You Lead, I'll Follow

     Driving along the back country roads behind a friend of mine, I listened to my music and enjoyed the beautiful scenery that crisp, sunny fall day. The drive was easy, and we had enjoyed a great time out together shopping and catching up over lunch. I don't have the best sense of direction (that's an understatement), so I'm always happy to be the car that follows. We wind through the countryside until we come into a more suburban area where the road veers off in two directions. As I sing along to some of my favorite music, I find I'm driving in auto-pilot and quickly jump on the same road as my friend—only to have her call to remind me that I should have taken the other road to head toward my own home. It was an easy mistake—one that didn't have a real cost associated with it and was easily corrected. But this same scenario plays out in our lives in more meaningful ways than following a friend home from a day of catching up.

     Relationships usually work in the "follow and lead" pattern. Some of the worst moments of my growing up years resulted in disappointment and hurt when I was given "leads" without a real desire for my following. Whether it was my misinterpretation of the relationship or not, I found myself disillusioned and brokenhearted. Being led on is sadly common—even in Christian circles. The result is a bruised heart and oftentimes, bitter feelings. The fact is that "playing the field" or "leading someone on" is the way the world works but not the way we should behave as believers.

     Then we come to marriage—the institution designed by God that is beautiful and functions best when we follow the pattern God set for us. Too often there is a jostling for control in the relationship and that is not how God intended for it to be. Our modern mindset is that the word submission has a negative connotation.

By definition, submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person (Oxford Languages Dictionary). 

    When we think of submission in biblical terms regarding marriage, it looks something like this: "a wife making a choice not to overtly resist her husband's will—not to say she cannot disagree or express her opinion (marriageministry.org)." In easier words, he has the responsibility of leadership in the home and the woman accepts his leadership and supports him. By no means does this mean a woman is oppressed or inferior in any way, but rather accepts the role God designed for her in the marriage as a supporter, helper and encourager. 

     But submission is not only for the wife—the husband will submit as well in fulfilling the woman's need to feel loved, protected and provided for. In many ways we can see it as a mutual act of serving one another, even as the bigger responsibilities lie on the husband's shoulders calling them to lead as we follow and give them needed help. This lead and follow pattern is also present in our relationship with Christ—He leads and we are to follow.

     We often balk at the act of following. We like to feel that we are in control and are the one calling the shots. Many times we feel that way because we want our own way and are motivated by selfishness, but as Christ followers we will recognize this as sinful and out of line with God's best design for us. 

     Maybe you're on autopilot in your marriage or your relationship with Christ and you're just bumping along without giving much thought to the course of your direction. May this be a time we can all reflect on who we are following—are we going the right way? Are we moving in the direction God is leading us? Or, are you pushing for control in your marriage and possibly using manipulation to get your way? I don't mind following one bit, but if I'm following the wrong person or have a bad attitude while I follow, I am not bringing pleasure to my Heavenly Father Who created me for something better—something that shows my willingness to serve out of love. May I learn to lead or follow—whichever role God has placed me in, and may I do it for the glory of God. 

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV).

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Colossians 3:18, ESV).

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25, ESV),

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives (1 Peter 3:1, ESV),

     

     

I'm "Just" a Housewife

     "What do you do?", they ask. It always seems to come up in conversation with new people you meet. There are a few terms generally given for an answer- things like stay-at-home mom, homemaker or a housewife. But oh how I've learned how the word "just" doesn't belong in my answer- and it doesn't belong in yours either. Whatever you do, you do wholeheartedly for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). There is no room for "just" - especially when we are answering the call to work within our homes full-time. As I've journeyed through approximately 24 years of being at home, I've chalked up a pretty extensive repertoire of expertise. Now I don't claim to be perfect in what I do- far from it! But I've learned a lot along the way, and can honestly say that should my presence be permanently removed from my home, the impact would be huge. Often times, it's then that our efforts and work is most noticed and missed. I don't believe my husband or kids take me for granted, but I do think they are somewhat unaware of the responsibilities that fall on a wife and a mom. So today, my post is not only for my fellow housewives, but also for those who wonder what we do with all of our time.
     Our duties and tasks are many. We vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, clean the kitchen, organize closets and cabinets. We wash and fold clothes. We shop for groceries and make sure everyone has their favorite foods available. We prepare nutritious meals for our families and are in tune with what people prefer. We often are responsible for doing the family books, and try to keep our budget in check, looking for ways to save money. We look for sales, coupons and other ways to reduce expenses. We buy family gifts. We plan birthday parties and other family celebrations. We raise our children- this also comes with a large laundry list of responsibilities. We are chaperones and taxi drivers. We volunteer at the school. We mold the minds of our children. We get our kids ready for school and church and pack the lunchboxes. We go on field trips. We are holiday hostesses. We open our doors to family and friends. We do a lot of the planning for vacations and make reservations for date nights. We entertain. We schedule appointments. We pick up cleaning or run to the bank. We put effort into our physical appearance. We are usually responsible for the family pets- their care, feeding, vet visits and potty breaks. We make our husband and kids feel loved and cared for. We send encouraging notes and always seem to be their biggest cheerleaders (because we are). We feed ourselves spiritually so that we are the best wife and mom that we can possibly be. And so much more- and yet we often feel like what we don't just isn't enough. And sometimes, we feel like we are "just a housewife!"
     Sweet sisters- we are answering a call for the ministry God has for us in our homes. Not all of us have the privilege of being able to do this, but for those of us who do, we are doing exactly what God has for us. We are changing lives. We are making a difference. We are building up treasure in heaven. We are a vital presence in the walls of our homes- transforming it from being simply a house, to being "home". A place where the people we love feel safe, valued, treasured, cared for, and so very loved. I appreciate women who are out there doing their thing in the work force, but man I hope we can see the tremendous gift of those who choose to remain in the home. Somedays, there will be those who look down on what we do. I'll never forget being talked about with distain for my "just staying-at-home" self by someone else. I can't tell you how hurtful those words were to hear, even though they could never understand my life or the way I live it. But I've had to remind myself that those were words spoken in jealousy and insecurity, and they are completely untrue. God has me where He wants me, and that is exactly where I need to be.
     If you ever struggle with feeling like you aren't enough- simply because you work inside your home, don't believe it for a minute. God values what we do. He sees our work and He knows our hearts. He has given us a big responsibility within the walls of our own homes. Let's do this work with passion, love and a commitment to those He has called us to serve. When we are serving our husbands and our children, we are also serving Christ. This is the work He has entrusted to us- serving these gifts of our dearest loved ones. Our presence gives great comfort to the ones we are caring for, all while storing up heavenly treasure. So, the next time you're asked what you do- stand up a little straighter and never use "just" when you tell of how you are doing the best job of all- changing the lives of the ones you love the most! 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:4-5 (ESV)
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the work You have given us to do within our homes. While not everyone has the blessing of doing what we do, we are thankful for this gift of serving those in our homes. Help us to do our work with a willing and loving heart, and to remember the value You see in what we are called to do. In Your name we pray, Amen!