You Lead, I'll Follow

     Driving along the back country roads behind a friend of mine, I listened to my music and enjoyed the beautiful scenery that crisp, sunny fall day. The drive was easy, and we had enjoyed a great time out together shopping and catching up over lunch. I don't have the best sense of direction (that's an understatement), so I'm always happy to be the car that follows. We wind through the countryside until we come into a more suburban area where the road veers off in two directions. As I sing along to some of my favorite music, I find I'm driving in auto-pilot and quickly jump on the same road as my friend—only to have her call to remind me that I should have taken the other road to head toward my own home. It was an easy mistake—one that didn't have a real cost associated with it and was easily corrected. But this same scenario plays out in our lives in more meaningful ways than following a friend home from a day of catching up.

     Relationships usually work in the "follow and lead" pattern. Some of the worst moments of my growing up years resulted in disappointment and hurt when I was given "leads" without a real desire for my following. Whether it was my misinterpretation of the relationship or not, I found myself disillusioned and brokenhearted. Being led on is sadly common—even in Christian circles. The result is a bruised heart and oftentimes, bitter feelings. The fact is that "playing the field" or "leading someone on" is the way the world works but not the way we should behave as believers.

     Then we come to marriage—the institution designed by God that is beautiful and functions best when we follow the pattern God set for us. Too often there is a jostling for control in the relationship and that is not how God intended for it to be. Our modern mindset is that the word submission has a negative connotation.

By definition, submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person (Oxford Languages Dictionary). 

    When we think of submission in biblical terms regarding marriage, it looks something like this: "a wife making a choice not to overtly resist her husband's will—not to say she cannot disagree or express her opinion (marriageministry.org)." In easier words, he has the responsibility of leadership in the home and the woman accepts his leadership and supports him. By no means does this mean a woman is oppressed or inferior in any way, but rather accepts the role God designed for her in the marriage as a supporter, helper and encourager. 

     But submission is not only for the wife—the husband will submit as well in fulfilling the woman's need to feel loved, protected and provided for. In many ways we can see it as a mutual act of serving one another, even as the bigger responsibilities lie on the husband's shoulders calling them to lead as we follow and give them needed help. This lead and follow pattern is also present in our relationship with Christ—He leads and we are to follow.

     We often balk at the act of following. We like to feel that we are in control and are the one calling the shots. Many times we feel that way because we want our own way and are motivated by selfishness, but as Christ followers we will recognize this as sinful and out of line with God's best design for us. 

     Maybe you're on autopilot in your marriage or your relationship with Christ and you're just bumping along without giving much thought to the course of your direction. May this be a time we can all reflect on who we are following—are we going the right way? Are we moving in the direction God is leading us? Or, are you pushing for control in your marriage and possibly using manipulation to get your way? I don't mind following one bit, but if I'm following the wrong person or have a bad attitude while I follow, I am not bringing pleasure to my Heavenly Father Who created me for something better—something that shows my willingness to serve out of love. May I learn to lead or follow—whichever role God has placed me in, and may I do it for the glory of God. 

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV).

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Colossians 3:18, ESV).

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25, ESV),

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives (1 Peter 3:1, ESV),

     

     

Are You a Baby?

     Can you imagine a world run by babies and toddlers? A world full of immaturity and pureed food? A world full of temper tantrums and shallow relationships? There would be no solid foundation or structure, and it would be a very frustrating place to live. Sadly, this is a reality of christianity today-a world where most who have legitimately come to Christ, have no real development or spiritual interest or growth. In fact, 8 out of 10 christians never go on to live a life for Jesus, and never have the discipline to develop past the baby stage of belief. A surrendered life doesn't look like that-it's a life that is marked by obedience and character that mirrors the character of Christ.

     If we want to grow up in our faith, we will need to surrender our bodies. We read in Romans chapter 12 that we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice-holy and acceptable to God. We are further urged to resist conforming to the world, but to be transformed by the truth found in God's Word (see Romans 12:1-2). A surrendered life will be noticed and will usher us into the growing up stages of our spirituality. I'd like to discuss a few body parts we can surrender in order to grow in our faith.

     One part of the body that often leads us to sin is our eyes. One of my favorite scriptures regarding the eyes is found in Psalm 119:37. It says, "turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." How many of us have gotten distracted from our christian journey by pornography, lust, and materialism? We see things we want, and we view things we shouldn't, and they lead us to spiritual ruin and heartache. When we fail to surrender our eyes, we open them to a world of trouble. 

     Feet that aren't surrendered will take us places we have no business going. These feet may lead us into sex outside of marriage, strip clubs, relationships that are unhealthy, and paths that are not led by the Spirit. Proverbs 4:26 tells us to "ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure." Where we go tells a lot about us, and when we fail to surrender our footpath, we will walk in ways that dishonor our Father and stunt our spiritual growth. 

     Failing to surrender our hands have gotten us in trouble more times than we care to admit. My earliest memories as a new christian at the age of 11, still involve fist fights with my siblings. Fighting, hurting others, and touching people we shouldn't touch are a few examples of failing to surrender our hands. Hands were never meant to hurt; but to work, soothe and give. 1 Timothy 5:22 reminds us "not to be hasty in the laying on of hands, nor take part in the sins of others; keep ourselves pure." Failing to surrender our hands will lead to hurt and broken relationships.

     The final body part we often fail to surrender is our mouth. Profanity, dirty jokes, insults, boasting, sarcasm, lies and gossip are all ways our mouth will show a life that is not surrendered. Sadly, this is often the reality for many of us and has no place in the life of a believer. A mouth that isn't reigned in by the Spirit will show the real health of our spiritual age. In Romans 3 we read that our "throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive." We should not be marked as one who lies and uses profanity, but rather as one who speaks truth and speaks kindly to others. Surrendering our mouths is crucial if we ever want to mature spiritually. 

     It's sad to think of how many fail to grow beyond their conversion. We allow schedules, selfishness, and laziness to stand in the way of our spiritual development. It's easier to continue on the way we lived before, but when we do that, we dishonor the name of the One we claim to serve. Furthermore, we are missing out on being an active part of His kingdom work on earth, and the eternal rewards associated with being a willing follower of Jesus. We look for shortcuts in most areas of our lives, but when it comes to growing in Christ, we must be willing to surrender our own will and seek to follow the path God has for us. 

     When our life is over and our friends and family gather to speak about who we were, what will they say? Will we be known by our faith, and will others easily identify us as Christians? Will people say we spoke kindly of others and lived a life of integrity and honor? Will the way we loved others stand out? Will our children say we had a heart for Jesus, and lived in such a way that our decisions, words and actions reflected His heart? Or will we be like the 80% who never really grew in our faith and left behind a legacy that didn't mirror the life of Jesus? It's sobering to think of the day we will stand before Him and give an answer for how we lived and loved. And while I've failed often, I pray that I will daily surrender my will to His. I pray that I'll realize the value in pouring myself into His Word, and how powerful it is in transforming me. And I pray that when I'm gone, the talk around the room will be less about me and more about Him-because I can tell you, He is worth the surrender.

And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it (Luke 9:23-24, ESV). 

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to be disciplined enough to surrender our bodies and our lives to Your way for us. We often find ourselves in a place that is stagnant and we are not growing spiritually. Help us to lay aside our own ways for Yours. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

My Response To Unwelcome Circumstances

     I have a pretty vivid memory when it comes to unwanted life situations. When we pass through things that are difficult, they are often referred to as "fiery trials". Passing through fire means we will experience painful burns- burns that are hard to erase from our memories, and likely have value in being remembered for the lessons they hopefully taught us. My mind goes back to one particular season of emotional pain- a time of separation from my husband following an affair. While I'm close to celebrating my fiftieth birthday, no season was more painful than those two years.
     For many months throughout that period of time, I struggled against acceptance. While I remained close to the Lord out of a desperation for comfort and help, I still despised my circumstance. "Why me?", I would ask Him. I would scan through my past actions, looking for a reason, wanting to know why this was part of my life's story. Most days, I felt it was an injustice to my "good girl" persona. I felt jilted- not only by my husband, but by God. I plodded along with these feelings for quite some time, and then there was a turning point that is emblazoned in my memory. 
     After my husband left home for the second time within the course of one year, I was heartbroken, yet relieved. God was still working on him, and at this point, I knew I had to wait until He broke him. But that's another story for another time. My turning point looked like this: a heaping mess face down on the floor of my bedroom trusting the Spirit to make the right words from my heart for the Father. I had to come to the point of surrender that for now, this was the reality that God allowed to touch my life, so He must have a purpose in it. He isn't cruel. He isn't without intention. And so I simply had to come to the point of surrender and acceptance that even though I didn't like it, somehow and some way, God would make it right. 
     Maybe you're up against a circumstance today that you don't want to be a part of your life journey. Life doesn't look like you wished it did today. So many of us are experiencing Covid related disappointments. Separations from those we love. Inability to worship collectively. Financial struggles and job loss. Small businesses closing the doors permanently as lifelong dreams die. Postponed weddings. Separations from loved ones suffering an illness or celebrating the birth of a new baby. It's not supposed to be this way, we think to ourselves. Why is God allowing this to happen to me?
     Life is going to have its share of disappointments. Things won't always go the way we wish they did. But how are you responding in those moments? Are you accepting them, trusting that God will bring good from them? Do you really believe He has purpose, for His good plans- even in this? Are you straining against what is, and wishing for what you really wanted? In these painful moments, God is looking for not only surrender, but acceptance. And from acceptance, the hope that joy is still possible- even if things don't work out my way. 
     God has lessons in our seasons of waiting. He wants us to trust Him when things are a mess. He wants us to serve Him, even when our hearts are hurting. He wants us to love Him, even when we are in that fire- and especially then. Whatever you may be experiencing today that wasn't a part of your plan in life- may you learn to surrender and accept what is. Pray for His will in your situation, and even when it doesn't measure up with your will, trust that He knows what He's doing. And never stop believing that around the bend, He has good things for you. And He hopes you'll be willing to use those burns to reach others who are walking the same fire as you. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, life can be so hard somedays. Situations and circumstances come along that cause worry, pain and fear. Help us to trust You, even when things look out of control and completely different than we envisioned. Help us to surrender and accept what You allow in our lives, trusting You have good plans for us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Foolish Pursuit of Me

     Sometimes life is hard because I want my own way and I forget about serving others. The popular way of the world is to make myself happy, and to be honest, I often buy into this mindset, even while having the best of intentions not to. I want it all- that perfect husband, perfect life, and perfect marriage, and since that can never happen in an imperfect world, I can find myself discouraged and restless. Have you been there, friend? Do you often find yourself doing more wishing than being simply grateful for what is?
     There isn't a better time than now to do a little soul searching in life. Amid the chaos and unrest resulting from Covid19, we've been given something many of us normally run short on- time to reflect. While we won't have a normal Easter this coming weekend, the basic truths of why we celebrate it can't be changed by circumstances. And when I think of the cost of my own spiritual freedom and eternal life, I feel ashamed of this constant pursuit of wanting. Because at the core of my spirit, I am honestly never truly satisfied when I'm hungering for things of this world. I'll never have enough. I'll always yearn for more if I lose sight of this simple truth: only Christ can satisfy. 
     It's not wrong to have dreams and goals. It's not wrong to want a better life for our family. It's not wrong to want a home and a good marriage. But it is wrong to make my life about pursuing "things" over pursuing Jesus. And if I'm honest, I often find myself failing here. I find myself feeling jealous of people that can travel the world, wear a size zero (like, does that mean they don't exist?), live on the tropical shores of the Caribbean, and never worry about bills. This part of me isn't who I wish to be, and it shows a lack of gratefulness for the blessings God has given me! 
     And so it's time for me to do a little focus shifting, as I think of the sacrifice of Jesus at Calvary. He went willingly to the cross to die for my sins. He suffered and paid the price in order to redeem me. He laid down His own life out of a love greater than any I could ever understand. And on the third day, He rose from the dead- claiming victory over the grave. And then, then.. He asks us to remember Him. To serve Him. And He taught us how to do that as He washed the dirty feet of His disciples. We can serve Him when we serve others. And that's where I often get turned around in life, because I'm serving me instead of my husband. I'm serving me over my church family. I want my own way instead of His way. And that's not how it's supposed to be.
     If you're possibly also struggling at times in life to feel truly satisfied, the answers are likely the same- we are too focused on ourselves to appreciate what we have already been given. And I'll be the first to say I'm ashamed that it's true of me. So today, I'll choose to see the great things I have: a loving, caring, hard-working husband. Kids that love me and love Jesus. A home that while beautiful on the outside, is also a warm and inviting place to hang my hat. And this is just a smaller part of the countless blessings I enjoy. But the biggest blessing of all is what we are about to celebrate- my own redemption from what our Lord accomplished at Calvary. When I slow down and take time to really reflect, I'm much less restless and so much more thankful. I realize how easily I get sucked into the mentality of our world, and I feel shame. Dear Jesus, help me to have eyes that see like You see. A heart that loves and serves like You did. Because when I do, I'll see the beauty all around me, and forsake the foolish pursuit of satisfying myself. 

Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. 1 Corinthians 10:24 (ESV)
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9 (ESV)
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, forgive me for so often seeking to satisfy my own flesh and desires, and miss the blessings You have given me. Help me to learn from Your own example, the life of serving others. May I remember, each day, how satisfaction will never be found outside of You. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Doing Things for One Another

     It's the little things that get me. While I get pretty excited about big things he does for me, I also love the little, unexpected gestures. Things like showing up at home with a cookbook someone was selling, because he knows how much I love a good cookbook. And the unlimited carwash package at our local Sam's Fast Wash- I mean, seriously- super excited about that one! I don't like having a dirty car, and I love black cars, so you know my struggle. My husband also is very good at arranging getaways for the two of us. These are special times for the two of us, and is something I really enjoy!
     What little things does your spouse do for you? Do you appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness associated with those simple little actions? It's great to be the recipient of these acts of love, but are we reciprocating? My husband appreciates little favors done for him- things like checking on our landscaping crew and pitching in when it's needed. He always says "thanks" when I grab his cleaning, run by the bank, order him a surprise gift or send him a sweet text. It doesn't take big things to show your love and appreciation for one another- but it does take some sacrifice, thought and a little effort.
     Doing things for one another doesn't have to cost money. A massage, wildflowers from a field, and cleaning their side of the closet are ways to show you care that don't cost a dime. Unexpected selfless actions done for those we love affirm our care for them. If you are on the receiving end, don't forget to say "thank you!" Thoughtful deeds that consistently go unappreciated often cease. Each of us should not only be the recipient of these actions, but should also be carrying them out as well. If you've not been doing well in this department, make an effort to change that, starting today.
     I think of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples- a loving act of service toward those He loved. Jesus taught by example- He showed us we are here to serve others. As Christians, our life shouldn't be self-focused, but others-focused. Why not start with our own spouse? What could you do today to show them loving service? By serving our spouse, we also honor God, and if you ask me, that's a win-win! 

Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28 ESV
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:44-45 ESV
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38 ESV
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to serve my spouse and to invest in building up my marriage- not just today, but every day. You left us so many examples of serving others, and showing them kindness. I know Your way is best and I want my marriage to be the best it can be. Help me to start with myself- putting the needs of my spouse ahead of myself and doing things that will show my love for them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
  
     

The Facade of the Perfect Marriage

     I bet if you took a minute to think about it, you could come up with a few couples you would classify as the "perfect christian couple." This couple seems to have it all together- a nice home, a couple kids, decent job, involved in the community, and prominent in the church. Everyone loves them, and wants to be like them. People assume they have the perfect marriage and feel envious of them. That was us.
     While we may be able to check off the boxes of what the world considered qualifications of being "that couple", there were things that were lacking. When our foundation is anything but Christ, it isn't solid enough. And because as Christians, we are all just sinners, saved by grace, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. 
     I want to just point out that Hollywood movies and romantic fiction don't do us any favors. Those characters aren't realistic, and give us a false notion of what relationships are really like. Women are going to get upset that men don't romance them more. Men are going to leave the toilet seat up. Women will worry about crazy impossible things that could maybe, possibly happen to the kids;) Men will get stressed about money. These things are going to cause friction because we are just different creatures. Our differences can complement one another, or divide us. 
     Our marital cracks entered in the form of busyness. It is an issue that most couples face, but how we let it affect us is crucial. Another crack for us was coasting on auto-pilot. Marriage takes effort, and we often let other things take precedence. These seemed like legitimate issues initially, but Satan only needs little cracks to stick his foot in the door. If we are not guarding our marriages, and investing in them, we are opening them up to problems. If you are a husband, lead well. If you are a wife, encourage his leading and respect him. If you are a husband, love well. If you are a wife, return love and passion. These may seem elementary in nature, but they are important fundamentals to put in place. 
     No marriage is perfect. Don't fall for believing that about your marriage, or anyone else's. Each one of us is capable of falling to temptation, so arm yourself and be on guard. When we allow God to have priority in our marriages, we are more equipped to handle life's storms. Read and pray together. Serve together. Spend time together. Love one another- even when it's hard! Live and love authentically, allowing people to see the real you. When we share our imperfections, it draws others to us that have similar needs. So, I choose to thank God for my imperfections, and pray that they will point others to the only Perfect One, Jesus Christ!

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Romans 12:9 ESV
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 ESV
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, allow me to live authentically. I pray that my imperfections and failures will be used to point others to You. Help us to guard our marriages, and to fully invest in them. For broken marriages, I pray for healing and help. We thank You for accepting us, imperfect and sinful. You are compassionate and gracious, and I thank You for that, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!