sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure
heart, 1 peter 1:22 (esv)
It was a busy morning- the kind of morning where you take a quick shower and put your wet hair up and throw on gym clothes. I had some errands to run and needed to stop by the store for a couple things while I was out. I usually take the extra time to dry and style my hair, but not today. While I was wandering around Walmart, I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen for years. I was tempted to dart around the aisle and escape, considering my look for the day, but I wasn't fast enough. I made excuses for my appearance and wished they had seen me on my better days.
Conversation catch up was light, including only the good things going on in our lives. We shared about our kids, where we lived, our spouses, and where we went to college. We smiled, and did our best to make the conversation one that was neat, clean, and tidy. Because that's what we feel the most comfortable with, isn't it? Can you imagine bumping into an acquaintance and actually telling them the truth about life? They would likely want to make a quick escape and even possibly feel sorry for me, if I were honest.
Why do we feel the need to present the best version of ourselves to others? Are we afraid of being vulnerable and messy? Why do we put on the show that we live in a pain-free, perfect world? Why can't I be real with other people, letting them know that life has had its rough moments, without shame or embarrassment? The honest answer to that question unsettles me, because it points to one word- pride!
We often get wrapped up in being polished. We want the best clothes, good hair, pretty nails, and a nice ride- I'm no exception. I like to look my best, and be my best. Some days, I can almost pull it off, but most days, I'm messy. I don't necessarily mean on the outside as much as I mean inside of me. I say dumb things. I hurt people's feelings. I forget to pay attention to the person that feels left out. I make "mom mistakes." I gossip, even though I know it's wrong. I snap at my husband. I nag my kids. The truth is, the outside of me may look just fine, but the inside of me can be ugly.
Jesus isn't afraid of my mess. I may try to hide it from people, but I know God sees the truth of me. I can't fool Him with a polished exterior- scripture even tells us that God doesn't look on the outward appearance, He looks at our hearts. I may have it all together on the outside, but be falling apart on the inside- emotionally and spiritually. That's been true for me, more days than I care to recall. Hard days where pain, fear and insecurity were crippling me on the inside, yet I try to present a version of myself that isn't faulty. I'm thankful for those who really know me and can see past the facade. And I'm thankful that God loves me despite my failures.
God has been working to remove the polished me, and replace me with a more authentic version of myself. I'm beginning to accept my imperfections, knowing God will use them in ways I never imagined. Being open about our messes, opens doors. I see the old me in so many others, especially Christians, that are still hiding. They have the outward appearance that everything is just perfect, yet inside, they're falling apart. I want to hug them and tell them it's okay to take off the mask and share their burdens. Are you afraid, friend, of sharing your heart- mess and all? I pray that God reminds me daily to have compassion for those who are brave enough to be vulnerable and open up, and that He gives me insight and wisdom to know when someone is hiding. Let's be genuine in a world full of knock-offs. God intends for us to be honest and real- may He give me the courage to live my imperfect life, and help me use my experiences to help others who may also be struggling. God loves "messy me", and He loves you too. No matter what.
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