Perhaps one of the hardest things we face when left by a spouse, is loneliness. I am a "people person." I love being around people. They don't even necessarily have to be talking to me; it's nice to just know someone is there. This goes beyond a body being present with us- we like to know someone is there for us on every level. If we are sick, they are there to care for us. If we had a bad day, they are there to give us a hug and encourage us. If we are afraid, they are the first to show up for us. They are a hug when we walk in the door and a "goodnight" before we turn over to sleep. They are a hand to hold in the car, and a shoulder to cry on. They pray with us, laugh with us, dream with us, and listen to us. They are "our person."
Friends can step into some of those empty places, but at the end of the day, they go home to their own "person." It doesn't feel fair, to be left alone along the journey of marriage, by choice. The house feels empty. The bathroom sink has only my things. One toothbrush. Empty chair at the table. Quiet in bed. No plans for Valentine's Day. No kisses. No one to take care of the leaks and squeaks in the house. No call on the way home from work. Empty.
I have a friend who understands this loneliness. I love how she works through it on the tougher days. She sits a chair in her bedroom and puts her Bible on it as a visual. And she talks to Jesus just as she would to her missing husband. She tells Him about her day. She tells Him about her worries and fears. She asks Him for help and wisdom. She finds courage and strength in His very real presence. He's closer than a chair to us- He is within us.
God isn't happy for my loneliness- it wasn't what He wanted for me. But He will use it to exercise my faith in Him, and call me to a higher level of trust in Him. It wasn't God's plan for me to be left alone this way, but He knew it would happen. And just as He knew it would, He will care for me in my loneliness. He will step into those lonely moments and days, in ways that are precious and humbling. I can choose to allow my loneliness to lead to bitterness, or I can choose to allow it to lead me to better places. Better than this present place of fear, rejection and being alone. God really does have blessings for me- even in the "here" that I don't really like.
As christians, we will experience valleys. It's part of living in a sin-filled world. Choices and decisions will be made that will hurt us. We will hurt others as well, along this life journey. But we must be able to look, even while we are in a valley, at our Savior- the One Who will bring us back up to a mountain top. It will happen, in His time. But for now, in the quiet of this phase of life, may God help us to grow in Him. May we depend on Him in ways we never have before. Whether our mountain top is here, or heaven, only He knows. But when we trust Him in the valley, we are promised an eternal reward that far outweighs the loneliness of this valley! Hold on to that hope, knowing our God always keeps His promises to us!
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, give me comfort in this lonely season of life. This valley is a challenge, but I pray You will exercise my faith and trust in You. Help fill the empty spaces with Your loving Presence. Help me to use this lonely time to reach out to others who are walking this same journey, pointing them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Monday, December 31, 2018
Sunday, December 30, 2018
The Pain of Rejection
We all struggle with insecurities and things that make us feel like we come up short. We wish we were thinner, younger, smarter, more organized, more talented, better looking, and a handful of other things. We are usually our own worst critics. I can see my own flaws so easily, and fail to see the good qualities I possess. Couple that with rejection from your spouse, and you have a real recipe for feeling sad and insecure.
We've heard it since we were young if we grew up in church. We are told we are beautiful in God's eyes- a masterpiece. And while that sounds good to our ears, it doesn't seem to speak louder than being cast aside by our spouse. We get waylaid by the rejection, and wonder what is wrong with us. Why am I not good enough? Was it my extra pounds, double chin, or maybe my cellulite? Was I not interesting or exciting to be around? Maybe I was too silly or too serious. Whatever the case, we begin to doubt ourselves, and our qualities. When we listen to the voices of rejection, we fall into Satan's trap for us. It holds us captive in self pity and insecurity, and puts us in a form of bondage that God doesn't want for us.
The bottom line when it comes to marriage, is even if I tacked on 100 extra pounds, grew a second nose, or acquired a disfiguring injury, none of that disqualifies me from being chosen by my spouse. If I chose to talk less or laugh too loud, it may be annoying, but it isn't an excuse to look elsewhere. Marriage isn't based on our qualifications, but on a vow made before our Heavenly Father. When a married person forgets this, it is deeply disappointing to God, and is emotionally traumatic to their spouse.
If you're stuck in the hurt of feeling rejected, I am so sorry. I won't say I don't understand, because I do. I could sit beside you, shoulder to shoulder, and tell you "me too." It hurts to be told that you aren't wanted anymore. We touched on it earlier in this post, but we need to listen closer to God's voice. We really are a masterpiece! We really are fearfully and wonderfully made. Those are truths told to us by our Creator. He doesn't tell lies or change His mind about what He has said. These are statements that can set us free from our insecurities. God promises us, even in the middle of this painful journey, that better days are ahead for us. He DOES have good plans for us. He will never reject us, and His love will never fail. Let's cling to these words from God's Word:
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 ESV
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live in truth rather than Satan's lies. Help me escape the trap of insecurity so I can live with purpose- Your purpose for me! Give healing and help in this dark part of my journey, and help me remember the hope of better days ahead. Thank you for Your faithful love, and for accepting all who come to You, and never rejecting us. It is a privilege to be accepted by You, Lord, and I thank You for not overlooking me, or setting me aside. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
We've heard it since we were young if we grew up in church. We are told we are beautiful in God's eyes- a masterpiece. And while that sounds good to our ears, it doesn't seem to speak louder than being cast aside by our spouse. We get waylaid by the rejection, and wonder what is wrong with us. Why am I not good enough? Was it my extra pounds, double chin, or maybe my cellulite? Was I not interesting or exciting to be around? Maybe I was too silly or too serious. Whatever the case, we begin to doubt ourselves, and our qualities. When we listen to the voices of rejection, we fall into Satan's trap for us. It holds us captive in self pity and insecurity, and puts us in a form of bondage that God doesn't want for us.
The bottom line when it comes to marriage, is even if I tacked on 100 extra pounds, grew a second nose, or acquired a disfiguring injury, none of that disqualifies me from being chosen by my spouse. If I chose to talk less or laugh too loud, it may be annoying, but it isn't an excuse to look elsewhere. Marriage isn't based on our qualifications, but on a vow made before our Heavenly Father. When a married person forgets this, it is deeply disappointing to God, and is emotionally traumatic to their spouse.
If you're stuck in the hurt of feeling rejected, I am so sorry. I won't say I don't understand, because I do. I could sit beside you, shoulder to shoulder, and tell you "me too." It hurts to be told that you aren't wanted anymore. We touched on it earlier in this post, but we need to listen closer to God's voice. We really are a masterpiece! We really are fearfully and wonderfully made. Those are truths told to us by our Creator. He doesn't tell lies or change His mind about what He has said. These are statements that can set us free from our insecurities. God promises us, even in the middle of this painful journey, that better days are ahead for us. He DOES have good plans for us. He will never reject us, and His love will never fail. Let's cling to these words from God's Word:
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 ESV
For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live in truth rather than Satan's lies. Help me escape the trap of insecurity so I can live with purpose- Your purpose for me! Give healing and help in this dark part of my journey, and help me remember the hope of better days ahead. Thank you for Your faithful love, and for accepting all who come to You, and never rejecting us. It is a privilege to be accepted by You, Lord, and I thank You for not overlooking me, or setting me aside. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Saturday, December 29, 2018
A Little About My Story
I am 48 years old, and have been married to my husband for 25 years. We are both christians, and have enjoyed a long life filled with happy times and family memories. We have 2 children- a son (22), and a daughter (20). As most every parent, I think the world of these two. They are smart, beautiful, kind, have a strong work ethic, and know the Lord as Savior. We raised our children to know about God's Word, and lived it in front of them. They were in church every Sunday, Wednesday evening, and other various times in the week. We poured ourselves into our church and community. We lived a comfortable life, surrounded by our families and friends.
Three years ago, we took in our ailing father-in-law. My husband's mother had a massive stroke more than a decade ago, and requires constant care. After years of caring for her, it took its toll on Papa. Nana had to go into an assisted living home, and Papa came to us. The first year, he did pretty well. But year two was a struggle. I took on a lot of Papa's care and it kept me busy. Satan loves busy people, because they get distracted.
The final year of Papa's life was when my world exploded. In enters another woman engineered by Satan's design to bring my husband down. Busy people can make other people feel set aside. This was a recipe for disaster, and that is exactly what ensued. It isn't an excuse- infidelity never has a legitimate excuse, but being busy was the weak link that caused me not to notice what was happening until it was too late. Within two months after Papa's death, my husband walked out the door and planned to pursue a life that had little to do with me. I never saw it coming. We weren't "those kind of people." We both believed 100%, that marriage was a life long commitment. Never underestimate Satan- he truly does seek to kill and destroy and devour. That is exactly what happened to our marriage.
My kids are devastated. My life is forever changed. I didn't choose this to happen, but here I am. For over a year, he has been on and off with this other woman. For a brief 4 months, he returned home. Two days ago, he walked out again. You understand the feelings associated with this- and all of them will make their way into my future blog entries. But for today, I wanted to fill you in on my situation- at least the skeleton of my journey.
For every bit of bad in this, there is also good. God has been faithful, just as He promises to be. He has revealed Himself in ways that humble me and bring me to tears. The day my husband left for the second time, two short days ago, I sat alone in the quiet of our home. The lines of an old hymn came to my mind, and with a tear-shaking voice, I sang it out loud to my Heavenly Father...
Have thine own way Lord
Have thine own way
Thou art the Potter I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and still.
(verse 1 - song by Jim Reeves)
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness to me. When others aren't faithful to us it hurts, and so we thank You that You never turn from us. Help me, Lord to see the good when my heart hurts so badly, and to remember Your many blessings in my life. Forgive me for allowing my pain to distract me from Your purposes for me. Help me to look beyond my circumstances and see Your way and Your will. And may I follow You all the days of my life.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen!
Three years ago, we took in our ailing father-in-law. My husband's mother had a massive stroke more than a decade ago, and requires constant care. After years of caring for her, it took its toll on Papa. Nana had to go into an assisted living home, and Papa came to us. The first year, he did pretty well. But year two was a struggle. I took on a lot of Papa's care and it kept me busy. Satan loves busy people, because they get distracted.
The final year of Papa's life was when my world exploded. In enters another woman engineered by Satan's design to bring my husband down. Busy people can make other people feel set aside. This was a recipe for disaster, and that is exactly what ensued. It isn't an excuse- infidelity never has a legitimate excuse, but being busy was the weak link that caused me not to notice what was happening until it was too late. Within two months after Papa's death, my husband walked out the door and planned to pursue a life that had little to do with me. I never saw it coming. We weren't "those kind of people." We both believed 100%, that marriage was a life long commitment. Never underestimate Satan- he truly does seek to kill and destroy and devour. That is exactly what happened to our marriage.
My kids are devastated. My life is forever changed. I didn't choose this to happen, but here I am. For over a year, he has been on and off with this other woman. For a brief 4 months, he returned home. Two days ago, he walked out again. You understand the feelings associated with this- and all of them will make their way into my future blog entries. But for today, I wanted to fill you in on my situation- at least the skeleton of my journey.
For every bit of bad in this, there is also good. God has been faithful, just as He promises to be. He has revealed Himself in ways that humble me and bring me to tears. The day my husband left for the second time, two short days ago, I sat alone in the quiet of our home. The lines of an old hymn came to my mind, and with a tear-shaking voice, I sang it out loud to my Heavenly Father...
Have thine own way Lord
Have thine own way
Thou art the Potter I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and still.
(verse 1 - song by Jim Reeves)
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness to me. When others aren't faithful to us it hurts, and so we thank You that You never turn from us. Help me, Lord to see the good when my heart hurts so badly, and to remember Your many blessings in my life. Forgive me for allowing my pain to distract me from Your purposes for me. Help me to look beyond my circumstances and see Your way and Your will. And may I follow You all the days of my life.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen!
Friday, December 28, 2018
Because of these afflictions...
I am ordinary. I am not rich, famous, or unusually gifted. I am the typical christian wife, raising kids and running our home. There isn't really anything that would qualify me for a calling to write and share my thoughts, except for my husband's infidelity. So if you can relate to that experience, then we will understand each other just fine. I have many thoughts and feelings rumbling around in my mind and heart, and it is healing for me to share them.
I think of this verse found in 2 Corinthians :
for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ... (4:17 ESV)
Infidelity is an affliction, alright, and somedays it sure doesn't seem "light." It is painful and emotionally traumatic. Nothing I have ever faced in life felt as awful as the betrayal of my spouse of 25 years. So how can this affliction be considered "light?" But what if my marital trauma makes me more like Christ? What if it taught me how to show grace the way God lavishes it on us? What if, because of this trial, I can point others to the hope found in Jesus Christ? Would it be worth the pain?
Sometimes, I have to step back, amid the tears and sorrow, and change my attitude towards my situation. I can look at this as a trial (because it is), OR I can choose to see it as an opportunity. These afflictions give me opportunity for spiritual growth. They connect me with others that are suffering in the same way and need an understanding friend. They bring me along the paths of others walking this journey without a Savior, giving opportunity to introduce the Source of my strength. These are things that are preparing me for an eternal weight of glory BEYOND ALL COMPARISON! I know that it hurts, I honestly do- I am in the thick of it as I write. But I will lay down these burdens at the feet of my Heavenly Father, and anxiously look forward to that eternal weight of glory!
Don't lose sight of the hope He offers us. Whether our marriage turns around for the better, or our spouse chooses to walk away, our hope remains. We find hope in our Savior, not in our marriages. Humans can mess up anything, but with Christ, there is always hope for restoration and redemption. The message I hope to relay to you in my blog posts is this: our journey is painful, and may seem unfair. But we have the opportunity to reach others, and use this for good. There is hope on the horizon for our hurting hearts. I pray that as we walk this journey together, we may feel His healing touch, and know that He will never leave us or forsake us. He is for us, and He is 100% invested in His children- we can count on Him to carry us through!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)