The Gift of My Son

 Our house is full of wedding plans. This is a first for us, and it's baffling how much planning is packed into saying "I Do"! But it's mostly fun stuff and we are happy to do what it takes to give our only son a proper sendoff into his own life with his own wife. But some days it touches my heart how this little boy, grown into a man seldom leans on me these days. Yes, that's the way it's supposed to be, but I treasure memories of the little boy who never wanted to grow up so he could stay with me forever. And I'm so, so incredibly grateful for the years I've had him home with me—those are years I will forever treasure in my heart.

It all started close to twenty-five years ago. The effort and tears and prayers and love all poured into him in hopes of giving him the very best foundation to start his own family. Sure I've made mistakes along the way, but never did my heart stray from only wishing him the best and wanting a great future for him. And so the effort of raising a good man was never wasted, and while no one is perfect I'm awfully proud of my son. 

Now the purpose of this post isn't to make you roll your eyes or gag at the mushiness, but rather to show how our children are a gift—not only to us but to their future spouse. If I allow laziness, disrespect and unkindness to be overlooked and shrug my shoulders at it, I do a disservice to their future spouse. Greed, grudge holding and no spiritual foundation will not make him the man I want for his wife. And so we have a huge responsibility as parents to make humans that will be respectful, helpful and tender spouses. 

The days are counting down until the day I will watch him take his girl as his wife. In that moment I'll nearly bust with pride and emotion, but I'll also give one of the greatest gifts I have to give—the gift of my son. I hope that in him I've instilled a sense of being the best husband he can be and in time, Lord willing, the best dad he can be. Those character traits have hopefully been formed in him, even as most came at the surrender of worn knees and heavenly pleas. He is one of my most valuable treasures and when I stop to think of this, I'm taken to Calvary.

God sent His only precious, highly treasured Son to a cruel cross to die in my place. Not because I'm a "good" person because I surely am not, but because of my great sin that separated me from a holy God. His Son was everything perfect and everything holy yet He gave Him willingly out of a love for us greater than our understanding. He gave me the gift of His Son. It was the single-most selfless sacrifice and one that provided everything I could ever need to secure my eternal pardon. He didn't make mistakes along the way and offer the best He could manage—He offered a perfect Son for a sinful creation. So while I offer my own son, filled with humanity's sinful imperfections, He offered the only perfect Son for me—for you!

When the day comes for me to celebrate the giving of my son to his beautiful bride, I hope I can take a few moments that day to reflect on God's Son being given to me. Giving something of great value has a high cost. In God's case, no higher cost could have been paid—He gave us the very best. And while my own son is no match to the cost paid through Jesus on the cross, he is my only boy–the son of my own heart. I'm not a person of great wealth or prestige—my children far excel over any earthly goods I could offer. As my heart thinks on these things, may it be touched with the price He paid for me through His own Son, Jesus. Thank You, Lord for your indescribable gift—my heart is humbled anew at Your great love for me. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3, ESV).

And behold, a voice from heaven said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17, ESV)."

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father we thank You for the gift of Your Son, given up to the cross in order to rescue us from sin. Your love exceeds our understanding and our hearts are warmed by You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

I'm "Just" a Housewife

     "What do you do?", they ask. It always seems to come up in conversation with new people you meet. There are a few terms generally given for an answer- things like stay-at-home mom, homemaker or a housewife. But oh how I've learned how the word "just" doesn't belong in my answer- and it doesn't belong in yours either. Whatever you do, you do wholeheartedly for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). There is no room for "just" - especially when we are answering the call to work within our homes full-time. As I've journeyed through approximately 24 years of being at home, I've chalked up a pretty extensive repertoire of expertise. Now I don't claim to be perfect in what I do- far from it! But I've learned a lot along the way, and can honestly say that should my presence be permanently removed from my home, the impact would be huge. Often times, it's then that our efforts and work is most noticed and missed. I don't believe my husband or kids take me for granted, but I do think they are somewhat unaware of the responsibilities that fall on a wife and a mom. So today, my post is not only for my fellow housewives, but also for those who wonder what we do with all of our time.
     Our duties and tasks are many. We vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, clean the kitchen, organize closets and cabinets. We wash and fold clothes. We shop for groceries and make sure everyone has their favorite foods available. We prepare nutritious meals for our families and are in tune with what people prefer. We often are responsible for doing the family books, and try to keep our budget in check, looking for ways to save money. We look for sales, coupons and other ways to reduce expenses. We buy family gifts. We plan birthday parties and other family celebrations. We raise our children- this also comes with a large laundry list of responsibilities. We are chaperones and taxi drivers. We volunteer at the school. We mold the minds of our children. We get our kids ready for school and church and pack the lunchboxes. We go on field trips. We are holiday hostesses. We open our doors to family and friends. We do a lot of the planning for vacations and make reservations for date nights. We entertain. We schedule appointments. We pick up cleaning or run to the bank. We put effort into our physical appearance. We are usually responsible for the family pets- their care, feeding, vet visits and potty breaks. We make our husband and kids feel loved and cared for. We send encouraging notes and always seem to be their biggest cheerleaders (because we are). We feed ourselves spiritually so that we are the best wife and mom that we can possibly be. And so much more- and yet we often feel like what we don't just isn't enough. And sometimes, we feel like we are "just a housewife!"
     Sweet sisters- we are answering a call for the ministry God has for us in our homes. Not all of us have the privilege of being able to do this, but for those of us who do, we are doing exactly what God has for us. We are changing lives. We are making a difference. We are building up treasure in heaven. We are a vital presence in the walls of our homes- transforming it from being simply a house, to being "home". A place where the people we love feel safe, valued, treasured, cared for, and so very loved. I appreciate women who are out there doing their thing in the work force, but man I hope we can see the tremendous gift of those who choose to remain in the home. Somedays, there will be those who look down on what we do. I'll never forget being talked about with distain for my "just staying-at-home" self by someone else. I can't tell you how hurtful those words were to hear, even though they could never understand my life or the way I live it. But I've had to remind myself that those were words spoken in jealousy and insecurity, and they are completely untrue. God has me where He wants me, and that is exactly where I need to be.
     If you ever struggle with feeling like you aren't enough- simply because you work inside your home, don't believe it for a minute. God values what we do. He sees our work and He knows our hearts. He has given us a big responsibility within the walls of our own homes. Let's do this work with passion, love and a commitment to those He has called us to serve. When we are serving our husbands and our children, we are also serving Christ. This is the work He has entrusted to us- serving these gifts of our dearest loved ones. Our presence gives great comfort to the ones we are caring for, all while storing up heavenly treasure. So, the next time you're asked what you do- stand up a little straighter and never use "just" when you tell of how you are doing the best job of all- changing the lives of the ones you love the most! 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:4-5 (ESV)
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the work You have given us to do within our homes. While not everyone has the blessing of doing what we do, we are thankful for this gift of serving those in our homes. Help us to do our work with a willing and loving heart, and to remember the value You see in what we are called to do. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Why Me, Lord?

     if you've asked God "why", you're not alone...

     We start asking this question as soon as we learn it. If I had a nickel for every time my own children asked me "why", I would be a really rich woman. "Why are you big, and I'm little?" Or, "why does she get to go, but I don't?" So many "whys" in life, and they don't stop as we grow up. In fact, the questions still come and become more and more complicated as we age.  It always remains—this desire to understand things, and our need for answers. And while we usually go to parents, other family members, or friends for answers, we also find ourselves asking God "why". After all, He knows everything, and allows things to happen, so we naturally turn our "whys" upward. I'm really glad He's okay with that.
     My "why" questions really transformed as I grew up. From trivial questions about my little world and the basics of life, they took a new turn. Why am I single, and everyone else seems to have someone? Or why do they get to have children, and I keep having miscarriages? And then there were the "whys" of my marriage problems. Why do other people get to have "normal" marriages, and mine is a mess? Why did my marriage journey include an affair? Why does my faith seem to constantly be tested? These are questions we ask God with desperation, needing some sort of answer, or at the very least, reassurance that even in the middle of life's messiness, He still loves us.
     Some of our questions will be answered, and some won't. Even those that we don't feel are answered, actually are, they just weren't answered the way we hoped, or as clearly as we wanted them to be. But we do know that God always hears us, and He always cares. We often feel heartbroken when He doesn't give us the answer we want, and feel ignored or uncared for. But when we understand the character of God, we know we are wrong to ever assume this about Him. While He understands our questions, He answers in ways that we often don't understand. This is because our vision is so localized to where we are right now in this part of our journey, that we can't see the bigger picture—but God can. When my "whys" don't get answered, God is asking me to simply trust Him. My withheld answers are intended to bolster my faith—not a faith in the answer, but faith in God.
     What questions are you struggling with today? What has God allowed to happen in your life that seems unjust or unfair? Why does God call some of us to go through some really difficult stuff? We will always wrestle with our "whys" because we are earthly minded. I have asked God many times in my own journey, "why me, Lord?" And at times when I'm really desperate for an answer I often get discouraged and impatient—and sometimes, even angry. While I may not know why things are they way they are right now, I do know that God can be trusted and He is always in control. And so when I'm faced with my biggest "why" questions in life, may I remember the goodness and faithfulness of God. He doesn't mind my questions, but He does ask that I trust Him and obediently follow Him, even when I can't see or understand where He's leading me. If we had all the answers, we wouldn't need faith. And without faith, it is impossible to please God. As I move forward, without knowledge of the outcome, may I know that God will never lead me where He won't use me. And somedays, that is the only answer I need.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now i know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for always hearing our questions and we pray that You will give us patience as we wait for answers. We are thankful for the wonderful gifts You have given us, and we pray for faith when answers seem far away. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Renewing Our Vows

     When adultery assaults a marriage, the marriage is broken. Vows made before God were not kept, and while still married, that marriage is in ruin. Hearts are shattered, promises broken, and lives are changed. Looking behind us, we saw it all, and somehow survived it by God's grace. There were days I was sure I wouldn't pull through, and longed to run far away (seriously, I did..the tropics were calling me, but my kids needed me more). But here we were- products of God's amazing grace. This called for a celebration- one where we made new promises before God, our closest family, and our wonderful kids. 
     The morning of February 9th arrived- cold and sunny. A day much anticipated, and full of hope! We stood in front of one another speaking new vows- ones we had written ourselves and made fresh promises. While we had made promises 25 years earlier, these promises came with a lot more living under our belts, and a better grasp of what we were saying and Who had brought us through our toughest battle.  
     Tears were shed, new rings were exchanged,  and hugs and kisses were shared. We felt pure joy at what God has given us- a fresh focus on our gift in one another! Sharing this moment with our children and family members was so special. Each one of them had shared in our battle, and had prayed and loved us through it. It was fitting to have each of them there for this special occasion. 
     I used to find it amusing that so many people renew their vows after years pass. For me, ours were never broken and didn't need a re-do. But when an affair presented in our marriage, renewing our vows was important and gave closure to what we had experienced. Marriage is a blessing, and there is nothing like sharing life with your spouse. Ups and downs, highs and lows- always knowing someone is beside you, there for you, and supporting you. What Satan meant to steal from us, God saw fit to restore. While adultery is a real issue in today's marriages, the same God Who reached in and saved ours is available to all who simply come to Him. No matter if your problem is marriage related or personal- He's there, and I know He is dear friend, because in the darkest of times, He's revealed Himself to me in ways that amaze me. 

I'm including some of the words to a song that I played often during the past year:
I know the night won't last
Your word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You're still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again.

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I'm still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

I've seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I'll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I'll see You do it again.             - Elevation Worship "Do it Again"

And guess what? He did :)

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness to us- for moving mountains! While the night is behind us, we know life will present new challenges and we pray that each day, we rely on Your strength to see us through. Thank You for making a way when there was no way! You have never failed us yet, and we know You never will. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Broken Home- Broken Kids

     I am a mama bear when it comes to my babies. My babies really aren't babies- they are in their early 20's, but to me, they will always be my babies.  If you hurt them, it hurts me more. I would walk through fire for them, and slay dragons for them, if they existed. I don't like to see them disappointed or hurt, and most parents feel the same way.
     One of Satan's biggest lies, regarding separation and divorce, is that it's better for the kids this way. Unless we are talking an abusive relationship, I don't buy that lie. I witnessed the change in my children, and the devastating effect it had on them- and it wasn't for the better. Their security was shattered, their role model was tarnished, and their lives were forever changed by infidelity. 
     My kids grew up in a home centered on Jesus, and the principles of God's Word. They were told from the earliest age that we would always be together, and they didn't have to worry about divorce in our home. We told them we were 100% committed to one another, and would always remain that way. So they didn't worry- it wasn't in the cards for our family. They saw their friends families broken, but never feared it would happen to us. So when it did, it was completely unexpected, and an absolute shock.
     Our children are a gift to us. They look up to us, and a stable upbringing is so important for a healthy mind. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our kids when they were told by their dad he was choosing to leave. If I could stop right here, and just reach out to any reader that may be on the side of having an affair- PLEASE COUNT THE COST! And for any other reader- GUARD YOUR MARRIAGE, PLEASE! Infidelity causes so much pain, and steals so much, from so many.
     While there is a lot of brokenness in our family and home, we serve a God of restoration. If you are a christian, you've witnessed how He changed you when He brought you out of darkness, into His light. This same God can do this with marriages, and families. He can't do it without our cooperation, but apart from Him, I have no doubt we would remain broken. Relationships have to be rebuilt, and trust and respect will be a process. While I am a fan of quick fixes, there isn't one for a home assaulted by infidelity. 
     While a quick fix isn't possible, a long term solution is. In Him, there is always hope when we are willing. If you are both willing, the first key is to have God at the center of all that is ahead. If you try to use any substitute for the Holy Spirit, the results will be lacking. Be there for your kids as a safe place to share feelings, and give them love and support. Encourage counseling and foster an open line of communication with them. While we will at times fail our kids as parents, our Heavenly Father never will. We have the perfect example in Him, and the perfect Parent. We will fall short of His example, but with His guidance, and our obedience to Him, we can repair what was broken. It may never be the same, but there is a possibility for something better- and only God can do that. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, Titus 2:7 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. Psalm 71:20-21

Dear Heavenly Father, help our children who are hurting from our choices, and those of our spouses. Help us to be there for them, and show them unconditional love and support. Give healing and restoration, as only You can. I thank You for the precious gift of our children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!