Honestly, I love the word courageous, and all that it means, but it's not a word that often fits my character. Me and the struggle with being courageous go way back. From being a tiny toddler, terrified of being plopped on top of the fridge, to being scared of the starter gun while running on the school track, to being afraid of the dark, I've often fallen short of bravery. I want to be courageous, but I often allow fear to spoil it.
As we forge ahead into 2020, I pray for more courage- for you, and for me. Life can be scary. Situations unsettling. Circumstances impossible! What unexpected bends in the road are you currently facing? Is your career in jeopardy? Do you have a sickness that causes you worry? Troubling kids?Financial challenges also are very unsettling, bringing their own set of fear and doubt. Is your marriage in trouble? Often, those who have walked through an affair, like me, have their own set of worries. Satan longs to use these to weaken our faith and zap our courage. So many life situations can make us feel stressed and fearful, far from courageous- even as Christians.
God doesn't want us to live in a state of worry and fear, yet I often drag myself into exactly that. While He understands our feelings, but He doesn't want us to allow circumstances to diminish our faith in Him. Instead, He wants us to recognize His ability to handle our problems allowing us to live courageously and boldly! Worry and stress have always plagued me. I would love to be known by my unshakeable faith, but in reality, I'm often anxious. Yet looking back over my life, I can see examples of how God walked me through some very trying circumstances. He didn't allow them to destroy me, but rather to challenge and grow me. That, alone should give me courage for anything that is ahead.
What if we were given the ability to know what would happen in the future? Would it cause us less fear, having the unknown removed? Would I be braver? I would imagine that wouldn't be the case- instead, we would often live our days in dread of what's ahead. God, in His mercy, spared us from knowing future happenings; instead, calling us to faith. Faith that whatever lies ahead, He knows about it all, and is able to meet our needs. When we exercise true faith in our Father, our courage is bolstered. We can push away the stress and anxieties of today, knowing they are all in His capable hands.
Today, I am grappling with my own set of fears and worries, and I bet you have your own list of them. God is working in my heart to remove these burdens, reminding me that He is an Overcomer. And because I am God's child, He can overcome what I cannot. While I am a person that likes to be prepared for what is ahead, the best way I can do this is to recall His promises to me. He has promised that no matter what I am called to, He will meet me there. And so as I write this, I ask for courage to simply surrender to His control, knowing He is fighting my battles for me.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 (ESV)
Dear heavenly Father, open my heart and my hands to Your control, and ease my worries and stress. Life has its uncertainties, but we can be sure of Your ability to work in them, and through them. Father I pray for a greater courage, and a deeper faith, knowing You alone are best in the driver's seat of my life. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!
The prognosis was bleak. Cancer was not only in her breast, it was also in her bones and blood. She was thin from treatment, and from the cancer that was robbing her appetite and depleting her body. People spoke in hushed voices, sharing their skepticism regarding her already poor prognosis. She was faced with certain death this go round, and she seemed to know it. We all did. As she lay in her bed, weak and tired, the days ticked slowly by. It could be any time now, we all assumed. We prayed for healing, but doubted it would happen- at least not on this side of eternity.
We've all been there, haven't we? Faced with the certain death of a loved one- whether physical in nature, or perhaps the death of a marriage. We doubt that healing is possible, yet we pray for it anyway. Doubting means we don't really have faith at all- not even the size of a teeny, tiny mustard seed. Here's one of the faith problems we are experiencing with modern day technology- our knowledge weakens our faith. The doctor gives us a detailed report, based on blood work and imaging scans, so we choose to believe knowledge, over the thought that God can still heal. Our spouse has filed for divorce, and has no interest in reconciling, so we assume it's over. We wish for reconciliation, but we just don't believe it will happen for us.
James 1:6 tells us to "ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." Asking- without doubt? Ouch! To be perfectly honest, I'm guilty of asking with plenty of doubting. I want it- I may even think God wants it too, but my head knowledge gets ahead of my heart. Instead, God wants me to pray with an unshakeable faith. Matthew 17:20 comes to mind: He said to them, "For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." This shows how limited we have become in our prayers, because we seldom believe He is truly capable of the impossible.
I don't write this as if I have the answers for a greater faith. In reality, I'm ashamed of the smallness of mine. And I wonder- if I actually believed it really were possible, would the outcome of my prayers be vastly different? I believe in my heart that they would. The truth is, the more we seem to think we know, the less we believe that God is able to do what knowledge says isn't possible. We doubt the miraculous, because the odds seem against us. But God isn't confined by odds or chance, and I often forget that.
The thing is, sometimes God really does choose to take them anyway. We hope for a different outcome, but it's not in His plan. And some marriages come to an end, as much as we hoped and prayed they wouldn't. We don't always have the answers here, and oftentimes, we don't understand them. But how many times am I guilty of praying without truly believing? And would my life, and those I pray for, be transformed if I kicked that foolish habit? I absolutely believe they would! So as we move into another year that will be filled with its own challenges, may we move forward expectantly, as we ask God for the impossible. And may our hearts be humbled and blessed when we see Him move in ways we can't even begin to comprehend.
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Matthew 21:22 (ESV)
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (ESV)
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our lack of faith- we acknowledge that it's sin. Help us to pray with believing; for You alone are capable of the impossible. Thank You, Father, for hearing and answering prayer. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!
I remember the good old days- the days when my son thought I hung the moon. "Mom, I'm gonna marry you when I get big", he'd say. Other nights, when I would tuck him in his bed, he would whisper "goodnight, mom. You're my favorite person in the whole world." That was before he grew up, and before Delanie. That's life in a child's world, where mom and dad held that number one place in the life of their little one. It's not that my son doesn't love me now, but he realized as he grew up that I'm just "mom", and I 'll never take the place of Who should be first in life. And he also realized he sure doesn't want to marry me, thank goodness!
But his naive misplaced view of me is a great picture of how we place value on relationships. Often, we get it wrong and we place the priority of our hearts on someone here. We love others more than we love God. I've had to question myself on this age old problem- who has the ultimate place of priority in my heart? Is it my kids? Is it my husband? Is it a boyfriend or fiancé? Is it a career or a substance? What gets top place in my affections and in my life? We can get a little turned around in love. We may romanticize loving someone more than anyone or anything. We may think we are loving the very best kind of love, but if we love them more than we love and serve God, we simply aren't.
The truth is, loving God helps us love everyone else so much better. God is love, and through Him, we learn how to love others. Healthy relationships are not based on how a person performs. When we learn to allow God's love for us redefine the way we love others, we free a person from being loved based on their qualifications. We all mess up, and we all make mistakes. If we love others first, we will eventually be let down by them and begin to question if we truly love one another. If we love God first, we will better understand that people are fallible, and can only love with human capacity- faulty at best. Understanding our own shortcomings, and how they don't disqualify us from God's great love for us, helps us pass it on to those we have a love relationship with.
There are many practical ways we can show that we love God first in our habits, attitudes, choices, and behaviors. Making God our top priority will have a cost, and considering what He did for us, any cost on our part is a privilege. Putting aside time for church, studying His Word, and spending time with Him are all ways we can express our love. But perhaps one of the best indicators of how well we love Him, will be in how we love others. Selflessly. Graciously. Fiercely. It's a no-strings attached kind of love. A love that has no limit or no exclusions. It's an all-in kind of love, with no exit clause.
So if you really want to love others well- love God first. Kick your spouse or your girlfriend, or children down a notch. By loving God more than you love them, you'll actually love them so much better. And they'll feel it. I know I feel the most secure when my husband loves God more than he loves me. And I love him the best when I allow God to have the priority of my heart. And when you do, His love will shine through you, spilling over into all your other relationships, allowing you to look more like Jesus. In a culture with a distorted view of love, we are given the opportunity to give fresh light on God's love to a watching world, when we love Him the most.
"You shall no have other gods before me. Exodus 20:3 (ESV)
And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. Matthew 22:37-38 (ESV)
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 (ESV)
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Luke 12:34 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, I should easily love you more than others, and yet my heart is often not where it should be. I get distracted by earthly love- for my husband, for my kids, and even for this world. I lose sight of all You are, and all You've done, far too often. Help me to remember that by loving You most, I will love others so much better. In Your name, I pray Jesus, Amen!
He was perfect- well, almost perfect. After a few months of dating, she liked most of what she saw. He had manners- he held the door for her, held her hand to cross the street, and always said "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to her parents. He dressed nice. He took her to great restaurants and he made good money. His apartment was clean and neat. He was handsome. But he did have a habit of flirting with other women. Oh- and he had a mean streak that only occasionally came to the surface. Nothing out of hand- just mildly concerning. These were easily pushed away in light of all that he did right. She had confidence that in time, she would change him.
Naive, yes- but this happens every day. We know how the story goes from here. She won't change him. She will end up being hurt and disillusioned. And she will wonder how this happened to her. The thing is- we can't change people, only God can do that. But on a smaller scale, we still often fall into this trap of believing we can change someone. We try to use influence to do it. We try to nag them into change. And we may even try to use control to change someone. In the end, we will be frustrated and upset that our efforts weren't successful.
Friends, we must not be naive. If you are in the market for a serious relationship, don't expect perfection, but seriously consider any red flag warnings. If you see something that causes concern, address it now. Seldom is someone radically changed for the better by a spouse seeking to change them, but God does this kind of work every day in people from all walks of life. Take the Apostle Paul- a man who is responsible for killing many christians in cruel ways for their faith. God completely transformed him and he became one of the most influential preachers of all time! In the end, he lost his own life for his unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ.
Our spouse will never be perfect, and in reality, neither are we. We will have habits and characteristics that irritate one another. We may wish they were neater, funnier, more adventuresome or less impulsive. We may think they should be more romantic or have better manners. The thing is- we will never find someone that does nothing that bothers us. Instead of trying to change our spouse, we need to accept them- love them, and pray for any changes we hope to see. It's okay to kindly bring up a two-way discussion of changes you would both like to see- together. However, it's not good or right to nag them about the little things you don't like, or use ways to manipulate change.
If your spouse is using behaviors that cause you not just irritation, but concern- these are areas that need addressed. Often, the best people to help with this are trained professionals that counsel couples or individuals. Prayer is a powerful tool as well in these situations, as God can do what others cannot- He changes hearts and minds in a life-changing way. But you must accept that some behaviors are not going to be changed by you. They are simply too big for you to handle- but there is nothing too big for God to handle. When we truly grasp this truth, it frees us from the impossible responsibility of thinking we can change our spouse. Often, the best way to see real changes for the better in our spouse, begin with changing ourselves. What areas can you make improvements in your own life that will in turn, enrich your marriage? Why not start there, and see what God does for the two of you!
***the couple in this blog post is strictly fictional, and in no way reflects the character of my own husband.
An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. Proverbs 18:15 (ESV)
Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way. Proverbs 19:2 (ESV)
Who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Philippians 3:21 (ESV)
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for changing us- for radically transforming our lives. We pray that You will give us wisdom with others- to know You are the God of change, and we are not in control. Give us wisdom and guidance in our relationships, and help us to recognize that often, change should begin in our own hearts. In Your name we pray, Lord Jesus, Amen!
