The Gift of Heaven

 Looking down, the view was heartbreaking. Sin was rampant in every corner of the world. Lust, hatred, violence, and deceit. Lying, betrayal, pride, and jealousy. Sinful behavior resulted in crime, broken families, broken marriages, and broken hearts. It would be tempting to look away, and never allow the planned rescue, but that was not a part of God's plan.

Can you imagine the anticipation of Heaven, all through the period of time before Christ came? They waited—longing for the day He would come in human form as the ransom needed to redeem our sin, setting us free. The thrill they must've felt as the angel appeared to Mary, knowing the time was drawing ever so close. The stories we love to read from Matthew and Luke's gospels were known to them long before it ever happened. The star? The shepherds? The wisemen? The angels? All of these were placed right where they were needed to usher in the best gift this world has ever been given—Emmanuel, God with us.

If you're anything like me, you're busy right now. You're baking, decorating, shopping and wrapping. The tree is up, and you're basking in the warm glow of lights and the wonderful scents of Christmas. Cinnamon, clove, pine, and orange scents, are some of my favorites of the season. Even with all the differences this season with Covid 19, there are still many of the traditions we are enjoying as we anticipate the big day. And yet our anticipation pales in comparison to that of Heaven, as the day of His birth finally came to pass. They were sending the best—God's own Son. And even though Heaven knew He was our Rescue, they also knew the rest of the story.

The truth is, we didn't deserve that Gift. We certainly didn't merit a rescue, yet Scripture tells us love was the reason for both the Gift, and the motivation for the rescue. As humans, we can't understand a love like this. Our love is always based on relationship, or mutuality. God's love is unlike any love—unconditional, and unprejudiced. We can't earn it, because our sin disqualifies us. So when you think of this Gift—Jesus, we can't help but feel unspeakable joy for the sacrifice God made to send His Son to be our Rescue. 

It's easy to get sucked into the traditions of the season, allowing them to get much of our attention. These traditions are not bad—but they aren't the reason for all we enjoy and anticipate at Christmastime. The reason is Christ, and the great sacrifice of Heaven as they sent Him not only to be born, but to die so that we might have hope! I love to give gifts, and I love to receive gifts. It's an exciting part of the season. But there is no gift like the One Heaven sent, when they sent the long-awaited Messiah. Receiving Christ was the best gift I have ever been given. It will not expire, or go out of style. It won't break or disappoint. It's eternally valuable, and indescribably wonderful. May each of us who have received Him, remember the price Heaven paid to send this Gift to us. As we do enjoy the season, and all it brings—may our primary focus be on the beautiful Gift of Heaven, and may we remember to be thankful for our Savior's willingness to come down for us. 

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:14, ESV).

She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins (Matthew 1:21, ESV)." 

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman (Galatians 4:4, ESV)...

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the incredible Gift of Jesus—sent to save us from our sins and provide the Rescue we desperately needed. You are so good to us, and we thank You for Your willingness to redeem us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Who is He?

 Driving down the road, I often find myself praying—sometimes audibly, and sometimes silently, as I have free, uninterrupted time to speak to God. I have quite an extensive list of people I know with needs, and I have plenty of needs right in my own home. To be completely honest, I often find that about 95% of my prayer is focused on needs and wishes. I rattle them off in their usual order, adding in present day requests as they arise. It's not a bad thing to "let our requests me made known to God", but there is more to prayer than that. 

I was challenged recently by a message I heard about prayer, and how I oftentimes find myself asking the same thing over and over again, and not getting much of an answer to some of my own prayer requests. It can be frustrating, when we desperately wish for something, only to feel unheard (we aren't), or feel there is no clear answer from our Father. This message pointed out our attitude toward prayer, and how we often approach God in a way that is habitual and rote, standing in the way of our answers. We come bringing our needs, but aren't even expectant when we lay them before Him—and I know this is true of myself, at times. 

I recently had a real need that I had been taking before the Father, but again, it had been more of a habit in my asking. After hearing this broadcast on prayer, my heart was stricken for the callous and casual way I often approach Him for needs of my heart. As I got on my knees in the quiet of my home, I asked God to reveal to me just ten of the mighty things He had done, that we read of in scripture. As He revealed them to me, one by one, I spoke back to Him those miraculous displays of His awesome power. As I spoke each one of them, it became clearer and clearer to me that my prayer was just a drop in an ocean of His infinite power, and certainly easily handled by His hand. And you know what? Within the course of that very day, my prayer was answered!

The message of this post is certainly not from a point of authority, teaching the way to really pray. The real point I want to make here is for us to remember Who we are praying to—I needed that reminder. There are a few prayer sessions I've had with my Heavenly Father that will be forever engrained into my memory—that being one of them. Each of those times I distinctly remember Him speaking back to me in a very direct way. It is one of the reasons I do not have doubts regarding my salvation like I did when I was younger. If the Word of God did not reassure me (and It always can), those prayer sessions sure did. 

As we make prayer a part of our Christian journey, may we remember Who God is as we approach Him. I need this reminder often, but my experience recently refreshed my soul and gave me the courage to ask, knowing His perfect ability to answer. When our prayers align with His will, we are on good ground for receiving an answer. Will it always happen immediately? No—I've been made to wait many times, as God bolstered my patience and my faith as I continued to bring the same need before Him. But we know we can approach Him boldly—just as scripture reminds us, knowing He not only hears us, but longs to answer us. On the days I pray habitually and my heart is lacking, may He speak to me again, giving me courage and reminding me of His awesome power. As Jeremiah 32:27 reminds us, "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?" 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might (Ephesians 6:10, ESV).

But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26, ESV)."

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we ask of think, according to the power at work within us (Ephesians 3:20, ESV),

And what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might (Ephesians 1:19, ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to approach You in light of who You are. Help us to pray expectantly, and from our hearts. We know You long for us to bring our petitions before You, and so we pray that we will be more aware of how we approach You. Your power is limitless, and Your love is infinite. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!

Be an Encourager

 One of the most discouraging seasons of my life produced something infinitely valuable—those who stepped in as real encouragers to me. When you're down—really down, it's sometimes hard to muster the faith and courage within yourself to believe that somehow, you'll get through. You may have experienced circumstances that apart from God and His people, you have no doubt you would have hit the point of despair. And the reality is, we are rubbing shoulders with people this very day who are in similar circumstances; thick in the midst of their own personal trials and tragedy. It's easy to think you aren't the person to help, hoping someone else is more equipped for the task, but if you know of a need, at the very least, we can be their encouragers.

When my marriage fell apart back in 2017, a handful of people immediately come to mind who made that period of pain and heartache better, because they cared for me through their actions and words. While I was tempted often to hide away in the safety of my home, there were those who encouraged me to get up, and get out. If I missed an event or a church service, what I didn't need to hear were these words: "Where were you?, we missed you (which generally just meant why wasn't I where I was expected to be)." What I did need to hear were encouraging words like: "we are so thankful to see you today—I can imagine it must be hard to come, but we are so happy you did." The words we say to those who are hurting or spiritually struggling are so impactful, and because of that, we need to use the utmost care in how we speak.

We also can be encouragers to those who are spiritually struggling, rather than use words to bully them into biblical compliance. We can treat them in any of these three ways: indifference, unkindness that borders on threatening, or loving encouragement. As Christians, the only real choice should be number three, and anything other than the third choice will not bring about real spiritual change at the heart level. One of the best ways to look at this is through an example.

Eric grew up in a christian home, often in church services with two loving, godly parents. As Eric got older and made his own choices, he started down the wrong path, with the wrong friends, and his attendance became sporadic, at best, at his local church. One morning, he woke up and decided to go to church. When he walked in, he was tense, expecting people to question him and give him a hard time. Instead, an older man who was close to his Dad, came over and gave him a big hug. "Eric, how great to see you today! I was just praying for you last night, and thanking God for you and the blessing you are to all of us. I'd love to take you to lunch today, and catch up on all that's happening in your life. I've heard you're doing well in school, and I'd love to hear about your baseball season." Eric was greatly encouraged by this gentleman, and agreed to meet him for lunch. A door was opened for communication and connection through this man's love and encouragement.

Now Eric may be a made up story, but there are thousands of Erics around—and some of them may be in your circle of connections. You can choose to chastise his behavior, and further his discouragement, alienating him from God and His people. Or you can be someone who steps up to the plate and offers words that have power to touch the hearts of the lost or the hurting—possibly even bringing the wanderer back to the fold. There are so many things around us in this strange year of 2020 that may cause stress, anxiety and discouragement. There are also many discouragers out there—people who seemingly enjoy putting people down. As God's children, may that never be true of us. 

May we truly open our eyes to the people around us and when we see someone in need of encouragement, be there for them. Love them unconditionally. Trust that God will use you in ways you may never know the extent of, and that your willingness to encourage will be infectious to other believers following your example. As the body of Christ, it is our responsibility to look to the needs of others, and step in to help when we see a brother or sister who needs us.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV).

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (Proverbs 25:11, ESV).

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered (Proverbs 11:25, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, open our eyes to those around us who need encouragement and give us a heart of compassion for them. May we offer words that are like medicine to a wounded soul, and help build up the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

A Special Gift

It was Christmas morning, and the girl's loving father had really gone all out for her. With a real cost to his strict budget, he had splurged and had the most beautiful wooden rocking horse made for his daughter. With pinks and purples and touches of gold, it was a real work of art. It was the very best he could do for her, and he couldn't wait for Christmas morning. His wife had taken great care to wrap it in the prettiest paper she could find—tiny little unicorns wearing Santa hats. They got up early, anticipating her reaction, and waited on her to come out for her big Christmas surprise.

The little girl could hardly sleep. She hoped and wished with all of her being that she would get her dream pony. She had whispered her wish while sitting on Santa's lap, and now the moment had come. She ran from her room to look under the tree. Her parents were up waiting for her, and her eyes sparkled with excitement. Her parents sat waiting for her to pull open the paper and ribbon, their hearts so happy to sacrifice what they could almost not afford, to make their little girl smile. But as she tore open the paper and wrapping to see the little wooden horse, her eyes filled with tears and she tossed aside the gift with disappointment and sadness. This was no pony—it was not what she asked for. The parents were so sad as they realized their best gift for her was not what she wanted—the little girl was simply not satisfied.

If you are like me, you may think this little one needs a huge attitude adjustment, and you would be correct in your way of thinking. But if you look a little closer, you may see yourselves in her. I know I do. Because my Heavenly Father has given me spiritual gifts, and even though He generously gave them, I am often guilty of tossing them aside and not using them. Do you think our Father gave us gifts He didn't intend for us to use? How pointless that would be, and He does nothing without a clear purpose. 

Some of you may wonder what your spiritual gifts are, and if that's you, there are several great passages of scripture to refer to. If you really want to discover them through His Word, read 1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12 and Ephesians 4. While some may have more gifts than others, everyone who comes to know Christ as their Savior has been given at least one. Whether it's mercy, serving, leadership, discernment, giving, or one of the many others, there are various gifts He gives us—special to each one of us. It may also be helpful to ask someone else what they believe your gift is. Oftentimes, if it's being used, it's also being noticed by others.

Can you imagine, though, opening the gifts He gives us in the same manner this little girl opened her rocking horse? To be completely honest though, we often are like her. He has taken great care to generously give us our gift(s), and we often dismiss them as being unimportant or undesirable. We wanted something else—something we believed to be better for us. Do you think our Heavenly Father is also disappointed and hurt by our lack of care for our spiritual gifts, just like the Dad from our illustration? I would imagine it does disappoint Him and shows our lack of love and care for what He has given to us.

The flip side is that we also miss out when we pass over our spiritual gifts. There are certain gifts that God has uniquely given to me, and when I use them, they bring me purpose and joy. If I've been given the gift of hospitality and then stop inviting people over, I'm not exercising my gift, and ignoring the work God has for me to do through my spiritual gift. I may say I would prefer the gift of leadership, and when I try to force my way into leading, it won't be done with the same purpose or ability, because it isn't meant for me. 

What a waste it would be if this little girl never played with her beautiful wooden horse. The purpose of the horse—her enjoyment, would be lost if she didn't actually accept her gift and use it. Our gifts have been given with intentionality. There is a purpose behind each one and our usefulness in kingdom work is directly impacted by our willingness to know our gifts, and to use them to serve. Let's be mindful of exercising the gifts our loving God has given us—understanding that it will be a blessing to others, and will in turn, bring joy to our Heavenly Father as we serve Him.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace (1 Peter 4:10, ESV):

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4, ESV);

All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills (1 Corinthians 12:11, ESV).

Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, (1 Corinthians 14:1a, ESV)...

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for giving us gifts—gifts we should be using to fulfill our purpose in the body of Christ. Help us to identify them, and then be willing to exercise these gifts and not forget the work You've fitted us for. In Your name we pray, Amen!

A Visit to My Past

 Maybe some of you have thought about what you would write in a letter to yourself, should you be able to write one to the young version of you. Would you warn yourself of future mistakes, and tell yourself things to do to avoid them? Would you tell yourself not to worry about all the little things, and instead, focus on the big picture? Or maybe you would tell yourself to listen to the advice of parents, or godly friends who were seeking to lead you to better paths than the one you would choose. Whatever, the case, we all have lived and learned and through our victories and poor decisions, we've become who we are right now. 

I look back at myself as a young girl of eleven, trusting Jesus to be my personal Savior. Skinny legs and bucktoothed and innocent, I was just getting started in life. I was naive, bright-eyed, compliant, and timid. Life is pretty uncomplicated at eleven. Nothing major had shook the foundation of my life. Not death. Not sickness. Not relationship struggles. No financial strains or big decisions to make. No real responsibilities. No—life was easy for me as a little girl. And because of the lack of the pressures of life, my knowledge of Jesus lacked depth. My eleven year old self trusted Him as my Savior, but knew little about Him in a personal way at that time.

Fast forward almost four decades, and I wish I could sit beside that eleven year old girl, and give some advice. It would not include anything about making different decisions as much as it would be about encouraging myself to know that God would walk each wrong one, and each right one, right beside me. I would tell myself that hurt is real. Betrayal is devastating. Sickness can be discouraging. Parenting is tough. Marriage is work. Money can run short. Anxiety is a battle. Death shatters hearts. Bad decisions will be made. But no matter how low you may feel some days, God will make Himself known to you in those low places. I would encourage her in knowing that for the bad seasons that would surely come, there would be so many wonderful seasons—seasons of joy, hope and love. "Don't get discouraged and give up", I'd say.

Stepping away from looking back, I can really look at where I am today. I see how prayer has changed not only me, but circumstances. Over and over again, I've seen it happen. I see how God's Word really is living and active and gives us discernment and help. It's bursting full of wisdom, instruction, encouragement, and hope. On days when my heart was so broken, His Word soothed my wounds. I've heard His voice when I desperately needed to, giving me hope and strength for the moment. He's healed me many times. He intimately cares for me, for my marriage, for my family and my loved ones. His Spirit within me has been the constant that always, always carries me through.

Yes, life would be hard. Life is hard. But without all of the hard stuff, I would not have the opportunity to grow and to really know more of Jesus. And because that isn't best for me, I will have many challenges along the way. These are for my good, and not meant to destroy me or diminish my faith. Some would love to go back and do life differently, and I get it, because mistakes can be painful. Mistakes can hurt others as well as myself. But for me, I can see how all of the hard situations and hurt led me to a better place—they all led me to the arms of Jesus. And the more time I spend there, the more I know Him. The more I know Him, the more I love Him. 

So a message to my eleven year old self would be this:He is real. He is faithful. When everything seems wrong and impossible, that's when you see Him best. You'll learn to know Him, because you always need Him. But if you had an easy road ahead, you'd miss out on so much. You'll always be a work in progress, until the day the Lord calls you home. Keep pushing forward though, knowing it's a race, but that the prize is worth it. You are so loved, and you need His love to see you through. God is using every situation in your experience to make you ultimately aware of His plan for you, and His purpose for your life. So keep going, little one. Be courageous and strong, because He is Your Rock. Lots and lots of love, an older and wiser me.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9, ESV)."

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17, ESV).

...And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20b, ESV)."

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed (Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV)."

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for walking through life with me. It's such a privilege and blessing to know You are with me in all things—whether good or bad. May I remember that the hard seasons drive me closer to You, and without them, my relationship with You would be shallow on my part. Give me Your strength for all that's ahead, and hope that You will carry me through every situation. In Your name I pray, Amen!

The Jealousy Of Cain

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” (Genesis 4:3-6, 8, 10-12 ESV)

Jealousy. A sin we easily commit daily. We play the comparison game and often feel like we are getting the short end of the stick. They have more money. He has a better job. She has a better body. They have a nicer home. She has trouble-free kids. His wife is sweeter than mine. Her husband is more attentive. Dangerous, jealous thoughts enter our minds and steal the joy of our own marriage blessings. It's an unhealthy game we often play, and it never leads to good. 

Cain had a pretty good situation going on for him. He was an accomplished farmer. He had been blessed with a green thumb, and before his curse, the ground easily produced for him. He was just missing one thing- a heart for God. This one missing character trait cost him everything. He was jealous of his younger brother, Abel. Abel understood God’s requirements regarding sacrifice, and took great care to give an acceptable offering. Cain hated his brother for outshining him in the presence of God. This led to a jealousy that turned his heart and hands to murder his very own brother. The price of this evil deed led to a curse on Cain that was almost too much for him to bear. Because jealousy and envy does that-it destroys and steals. 

Jealousy is a dangerous enemy to marriage. We can find ourselves feeling bitter about our spouse’s shortcomings when we shift our gaze to other couples and begin making comparisons. What we aren’t seeing, is the inside, day-to-day struggles, we all face in the confines and privacy of our own homes. Nobody is perfect, and no one has it all, no matter what you think you observe in them. Instead of wishing for something someone else has, why not invest that energy into bettering ourselves and our own marriage? When we put in the effort, even if its one-sided, our marriage will be much better for it. 

One of the best ways to get rid of jealousy is voicing gratitude for what you’ve been given. The more you do it, the more natural it will become to have a heart of thankfulness for your spouse. Then thank God for your spouse, and focus on their positive attributes. Don't take them for granted. Talk to your spouse about their strengths, and let them know what you specifically appreciate about them. The more we focus on being grateful, the more jealousy will not take root and destroy. Don’t be like Cain. Satan will try any tactic to destroy the joy in your marriage. Refuse to allow jealousy to lessen the gift you have been given in your own spouse. Your marriage is the one to focus one. Anything different will only lead to discontent. 

*What are you specifically jealous of? Take a moment to think of even one thing that is a dangerous jealous thought, standing in the way of fully enjoying your own marriage. 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the blessing of marriage-my marriage. Help us guard our hearts against jealousy, as it can easily cause us to be full of discontentment in all of our relationships-especially the one I share with my spouse. Thank You for the gift we have in one another. Help us to regularly speak thankfulness for the one you’ve given to us. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen.

 

Neglecting to do What's Right

My personal readings lately have been convicting me of a biblical truth I have often neglected. In an easy to understand message, and yet often overlooked, James reminds us of this very simple truth: "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17, ESV)." It isn't complicated. It's not a mysterious statement. It's a very straight forward declaration, and one that I often fail to practice in my own life. Because it isn't about me not understanding, nearly as much as it is about my willingness to obey what I already know.

Can you relate? Have you been there many more times than you'd care to remember? You see, the Bible isn't an out-of-date, antiquated set of rules that were for another time and place-it's as relevant today as it was the day it was written. Yet we often want to argue away our sin, because it makes us vulnerable and accountable before a holy God. Misusing company time? Overspending because we covet? Wanting what isn't mine to take? Sex before marriage? "That's so anti-2020", many would say. Shouldn't we try out our partner before we commit to them for the rest of our lives? Shouldn't we make sure there is good chemistry between us? All it takes is a few simple biblical references, to know what God thinks about this vein of thinking-it's sin and knowing what His Word says, yet refusing to obey, makes us guilty and in need of repentance. 

We are a people who embrace a God of grace. A God who forgives us and showers us with His mercy is well within our comfort zone. We love this aspect of God, and prefer thinking of Him in light of His grace and mercy-who wouldn't? And while it really is a big part of who He is, there is much more to Him. By His grace my sin is washed away. His mercy and love moved Him to redeem me through His sacrifice on the cross. But I can't only be a taker of what Jesus has done without giving something back-unless my love is shallow and my heart lacks true gratitude. When it does, I will find myself living with a lack of obedience to the Word of God, and His Spirit within me. 

Here are some less obvious ways James 4:17 may be applied in my life. These may be a little more relatable. I see someone in need and turn my head, knowing someone else will come along to help. I stand in a group of gossipers, and instead of speaking up in defense of the person being discussed, I remain quiet and possibly even join in. I can't afford to buy a pair of expensive shoes, so I charge them because I refuse to deny myself this luxury. I make promises to pray for a struggling sister, then never give it another moment's thought. These are real life, every day examples of disobedience to this scripture passage, and with each, we would be guilty before God. It may not seem like a big deal, but each time we don't do what we know in our hearts is right-we sin. 

The best way to become more aware of this sin pattern, is to give greater thought to our actions. As we discipline ourselves to pay attention, a new habit will be established-a habit that reminds us to do what we know is right. Sometimes, this will require me to re-arrange my schedule. Sometimes, I may have to stop my online window shopping. At times, I may have to either walk away, or speak up-even though it makes me uncomfortable. Acting the way we know we should will require sacrifice. It won't usually be easy, and sometimes the cost will be greater than I anticipated. I can candidly say I wrestle in this area, and often come up short. I write this to my own heart, just as I share it with yours. May each of us put the truth of this verse deep into our hearts and our minds. Starting today, pay greater attention to the choices you make, and ask yourself if they line up with God's Word. When they don't, may God open our eyes and our hearts to making the choice to do what is right-even when we don't really want to. 

Dear Heavenly Father, touch our hearts with this truth written in James many years ago. My flesh wars against doing what is right so often, and I find myself giving in, resulting in sin and creating distance from You, Father. Help me to pay more attention to what I do, and to make the choice to do what is right-not what I want to do. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Real Me

Posturing is something we're all guilty of. We talk ourselves up when we first meet someone, and try to put our best self forward. Who would want to meet up with us a second time if we introduced ourselves and divulged all of our shortcomings right from the start? "Hey, I'm Ruth, and I tend to hold people to my standards, and have a problem with thinking I'm better than I really am." Or, "Hey there, I try to control people's behavior, by dropping comments that are meant to manipulate their response." If I presented myself in light of all my flaws, I would have zero friends, and no husband. And so we do our best to hide our imperfections, hoping to make connections with people before they know we have a laundry list of real issues. But spend a little time with someone and those flaws begin to come to the surface. We begin to notice that they have their own deficiencies, and we find that the real versions of each of you are different than when you first met.

Genuine relationships can't be built when authenticity isn't present. Have you ever struck up a friendship with someone, only to realize that they were completely different when you really got to know them? Sometimes these differences make your personalities clash, and you drift apart. And other times, you find that they become unexpected lifelong friends. But it takes spending time together, and communicating well, to uncover the real version of a person. This is because initial meetings generally lack a depth of sharing the deepest part of who we are-the good along with the bad.

I remember a friend that met a charming young man-attentive and attractive. He doted on her and she thought she struck gold. He took her to nice restaurants, bought her jewelry, and complimented her often. But the more time she spent with him, the more his hidden flaws began to surface. He was no longer charming, but rather manipulative and abusive. What she initially saw in him was a cover up for who he really was. She felt duped, embarrassed, and heartbroken. This is often the case in abusive relationships, as no one would sign up for that kind of treatment if they knew their true nature from the start. And while this is an extreme version of hiding our flaws, we all do it to an extent.

Nothing uncovers the "real me" quite like marriage. Living with someone 24/7 makes it impossible to hide all our flaws-even though we may be successful in hiding some of them. While we won't be able to hide our tendency for being messy, oversleeping, being habitually late, being a bad cook, or losing things, we will be able to hide more secretive things like a pornography addiction, overspending, lying or flirting with co-workers. But when our true identity isn't known to our spouse or our closest friends, we lack the support we desperately need to help us in our weaknesses. And so I need to let the ugly out, in vulnerability and honesty before those we allow to truly know us, because I need that accountability and the depth that comes from being loved despite our failures.

No matter how successful we may be in hiding from others, we know that God really knows us. There isn't anything we can hide from Him-He sees it all. He sees that I have a Pharisee's heart, an honesty that teeters on being brutal, and a tendency to pout when I don't get my way. I try my best to hide these behaviors-especially around new people, but in the deepest part of me, these sinful tendencies lurk. Yet I love how God doesn't write me off, and refuse to love me because of my shortcomings. He knows me intimately and completely, and yet He sees past all of the junk and offers me Himself-fully able to step into my faults and transform me. 

One thing that's become clear to me the older I get is how important it is to let people in and allow them to know the real me. I need relationships like that-deep, and honest in nature. People that will call me out when necessary, and also encourage me when I need it most. If I refuse to open up, I miss out on what's best for me, and my relationships will suffer from lack of authenticity. Hiding our flaws won't help us find victory over them. In my closest relationships, I need to be open to constructive criticism, accepting that there are areas of my true self which really do need a makeover. We often want to make positive changes in ourselves, yet lack the courage to face our worst character flaws, and then exercise discipline to make necessary changes.

What flaws are you hiding in your relationships? Whatever it is, your relationship cannot be genuine if you continue to conceal the areas you wrestle with the most. And when we really love someone, we should be willing to step in and be a help when they are vulnerable enough to share their shortcomings with us. It won't help to judge them and treat them with a condescending manner. Instead, what they likely would appreciate would be your ability to listen, encourage and share the love of Christ. The people who really know me somehow still choose to love me. Loving me in spite of my faults makes their love not only special, but real. Let's be authentic in our relationships, and trust that God has placed people in our lives that will help us be the best version of ourselves, calling us to live more like our Savior. And for those who do this for me, my heart is so grateful, and I thank God for those special relationships. Being genuine takes courage, but when we stand in the strength of our Lord, we have no reason to doubt or fear.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good (Romans 12:9, ESV).

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working (James 5:16, ESV).

Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him (Proverbs 30:5, ESV).

God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship him in spirit and truth (John 4:24, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to be more authentic with others, bringing to light the things I try so hard to hide. May I find love and compassion when I am courageous enough to share the ugliest parts of me. I thank You, Father, that despite all of my flaws, You loved me so much that You died to redeem me. In Your name I pray, Amen!

 

The Power of Rest

 She lay in bed wide awake, her heart slamming in her chest. Her mind literally buzzed with activity. Should she even be in bed, she thought, with all the "yet-to-do" list she mentally tallied in her mind? Deadlines. Laundry. Family picture day with color coordinated clothes. Company coming for dinner. Re-painting the bathroom. A doctor's appointment for a long overdo mammogram. Getting packed for a quick getaway, and making lists for the house sitter. Getting her Sunday School lesson planned. The more she thought about it all, the more sleep eluded her. Why was she foolish enough to even think of sleeping when all of these responsibilities stretched before her? The more she thought, the shorter her breath felt. Was it a heart attack, or just anxiety? Would she even know if she were having a heart attack, or would she die because she ignored the signs, thinking it was just a panic attack?

                   "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden

                    and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

To some of you, this may sound ludicrous. Do sane people really think this way? The truth is, 18.9 % of Americans deal with anxiety every year. And nearly half of all Americans consider themselves to be modern-day workaholics. The average American worker works approximately 4 hours for free each week, and spends another 4 hours a week thinking and planning for work. Essentially, they are working an extra day a week without pay, and without much needed rest. Do you think the drive to overwork ourselves has an impact on anxiety and stress? I think that's a no-brainer there-absolutely! 

                   "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place

                    and rest a while (Mark 6:31)."

The best example of how to handle responsibilities and pressure is to look at Jesus. God the Father showed us the first example of the need for rest in Genesis when He created the Earth, and all living things. He worked for 6 days, but on the 7th day, God rested. He didn't spend that 7th day planning for the next day, or worrying about what He needed to do next. He didn't feel guilty about taking a day of rest, nor did He fill it up with social activities that led to further exhaustion-it simply said He rested. And we read of Jesus' real need of rest as well. From feeding thousands, to healing countless sick people, to answering the questions of those clever and trying to trap Him with His words, we can only imagine how tired and weary He often felt. Jesus was absolutely never lazy, but He did long for peace, rest, quiet and times of refreshment praying to the Father. Both God and His Son, Jesus, understood the importance and necessity of rest.

                 "My presence will go with you, and I will give you

                  rest (Exodus 33:14)."

We often boast about our many accomplishments and the work we do. We love to tell others how busy we are, and feel inadequate if we don't rattle off a list of waiting responsibilities. The busier we are, the more productive we feel others view us. But oftentimes, our busyness alienates us from God's true purpose in our lives-serving Him and serving others! If I'm too busy to hear His voice, then I'm too busy. If I'm working so much that I am not available to those with real needs, then I'm working too much. If I'm stressed and anxious, maybe I need to consider my workload. In the world, being a workaholic may have a ring to it that is acceptable, and even admired. But as a Christian, being a workaholic leaves little room for kingdom work-work that has eternal value and reward. 

                 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O

                  LORD, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8)."

When we pour most of our lives into our careers, we are pouring short in areas that matter most:relationships and building up the kingdom of God. Have you been that person, laying in bed with a pounding heart as you contemplate your list of responsibilities? This isn't the way God has for us, and He, Himself, gave us the pattern of the need for rest and refreshment. No guilt. No shame. Just a real need to withdraw from our duties, and refresh our souls and bodies. May we follow the example He has set before us. And may we not pour most of our efforts into things that have no lasting value for eternity. Ask God today to help you better serve Him and re-evaluate your priorities, and when you do-be prepared for some much needed rest!

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our constant pursuit of worldly gain in our careers and in our work, and for neglecting real rest. Our rest is necessary for our physical, emotional and spiritual health, and we often are unhealthy in these areas because we neglect rest. Help us follow the pattern set before us in scripture, and quiet our souls in sleep and fellowship with our Father. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Importance of Belonging

 New social situations have always been difficult for me. You may not think that would be true if you know me, but I struggle with walking in a room of strangers and feeling comfortable. The older I've gotten, the more confident I feel in these situations, but I still wouldn't choose it. But when I was younger, the first day of college classes had my stomach in knots, and my breath a little short. There is no way to assess the layout of the classroom ahead of time-you simply open the door and then quickly decide where to sit and what to do. I also remember the new world of attending business networking events where I would walk in a restaurant, know almost no one, and have to find my way into the group. Why are these uncomfortable situations for most of us? It all comes down to our real need to belong and to feel accepted by others.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "I don't care what people think about me"! And while it's an easy thing to say, it's almost impossible to fully believe. I don't honestly know anyone who would walk into a room full of strangers whispering and glancing their way, and not feel uncomfortable and upset. I remember studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs in sociology, a theory made up of the five essential human needs. And guess what made the list?-belonging! Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. This group can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, fellow believers or strangers. If you are human, you need to belong.

For many of us, it's a lifelong struggle. Even when you do find yourself in a group of familiar people, you question others thoughts of you. You wonder if shared glances and whispers are being made at your expense. You may feel inferior to certain members of your circle of friends or acquaintances. "So-and-so" makes more money than you. Someone else is more physically attractive. Everyone laughs at her jokes, but yours don't bring the same bang. Your co-worker may be the brains behind the project, making you feel inadequate. We come up with a million little reasons why we aren't quite accepted, and doubt our worth and ability to "belong" in this group. And when we do this, we feel less about ourselves than who God created us to be.

I think one of the most refreshing and amazing aspects of being in God's family, is how readily He accepts us. We don't deserve to be in this beautiful family, but through the blood of Jesus, we are made acceptable. In the darkest place of my life, the Son of God came into that space, seeking my rescue. If ever there was a time I wasn't acceptable, it was in the darkness of my sin, and yet the love of Christ was demonstrated in how He chose to meet me in that place. By His blood, I was made right before the Father. God's family is full of misfits-me being one of them. And yet when we come together, we belong because we have been adopted into the family.

When I think of how God sees me as His daughter, it should chase away my insecurities. Not in a way that makes me prideful, but in a humbling way, I can walk in the confidence of His love. Even if people choose to ignore me and not make me feel welcome. Even when I am surrounded by strangers. Because the truth is, I really don't belong here. I wasn't made to fit in with the world-I was made for heaven. Somedays this truth escapes me and I allow Satan to whisper words that cause me to feel anxious and unsure of myself. But I hope that the next time I feel a sense of anxiety in the presence of strangers or those who aren't welcoming, that I will remember who I really am. I pray I'll remember that I am a child of God, and in His Kingdom, I am always accepted. May each of us feel a real sense of belonging when we think of our identity in the best family of all-the family of God!

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12, ESV),

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (Romans 12:5, ESV).

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19, ESV),

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God (Romans 15:7, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting us. The cost was high-the very blood of Your Son, and we acknowledge this truth and offer our thanksgiving. Help us to remember when doubts and insecurities creep in, that we belong to Your family and nothing can change that. Help us to walk in Your love, and welcome others in the way you welcomed us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

An Ephesians 5 Wife

 Maybe you've witnessed it like I have, and it made you cringe. A woman, mad at her husband, smacks him out of anger. People stare-amused, and some even laugh; but not me. If anything, it makes me sad and it shows disregard for what Ephesians 5 has to say about our role as a wife. Just because we are the "weaker vessel," doesn't give us authority to show this ultimate display of blatant disrespect. And while this way of being disrespectful is obvious, there are more subtle ways of disrespect that I often am guilty of. So, what can we learn from Ephesians 5 about being a godly wife? I would like to insert the scripture right here, so we can uncover the truth about being the wife God wants us to be.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:27)."

"However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)."

First, we have the instruction to submit to our husbands, and as modern-day women, this word makes us squirm. We live in a world that is about serving self, making submission feels repressive. Truthfully if practiced God's way, this is a completely inaccurate thought. We aren't asked to be a doormat, or to be treated as one, but rather to encourage leadership in our husbands. While this subject is too big to limit to one blog post, the idea behind it is one that encourages the husband to love his wife as himself, and lead by love. I love how Dr. James Dobson made this statement: "The relationship isn't of master to servant; it's of lover and beloved." The women is not inferior to the man, she simply accepts his godly, loving leadership and allows him to guide her-offering security and support. 

But the bigger point of my blog post today falls into the final instruction to wives in Ephesians chapter 5~respect your husband! While I certainly don't physically assault my husband, I confess to failing to respect him at times. Disrespect is so rampant in our culture that we are often de-sensitized to how we transfer this behavior to our relationships without really realizing it. We may point out the faults of our husband to our girlfriends, or even in a social setting right in front of him (I've been guilty). We criticize him or pick jokes at his expense in front of the kids. We correct him in front of others, belittling his self-confidence. We laugh at something he is sensitive about. There are so many examples of disrespect that are oftentimes deemed socially normal, but fall short of what scripture teaches. This behavior tears down the spirit of our husband and is a cancer to his self-confidence and ability to lead well.  

It's pretty commonplace to respect authority in the workplace. We generally don't speak rudely to our boss, refuse to listen to the CEO, or disregard the suggestions of the one who signs our paycheck. And we certainly wouldn't physically assault them, as that would surely land us out of a job, and behind bars. We show respect to our boss because they have a position of authority over us. There is purpose in their position, and they are looking out for the good of the whole. Their leadership is for our good, and benefits all who submit to their authority. It's crazy how we readily accept their authority, and willingly respect them, yet often fail to show our husbands the respect they need. 

If there is a lesson we can learn today about being an Ephesians 5 wife, I pray it finds us more mindful of how we are treating our husbands. I pray our hearts would be changed by this scripture passage, and that we would remove any areas of disrespect we find in our own marriages and relationships. They so easily sneak in, and they are like poison to a healthy, godly union. God placed this passage in His Word because He is a good Father who knows what we need the most. I pray as a wife, these words will change me, and transform the way I treat my spouse. Just as a boss's leadership benefits the whole, the loving leadership of our husbands is for the good of our marriage and our family. May I never minimize the truth of this, and demonstrate behavior and actions that align with giving him respect.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word gives us instruction for being the wife You want us to be. Help us to submit to Your ways, and in turn, submit and respect our husbands. May we remember that our marriage is a picture of Your relationship with the body of Christ, and the seriousness of that responsibility. May we be a clear picture of an Ephesians 5 wife, bringing glory to You, Lord. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Life's Second Biggest Decision

 I have a confession to make, and I hope I don't cause any of you women readers to fall into the same obsession as me. I love Freebird boots, and can't seem to stop perusing their website, trying to choose my next pair. They are hand-made, and the sizes can be slightly off, so I read and read and read all the reviews in hopes of choosing the right size. I never buy them without some sort of promotional discount, but the best I usually get is 20% off. If they are discounted, the company won't accept returns or exchanges, so it's very important to choose precisely. There is an actual hashtag for #freebirdaddiction, and I guess I can say that resonates with me. And while choosing the perfect new pair of Freebirds has a cost investment, it won't ultimately change my life if I choose wrong.

Choices-we make them every day. Some are bigger and some are less consequential. I choose what to feed my family for dinner, I choose what to wear each day, and I choose where I need to go. All of these choices and decisions are pretty unimportant, and won't generally make a huge impact on my life. Then I find myself making bigger decisions. Where would I go to college? What do I want to do with my life? Should we buy a new car or a new house? Are we ready to be parents? Where does God want me to serve Him? These decisions are much more impactful, and need careful consideration when making a choice. 

Life's biggest decision is the choice we make about Jesus Christ. Will we accept His free gift of salvation and allow Him to wash us clean of our sin and guilt, or will we ignore His gift and ultimately find ourselves eternally separated from God in a place of eternal punishment? Because this decision affects not only this life, but our eternal destiny, it's obviously the big one. And yet many people ignore His calling, and live a self-centered life, seeking pleasure and their own way. If you haven't yet made the decision to be a follower of Jesus, I urge you to choose Christ and accept His free gift today. This is the most urgent issue we face, and should be treated with seriousness and without hesitation. 

But what's second in importance? What other decision has a huge impact on our life? I can't think of one more important than choosing a spouse. This choice should be given careful consideration, and should include a lot more than just physical attraction. Are you both on the same spiritual page? Do you have a similar desire to allow God to lead you in your lives together? Do you feel safe and secure with this person? Are there multiple red flags? Have you spent enough time together to really know one another? Do you share a future vision that you are mutually happy with? Do you both want a family? Are you committed to stay together, and learn from the things that make you so different? 

Even after we make our choice, there will be issues that arise through the years. You'll disagree. You'll find certain habits annoying. Our spouse could become disabled or disfigured. They may lose their job or fall into periods of depression. They may gain weight or lose their hair. They'll get wrinkles, and wear their favorite shirt over and over again, even though you strongly dislike it. They'll leave clothes on the floor, and chew louder than you prefer. There will be a host of reasons why this person you chose so carefully, will occasionally drive you crazy. But here comes another very important choice-will you stay? Will you stay when life gets hard, and life changes each of you? 

Marriage is such an important decision, because it's to last a lifetime. There shouldn't be an escape clause. This person is your person-flesh of your flesh. You have become essentially one when God joined the two of you together. So many people throw in the towel and walk away, only to be let down that the next person isn't perfect either. And so I want to encourage any who have not made this choice yet to choose well. Look past the exterior, and look deep at the heart. Is this a heart you trust and respect? Is this person someone you are excited to share your whole life with? Will this person be strength in your weak areas, and will you decide to love them-no matter what?

Our spouse will bring us joy and disappointment. And we will bring out those same feelings in our husband or wife. We aren't promised an easy road as God's children-but rather that we will be called to identify with suffering like Jesus did. That means sometimes life is hard, and bad things will happen. Looking at my own marriage, I am thankful for the choice I made. Some seasons have been difficult and heartbreaking, but most have been joy-filled. And the seasons that were hard, ultimately brought us closer together. Our journey is a story we have made and lived out together. God has revealed great purpose in our love story, and I am blessed each day to be living out His plans for us. So, weigh your decisions and seek His best for you. And just in case anyone wondered, my next pair of Freebirds are on the way! 

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him (James 1:5, ESV).

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:6, ESV).

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you (Psalm 32:8, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, may we seek Your way for us in our lives. We confess our need to bring our decisions before You, waiting on Your best for us, and yet we often choose without consulting Your Word. Help us to remember the value in seeking Your Word when we are faced with decisions-especially in choosing a spouse. We thank You for Your grace, mercy and wisdom. In Your name we pray, Amen!

**There are certain circumstances where it is biblical to leave. If your safety is in jeopardy, or the safety of your children, please seek shelter and help. There are other situations, such as infidelity, that may cause one to leave a marriage. But in most cases (not all, but most) , healing and restoration is possible.

Not Your Average Soldier

 There is something awe inspiring about a Navy Seal. It brings to mind post-9/11 images of men capturing hostages in the most extreme cases in the Middle East. It conjures up memories of the capture and assassination of Saddam Hussein, and the harrowing training and complications associated with this feat. A Seal is the cream of the crop, and requires intense training and skill in order to carry out the responsibilities of their job. Not just anyone can be a Seal, and most of us would not be able to pass the rigorous standards required for the position.

First, a Seal must be a man under the age of 28 (I'm out). They must also be an active-member of the U.S Navy. A Seal must have great vision-not just 20/20, but at least 20/40 in one eye, and 20/70 in the other. They must be a U.S. citizen and pass physical screening that has set requirements for swimming, running in boots and pants, sit-ups, push-ups and pull-ups. There are minimal rest periods allowed between each activity, and to be frank, most of us could never achieve this level of fitness!

Even with extensive training, a Seal is still subject to failure and could fall victim of casualty in training and in combat.  Seals are human and therefore, have limitations. While they have been given top of the line armor, it's not guaranteed to protect them in any and all situations. Being a Seal involves a great deal of personal risk, and while highly revered, they are still men who answer to their commander. This commander is also human, and is subject to failure and defeat. While this group of soldiers are some of the best we've got, they are not infallible and their efforts and victories will see failure and success.

I will never be a Navy Seal. I don't fit the qualifications, and I never could and yet I am a soldier. Not only am I soldier, but my Commander is not subject to failure and defeat. He hands out the best armor to His soldiers and when worn properly, it sufficiently protects us for the battles of this world. The weapons of our warfare don't wound others, but rather defend us from a very real enemy-the god of this world, named Satan! 

God has given us 7 pieces of armor to guard ourselves, but our armor is quite different from the armor of a Seal. What does our armor include?

Belt of truth- the foundation of our faith is based on truth

Breastplate of righteousness- put on righteousness to protect our hearts

Proper Footwear- Guiding our steps from dangerous paths

Shield of Faith- to extinguish the flaming darts of our enemy

Helmet of Salvation- protects the mind from damaging blows from our adversary

Sword- the Word of God is our sword

Prayer- such a powerful weapon we are privileged to have access to.

Practically speaking, how do we see these pieces of armor play out? While there are many examples, we will only name a few. Whispering scripture when faced with temptation of any kind is a powerful way of escape and provides victory over the temptation. Choosing to stand up and speak truth in a world full of lies and deceit is an effective use of our belt. Refusing our feet entrance into places that will bring us down spiritually is good use of our footwear. Putting safeguards in place to keep us accountable from viewing things that are harmful and will lead us away from godliness is another use of our armor. Doing the right thing when it's easier to fit in, exercising faith in the midst of fear, and saying "no" to indulgence of our fleshly desires, are all good indications that we are properly armed.

All around us, there are opportunities for our enemy to attack. But we are not your average soldiers, fighting with man-made weapons. Instead, we have armor that is trustworthy and has stood the test of time. We've been given every weapon necessary to withstand the attacks of Satan, and when we keep our armor on, we will not fall to our adversary. We have the privilege of knowing the final verdict for Satan: failure, defeat and eternal punishment. We also have the joy of knowing our end is secure in Christ. We will never be defeated because our God will be victorious. And while life can be full of trials and temptations that can seem like defeat with our world-focused mind, God has not left us alone without offering us protection. He has given us the tools needed to be victorious over Satan's schemes against us, so that we can live with confidence in the middle of spiritual combat. Let's keep our spiritual vision sharp, living under the protection of our Undefeated God and the armor He graciously has given us. 

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:11, ESV).

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8, ESV).

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7, ESV). 

In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one (Ephesians 6:16, ESV);

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the armor You have graciously given us. We often feel weak and we easily fall, only to realize we took off the armor You have given for our protection from the enemy. Help us to stay armed, and to remember we serve a God who is undefeated and will never fail. We have complete security in You, Lord. We pray this in Your name, Jesus, Amen!

Accepting Disappointments in Life

 I was in eleventh grade and I liked this guy. I was sure he could be the one for me. He was nice, loved God, and was easy on the eyes. I prayed about him, and waited. I waited a while longer, and prayed a little more. The days passed and then the months passed, and it still didn't happen. Next thing I knew, he had a serious girlfriend, and it wasn't going to happen. Freshman year of college-the same scene played out in my heart. I liked him, I hoped for him, but no matter what I prayed, or how long I waited, it just didn't happen. My heart was bruised and I was disappointed, yet God held out longer still before my soul mate would be revealed. My friends all seemed to be dating, and I remained unhappily single. 

I can go back to my late 20's and see a similar situation play out in my life once again. All I ever really wanted was to be a wife and a mom. God finally had given me my long awaited love, but I was still waiting to be a mother. My first pregnancy ended in a surgery room. What was left of my baby was removed as my heart was shattered in a million pieces. I had longed for that child. I had prayed for that child, yet God didn't allow me to parent my first little one-nor did He allow my second baby to safely live until delivery. My heart once again faced severe disappointment as I waited for its desire to be granted. 

Elusive love and delayed motherhood are just some of the disappointments I've faced in life. I've had my writing material rejected, I've been passed over for projects I hoped to work on, I've had dreams that fizzled and died, and I've lost friends and family members I prayed would make it through. I've watched my husband walk out the door, devastating my heart in ways nothing else could. The truth is, life can be really hard, and if we aren't prepared for those disappointing seasons, we won't be able to stand firm when they hit us like a ton of bricks.

One of the hardest truths out there is realizing that just because I'm God's child, I'm not promised an easy path. In fact, we are told in scripture that if we are His children, we will experience heartache and pain. Just as we discipline our own kids in order that they will mature and grow into responsible adults who contribute well to society, God disciplines us in order to make us grow and mature into children He can use for His kingdom work. Withholding discipline from us would result in lazy children-children unwilling and unable to fulfill our spiritual purposes. 

Looking back now behind me, I can see how many of my disappointments were for my own good. Had I been given the first guy I prayed for, I would not have the privilege of the love God gave me in my husband. And that guy? He wandered from God and did not live a life of spiritual purpose and usefulness. I can now see God's hand of protection in denying the prayers of my young heart. And while I did not get to mother my first two children, I can see how God placed a more tender love in my heart for the two He did allow me to mother. I clearly see the gift in being their mom, and my heart was softened toward my two blessings in ways I can't put into words. 

Maybe life isn't going the way you wish today. Your heart may be struggling with rejection. You may have been led along and then painfully dumped. You may be waiting for motherhood, wondering why God is holding out. Your heart may be shattered by infidelity or abuse. You may be grappling with a diagnosis that doesn't seem fair, and God seems so far away. Our world is broken, and it's not possible to live here and not have the cost of sin touch our lives. But we are given a promise as God's children-we are never, ever, ever alone. We are not forgotten. He always hears our prayers. He always loves us and because He does, He will allow painful things to transform us from being "self-focused" to "God-focused." 

Disappointments are part of life-it's true. But when we look at them as being an integral part of refinement, we can better accept that we must face disappointment if we are to grow. And we will not grow the way God wants us to, if we despise our disappointments and blame God for not giving us what we wanted. We would be like spoiled kids, mad that we didn't get our way, even when our way isn't what's best for us. We won't have all the answers this side of eternity-some disappointments may never make sense here. But when we understand that our God is a good God, then we have to trust Him even when we don't get it. So whatever you're battling today, hold on to the promise that God is doing something good through your disappointing circumstances. He has a better plan, and we don't always need to understand it-we just need to be willing to allow Him to work His good purposes through us. 

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10, ESV).

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33, ESV)."

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV).

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV).

Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for how often I long for my own way, despising Yours. Disappointments will come, and when they do, help me to remember that even when my heart is hurting, You will bring about good through my obedience to Your plan and purpose for me. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Lowest Places

 It was a cold and sunny winter day. I was on the way home from rehab for my "runner's hip"- even though I've never been a runner. But Zumba creates stress on the hip flexors, and I had just left my appointment headed for home. My heart was so sick with the reality of my marriage, and the realization that my husband was gone. It was new, and it was so unwelcome- this intrusion in my peaceful and safe life. I had no idea how to process this reality and in my despair, I swerved over to a vacant lot and literally fell apart. I stayed there for some time-I have no idea how long, just until my tears and yelling were spent. It was one of the lowest places of my life, and I look back at that moment with assorted feelings. One-life can be really painful, and two, in those low places, we are not alone.

I think of the life of Job in the Old Testament. He lost his health, wealth, his livestock and all of his children. How can you handle that sort of loss? It's a staggering thought, and so difficult to truly enter into his suffering. His friends were not the kind to bring hugs and prayers and homemade meals. Instead, they pointed out reasons why they believed he was being punished. His wife urged him to curse God, rather than offer encouragement, support and care. This "low" goes beyond the scope of my imagination. One of the most remarkable men to have lived, he refuses to curse God and throw in the towel. In contrast, he recognized God as his only Source of hope. If he could've seen down the road, he would've seen himself healthy, wealthier and enjoying a full household of children and grandchildren. Yet in his lowest place, he simply had to trust that God had a plan in his suffering.

My lowest place in no way compares to Job's, yet it was my lowest place. It was a time when I had to choose to either be angry at God and turn bitter, or believe that He had a good purpose that would spring from this painful situation. It didn't happen overnight, but I had known God long enough to know He isn't cruel and He doesn't allow us to suffer without purpose. I also physically felt Him with me through each painful moment of that season. Lowest places are terribly unpleasant, yet necessary for our spiritual growth. They show His faithfulness in ways we don't see in our better days, because we often forget His goodness when we aren't as aware of our need of Him.                                           

I bet you can go back to your own low place in life. A time when your heart was devastated and your dreams were shattered in a million pieces. Your low place may be a lot worse than mine-yet if you know Jesus, you know you were not left to handle it alone, either. Life is hard, but life with Jesus gives us hope and help in those lowest places. When you stop to think of someone in a "low" place, you realize they need rescued. They need help getting back up again. While Jesus is the biggest Resurrector of our low places, we also need the love and encouragement of friends and loved ones.

If someone comes to mind today that is sunken in their own place of despair and pain, God wants you to move in and reach out your hand to help them recover. It may be that meal, a hug, a listening ear, a check, or your prayers. Especially if that person is walking a similar trial to your own past experience, you have a unique ability to understand, encourage and lend support. God is doing good things through my own painful past-a blessing I couldn't have seen when I was in the thick of it. While it wasn't something I would have chosen for myself, God allowed it to happen because He can see past the painful event and straight to the purpose that would grow from it. What good have you seen spring forth from your past hurts? Are you allowing God to use it for His purposes, or holding on to bitterness and nonacceptance? The truth is, if we are called to walk through low places, why not allow God to redeem them? One day, the pain will be past, but what we did through it will last forever.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ESV).

And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:15, ESV)."

Dear heavenly Father, help us truly depend on You to bring us through our lowest places, and remove the foolish notion that we can do it on our own. Help us as well to see the needs of others, and to bear their burdens, fulfilling one of our purposes as the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Recovery Is Possible

Most days I forget the pain of the past. I can make it through the whole day without thinking once about where we were a few years ago, and how it forever changed me. But some days I remember. Some days, I look at myself and I'm amazed that with God's help, I survived-our marriage survived! So my blog post today is for any who may be going through a really difficult situation in your marriage, or even in your own life that seems impossible to make it through. God seems far away and you feel uncertain and skeptical that your heart will feel joy again. Your days are filled with fear, sadness and discouragement. You feel you'll never smile again, and your heart will never heal. If that's you-I want to encourage you to have hope that better days are ahead for you. It may seem like I speak empty words in this season for you, but I know-I've been there. I want to promise you that God can restore your broken heart. I want to whisper words that will allow you to believe, today, that healing will come for you. It won't mean you'll be the person you used to be, and if you really think about it, do you want to be?

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday. I sat in my counselor's office, leaning forward on that couch and with a pained heart, I asked her, "how long? How long will it take for healing?" She told me that the average amount of time was right around two years. But she also told me that some parts of infidelity would forever change my reaction in certain situations. She truthfully told me that I would never return to the exact woman I used to be. She stressed how important it was for both partners to actively do their part in the recovery process if our marriage had a chance to heal from the affair. Weeks later, I was joined by my husband in therapy, and we began formulating our own recovery plan. The road ahead would be difficult, but we knew that we were following God's plan in our decision, and that with His help, we had a really good shot at this. 

Whatever you're up against, don't forget that God is in it with you. I often wonder how people make it through big life obstacles without His help, comfort, wisdom, and guidance. I look at the broken woman I was back in the worst of it, but on closer inspection, I can see how God was actively using others to help restore my hope and my joy. He hugged me through the arms of other believers. I can see how His Word spoke life and hope into my wounded heart. I needed almost constant reassurance from Him, and He provided each and every time. That same God is with you, too. He longs to carry your burden for you. He wants to heal us-He really cares! We read of many He healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the New Testament, and we see evidence of His faithful healing all around us still today. Even yet-we often doubt it will happen for us. We long for it, but our hearts feel skeptical. 

My marriage is just one example in a long thread of answered prayers in my life. God doesn't always heal in the ways we ask for. But even when He says "no", recovery is possible when we realize He understands a bigger picture than what we could ever see or comprehend. While I am forever changed in many ways, I am also truly recovering. I am living proof that God is a Healer of the brokenhearted. It won't happen overnight because there are lessons to learn in the broken places of our circumstances. Recovery is a process. It's a process of learning to trust God in those painful seasons when hope is hard to grasp. It's a transformation in our self-dependence to dependence on Him. It will hurt, but I want you to believe it'll happen for you, too. Because the same God that walked me through the fire and out the other side, longs to walk with you as well. Recovery is real-and my prayer today is that each one stuck in a place of pain can have renewed hope that your heart will sing with joy again. Believe-because He is able.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you (1 Peter 5:10, ESV).

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, ESV).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28, ESV).

He restores my soul (Psalm 23:3a, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the hope we have in You for our recovery from brokenness and pain. Sometimes, we feel unable to manage the hurts of the day, yet we know that in our inability, You are our Perfect, Able Father. Help us to remember, no matter how bad the day, that our recovery will come. In Your name we pray, Amen!