2 Timothy 2:1 ESV
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. 2 Peter 3:18 ESV
But as you excel in everything- in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you- see that you excel in this act of grace also. 2 Corinthians 8:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to show grace like Hosea. In light of the grace You have shown me, I have no right to hold it back from others. Give me the strength to be liberal in extending it to those who have hurt me. I thank You for Your grace towards me, for it shows a love greater than I can understand. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Limbo- A Season of Waiting
I am not one known for patience. I can be patient with people, but when it comes to life, I don't like to wait. If I decide to paint a bedroom on a whim, chances are the walls will be that color within 48 hours time. That's just me. If I have a spectacular gift for someone, I could be persuaded to give it early, because the anticipation kills me. So when I was called to wait on an ultimate answer for which direction my marriage would take, I was restless and impatient. I like quick fixes, not long periods of limbo.
I begged God for a quick fix. I wanted immediate answers. But quick fixes and immediate answers do not build trust in God. There are lessons in the season of limbo that we don't want to miss. As much as I wanted release from this season of pain, God wanted to change my heart and build up my faith in Him. As humans, we don't like painful seasons, but what can come out of them is beautiful.
In the time since my husband first left, there have been good days and bad days. We have drawn closer at times, and then torn apart again. Some days I believed we would reconcile, and others I wondered if it would end with a day in a lawyer's office, signing papers. My mind was in turmoil, and I grappled with gaining some sort of control over the situation. But God had other plans for me, and wanted to remind me Who is in control, and Who is best in control.
What I learned is that limbo is an opportunity. A quick release from my situation would have never grown my faith in God. I would have learned that life can right itself, and move on without really knowing Him. If you have never lived in a painful season of limbo, then you unfortunately don't know God in the same way. That's not to lessen your relationship with Him, but painful seasons draw us to His strength, comfort, hope, and voice, in a whole new way.
It's hard to not know our future regarding our marriages, but in reality, our future isn't known to us anyways. What can seem secure and permanent, can be removed in a moment. No matter what your situation is, God wants us to trust Him. If it's scary, and dark, and uncertain- trust Him. If it's bright, and promising, and optimistic- trust Him. Our circumstances don't define God's trustworthiness. Our marriages don't change His faithfulness. What we can know, and where we can find security, is in Him alone. If we are putting our faith and trust in anything or anyone else, we will experience disappointment. When we trust God in those low places, we will find the strength and courage to rise from them, knowing He is changing our character for His good purposes. So, if you're waiting, wait with patience- His will for you will be the very best, and worth waiting for!
The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:25 ESV
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to learn to trust You in all situations. It can be so hard to wait for answers, and yet You can use waiting to build my faith. While we don't know what tomorrow holds, we do know You are faithfully there. May I seek to follow Your will for my life, knowing any other way will lead to disappointment and pain. I thank You for being in my todays, and my tomorrows. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I begged God for a quick fix. I wanted immediate answers. But quick fixes and immediate answers do not build trust in God. There are lessons in the season of limbo that we don't want to miss. As much as I wanted release from this season of pain, God wanted to change my heart and build up my faith in Him. As humans, we don't like painful seasons, but what can come out of them is beautiful.
In the time since my husband first left, there have been good days and bad days. We have drawn closer at times, and then torn apart again. Some days I believed we would reconcile, and others I wondered if it would end with a day in a lawyer's office, signing papers. My mind was in turmoil, and I grappled with gaining some sort of control over the situation. But God had other plans for me, and wanted to remind me Who is in control, and Who is best in control.
What I learned is that limbo is an opportunity. A quick release from my situation would have never grown my faith in God. I would have learned that life can right itself, and move on without really knowing Him. If you have never lived in a painful season of limbo, then you unfortunately don't know God in the same way. That's not to lessen your relationship with Him, but painful seasons draw us to His strength, comfort, hope, and voice, in a whole new way.
It's hard to not know our future regarding our marriages, but in reality, our future isn't known to us anyways. What can seem secure and permanent, can be removed in a moment. No matter what your situation is, God wants us to trust Him. If it's scary, and dark, and uncertain- trust Him. If it's bright, and promising, and optimistic- trust Him. Our circumstances don't define God's trustworthiness. Our marriages don't change His faithfulness. What we can know, and where we can find security, is in Him alone. If we are putting our faith and trust in anything or anyone else, we will experience disappointment. When we trust God in those low places, we will find the strength and courage to rise from them, knowing He is changing our character for His good purposes. So, if you're waiting, wait with patience- His will for you will be the very best, and worth waiting for!
The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:25 ESV
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to learn to trust You in all situations. It can be so hard to wait for answers, and yet You can use waiting to build my faith. While we don't know what tomorrow holds, we do know You are faithfully there. May I seek to follow Your will for my life, knowing any other way will lead to disappointment and pain. I thank You for being in my todays, and my tomorrows. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Jealousy and Infidelity
He was mine. I loved him and called him mine for 25 years. I laughed with him, cried with him, served with him, and lived with him. He was my husband and no one else could say that about him. I like dessert. I really like chocolate cake, but if the piece is big enough, I will share with you. I like to share adventures, time, and advice- but I don't like to share my husband with another woman.
I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it.
If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
I tried pretty hard not to think about her, and often I was successful. But in the dark of night, when the house was silent and still, I wondered. What did she look like? How could she replace me? Why would she knowingly get involved with a married man? What did she say about me? What was she like? And again- what in the world did she look like??? I conjured up a mental picture that made me feel inferior. I disliked this woman, and wanted her gone.
I also wrestled with this truth- God loved her. Yes, He loves me, and He chose me for my husband, but He also loved her. He didn't like what she was doing, and He didn't want her for my husband, but it didn't change His love for her. You know how I know this? Jesus came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10), and I knew she was lost. Another example is found in Romans 5:8- But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That means He loved her too- and as much as I wished to despise her, I am called to something infinitely harder.
I will confess something to you- I have prayed for her, but not often enough, and my heart is lacking in love when I do. Our flesh wants revenge. I think of legitimate excuses for harm in the name of "crime of passion". And when I do this, I am guilty of sin. God asks us to love our enemies, and she was an enemy. It isn't a complicated math problem, it's a simple command from the God of the Universe. I wish it wasn't written in scripture, but it is (multiple times) and I can't ignore it.
If you have walked this road of being betrayed by your spouse, you know the feelings of jealousy and anger. It is not an easy road, and loving our enemy is definitely not easy. I don't have all the answers to the issues in our minds and hearts, but I do have scripture that tells me what I should do. I should pray for her, and love her. I am a work in progress, and I pray that God will give me a heart of compassion for this enemy. While my mind wants to go to dark places, I pray that instead, I will dwell on the Light of the World, and that He gives me a heart of grace for all. Loving someone that loves me back is easy, but loving our enemies is being like Christ. God help me in this today, and always.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, Luke 6:27 ESV
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live a life filled with grace. Not grace for only those who love me, but for those who are my enemies. Help me to pray for them and love them, knowing it is Your way for me. Remove jealousy from my heart, and allow me to live in the freedom of Your love and forgiveness. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
The Facade of the Perfect Marriage
I bet if you took a minute to think about it, you could come up with a few couples you would classify as the "perfect christian couple." This couple seems to have it all together- a nice home, a couple kids, decent job, involved in the community, and prominent in the church. Everyone loves them, and wants to be like them. People assume they have the perfect marriage and feel envious of them. That was us.
While we may be able to check off the boxes of what the world considered qualifications of being "that couple", there were things that were lacking. When our foundation is anything but Christ, it isn't solid enough. And because as Christians, we are all just sinners, saved by grace, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
I want to just point out that Hollywood movies and romantic fiction don't do us any favors. Those characters aren't realistic, and give us a false notion of what relationships are really like. Women are going to get upset that men don't romance them more. Men are going to leave the toilet seat up. Women will worry about crazy impossible things that could maybe, possibly happen to the kids;) Men will get stressed about money. These things are going to cause friction because we are just different creatures. Our differences can complement one another, or divide us.
Our marital cracks entered in the form of busyness. It is an issue that most couples face, but how we let it affect us is crucial. Another crack for us was coasting on auto-pilot. Marriage takes effort, and we often let other things take precedence. These seemed like legitimate issues initially, but Satan only needs little cracks to stick his foot in the door. If we are not guarding our marriages, and investing in them, we are opening them up to problems. If you are a husband, lead well. If you are a wife, encourage his leading and respect him. If you are a husband, love well. If you are a wife, return love and passion. These may seem elementary in nature, but they are important fundamentals to put in place.
No marriage is perfect. Don't fall for believing that about your marriage, or anyone else's. Each one of us is capable of falling to temptation, so arm yourself and be on guard. When we allow God to have priority in our marriages, we are more equipped to handle life's storms. Read and pray together. Serve together. Spend time together. Love one another- even when it's hard! Live and love authentically, allowing people to see the real you. When we share our imperfections, it draws others to us that have similar needs. So, I choose to thank God for my imperfections, and pray that they will point others to the only Perfect One, Jesus Christ!
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Romans 12:9 ESV
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 ESV
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, allow me to live authentically. I pray that my imperfections and failures will be used to point others to You. Help us to guard our marriages, and to fully invest in them. For broken marriages, I pray for healing and help. We thank You for accepting us, imperfect and sinful. You are compassionate and gracious, and I thank You for that, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
While we may be able to check off the boxes of what the world considered qualifications of being "that couple", there were things that were lacking. When our foundation is anything but Christ, it isn't solid enough. And because as Christians, we are all just sinners, saved by grace, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
I want to just point out that Hollywood movies and romantic fiction don't do us any favors. Those characters aren't realistic, and give us a false notion of what relationships are really like. Women are going to get upset that men don't romance them more. Men are going to leave the toilet seat up. Women will worry about crazy impossible things that could maybe, possibly happen to the kids;) Men will get stressed about money. These things are going to cause friction because we are just different creatures. Our differences can complement one another, or divide us.
Our marital cracks entered in the form of busyness. It is an issue that most couples face, but how we let it affect us is crucial. Another crack for us was coasting on auto-pilot. Marriage takes effort, and we often let other things take precedence. These seemed like legitimate issues initially, but Satan only needs little cracks to stick his foot in the door. If we are not guarding our marriages, and investing in them, we are opening them up to problems. If you are a husband, lead well. If you are a wife, encourage his leading and respect him. If you are a husband, love well. If you are a wife, return love and passion. These may seem elementary in nature, but they are important fundamentals to put in place.
No marriage is perfect. Don't fall for believing that about your marriage, or anyone else's. Each one of us is capable of falling to temptation, so arm yourself and be on guard. When we allow God to have priority in our marriages, we are more equipped to handle life's storms. Read and pray together. Serve together. Spend time together. Love one another- even when it's hard! Live and love authentically, allowing people to see the real you. When we share our imperfections, it draws others to us that have similar needs. So, I choose to thank God for my imperfections, and pray that they will point others to the only Perfect One, Jesus Christ!
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Romans 12:9 ESV
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 ESV
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, allow me to live authentically. I pray that my imperfections and failures will be used to point others to You. Help us to guard our marriages, and to fully invest in them. For broken marriages, I pray for healing and help. We thank You for accepting us, imperfect and sinful. You are compassionate and gracious, and I thank You for that, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Monday, January 14, 2019
Family Ties or Divide?
I have an amazing family and extended family. These are my people, and I love them. We are loud, and a little crazy. I have one sister, and two brothers, and tons of nieces and nephews. We all live in the same area and spend holidays together. These people are not just my family, they are my friends.
Family is fiercely loyal- at least mine is. We stick by each other through the good and the bad. This doesn't just apply to my siblings and parents, but extends to the older nieces and nephews as well. We don't believe that in-laws aren't equal to the original clan; we accept them as one of us. So when our marriage fell apart, it was painful to so many!
In family, we have a huge source of support and love. I am so thankful for that, and leaned heavily on them. Each one of them was always there for me, willing to help in any way. While I welcomed their comfort, I had to be careful. I had a lot of feelings and information that was painful- things that would be hard to hear and know. And while I had a burden I was carrying, I often felt the harder stuff was best not shared with them.
I was hurt and unsure of what the future would hold. Would we ever reconcile, or would this end in a painful divorce? Regardless of what had happened, I did love my husband (at least by choice). If we ever reconciled, I would be able to forgive the things he had done, but would they? If I shared really painful information with them, I could hinder those relationships from being restored if we decided to work things out.
This was, at times, a lonely journey. Had it not been for my husband's sister, I would have really struggled. I knew that his sister would continue to love him, no matter what I said. I knew she was praying for us all through the day and even during the night. I knew she loved me, and I knew she loved our children. She sent encouraging texts, scriptures and checked in often through the day. She was a safe place for my scariest thoughts, and I will always treasure her for that.
I want to encourage you to find a person like that. Choose wisely, and think about how this person will respond if you ever decide to reconcile. Don't automatically assume you won't reconcile- wait on God's timing and answer. We need someone we can take our feelings and thoughts to, knowing they will respond in love and with spiritual wisdom. But remember we have another valuable resource- our Heavenly Father! He is always with us, and longs to carry our burdens for us. He wants this valley to bring us close to Him and rely on His strength to see us through. I spoke to Him in my head, and I spoke to Him out loud. And you know what? The most wonderful thing happened when I talked to Him - He spoke back! Listen friends, really listen. He will speak, and you won't want to miss it!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
Blessed be the LORD, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah Psalm 68:19
How can I bear by myself the weight and burden of you and your strife? Deuteronomy 1:12 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for family. I pray that I will not say things to them that will cause division or anger. Help me to be wise in what I share, and who I share things with. May I always remember the resource I have in You- You long to carry my burdens for me, so I gratefully lay them at Your feet. Thank You for Your love for me, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Family is fiercely loyal- at least mine is. We stick by each other through the good and the bad. This doesn't just apply to my siblings and parents, but extends to the older nieces and nephews as well. We don't believe that in-laws aren't equal to the original clan; we accept them as one of us. So when our marriage fell apart, it was painful to so many!
In family, we have a huge source of support and love. I am so thankful for that, and leaned heavily on them. Each one of them was always there for me, willing to help in any way. While I welcomed their comfort, I had to be careful. I had a lot of feelings and information that was painful- things that would be hard to hear and know. And while I had a burden I was carrying, I often felt the harder stuff was best not shared with them.
I was hurt and unsure of what the future would hold. Would we ever reconcile, or would this end in a painful divorce? Regardless of what had happened, I did love my husband (at least by choice). If we ever reconciled, I would be able to forgive the things he had done, but would they? If I shared really painful information with them, I could hinder those relationships from being restored if we decided to work things out.
This was, at times, a lonely journey. Had it not been for my husband's sister, I would have really struggled. I knew that his sister would continue to love him, no matter what I said. I knew she was praying for us all through the day and even during the night. I knew she loved me, and I knew she loved our children. She sent encouraging texts, scriptures and checked in often through the day. She was a safe place for my scariest thoughts, and I will always treasure her for that.
I want to encourage you to find a person like that. Choose wisely, and think about how this person will respond if you ever decide to reconcile. Don't automatically assume you won't reconcile- wait on God's timing and answer. We need someone we can take our feelings and thoughts to, knowing they will respond in love and with spiritual wisdom. But remember we have another valuable resource- our Heavenly Father! He is always with us, and longs to carry our burdens for us. He wants this valley to bring us close to Him and rely on His strength to see us through. I spoke to Him in my head, and I spoke to Him out loud. And you know what? The most wonderful thing happened when I talked to Him - He spoke back! Listen friends, really listen. He will speak, and you won't want to miss it!
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
Blessed be the LORD, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah Psalm 68:19
How can I bear by myself the weight and burden of you and your strife? Deuteronomy 1:12 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for family. I pray that I will not say things to them that will cause division or anger. Help me to be wise in what I share, and who I share things with. May I always remember the resource I have in You- You long to carry my burdens for me, so I gratefully lay them at Your feet. Thank You for Your love for me, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Holding on to Hope
Have you ever hoped to win a million
dollars? I’ve actually wasted time imagining what I would do with it. Just in
case you wondered, I would pay off our house, our cars, and college for the
kids. I would probably take an exciting family vacation. And of course, give
some to something worth-while. This is me hoping in the impossible. But when it
comes to real life possibilities, there is always hope.
It’s easier to hope for the little things-
a sunny day after too many rainy days, a cup of coffee after a restless night
of sleep, or a shower after a workout. But for the bigger things- a good job,
buying a new house, or considering a move across the country, we can feel a
little stressed and unsure. Our hope can waver when it doesn’t seem there’s a
sure answer in the near future.
But then we hit a storm in life, and it’s
tough to have hope. I know, because it was something I had to constantly remind
myself of- hope in all situations. In fact, I put a reminder on my lock screen
on my phone that says: I wait for the LORD, my soul waits. And in His Word I
hope. Psalm 130:5. There is a story behind that...
It had been a particularly hard day. One where
we had made progress in our relationship, and then I found out he went back to her.
I was DEVASTATED. I spent a tear-filled night in bed, begging for something to
hold on to that would give me the hope I longed to keep. I could feel the Spirit
with me, but I had no answers. Then, in the morning, the verse of the day
arrived on my phone- it was Psalm 130:5 (the verse above). Wow! God speaks,
He really does. Hold on to hope, my friend. God really is able, and can do what
seems impossible. Just when we think there is no way possible, He opens a way. It may not be the way we thought it would be, but if He is in control, we can rest in knowing it's the very best way for us.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience Romans 8:25 ESV
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 ESV
For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me not to lose hope. You are the God of hope, and all things are possible with You. On the dark days, and in the sleepless nights, help me to remember Your power and might. You made the heavens and the earth. You designed the human body- so complex, and so orderly. You conquer our enemies, and You are always able. Thank You, Lord for being the source of my hope. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
ps- I almost posted this yesterday. And guess what the verse of the day was yesterday? Psalm 130:5;)
ps- I almost posted this yesterday. And guess what the verse of the day was yesterday? Psalm 130:5;)
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