Lessons from Mistletoe

 What comes to mind when you think of mistletoe? It's likely your thoughts are  linked to a Christmastime tradition—a small section of greenery that's known as a kissing plant. Whoever passes beneath the mistletoe at the same time is supposed to kiss one another. It's a fun tradition (mostly) and one enjoyed during the holiday season. But mistletoe isn't just for Christmas, and it may surprise you to find out that it's a plant considered to be a parasite. Yep—that pretty bunch of greenery with white berries is a parasitic plant.

One day in November of last year, my husband and I were playing around in the front yard with our puppy when he noticed a new growth on our pear tree. He recognized it right away as mistletoe, grafted into the branch of our Bradford pear. I had never seen that before on the trees on our property, and it was discovered that two of our trees had a rogue growth of mistletoe. This encouraged me to read up on this plant and do a little research—having a landscaping business, it's great to know about these things. What I discovered had an astounding lesson—a great lesson for us as Christians. 

Mistletoe finds its way to a host tree from a bird who carries the seed of the plant after enjoying their white berries. Gross as it sounds, a bird passes the seed through droppings in the safety of the tree branch. As that seed lays, it may or may not grow and attach itself to the new tree. If conditions are ripe for the seed, it will successfully germinate and penetrate the bark of the host tree. As it grows, it steals nutrients from its host plant. While mistletoe grows relatively slow, over time, the host tree will be deprived of essential nutrients and loses its health.

Mistletoe must be removed completely from its host, or it will eventually destroy the tree it's attached to. The only effective way to remove it is to cut away the affected branch—cutting it off at least 12" under its attachment. Pulling away the mistletoe without taking the necessary steps will not destroy the parasite and regrowth can be expected. Now think about the lessons this plant can teach us as it pertains to sin.

Just like mistletoe, sin can destroy our "tree" if precautions are not taken. While we all deal with the daily wrestlings against temptation and sin, some are allowed to take root in our lives and while it's a seemingly slow process, Satan uses his  resourcefulness to allow that sin to penetrate us and slowly dismantle our testimony for Christ. He may whisper that it's okay—normal—and no big deal. And so it grows and removes the nutrients from our spiritual healthiness. It's in essence, a parasite of the worst kind.

Because of the prevalence of sin, we often become quite numb to its presence in our lives. I know I don't "examine myself" as we read about in the New Testament, as often as I should. And even when I do, I often fail to recognize the sneaky ways Satan filters into my mind with prideful thoughts and a need for control. If I don't realize its grip on me, that parasite grows and grows. The only way to remove it successfully is to remove it completely and allow Jesus to wash me clean. 

As my son sawed off the two branches with mistletoe growths, my heart was reminded of the need to purge sin from my own life at its root. If I fail to, it will grow and begin to take over the health of my "tree". I'll never look at mistletoe the same way again, and honestly, I think it's another amazing reminder from creation that teaches us godly principles and demonstrates our need for rescue from a holy God. 

May we be ever mindful of those seeds that come in the form of temptation—words we want to say, and things we want to do and filter them through what Scripture teaches us. Will they honor God, or will they take root and bring about spiritual decay or ruin that will bring dishonor to God? May we carefully guard our testimonies and prune any root of sin that we've allowed to germinate in our hearts and minds. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9, ESV).

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit (John 15:2, ESV).

New Mercies

 Maybe you have a special place where you love meeting with Jesus to talk and just spend time together. For me—it's our neighborhood gated boat ramp. It's generally empty during the day so it's the perfect place to be outdoors, enjoy His beautiful creation, and have a good visit. If people saw me, they would likely think I'm crazy because I love to talk out loud—it just feels more real that way for me. And sometimes I sing—also good I'm alone down there. But this week on one of our visits, I enjoyed the truth from the book of Lamentations. The book title itself sounds negative and oppressing—but there are some really beautiful truths we don't want to gloss over. Like this well-known one which touched my heart this week:

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV)."

This is a truth I know in theory from reading Scripture, but it often slips my mind as I rise another day, unsure or sometimes anxious at what may lie ahead for me. But as I strolled through our boat dock I saw the truth of it all around me—and in me. This is what I saw:

There was the sun—same as yesterday, giving light for us to see. And it'll be there tomorrow as well. I crave the light and He gives it faithfully each day.

I saw deer scurrying through the woods in search of a tender leaf or fleeing from the disruption from my intrusion into their world. This happens day after day, and there they were again—doing all things deer. There are new opportunities in this day—new adventures and new food choices. He provides for them because He cares for His creation.

I saw my favorite blue heron—Baby Blue is what I like to call her. She's in search of fish as she soars above the waters surface scanning for one to rise close enough to swoop it out of the lake. She's been there for months and I plan to see her again tomorrow. She's not worried today that she won't have food tomorrow. She's enjoying the hunt of today without anxiety or worry.

And there's me. The past is behind me and I've made plenty of mistakes for sure. There's no reason He should want to meet with me here in this place, or any place for that matter. But I know He craves this time with me and He won't hold yesterday against me—He beckons me to start fresh today with repentance and appreciation for the grace He liberally bestows on me. New opportunities are in this day and He faithfully provides for me in ways I often fail to notice or give thanks for. 

What kind of God does this for us—for me? What is it in Him that gives me a chance, day after day, to start fresh? It's His love for me—a love bigger than I can understand. These times spent with Him are precious and special and I think the most awesome part of it all is that He enjoys this time with me! He loves giving me new mercies every morning and His very character is one of faithfulness! My thoughts aren't deep or complicated this week, but I hope that they may encourage any who have not met with Him as much lately to make some time for a really good visit. May your hearts be warmed by His new mercies and His faithful love—they are such precious gifts and give us the opportunity to lay aside the burdens and mistakes of yesterday, and embrace this new day! 

I Wasn't Ready Yet

 I received a message through my Instagram account the other day, and something in it really struck a chord with me: "I wasn't ready, yet", she said. I've said it, and maybe you have too. How many things do we not feel ready for? I know for me, the list would be pretty extensive. In this particular case, she wasn't ready for words of hope—because sometimes, we feel the need to flounder in our grief and pain as we grapple with reality. We wrestle with our shocking feelings surrounding painful circumstances, and need to spend some time there.

I can relate. I have my own lapse between discovery and the quest for healing. Or maybe that lapse is really just the very beginning of the process that leads us to healing. When we receive shocking news—whether betrayal in our marriage, the death of a loved one, a serious diagnosis, or some other painful discovery, our initial response is not usually acceptance—that comes later in the grieving/healing process.

It helps to know this is a natural response for most humans. It doesn't make me a bad person or a bad Christian if I spend a little time between discovery and acceptance. It doesn't mean I don't believe God is good—but it does mean my faith in His goodness is being called to the test, even as He patiently waits for me to learn to trust Him with this hard news.

The truth is, when I hear something especially difficult, I like to nurse that pain for a while. Whether it's minutes or days, those feelings match the bad news. I need time to properly grieve those hurts and disappointments before I feel ready to move on and move forward—maybe you need this space too. But even in those days of nursing my wounds and floundering in my feelings, I'm still so deeply touched with His tender presence—giving comfort until I'm ready. 

I lost a dear friend this week, and I wasn't ready to hear she had passed away. I had hoped for healing—healing that would place her back in this world—healthy and whole and pouring herself back into her family and friends once again. We prayed and we believed, yet God took her home. I feel pain over our temporary parting—space is needed until acceptance comes. God knows. He understands our need for this time, yet it won't stop Him from planting precious truths into our hurting hearts. This is the soil needed for future acceptance—knowing He deeply cares for our hurts and pains.

Maybe you're somewhere between hard news and acceptance. Maybe you're wrestling with the darkness of those painful feelings—the deepness of grief. Maybe you don't even want to think of God, and are pressing against His longing to comfort you. If He is in control, then He could have allowed a different outcome—different news than what you're facing. Does He care for your hurt and pain, and does He understand the feelings we face as we grieve? He does, friends, He does.

We need days where we wallow in the bad news and we ask God, "why?" And while it's a natural part of the process of grieving, let us not stay stuck there. The truth is, bad news will come to us all at some point in our lives—and it seems more and more often as we age. Sin has broken this world, and it's broken us, too. That's why we desperately need Jesus—the God of all comfort. 

Maybe today you don't feel ready to accept whatever it is you're facing. Maybe you just want to nurse your pain another day. Maybe you aren't ready yet—ready to move forward. To accept. To heal. To trust God with your broken heart. Maybe today, hope doesn't feel possible. But tomorrow is a new day. Pray about your heart. Know that Jesus cares so very deeply for you. His ways are best, even when they hurt. 

We don't always need to know why, but eventually we must accept the present reality. We must remember God's faithful love, and that He works all things for good–even when it doesn't feel good. One day, you'll be ready, and one day you'll look back and see how far He's brought you. Don't spend too much time wallowing and nursing your pain—you have big things He has planned for you—things you don't want to miss. You aren't alone in this—He is always with us. So today in that space between hard news and acceptance, may you feel His love beckoning you to trust Him. May you learn to lean into His tender, strong arms and carry you through. He is our Good, Good Father—every single moment of every single day.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV). 

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, ESV). 

An Accurate View of God

 Many people grow up with a warped view of God. He may be thought of as a huge etherial Creature that sits on a giant throne in some distant land in the sky. He's harsh, and ready to strike when you make a wrong move. He is impersonal and disinterested—unless you mess up. He makes rules that feel like punishment, and likes to hold back good things from us. He labels things as sinful that our nature naturally wants (sex outside of marriage, recreational drugs, excess alcohol, the love of money, etc)—depriving us. He's angry and menacing and watching with critical eyes. This view of God is completely wrong, and yet many people hold thoughts along these lines.

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15, ESV).

Other people fall on the other end of the spectrum and see God as a hip Friend in the sky. He loves us all (true) so much, that He will overlook our sin. He changes His mind about what His Word clearly says based on popular opinion of the present day. He's an "anything goes" kind of God who turns His face from sinful choices because He is our Friend and doesn't want to upset us or make waves. He's a God who takes every "good" person home to heaven when they die, no matter if they were a true believer or not. This is another completely false view of God that many hold as truth.

Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth (Psalm 96:9, ESV)!

The truth is, neither of these views is accurate. God is gracious and full of mercy, but He is also holy. God's holiness demands respect and reverence. God is also loving and kind, yet demands obedience, repentance from sin, and our whole hearts—a living sacrifice. He is fair and just and always in control. He isn't subject to change, which we should find refreshing and encouraging—we never have to wonder what He expects because He never changes. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8, ESV).

God is our Creator, and as such, He understands us perfectly. He knows what is bad for us and can cause us heartache and pain—that's why He asks us to keep our bodies pure. He doesn't hold things back from us to make us miserable; He asks us not to do certain things because they will damage us. God longs to have a relationship with each one of us, and yet He leaves our pursuit of Him as a choice we must make. He will pursue us, but He will never force us to choose Him. 

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me (Revelation 3:20, ESV).

Having an accurate view of God is important if we are to know Him and serve Him. The only way we can know Him is to come to Him through the Father. How is this possible? By putting our faith and trust in the gift of the cross of Calvary. There, Jesus died to put away sin forever, calling us to believe that He is the Son of God who died to rescue us from sin and hell, and rose on the third day, victorious over death. This truth is what we call 'salvation'—an act of acceptance in what Jesus accomplished for us on that cross. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Once we come to intimately know Jesus as our Savior, our view of Him should change. The more we study the Bible, the more we learn about Him. The more we pray and spend time with Him, the more clearly we see and understand Him. We won't have a warped view—we will begin seeing the truth of who God is through the lens of time spent learning and communicating with Him. 

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105, ESV).

God wants us to know Him—and He knows us better than anyone else ever could (and still loves us)! How we live and love as Christians has a loud voice. Our behavior reflects on our Savior. May we each live in such a way that the world has a clearer picture of who our God is, and that through us, they may have a desire to know Him better.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15, ESV),

When The World Shakes Around You

A number of years ago, I recall sitting on my couch in the living room when my house began to rattle and shake. Living in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, earthquakes are not common, nor are they quakes that cause significant damage. They fall relatively low on the scale of intensity, but it's a weird and unsettling feeling nonetheless, and one I had never felt before.

Lately, our world is shaking. Earthquakes—yes, but in a very real sense, the world around us is unsettled—full of chaos and frightening events. My heart breaks for Haiti. My spirit feels shaken by the events in Afghanistan. Our country is at war over the handling of Covid19, dividing families and friends. The stock market has been impacted by all of these events causing fear and uncertainty in people's financial welfare. 

Personally, your world may be shaking, too. Maybe it's one of your children facing a terminal illness. Maybe it's your spouse, unfaithful and uncaring. Maybe it's your business—struggling to survive in an unstable economy. Or maybe it's even you—sick and tired of life and the struggles you're facing day after day. The world around you seems to not only be shaking, but tumbling down on top of you.

These feelings aren't new, in fact, they take me back to the early Church believers and the many trials they faced. Persecution was a daily worry. They were well-acquainted with suffering. We read often in Scripture where Paul and other New Testament writers wrote words to encourage them in the midst of these trials. We know from history that these believers faced be-heading, death in the arena by hungry lions, and many other forms of torture and imprisonment. And in the middle of these thoughts my heart is bolstered by these precious words from Scripture—the same words spoken to them many years ago:

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you (1 Peter 5:10)."

"So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name (Acts 5:41)."

"If we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He will also deny us (2 Timothy 2:12)."

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18)."

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4)."

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17),"

Today, if your load is heavy, rest on these words from Scripture. God longs to comfort us in our deepest struggles and offers us His strength to endure to the end. Some days our souls feel so weary and our body is tight with worry, stress or fear. Jesus has great compassion for our feelings and our worries and our shaken world. He calls us to Himself with these beautiful, hope-giving words:

"'Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).""

Our world may shake, but if our foundation is built on Jesus, we are safe and secure. He will not be moved or shaken so we can hold onto Him with confidence—no matter what we are facing in this season. May these simple words and thoughts offer comfort and encouragement when your world shakes and threatens to bring you down with it. Hold fast to Jesus, trusting Him to see you through.

RPM

You Lead, I'll Follow

     Driving along the back country roads behind a friend of mine, I listened to my music and enjoyed the beautiful scenery that crisp, sunny fall day. The drive was easy, and we had enjoyed a great time out together shopping and catching up over lunch. I don't have the best sense of direction (that's an understatement), so I'm always happy to be the car that follows. We wind through the countryside until we come into a more suburban area where the road veers off in two directions. As I sing along to some of my favorite music, I find I'm driving in auto-pilot and quickly jump on the same road as my friend—only to have her call to remind me that I should have taken the other road to head toward my own home. It was an easy mistake—one that didn't have a real cost associated with it and was easily corrected. But this same scenario plays out in our lives in more meaningful ways than following a friend home from a day of catching up.

     Relationships usually work in the "follow and lead" pattern. Some of the worst moments of my growing up years resulted in disappointment and hurt when I was given "leads" without a real desire for my following. Whether it was my misinterpretation of the relationship or not, I found myself disillusioned and brokenhearted. Being led on is sadly common—even in Christian circles. The result is a bruised heart and oftentimes, bitter feelings. The fact is that "playing the field" or "leading someone on" is the way the world works but not the way we should behave as believers.

     Then we come to marriage—the institution designed by God that is beautiful and functions best when we follow the pattern God set for us. Too often there is a jostling for control in the relationship and that is not how God intended for it to be. Our modern mindset is that the word submission has a negative connotation.

By definition, submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person (Oxford Languages Dictionary). 

    When we think of submission in biblical terms regarding marriage, it looks something like this: "a wife making a choice not to overtly resist her husband's will—not to say she cannot disagree or express her opinion (marriageministry.org)." In easier words, he has the responsibility of leadership in the home and the woman accepts his leadership and supports him. By no means does this mean a woman is oppressed or inferior in any way, but rather accepts the role God designed for her in the marriage as a supporter, helper and encourager. 

     But submission is not only for the wife—the husband will submit as well in fulfilling the woman's need to feel loved, protected and provided for. In many ways we can see it as a mutual act of serving one another, even as the bigger responsibilities lie on the husband's shoulders calling them to lead as we follow and give them needed help. This lead and follow pattern is also present in our relationship with Christ—He leads and we are to follow.

     We often balk at the act of following. We like to feel that we are in control and are the one calling the shots. Many times we feel that way because we want our own way and are motivated by selfishness, but as Christ followers we will recognize this as sinful and out of line with God's best design for us. 

     Maybe you're on autopilot in your marriage or your relationship with Christ and you're just bumping along without giving much thought to the course of your direction. May this be a time we can all reflect on who we are following—are we going the right way? Are we moving in the direction God is leading us? Or, are you pushing for control in your marriage and possibly using manipulation to get your way? I don't mind following one bit, but if I'm following the wrong person or have a bad attitude while I follow, I am not bringing pleasure to my Heavenly Father Who created me for something better—something that shows my willingness to serve out of love. May I learn to lead or follow—whichever role God has placed me in, and may I do it for the glory of God. 

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV).

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Colossians 3:18, ESV).

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25, ESV),

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives (1 Peter 3:1, ESV),

     

     

Passing Through the Waters

 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you (Isaiah 43:2, ESV).

With the enemy thundering at their heels, the Children of Israel rushed forward hoping for an escape from Pharaoh's army. The Egyptians had set them free, only to change their minds and pursue them on their flight from bondage. God had delivered them—or so they thought. As they were pursued, they came to a roadblock. The Red Sea lay before them and the enemy behind. They were trapped. Fear, doubt, anger and uncertainty likely held each of them captive. Why would God deliver them only to bring them to certain death at the banks of the sea?

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided (Exodus 14:21, ESV)."

Deliverance came for them through the gracious hand of God and their enemies perished in the waters as they closed on those Egyptians. The waters did not overwhelm them.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to kneel down to the golden image King Nebuchadnezzar had made. Refusal to worship this false god would result in a serious punishment—they would be thrown into a fiery furnace. What a terrifying verdict, and yet when we read further we read these words in Scripture:

"Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, "Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" They answered and said to the king, "True, O king." He answered and said, "But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods (Daniel 3:24-25, ESV).""

Deliverance came for these men through the gracious hand of God for their faithfulness to Him. The fire did not consume them.

What waters are you currently facing? Is there something you're facing that seems impossible? Do you feel trapped by your circumstances and can't seem to find a way out? Is it finances? An addiction? A troubled relationship? An affair? Or maybe you're facing foreclosure. What waters have you feeling fearful and discouraged?

What fires are you facing? The loss of a loved one? An unfaithful spouse who abandoned you? A pregnancy that is seriously in jeopardy? A family scandal or job insecurity? Do you feel the heat and wonder how you'll ever survive it? 

Deliverance doesn't always look like we think it should, but the God who parted that sea, and the same God who walked through the fire with those Hebrew men is still God today. When waters or fires threaten to consume and overwhelm us, He is our only solid answer and the only true Source of hope. 

May we be encouraged today in trusting that God knows our situation and He also knows our need. While He won't always remove hardships we experience, He will always meet us in the middle of them. He does always give us the strength and courage we need to face our trials and in these trials we face the promised refining—being made more like Jesus each day.

The Inadequacy of the Messenger

 For anyone who knows me well, you know I'm a big fan of listening to Chip Ingram from Living on the Edge Ministries. It's a great way to get my day started, and I am daily challenged by his teaching. One of his messages recently broadcasted, really struck a chord with me. The point he chose to drive home was this: the power of the gospel is in the message, not the messenger.

Maybe like me, you often feel inadequate to share the good news of the gospel  with others. You feel that one better suited may be the preacher in your church, the famous author who cranks out best sellers, or the missionary with the huge following in remote areas across the globe. It's easy to feel that they have a much larger platform, making us feel inferior to share the best news we know. 

Somedays it is hard as I approach even a simple blog post. Does what I say even matter? So many other authors are so much better at writing than I am. Even within the ministry of the devotional website I manage, I wonder at times if it's making a difference. And maybe you wonder the same in your circle of influence. It can cause feelings of insecurity or insignificance that comes from one source: Satan. 

Maybe you don't write, speak publicly or have a specific mission you're involved in. But here is the encouragement for you—you still carry the Voice of the Messenger. Whatever you feels disqualifies you is simply inaccurate. Think of who Jesus used to get the Message out to the world—He used simple fisherman. He used people who had betrayed Him. He wasn't looking for the most eloquent speaker or the most educated to share His message—He was simply looking for people who would be obedient to the calling to share. 

Honestly, I've used the mentality of "let my life be my testimony" method when in reality, I lack the courage of speaking out—of allowing His message to escape my inadequate lips. I also feel there must be a million other more capable people to spread His Word, and that's because I also fail to remember the lesson behind Chip's message: the power is in the gospel! This levels the playing field and equips all of us who believe to have the ability to share, knowing God will handle the rest. 

I don't know about you, but that takes a lot of pressure off for me. I don't see myself as being a great evangelist with a host of hungry hearts hanging onto my every word—but that's okay! I don't have a best seller out there, even though I do enjoy writing—but that's okay! I don't have a large platform of people, but if I obediently share with the few in my circle of influence then God can bless that. That's because it's His Word and He doesn't need me to do anything spectacular, the gospel is spectacular on It's own! 

So if you have days like I do, where you feel unable or unsure that you have much of a voice when it comes to sharing the gospel, don't let that discourage you. Instead, pray that God will open opportunity for you to speak to even just one. If only one person came to salvation through your simple obedience to share the message, then God did a great work through your obedience. We don't need big. We don't need fanfare. The gospel is where the power is; it's not in us. Today I challenge you to pray for courage to share this Good News—even if it's just with one person. Pray that God will equip you as the messenger, and that His power will work through the Message of the Gospel, transforming lives. What a privilege it is to share the best news we know!

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples (Psalm 96:3, ESV)!

And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation (Mark 16:15, ESV).

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek (Romans 1:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, equip us as messengers to share Your Message, and may we remember that the power lies within the gospel, not ourselves. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Where I Belong

 I walked into the room full of men and women with a dry mouth and a pounding heart. I knew no one and felt completely out of my element. Everyone was mingling, engrossed in groups of conversation. Coffee in hand, I glanced around the room looking for even one person that was alone only to find none. Why had I come, I wondered? I would do about anything to be home right now and not standing awkwardly outside of my comfort zone. I made eye contact with a few people as I slowly walked the perimeter, but didn't seem to connect with anyone. Finding my way to a seat, I tried to look confident and comfortable alone with my coffee. Pretending to peruse my social media thread, I mentally ticked the amount of time I would spend in this uncomfortable place.

Have you ever felt out of place—like a fish out of water? As I've gotten older I've gotten much better at being "good" with new situations, but they still cause a little anxiety for me. These are the thoughts that whirled through my mind as I thought this week of Ruth (not myself, but the Old Testament version of Ruth). As a Moabite woman, she left behind her family and her heritage for something completely different when she married Mahlon. As an Israelite family from Bethlehem, Mahlon's family was unlike the Moabite family Ruth would have been raised in. After a short time together, Ruth became a widow along with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law as all three lost their husbands.

Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, encouraged Ruth to return to her family and her homeland. This would have been more comfortable, perhaps, but it wasn't what Ruth believed to be right. Somewhere along the way, Ruth saw that Mahlon's family served the true God, and she loved Naomi and was willing to leave all she knew to follow her to a whole new place. But how did she feel in her heart as she set out for this city she knew nothing about nor anyone who lived there, apart from Naomi? I'm guessing she felt a little like I did in that room full of strangers, yet her resolve was firmly in place to follow Naomi wherever she decided to go.

Ruth wasn't an Israelite, but God didn't exclude her from His people because she had a different nationality. In fact, He made a place in His own family for her. How so? By weaving her into the very bloodline that would lead to the birth of Jesus Christ. I find this very special as well as encouraging for those of us who are Gentiles. While God chose the Israelites to be His chosen people, He opened up the way for those who sought Him—regardless of their lineage. His heart always craved a heart who desired Him. Rahab, another Old Testament woman with a sordid past was not a Jew either, yet she also shared in the bloodline that led to the birth of the Messiah. 

When we come into the New Testament, we see the open door for the Gentiles through Paul's preaching. The gospel was for everyone—even me. No matter your skin color or the country you were born and raised in, you're welcome in the family of God. If you have a colorful past or a family full of crooks, you're welcome in the family of God. He doesn't exclude—we do that. It's precious to think that God desires us and that as His children we are always wanted—we never have to worry about fitting in or feeling like a misfit. 

Do you ever feel a little lost in this world, overcome by feelings of inadequacy? Do you ever feel alone and out of your element? Humans judge and accept us based on their perceptions of us, but God accepts us based on something better—the shed blood of His Son on the cross of Calvary. If ever love was perfectly displayed, it was there on that cross. Through His invitation to come, it points to His intense desire for us. We will forever belong to Him and we never have to feel insecure or alone. Ruth was engrafted into His family despite her nationality. While she was considered a "foreigner", God saw her as a daughter. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't be accepted into God's family, but His love covers them all. I am chosen, wanted and fully accepted as a daughter in God's family—what a tremendous privilege and blessing it is.

Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all (Colossians 3:11, ESV).

Therefore let it be known to you that this salvation of God has been sent to the Gentiles; they will listen (Acts 28:28, ESV)."

And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd (John 10:16, ESV).

Exercising Faith-What Does it Mean?

 Circuit training—a phrase that brings up bad memories from the past. With multiple weight machines set up in close proximity, you basically run from one to the next, and on and on it goes for about 45 minutes or so. The first few sets were typically done quite easily, as the weight is lighter than regular lifting, but as you worked through each machine and your heart rate steadily punched upward, I would begin questioning what in the world had ever prompted me to begin in the first place. This was exercise not intended for the faint of heart—but for the dedicated athlete.

Now Zumba—that's my kind of workout, but even with Zumba I struggled initially to learn the dance steps and to build up my stamina and confidence. No proper form of exercise comes without a learning curve and a period of adjustment—physical and mental, but with perseverance, you make strides as you keep at it. And when you think about it, faith is no different. I wasn't born trusting God and automatically knowing how to live as a transformed believer of Jesus—it was through many small experiences over time that I learned those things and continue to do so.

Building, or exercising our faith requires spiritual muscle development. It won't just happen unless you put in effort. You will never accidentally fall into being a person of great faith. And so it takes deliberate practice, just like any other form of exercise. Many times, I am guilty of praying for a greater faith, then being puzzled and frustrated with trial after trial. If you want to be a person of great faith, trials aren't optional. That teenager that's giving you a hard time? Faith building. That church leader that seems to make rules based on personal preference causing you irritation? Faith building. A spouse who runs to another's arms, devastating your heart? Faith building. Bills that are out of sync with your income? Faith building.

When you think of people in Scripture known for their faith, you'll see they were people who faced pretty difficult situations. Abraham was asked to offer his son. Esther came before the king unannounced with a desire to save her people—an action that could easily cost her life. Joshua instructed the people to march around the walls of Jericho, believing that God would spare them from harm and give the city into their hands. David picked up a small rock and faced a large giant who wanted to kill him. Moses led his people into the middle of the sea, believing God would hold back the waters from destroying them. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to worship an idol and walked inside a fiery furnace, not knowing if they would be delivered or not. 

All of these people are known for their faith—yet each one faced their own trials with confidence in God. It's true that trials stink. I know I don't like them and I bet you don't either. But trials are necessary if we want to truly grow in our faith and learn to trust our Heavenly Father. Without them, we would not learn to rely on His strength to see us through, and we would not grow in our faith. 

What are you facing today that you are wrestling against? Are you feeling bitter or angry that God allowed this situation in your life? Honestly, there are those moments we find ourselves angry with God—and yet He understands our emotions and feels compassion for us. But as a loving Father, He wants more for us than an easy life that won't encourage our spiritual growth and build our faith. When I think of people I have known who have passed away, the ones with the most powerful legacy are those who faced challenges and continued to walk in faith. So when we face things we wish we weren't called to face, may we see how God is exercising our faith by allowing things that have a greater purpose than the pain we are experiencing in that season. Our God is good and He deeply loves us. Even when our life gets hard and our hearts are hurting. May it be said of us when we take our last breath, "their faith is what I remember and appreciate the most". 

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him (Hebrews 11:6, ESV).

That your faith may not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God (1 Corinthians 2:5, ESV).

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith (1 John 5:4, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we want to be people known for our faith, and yet our hearts often struggle with trials. Help us in those hard seasons to trust You and believe that You will bring good from whatever we face. We know that faith building isn't easy and requires trials and so we ask that when we face them, we would learn to wholly lean on You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Harsh Words Damage Relationships

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back (Proverbs 29:11, ESV).
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, ESV).

Can you remember all the great things people have said about you through your life? I know I can remember a few—especially those said by someone that oftentimes isn’t complimentary. I remember praise for accomplishing certain milestones or tasks, and I remember promises made involving serious things like marriage vows. I remember whispered words of encouragement when I was walking through some very difficult moments in life, but man oh man I remember harsh words.

Why is it that the really bad things we have heard stick with us, filling us with whispers of doubt and fear in moments of weakness? They lay under the surface of our thoughts, easily erupting when we need them the least. It should give us great pause before we allow ourselves to speak, knowing the impact can last for decades—sometimes even forever. 

Rash words really are often like sword thrusts, aiming at our hearts and wounding oftentimes more seriously than a physical injury. Learning to rein in our words should be constant. At any moment given the wrong situation, we can so easily lash out with hurtful comments. This is often especially true with those closest to us—the ones we know love us most and will forgive our verbal jabs. I find this is fairly common among couples learning to live side by side, day after day.

Stressful situations can lead us to be careless with our words. Feeling hungry, sleepy or ill can also lead us to snap or say something rude or unkind. When we use words that are harsh or unkind, Scripture says we speak as a fool. These words have consequences and reveal the state of our hearts. If you’re known as one that can aptly cut with your words in a clever, sarcastic or cruel way, you are not a picture of Christ.

Our society places value on sarcasm and criticism, but within a marriage or any relationship, that form of speech damages and tears down. Our speech, as believers, should build up and encourage. As I write this, I am convicted when I think of the many times I have used clever, cutting words and felt almost proud of how I put someone in their place. May God change our hearts and may we be convicted of our speech when it falls short.

Marriages need kindness. Your spouse needs words that affirm and encourage. There is no situation where we are justified in using harsh language. My challenge to each of us today is to pay attention to our words. What tone are you using when you speak? Is what you’re saying beneficial or destructive? Words are often forgotten, but I think it’s so important to know that harsh words spoken are often remembered for many years, causing bitterness, along with emotional and mental pain. Speak kindly, and by doing so, it will reveal the Spirit of God within you. 

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:36, ESV),

 

I am Thomas

I sat beside his bed, holding the hand of my husband. Thirty years of doing life together conjured up so many rich memories. How could I go on without him, I wondered? We were a team—partners, lovers, and best friends. And now this. The doctors had given us news that literally shook us: stage 4 cancer. How are you supposed to handle that kind of news? 

In another home across the world a woman sat alone. Fearful and heartbroken, she faced the awful news that her husband had left her. The clothes and books and his well-worn recliner seemed to mock her in his absence. Was it over? Would things ever be okay again? How was she supposed to move forward alone? She missed him desperately, yet here she was—broken and filled with doubt.

Centuries earlier, a similar situation played out in a distant land. As he looked on, he saw his friend hanging on a cross. Broken and bloodied and dying. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He had placed all of his faith in this Man, and now He was dying—leaving them and shattering his hopes that Jesus was truly the long-awaited Messiah. Why had he been so foolish to believe, he thought to himself? Why did it have to end this way?

The disciples were gathered together and Jesus appeared to them after that awful day of His death. While Jesus had told them prior to His death that He would indeed die and raise from the dead, they didn't understand what He meant. So when they saw Him, their hope was restored—He really was the Messiah. He really was Who they had believed Him to be. This caused them great joy and I'm sure, a huge sense of relief. But Thomas wasn't there. He didn't get to see Him, and when he was told that Jesus had appeared to them, he refused to believe it.

Not only did Thomas refuse to believe the news, but he adamantly refused. In fact, these are his words:

"Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe (John 20:25, ESV)."  Never.

Eight days later, Jesus appeared to His disciples again, except this time Thomas was with them. How do you think Thomas felt when Jesus, knowing his heart and his words, asked him to place his finger in the nail print in his hand and to place his hand on His side and feel the place where the sword had pierced Him? I would imagine in that moment, Thomas felt an ocean full of regret and sorrow. He had doubted the Lord, and the Lord had called him out on it. Not in a mean way—but in a very direct way. And Jesus then told Thomas: "Do not disbelieve, but believe (John 20:27b, ESV)." 

It's so easy to point fingers at Thomas and judge him for his doubting heart. How could he have seen the works of the Lord and then doubt His identity? He had watched Him perform many miracles in the three years he spent with Him—healing people, feeding multitudes from only a few loaves and fish, raising people from the dead. How could he have been an eye-witness to these miraculous acts, only to doubt Him as He hung on the cross? It seems foolish, and yet I've been there, and maybe you have too.

The truth is, God heals cancer. God restores broken marriages. God gives the addict freedom from substance abuse. God makes a way when it seems there is none. God cures. God rescues. That's what He does, and I often easily forget that when I'm faced with situations that seem absolutely impossible. I doubt Him. I forget what He's done. I'm no different or better than Thomas.

But Thomas didn't stay a doubter. After he touched the wounds of Jesus, he appropriately addressed Him as "my Lord and my God." History records that later Thomas would lose his life as a martyr. He could have stayed in a place of disbelief, but he didn't—and I don't have to stay in a place of doubt either. Why? Because I've personally seen the hand of Jesus miraculously move in my own life. I've had a front row seat to witnessing the power of God transform people—transform my marriage, and transform lives. When I stop to consider these things I can release worry and doubt that grips my heart when I'm the one sitting by the hospital bed or facing an unfaithful spouse or a child addicted to drugs. Is it hard—yes. Does it hurt—absolutely. But I serve a God who is able.

Even though He is able, God doesn't always heal that stage 4 husband. He doesn't always bring back a wayward child or spouse. The addict will take the final dose that takes their life. Our world is broken, and sin has touched every part of it. But as believers, we don't have to live in a place of doubt. God will make all things new and restore His creation. He cares about us and wants us to hope in Him. He can do all things, and in His strength, so can we. And sometimes–somedays, that's enough to remove every bit of doubt from our hearts no matter what we are facing. May we, like Thomas remember—truly see Him, and then address Him as our Lord and our God. 

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind (James 1:6, ESV). 

Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him (Mark 11:23, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to be remembered by our faith, and not our doubts. May we be Christians that leave a legacy that says "they trusted in God, and lived it." In Your name we pray, Amen!

Vine to Branches

 Endlessly scrolling through study after study, I realized I had completed most of what was available on the site I do much of my reading on. The same was true of the other app I use for my morning devotions. How many other people are there like this?—I thought to myself. This went on for a few months as God began to plant an idea in my heart. What if a team could be built that would offer short topical studies for both men and women—young and old. Single and married. A team that would share studies written from their hearts for the Lord that could be a blessing to others. What would it take to make this happen, and would God open the way for this idea to become a reality? How could I take an idea this large and make it actually happen? The key point here is this: it would take help from a small village, and God opening the doors in order for success.

A good friend of mine is great at this sort of thing. He is my go-to for all things "tech" related. I knew before I could even take another step that I needed to talk to him and get his take on whether this was a possibility or not. I definitely am incapable of building a website on my own, but I knew this particular friend's capabilities—he was my best chance at getting the ball rolling. By the end of our conversation I had an action list of 'to-do's' and felt greatly encouraged and excited. 

The biggest hurdle I faced was knowing I desperately needed writers—people willing to write for free;) Writing takes a lot of time and effort, and I knew it would take no less than 6-7 to get started. What  I love so much about V2B (our nickname) is how each person involved is a newbie. We are all forging into new territory and each one of these willing people that join our team are just precious people. They sure aren't in it for the money (although I get teased a lot about them wanting free swag) since we are currently a free website. And so each person involved writes from the heart, uploads and designs from the heart, posts from the heart and edits from the heart. 

God has opened doors for us in ways that make my heart so happy. We are still really small, but we have a team I am so proud of. We currently have 12 people that do writing for us, 3 that take care of social media, 2 that do editing and then the behind the scenes developer that takes care of our website. Without these wonderful humans our site would not be possible and I'm so thankful for them. 

Our name is taken from John 15:5 ("I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing"). Jesus is our Vine, and when we connect to Him, only then will we bear spiritual fruit. Being connected to our Vine is where true life is—He is the Source of it, and His Word is our instruction manual for living for Him. Studying, reading and praying are our pathways to knowing Him better and understanding His desire for us.

Our mission at Vine to Branches is simple:to provide material that will encourage and challenge people in their faith. We pray that even those who may not know the Lord may find answers here. We also pray that God will use our studies to be a source of hope to those who may experience similar trials our writers have faced. The message of the gospel and in living for Christ is the best news ever—we are privileged and honored to share it with the world. 

I don't share this information in any way as a desire for a pat on the back or any acknowledgment. What I do want to share is that God has a plan for each one of us, and when He lays things before us, what will we do with it? Sometimes the call seems bigger than we are capable of, but when it's from Him, He will supply the help needed to see it through. Our "following" is small, but our prayer is that as we pour out our work with open hands, that God will be pleased and use it for His glory—that God will take this small act on our part and allow the seed to fall on receptive ground. One day it may become clear that He is closing these doors, but until then, may we continue to labor together in this way, looking to Him for blessing and for guidance. 

*For any of you who do visit vinetobranches.com, we appreciate you. We are humbled by the sacrifice of your time, and for how you greatly encourage us. May God bless each one of you.

The Pull

 This week I was struck with how easily our flesh is drawn to the temporary pleasures the world has to offer. I felt sick and tired of the pull—the constant lure toward sin. How often I exchange a few moments of fun for something of real value. Something that could have a positive impact on my eternal reward. In almost 40 years of following Christ, I've never yet outgrown the desire for earthly pleasures and the lust of the flesh, and I suspect that won't change until I leave here, taking my final breath when I'll finally be set free.

But I'm not there yet, so I pray that God will touch my heart for His Presence and that I'll stop short-selling Jesus for lesser things. Somedays, I feel disgusted with my wasted days and months and seasons. I wish every moment had been in surrender to His will for me. But in reality, when compared to the length of time I've spent here, the moments of surrender have been few. I feel sin-sick and too often drawn to the things I shouldn't be drawn to.

I've been enjoying a new Gaither Vocal Band song this week titled 'Out of Bondage'. Here are a few lines from the song:

Out of bondage, into freedom

From the chains that held me fast,

Out of bondage, into freedom

From my prison free at last.

While this song is written about our freedom from our past and the sin that stood between us and God, I love to think of this in another way: the day my heart will forever be free from the pull toward this world and its shallow offerings. The day my chains will be forever loosed from my body—set free in my eternal home.

It's not that I don't love my life, and appreciate the blessings God has given me in so many areas. I love my husband and kids and family and friends. I love my church family, my dogs and my home. It's not that I long for death. But friends, some days I just feel weary of the brokenness here. The pain of wrong choices. The corruption of leaders. The indulgence in sin. The perversion of sex. The profane and idle chatter. The jealousy. The betrayal and lies. It's all so ugly and so heavy, and yet God stands with His arms wide open, beckoning me to fall into them and find peace and joy I could never find here. 

And so I run to Him, asking Him to forgive me—forgive us for this filth in our hearts. I hurt for Him as He looks on and sees it all—every single sin that cost Him His precious, only Son. And I wonder how we so easily forget. How can we be so callous? Why are we so drawn to things that hurt our Savior? I want to hunger for Him above all other persons or things. But I'll feel this away again more times than I care to admit. I'll feel pulled away from Him for something temporary. Something shallow. I'll waste more days and more opportunity. But today, I don't want to. I want my life to be spiritually rich and abundantly valuable in His eyes. 

"God, touch our hearts for You. May we hunger for You each day, weighing up our choices for where we pour our hearts. Help us to remember the tremendous cost of our sin, and may we truly have a desire to live a surrendered life. Forgive us for our constant desire for worldly offerings. And until the day I'm finally set free from the pull, hold me fast in Your loving arms."

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12, ESV),

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16, ESV).

The Manipulation Game

 It starts as very young children—innocently enough initially until they figure out they own power over a caretaker. It's different than a new baby crying to signal hunger or discomfort, it's an action backed with intention. A temper tantrum is a clear sign of early stage manipulation—I'll scream and carry on until I get on your nerves so much that you'll give me what I want. As soon as you give them what they wanted to make the screaming stop, they think to themselves, "hey, that works!" And so it begins.

This behavior often follows us into our growing up years. We say things to manipulate a response: "If you really loved me, you wouldn't ground me for 3 weeks." The parents talk among themselves and reduce the punishment. They have in short, been manipulated. Why do we fall for this? Because our love is short-sighted and we don't enjoy punishing the people we love. By short-sighting our relationships though, we are failing to raise children who realize that A) sin has consequences, and B) manipulating us is not an option.

What is manipulation? It is defined as an action "to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner." (www.dictionary.com). The older we get, the better we often become at being manipulators. We learn what works with certain people and we skillfully use words or actions to influence them to do what we want them to do. This is a very damaging way to manage our relationships, and often leads to the parting of ways. If we manipulate our children, they are watching us and learning from our own behavior, thus, pouring this same manipulation into their own familial relationships. So, what do we do about it, and is there any hope to re-train ourselves to find value in differing opinions, behaviors and decisions other than what we prefer?

Manipulation is said by behavioral experts to be rooted in fear and insecurity. What we know from Scripture is that fear is not from God. ("For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline- 2 Timothy 1:7, NLT.") We also read in the Bible that there is no fear in love ("There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love- 1 John 4:18, NIV.) So we can surmise that fear is from Satan, and fear has no place in love. This poses a problem for allowing manipulation into our relationships as believers, and yet it is often prevalent in how we handle our kids, co-workers, and especially our spouse. 

Manipulation is a form of controlling others. When we practice controlling behavior, we are removing God from the equation. We may not be aware that we are essentially doing that, but isn't God the One who should be in control? Now here is another uncomfortable bit of truth. I've been a manipulator and I've been manipulated—and you have also played on both sides of the field. Some have a bigger struggle with it than others, but as believers, it's a behavior we need to eliminate from our lives. The only way we can even begin to tackle it is to understand that we have this problem and sincerely desire change. When we get to this point, only then is there hope for God to move in and work to change our hearts. When our hearts are changed, what flows from our words and our actions will also change as those are directly impacted by the state of our spiritual hearts.

If you recognize this damaging behavior in your own life, my prayer today is that you would acknowledge it, then learn to take it to the feet of Jesus. He longs to banish our fears and insecurities, and He promises to give us strength and help for anything we face. Depending on the severity and the root cause of our manipulative behaviors, we may find ourselves in need of counseling from a professional. But most of us can find what we need in Christ to kick this bad habit to the curb. May we allow God to purge us from using skillful influence to get what we want from the ones we love, because at the very core of it all, we are damaging our relationships. God, help us today to see ourselves with open eyes and open hearts, and be willing to allow You to work in us for our spiritual and relational good. 

Examples of Manipulative Behavior: (a very short list)

*Compliments before giving your parents your report card

*Withholding sex from your spouse over an argument

*Guilting your child to stay home because you're lonely

*Complimenting a co-worker so they do something that should be       your job to do

*Putting someone down to elevate yourself

*Pouting because your guy chose to play basketball instead of shopping   with you

*Crying to get out of a speeding ticket

*Using a loud, angry voice to intimidate

*Preaching a sermon that was tailored to jab at one person in the   congregation

*Misrepresenting a product to make a sale

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for this sinful, damaging behavioral pattern we often portray in our lives. Purge us from manipulation and help us to see how damaging it is to our relationships. Lord, may we remember that You are in control, and it is best left that way. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!

The Shame Game

 "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4, NASB)."

Words. They bring pleasure and they spread poison. They wound, hurt and jab. They encourage, comfort and build confidence. In short, they can be used for good and for bad. What we say matters. A lot. Especially the words we say to or about our spouse. In our culture, it's not uncommon to hear women groan about their husbands. "They work too much. They are lazy. They are moody. They are messy. They need to lose weight. They yell too much at the kids." The list can be pretty extensive, yet personalized to the man behind these verbal barbs. And oftentimes they are directed straight to the source, putting him down and bringing "rottenness to his bones".

But I'm guessing this isn't a new problem, as Solomon saw fit to include this statement in the book of Proverbs. And I'm also guessing with the number of wives he had, he experienced plenty of this in his own life (another reason why polygamy is not God's plan for us). And let us remember that nothing was placed in Scripture that God did not want there—after all, it's His Word. And so this statement is important and relevant.

I'll not say that I've never put my own husband down to him, or in front of others, because I would sadly be lying. But as I've gotten older, I've realized how damaging it is to a man—and a marriage, to practice this behavior. It goes completely against the directive found in Ephesians chapter 5, written by the Apostle Paul, to respect our husband. This respect spoken of by Paul is not conditional. This means we respect them whether they have earned it or not. This goes against the modern way of thinking, and challenges us to stretch ourselves and ask God to fill seasons where this may be difficult on our part. 

One way we can show this respect toward our husbands is to refuse to belittle them or put them down. Ever. That doesn't mean that they never need to hear constructive criticism, done the right way. In private. Using kindness. This is one way we can be an excellent crown to our husbands. With my personal opinion removed, it's never biblical or spiritual to engage in an argument in front of other people. Does it happen? Yes. But it's never right or acceptable to do so. And to be quite frank, no one else enjoys being spectators to this either.

And so we can flip the coin on this one, refusing to implant words that lead to rottenness. We can instead choose words that lead to life and joy and bring peace—words that encourage and show respect. We can step into a group of women who may be husband bashing, and say something great about ours—or we can simply walk away, refusing to engage. We can tell our kids things that build him up. Things like, "your dad works very hard to provide for us all." Or, "give Dad some space today because he has had a rough day (even if you think yours was harder than his)." Or maybe even, "dad is so generous toward us, and I'm so thankful for him." 

Our words have great power, as wives. Our men can be built up by them, or torn down. Our kids are witness to our words, and are taking note. What do they see and hear from you? Does it line up with Scripture, and would God be pleased with how you speak to, and about your husband? It's never too late to make improvements in our marriages, and if you feel you have fallen short, make changes starting today. When you do, don't be surprised when you see it transform the man you love. And don't be surprised when in turn, he behaves in a much more loving way toward you. 

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us as wives to show respect and speak honorably about our husbands—even when we think they don't deserve it. Open our eyes to how we sometimes bring shame to them with our words, and how it goes against Your design for our marriage. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Choose Truth

 The past year has been tough—that's not hard to deny. From dirty politics, to racial tension, to Covid19 information (or misinformation), one thing that stands out is how difficult it is to find truth these days. We can't find truth on the news; we are fed lies every day on social media, and we sure can't get a solid answer from our political leaders. It's disheartening and causes insecurity and fear. Our media feeds on this fear, piling on information that is greatly skewed. And while feeling disillusioned by outside sources is frustrating, it's far less hurtful than when it comes from our inner circle.

I was listening to a radio broadcast the other day and the pastor relayed a personal story that stuck with me. Someone had said something about him that was completely untrue—someone he knew and thought was his friend. This piece of information got under his skin and caused him three sleepless nights and plenty of anger. When he met with one of his friends for coffee, he brought up what had happened. His friend stopped him halfway through the conversation and said, "Enough. I don't want to hear about that anymore!" Taken aback, his friend went on to explain that what was said was untrue, in the past, and if dwelt on, would shift his focus from serving God to being sidetracked by this issue.

How many can relate to this story? I can. What people say about me matters—even though I often tend to brush it off outwardly (but inside it's very damaging). But when the information is inaccurate, it's even more hurtful. One point we need to consider is this—if you're doing something for the Lord, expect adversity. Nothing will trip us up more than an attack against our character—especially from a close source. And so when this happens, we must ask some questions of ourselves.

Is what has been said about me true in any way? Really allow yourself time to reflect on this and search for proof behind statements or assumptions. We often are not aware of how our words or actions may be taken by others. If there is truth to what has been said, address the issue and make the necessary changes. Mending relationships is important, and when we are at fault for the breech, we should be taking the first step to restoring the relationship.

What if the information is not true—what do I do about it? This can be difficult when it's coming from someone you know, trust, or love. It hurts. Addressing the issue and offering "your side" is helpful, but won't always correct the situation. If someone truly knows your character, they should be willing to hear your side and consider the possibility that what they have heard does not align with what they have observed in your words and actions. If they refuse to believe the truth over the misinformation they have heard, you will have to leave it at an apology and allow God to work in their hearts on the matter. Staying stuck in this place will rob you of your spiritual purpose and the joy we should experience as God's children.

What if the information is actually true–even if it was taken the wrong way? A heartfelt apology is in order—not only to the one you have offended, but to God as well. When we say or do hurtful things, we hurt more than just the person we offended—we hurt the heart of our Heavenly Father. This step goes against our pride and our fleshly desire to be "right". It's humbling to accept responsibility for our actions and to offer an apology, but it's absolutely required. The apology may or may not be accepted—and if it is not, that's on them. As believers, we should show care and grace when we offend or have been offended. 

Words can be very damaging. Gossip, lies against someone's character, and spreading misinformation hurt people. Consider this when you have something to say, or something to share with others. Is it true? Is it accurate? Is it profitable? Is it damaging? Will it build up, or tear down? Before we open our mouths, may we take into consideration these important questions, and be willing to shut our mouths when what we have to say is unkind, malicious or untrue. May we be known as encouragers and people who speak the truth in love. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21, ESV).

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18, ESV).

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:36, ESV),

"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor (Exodus 20:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to weigh our words—the words we say and the words we hear. Help us to be truthful and to dwell on truth, knowing that dwelling on lies causes us to become angry and bitter. Purify our hearts so that our words will follow. In Your name we pray, Amen.