You Lead, I'll Follow

     Driving along the back country roads behind a friend of mine, I listened to my music and enjoyed the beautiful scenery that crisp, sunny fall day. The drive was easy, and we had enjoyed a great time out together shopping and catching up over lunch. I don't have the best sense of direction (that's an understatement), so I'm always happy to be the car that follows. We wind through the countryside until we come into a more suburban area where the road veers off in two directions. As I sing along to some of my favorite music, I find I'm driving in auto-pilot and quickly jump on the same road as my friend—only to have her call to remind me that I should have taken the other road to head toward my own home. It was an easy mistake—one that didn't have a real cost associated with it and was easily corrected. But this same scenario plays out in our lives in more meaningful ways than following a friend home from a day of catching up.

     Relationships usually work in the "follow and lead" pattern. Some of the worst moments of my growing up years resulted in disappointment and hurt when I was given "leads" without a real desire for my following. Whether it was my misinterpretation of the relationship or not, I found myself disillusioned and brokenhearted. Being led on is sadly common—even in Christian circles. The result is a bruised heart and oftentimes, bitter feelings. The fact is that "playing the field" or "leading someone on" is the way the world works but not the way we should behave as believers.

     Then we come to marriage—the institution designed by God that is beautiful and functions best when we follow the pattern God set for us. Too often there is a jostling for control in the relationship and that is not how God intended for it to be. Our modern mindset is that the word submission has a negative connotation.

By definition, submission is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person (Oxford Languages Dictionary). 

    When we think of submission in biblical terms regarding marriage, it looks something like this: "a wife making a choice not to overtly resist her husband's will—not to say she cannot disagree or express her opinion (marriageministry.org)." In easier words, he has the responsibility of leadership in the home and the woman accepts his leadership and supports him. By no means does this mean a woman is oppressed or inferior in any way, but rather accepts the role God designed for her in the marriage as a supporter, helper and encourager. 

     But submission is not only for the wife—the husband will submit as well in fulfilling the woman's need to feel loved, protected and provided for. In many ways we can see it as a mutual act of serving one another, even as the bigger responsibilities lie on the husband's shoulders calling them to lead as we follow and give them needed help. This lead and follow pattern is also present in our relationship with Christ—He leads and we are to follow.

     We often balk at the act of following. We like to feel that we are in control and are the one calling the shots. Many times we feel that way because we want our own way and are motivated by selfishness, but as Christ followers we will recognize this as sinful and out of line with God's best design for us. 

     Maybe you're on autopilot in your marriage or your relationship with Christ and you're just bumping along without giving much thought to the course of your direction. May this be a time we can all reflect on who we are following—are we going the right way? Are we moving in the direction God is leading us? Or, are you pushing for control in your marriage and possibly using manipulation to get your way? I don't mind following one bit, but if I'm following the wrong person or have a bad attitude while I follow, I am not bringing pleasure to my Heavenly Father Who created me for something better—something that shows my willingness to serve out of love. May I learn to lead or follow—whichever role God has placed me in, and may I do it for the glory of God. 

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3, ESV).

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord (Colossians 3:18, ESV).

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25, ESV),

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives (1 Peter 3:1, ESV),

     

     

An Ephesians 5 Wife

 Maybe you've witnessed it like I have, and it made you cringe. A woman, mad at her husband, smacks him out of anger. People stare-amused, and some even laugh; but not me. If anything, it makes me sad and it shows disregard for what Ephesians 5 has to say about our role as a wife. Just because we are the "weaker vessel," doesn't give us authority to show this ultimate display of blatant disrespect. And while this way of being disrespectful is obvious, there are more subtle ways of disrespect that I often am guilty of. So, what can we learn from Ephesians 5 about being a godly wife? I would like to insert the scripture right here, so we can uncover the truth about being the wife God wants us to be.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:27)."

"However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)."

First, we have the instruction to submit to our husbands, and as modern-day women, this word makes us squirm. We live in a world that is about serving self, making submission feels repressive. Truthfully if practiced God's way, this is a completely inaccurate thought. We aren't asked to be a doormat, or to be treated as one, but rather to encourage leadership in our husbands. While this subject is too big to limit to one blog post, the idea behind it is one that encourages the husband to love his wife as himself, and lead by love. I love how Dr. James Dobson made this statement: "The relationship isn't of master to servant; it's of lover and beloved." The women is not inferior to the man, she simply accepts his godly, loving leadership and allows him to guide her-offering security and support. 

But the bigger point of my blog post today falls into the final instruction to wives in Ephesians chapter 5~respect your husband! While I certainly don't physically assault my husband, I confess to failing to respect him at times. Disrespect is so rampant in our culture that we are often de-sensitized to how we transfer this behavior to our relationships without really realizing it. We may point out the faults of our husband to our girlfriends, or even in a social setting right in front of him (I've been guilty). We criticize him or pick jokes at his expense in front of the kids. We correct him in front of others, belittling his self-confidence. We laugh at something he is sensitive about. There are so many examples of disrespect that are oftentimes deemed socially normal, but fall short of what scripture teaches. This behavior tears down the spirit of our husband and is a cancer to his self-confidence and ability to lead well.  

It's pretty commonplace to respect authority in the workplace. We generally don't speak rudely to our boss, refuse to listen to the CEO, or disregard the suggestions of the one who signs our paycheck. And we certainly wouldn't physically assault them, as that would surely land us out of a job, and behind bars. We show respect to our boss because they have a position of authority over us. There is purpose in their position, and they are looking out for the good of the whole. Their leadership is for our good, and benefits all who submit to their authority. It's crazy how we readily accept their authority, and willingly respect them, yet often fail to show our husbands the respect they need. 

If there is a lesson we can learn today about being an Ephesians 5 wife, I pray it finds us more mindful of how we are treating our husbands. I pray our hearts would be changed by this scripture passage, and that we would remove any areas of disrespect we find in our own marriages and relationships. They so easily sneak in, and they are like poison to a healthy, godly union. God placed this passage in His Word because He is a good Father who knows what we need the most. I pray as a wife, these words will change me, and transform the way I treat my spouse. Just as a boss's leadership benefits the whole, the loving leadership of our husbands is for the good of our marriage and our family. May I never minimize the truth of this, and demonstrate behavior and actions that align with giving him respect.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word gives us instruction for being the wife You want us to be. Help us to submit to Your ways, and in turn, submit and respect our husbands. May we remember that our marriage is a picture of Your relationship with the body of Christ, and the seriousness of that responsibility. May we be a clear picture of an Ephesians 5 wife, bringing glory to You, Lord. In Your name we pray, Amen!

I'm "Just" a Housewife

     "What do you do?", they ask. It always seems to come up in conversation with new people you meet. There are a few terms generally given for an answer- things like stay-at-home mom, homemaker or a housewife. But oh how I've learned how the word "just" doesn't belong in my answer- and it doesn't belong in yours either. Whatever you do, you do wholeheartedly for the Lord (Colossians 3:23). There is no room for "just" - especially when we are answering the call to work within our homes full-time. As I've journeyed through approximately 24 years of being at home, I've chalked up a pretty extensive repertoire of expertise. Now I don't claim to be perfect in what I do- far from it! But I've learned a lot along the way, and can honestly say that should my presence be permanently removed from my home, the impact would be huge. Often times, it's then that our efforts and work is most noticed and missed. I don't believe my husband or kids take me for granted, but I do think they are somewhat unaware of the responsibilities that fall on a wife and a mom. So today, my post is not only for my fellow housewives, but also for those who wonder what we do with all of our time.
     Our duties and tasks are many. We vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, clean the kitchen, organize closets and cabinets. We wash and fold clothes. We shop for groceries and make sure everyone has their favorite foods available. We prepare nutritious meals for our families and are in tune with what people prefer. We often are responsible for doing the family books, and try to keep our budget in check, looking for ways to save money. We look for sales, coupons and other ways to reduce expenses. We buy family gifts. We plan birthday parties and other family celebrations. We raise our children- this also comes with a large laundry list of responsibilities. We are chaperones and taxi drivers. We volunteer at the school. We mold the minds of our children. We get our kids ready for school and church and pack the lunchboxes. We go on field trips. We are holiday hostesses. We open our doors to family and friends. We do a lot of the planning for vacations and make reservations for date nights. We entertain. We schedule appointments. We pick up cleaning or run to the bank. We put effort into our physical appearance. We are usually responsible for the family pets- their care, feeding, vet visits and potty breaks. We make our husband and kids feel loved and cared for. We send encouraging notes and always seem to be their biggest cheerleaders (because we are). We feed ourselves spiritually so that we are the best wife and mom that we can possibly be. And so much more- and yet we often feel like what we don't just isn't enough. And sometimes, we feel like we are "just a housewife!"
     Sweet sisters- we are answering a call for the ministry God has for us in our homes. Not all of us have the privilege of being able to do this, but for those of us who do, we are doing exactly what God has for us. We are changing lives. We are making a difference. We are building up treasure in heaven. We are a vital presence in the walls of our homes- transforming it from being simply a house, to being "home". A place where the people we love feel safe, valued, treasured, cared for, and so very loved. I appreciate women who are out there doing their thing in the work force, but man I hope we can see the tremendous gift of those who choose to remain in the home. Somedays, there will be those who look down on what we do. I'll never forget being talked about with distain for my "just staying-at-home" self by someone else. I can't tell you how hurtful those words were to hear, even though they could never understand my life or the way I live it. But I've had to remind myself that those were words spoken in jealousy and insecurity, and they are completely untrue. God has me where He wants me, and that is exactly where I need to be.
     If you ever struggle with feeling like you aren't enough- simply because you work inside your home, don't believe it for a minute. God values what we do. He sees our work and He knows our hearts. He has given us a big responsibility within the walls of our own homes. Let's do this work with passion, love and a commitment to those He has called us to serve. When we are serving our husbands and our children, we are also serving Christ. This is the work He has entrusted to us- serving these gifts of our dearest loved ones. Our presence gives great comfort to the ones we are caring for, all while storing up heavenly treasure. So, the next time you're asked what you do- stand up a little straighter and never use "just" when you tell of how you are doing the best job of all- changing the lives of the ones you love the most! 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:10 (ESV)
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:4-5 (ESV)
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the work You have given us to do within our homes. While not everyone has the blessing of doing what we do, we are thankful for this gift of serving those in our homes. Help us to do our work with a willing and loving heart, and to remember the value You see in what we are called to do. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Relationship Post : So You're Not Perfect?

     We can often wrestle with our own flaws and imperfections, aware that we have many. For me, I have an extensive list- some are physical characteristics I wish were different, and some are character traits I haven't yet been successful in changing. These imperfections can irritate me and while I want to change them, I often lack the discipline required to be victorious over them. While others may see me as acceptable overall, I am always aware of my limitations. Most days, I don't allow them to get to me, but somedays, I struggle with them. It's funny, really, how we see our own faults and then hold others to a standard that is impossible to achieve. Like the one we share our life with. 
     In the beginning of a relationship, we often don't see the faults they possess, or even if we do, we believe we can change them. When we fall in love, we become blind to their flaws- "love is blind", right? And then after time begins to pass, we become shocked and disappointed to find out they are just like us- flawed individuals, falling short of perfection. We may even begin to question our choice, and some may even decide to throw in the towel. The thing is, you'll exchange them for another flawed person who will eventually disappoint you as well. 
     If you chose well, (and as a believer, you chose a like-minded believer) then it's time to take a step back before calling it quits. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? Are the imperfections deal-breakers (there aren't many that should make that list), or just the result of being imperfect humans? Just like you, they have their own shortcomings and struggles. Instead of pointing out the failures of our spouse or significant other, we should look for ways to build them up and encourage them. We will never like every quality they possess, and they will never like each ours either- and that's okay!
     When sin entered the Garden through Satan's tempting of Adam and Eve, we all became imperfect. None of us will achieve the status of perfection, even though some believe they are pretty close to the mark. It's my spouses responsibility to love me, regardless of my faults. That doesn't mean he shouldn't encourage growth where I need growth- but it does mean that he understands that just like him, I'm going to fail and make mistakes. I'm going to mess up and have my own set of insecurities. And at the end of the day, we commit to sticking it out together, because we are just two flawed humans who fell in love, made vows before God, and promised to help each other through our weaknesses and failures. Jesus was the only perfect One, and I'll always fall short of His standard this side of Heaven, but thank God His blood covers it all! So the next time your spouse splatters toothpaste on the mirror, leaves the dirty clothes on the floor, or is late for the third time this week- remember they are human, just like you. Acknowledge that you fell in love with a person that isn't perfect, and that's okay!

** Just a side note - I chose random flaws, and not ones that reflect my own husband;) 

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
As it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are far from perfect, and while we know our own flaws, we often have trouble accepting them in others. Help me to be understanding, kind and forgiving when I'm faced with the imperfections of my spouse. Thank You for loving me despite the sin that makes me so flawed and messy. Help me to show that same love to others, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Performance Based Commitment

     In our 21st century world, performance matters. The overachiever generally keeps their job. The better you perform, the happier your boss is, and your employer is better off because of your performance. The same is true of a student. If you put in the effort, your grades will reflect your effort. If you don't do your homework, don't study for tests, and rarely show up for class, you're setting yourself up for failure. 
     When we put in the work, we expect to benefit. That's the way of the American rat race- perform and achieve. We practice this in so many spheres of our lives that we forget that while performance is a legitimate goal in our relationships and marriages, it shouldn't be the indicator for commitment. That's not to say we throw in the towel and not bother in putting forth the effort to grow and cultivate it, but rather choosing to commit no matter how your spouse performs. This goes against the grain for us humans, as it is contrary to the worldly view of "getting what we deserve." We think if we put forth our best effort for our spouse, everything should go the way we deserve them to, and sometimes, that's just not the case.
     As Christians, our goal for our marriages should be grace- based commitment. This type of commitment is what God shows us. He looks at good works as empty, and doesn't throw us a reward for our good behavior. He also doesn't toss us aside when our behavior is sinful and ugly. He is 100% committed to us, regardless of how we perform. God's relationship with us is a picture of what a godly marriage should look like. 
     A christian marriage affected by infidelity can often shift, trying to "perform to keep". I know, because I've been there. We put pressure on ourselves to be more desirable in one way or another. This sprouts from feelings left over from insecurity and doubt, but are contrary to God's plan for us. Our thought pattern must change to view our marriage in a healthy light.
     As healing takes place, these feelings will fade with time, but in moments where we feel the need to perform to achieve a secure marriage, we need to step back and remember God's relationship with us. We are humans and we will mess up. Some days, I have better hair than others, and some days, my smile is a lot easier to find. I'll hurt feelings and blurt out stupid comments. And at the end of the day, just as God shows me grace when I poorly perform, my spouse should do the same. This isn't to say we don't need to apologize for missing the mark, but that our mess-up days won't change the commitment of our marriage partner. This is grace-based commitment- a commitment that says, "I'm here for you, even when you fall short!" 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV
And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV
But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Ephesians 4:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to remember that we are committed to our spouse, regardless of performance. Our behavior from other spheres of life often gets us confused and we forget the standard is different within our marriages. Help me to shower grace on my spouse, and remember that some days will be better than others. Thank You for showing me grace when I fail, and I pray that I will show that same grace to others that fail me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

*** Physical or emotional abuse isn't to be ignored or glossed over- even in a Christian marriage. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help.

Settling In

     There has been a lot of activity and hype surrounding our world for the past couple months. Good things, new things, and things that kept us busy and focused on plans we made together. We had my husband's amazing deliverance. We began spending time together again and dating. We planned his return home and our vow renewal celebration. We went on a cruise to celebrate our new beginning. We started counseling together. I have my very first book in editing with a publisher and expected release later this year. And now- life resumes to a new normal, and what's that like?
     Well, I can tell you it isn't less busy. Life demands are still what they were- business busyness, commitments, writing, housework, church responsibility, family needs, and the list goes on. With a lot of the big stuff behind us, we now settle into this new season together- recommitted, and a little less crazy. Yes, life keeps us busy, but we don't want to lose the insight we gained from the past year and a half. I think one of the biggest lessons learned is learning to appreciate today. We've learned to see each step forward as a gift, one we don't take for granted. We try not to focus too much on yesterday, because the past can't be rewritten. And honestly, the past made for a better present, which is the best way I know to look at it.
     We have goals. Goals to keep the lines of communication open. Goals to stay spiritually grounded. Goals to make each other a priority and spend time together each week as a couple. We want to explore life together- travel, study, build our businesses, learn more about one another. We want to build up our family and treasure these last years with kids home as well as look ahead at building our life around our empty nesting selves. We want to share our story with the world through our website, blogging and my book release this fall. We hope to help others that are hurting and in need of an understanding ear. And we want to share the best gift we have with those we encounter- our Faithful, Wonderful Heavenly Father. 
     The road to marriage recovery isn't short, and we know there will be obstacles ahead. Some days will be much easier than other days, but with a commitment to stick it out, talk it out, and serve one another, we believe in "us". Our foundation must be Jesus- the Author of grace, forgiveness and love. Please continue to pray for us as we press ahead, knowing our God is going to carry us through the good and the bad. And as we have each day since January 5th, we thank Him for His redemption of our marriage. Friends- never doubt the goodness of our God, for we can say with assurance, "God is good and His mercy endures forever!"

So that they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew 19:6 ESV
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12 ESV
And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10 ESV
"For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Job 14:7 ESV
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for being a Redeemer. You redeem lost souls, yes- but You also redeem marriages in ruin from sin. We look to You to guide us in all that is ahead, trusting You to lead us to Your good and perfect plan for us. In Jesus' precious name, Amen!






     

Renewing Our Vows

     When adultery assaults a marriage, the marriage is broken. Vows made before God were not kept, and while still married, that marriage is in ruin. Hearts are shattered, promises broken, and lives are changed. Looking behind us, we saw it all, and somehow survived it by God's grace. There were days I was sure I wouldn't pull through, and longed to run far away (seriously, I did..the tropics were calling me, but my kids needed me more). But here we were- products of God's amazing grace. This called for a celebration- one where we made new promises before God, our closest family, and our wonderful kids. 
     The morning of February 9th arrived- cold and sunny. A day much anticipated, and full of hope! We stood in front of one another speaking new vows- ones we had written ourselves and made fresh promises. While we had made promises 25 years earlier, these promises came with a lot more living under our belts, and a better grasp of what we were saying and Who had brought us through our toughest battle.  
     Tears were shed, new rings were exchanged,  and hugs and kisses were shared. We felt pure joy at what God has given us- a fresh focus on our gift in one another! Sharing this moment with our children and family members was so special. Each one of them had shared in our battle, and had prayed and loved us through it. It was fitting to have each of them there for this special occasion. 
     I used to find it amusing that so many people renew their vows after years pass. For me, ours were never broken and didn't need a re-do. But when an affair presented in our marriage, renewing our vows was important and gave closure to what we had experienced. Marriage is a blessing, and there is nothing like sharing life with your spouse. Ups and downs, highs and lows- always knowing someone is beside you, there for you, and supporting you. What Satan meant to steal from us, God saw fit to restore. While adultery is a real issue in today's marriages, the same God Who reached in and saved ours is available to all who simply come to Him. No matter if your problem is marriage related or personal- He's there, and I know He is dear friend, because in the darkest of times, He's revealed Himself to me in ways that amaze me. 

I'm including some of the words to a song that I played often during the past year:
I know the night won't last
Your word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You're still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again.

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I'm still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

I've seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I'll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I'll see You do it again.             - Elevation Worship "Do it Again"

And guess what? He did :)

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness to us- for moving mountains! While the night is behind us, we know life will present new challenges and we pray that each day, we rely on Your strength to see us through. Thank You for making a way when there was no way! You have never failed us yet, and we know You never will. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Home Again

     A lot happened in the month my husband was away after he left the second time in late December. Much of it has been included in our blog posts, and some will be held in our hearts for just us. If you read my husband's deliverance story, you remember how I had emptied his side of the closet and packed his things up. It wasn't to be cruel, it was to save my heart from seeing his things multiple times a day, but not seeing him. So I can tell you this- when we filled it back up with his clothing, shoes, hats, and belts, I felt such joy and such a sense of relief. 
     As soon as he was home, we started out doing the things we needed to do for us. First- devotion time and prayer time together. We do morning devotions that we send to one another since he's off to work, then we do our bedtime ones together. These are sweet times and I look forward to them. Then- spending time together. We started having one weekend night a week that we go out with either just the two of us, or another couple. We love these times and it's a great way to connect and unwind from the busyness of the week. 
     Family time is important too. We love a rare evening when we are all home together or a weekend night when we can all have a meal together. Rebuilding our family is a priority as well, and while the process isn't quick and easy, we are making a lot of progress. Having their Dad home allows our children to see the changes he has made, and how we are committed to making our recommitment to one another seriously. 
     One of the best things is knowing I am not alone- not as a woman, and not as a parent. Someone is there for me- caring for me and loving me. How I missed having another half- a half that helps my half function so much better. And perhaps one of my favorite parts of all was knowing when we pulled in our driveway, we were both home. No goodbyes, no "text me when you get to your sister's!" No "sleep good" or goodnight kiss in the driveway. God has poured down blessings on us in ways that are miraculous. Thank You, Father, for Your abundant mercy and love towards us- we are humbled and amazed! And as I drift off to sleep each night, I look up towards the sky and whisper words of gratitude to the One Who never let me down. 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 ESV
And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Ephesians 1:3 ESV
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, Ephesians 3:20 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for never giving up on us. We see with eyes that see where we are in the moment, and we often lack faith to see where You will take us. Thank You for sight that sees all, for a mind that knows all, and for a heart that loves all. Thank You for doing more than we could ever ask or imagine, and help us to love and serve You with faithful abandon. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

How to Win Your Husband Back

     I used to wonder when I heard of couples that got back together after an affair, what their secret was. Was it an improved physical appearance that the unfaithful spouse just couldn't resist? Was it the leverage of having history, kids together and a unique understanding of one another? Was there pouting involved or maybe finally standing up for oneself in an aggressive manner? Was it just an obligation, because I never wanted to be an obligation. 
     What ultimately would bring my own husband back to me? I tried quite a few things initially, to my embarrassment. How foolish of me to think I could win my husband back, because that's just the thing- you can't! I know this question will likely be posed to me from hurting people who want to believe their efforts will make the difference, and I will have to tell them what I've learned through our own story. You can try to lose twenty pounds, dye your hair blonde, find an interesting hobby, threaten self-harm- whatever it is you can think up, and it just won't work. 
     One of the biggest lessons I learned is the affair wasn't about me. It wasn't something I could change, and changing myself wouldn't ultimately make the difference. If there were some hidden secret I could share with you, I would certainly share it, but there just isn't. The bottom line is the outcome of my marriage was completely out of my hands, but thank God it wasn't out of His. You may be a prayer skeptic, and if you are, had you walked the past year in my shoes, you would no longer be skeptical. In theory, my marriage was done- finished, over. How I longed for something different, but all I had were prayers and hope that whatever God brought along would be the very best.
     I can tell you this- manipulating, yelling, threatening and being vengeful will not reap good results. Instead, pray for your broken spouse and wait to see what God will do. It isn't a conquest, but it is a battle. I think the thing to remember here is that the battle isn't between you and your spouse- the battle is between your spouse and God. I remember getting to the point where I realized it was not in my hands at all- nothing I could do would make a difference. And in that moment, all I had left was faith- but knowing Who my faith was grounded in made all the difference. Can you win your spouse back, and would you really want to? He says He fights my battles, and so I let Him. 

The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 ESV
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for fighting my battles. Without You, my marriage would have been over- I had no power in its outcome. I thank You for not only hearing our prayers, but faithfully answering them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Doing Things for One Another

     It's the little things that get me. While I get pretty excited about big things he does for me, I also love the little, unexpected gestures. Things like showing up at home with a cookbook someone was selling, because he knows how much I love a good cookbook. And the unlimited carwash package at our local Sam's Fast Wash- I mean, seriously- super excited about that one! I don't like having a dirty car, and I love black cars, so you know my struggle. My husband also is very good at arranging getaways for the two of us. These are special times for the two of us, and is something I really enjoy!
     What little things does your spouse do for you? Do you appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness associated with those simple little actions? It's great to be the recipient of these acts of love, but are we reciprocating? My husband appreciates little favors done for him- things like checking on our landscaping crew and pitching in when it's needed. He always says "thanks" when I grab his cleaning, run by the bank, order him a surprise gift or send him a sweet text. It doesn't take big things to show your love and appreciation for one another- but it does take some sacrifice, thought and a little effort.
     Doing things for one another doesn't have to cost money. A massage, wildflowers from a field, and cleaning their side of the closet are ways to show you care that don't cost a dime. Unexpected selfless actions done for those we love affirm our care for them. If you are on the receiving end, don't forget to say "thank you!" Thoughtful deeds that consistently go unappreciated often cease. Each of us should not only be the recipient of these actions, but should also be carrying them out as well. If you've not been doing well in this department, make an effort to change that, starting today.
     I think of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples- a loving act of service toward those He loved. Jesus taught by example- He showed us we are here to serve others. As Christians, our life shouldn't be self-focused, but others-focused. Why not start with our own spouse? What could you do today to show them loving service? By serving our spouse, we also honor God, and if you ask me, that's a win-win! 

Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28 ESV
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:44-45 ESV
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38 ESV
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to serve my spouse and to invest in building up my marriage- not just today, but every day. You left us so many examples of serving others, and showing them kindness. I know Your way is best and I want my marriage to be the best it can be. Help me to start with myself- putting the needs of my spouse ahead of myself and doing things that will show my love for them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
  
     

Patterns and Rebuilding Trust

     Starting over again is a wonderful gift that only God could've given us. I am thankful each day that we are establishing a new marriage relationship, and not working toward a divorce. Things are brighter, better, and shine with promise. And while there is so much positive stuff going on, the damage from behind us lurks in the mind, and Satan beckons us to listen to his old spiel of garbage. What will we do with what he whispers to us, and how can we make sure we don't buy into his load of bull again?
     If you are the betrayed spouse and find yourself rebuilding a marriage that has been damaged by infidelity, you know the struggles associated with it. Any behavior out of the new norm causes anxious thoughts. There are certain triggers that would cause me to panic, should I see them arise. And even with our best plan to stay focused on the present, our past often calls out to us and tries to derail the progress we are making. 
     Our wonderful marriage counselor has given some great advice on this. Look for patterns, and unless they are there, push away doubts that may try to creep in. In the past, my husband had a clear pattern for behavior associated with infidelity. In the present, none of that behavior exists- therefore, I need to focus on the good that is happening, and refuse to listen to the lies of the devil. When I find my mind going to my old crazy place, I have chosen instead to focus on this scripture, full of hope and encouragement : "Finally brothers (or sisters), whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is JUST, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is COMMENDABLE, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." (Philippians 4:8 ESV).
     Our mind is a complicated place, full of ideas and thoughts and imaginations. I am learning to train mine to focus on what is true, and not what may happen. There isn't really a better tool I've found for navigating through negative thought patterns, than to focus on the actual truth of this moment. God has used this scripture to re-train my brain from unhealthy places that can get me stuck in negativity from untruths. What a waste of my time and energy it is to stay in those bad places. If you're fighting against thoughts that hold no real truth or legitimacy in your present place, I encourage you to find the help and hope I have found in Philippians 4:8. Each time your mind goes to a place of worry and fear, train it instead, to think on things that are lovely, pure, honorable, just, praise worthy, and true! And in time, I believe with assurance, my brain will figure out it just isn't worth messing with Satan's lies. Our good God gives us all that we need to be successful within His Word! Praise the Lord for not leaving us alone in our struggles, but supplying our every need to be victorious over them!

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32 ESV
Lead me in truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:5 ESV
Even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17 ESV
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. Psalm 51:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of Your Word, so full of all we need and yet we often struggle. We struggle because we don't use Your Word to give us truth and focus, and I confess that before You, Lord. I thank You for giving the gift of re-training our minds to focus on You and all that You are to us. Help me each day, to remember the power I possess in Your Spirit. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Don't Know what You've Got Until it's Gone

     There's a lot of truth to the title and lyrics of this song by Cinderella. This likely dates me a little- back to the 80's, which was a pretty good decade, to be honest. But just the simple truth in the song title is as real as real gets. For me, I took my life and my marriage for granted, but when faced with the very real possibility of losing my marriage, there was a lot of loss associated with that.
     It's a lot easier, today, to write a blog post on this subject, because I know the outcome of our journey through infidelity. But in reality, there is a lot to be gained in taking stock of whatever stage of life we are living today. Even in those darker months and years, there were life lessons and cultivating that I needed to learn and experience in order to appreciate today. When I think of life without my husband, I realize with clarity, the real sense of loss I faced. 
     Losing my marriage meant losing so much more than just a wedding ring and a last name. It meant losing my life partner- losing the yin to my yang (whatever that even is;). It meant making big decisions on my own and finishing up parenting as separated parents- not united. It meant quiet, lonely evenings and cereal for dinner, because cooking for one is a waste of my time. There was no one to fall asleep with each night, and no one to share all the little details of my day and my life. Who would care for me if I fell ill? What would I do with our family home and how do we separate personal items? There is so much associated with our marriage partner that we don't even realize until we lose it. For those readers whose spouse has died, my heart hurts for you. There is a permanency there that forces one to move forward without their other half, and I'm sure the pain is horrible.
     One of the best lessons to take from each day, and each moment in our journey, is to find the good in where we are. There is always good even in our most difficult moments. I can see the hugs, support, love, and prayers from my dearest friends and family in those dark times, and I see good. I look at how God made His presence so real and so comforting and I praise Him for His goodness. I can see how I was changed for the better through what we experienced. I can see how my husband is a better man because of what God brought us through. I see the good in our marriage today, and how much richer it is from experiencing near loss. Whatever it is you are facing today, I encourage you to see the good, and not just the heartache. It's understandable and easy to wish away these more difficult days, but trust that God is with you in your today, and He will use these moments to make a better "you" than you could ever imagine. Loss makes us appreciate what we do have, and I pray that today, you will find the touches of God in your present, and praise Him for them!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, Colossians 1:13 ESV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving back to me not only what I almost lost, but so much more. That is something only You can do, Father, and I praise You for Your ability to bless us beyond measure. For those who have lost a spouse, I pray for comfort and healing. We are so thankful that no matter what our circumstances, You are with us. You love us with a love we can't understand, and we are so grateful. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Dating my Husband Again

     Remember the feeling of waiting to get picked up by your date? You would get all cleaned up, dressed up, and excited? We first dated before cell phones were a thing- there was no constant communication, and we couldn't FaceTime or Skype. We looked forward to the weekend since we lived 50 minutes apart and lived on our 10:00 pm phone calls (when the rates dropped)! I remember being so excited when I would hear him pulling into our driveway to whisk me away for a couple hours of fun.
     It might seem a little crazy, but love doesn't change. Twenty-five years of marriage went by, followed by a really difficult year. But I can tell you, when he pulled in our driveway for our dates earlier this year, my heart felt like the same teenage-girl that waited for him decades earlier. The wonderful thing is this- our difficult year didn't define us, but it did refine us. I learned to appreciate him in a whole new way. This man wasn't afraid to be vulnerable and honest. He didn't hold back his tears or emotions. I was given a gift to know a better man than I had known before, and I thank God for that each day. My story could've went a whole different way, but I'm glad God chose this path for me- for us.
     While it wasn't easy living apart, it did make the time we had together so special. We knew it was temporary, and looked forward to the day we could live under the same roof again. We talked, we dreamed, we shared, we cried, and we connected in a whole new way. What had been between us before- we learned from it, but it was a part of our past, not our present. We have been given a fresh start to do things better this go round. 
     If you have walked through infidelity in your marriage, you may not have a chance for a fresh start. If that is your story, and you prayed for a different outcome, then I'm so sorry. Being rejected is painful and can't be glossed over. But I would like to encourage you to find your own new beautiful story. While I had come to peace with parting ways with my husband, it was never what I wanted. I am thankful each day for where we are today- growing together and making a beautiful new story. This was truly only a script that God could write, and having Him at our center is key in building something that will last. Some bends in our life journey are really painful places to walk through, but I am so thankful God allows them to make us stronger, wiser, and more like His Son. Thank You, Lord, for giving us fresh starts, and for rescuing us in our darkest moments. And thank You for the light of these new days- days full of hope and love and opportunity!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for these new days- days full of new beginnings and promise. I thank You for the lessons of the past, and for bringing us through some of our worst days. Your mercy is always greater than our failures and we are humbled by this beautiful truth. Give us strength and courage each day to make something stronger and better, and may our love be centered around Your Son. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     
     

Broken

     I've heard it said of others, and often wondered exactly what it looked like when someone was "broken". Yes, in many ways, that can be said of us when we come to the point of accepting salvation from our Heavenly Father. But what about after that, when we fall and find ourselves deeply entrenched in sin? How long will God allow us to stay there, and what will it look like when we come to the breaking point? Will it be obvious? Will others notice the change?
     When my husband fell to adultery, I prayed countless times throughout every day that God would break him and change his heart. And a few times along the way, I thought maybe He had, but let me tell you- when it happens, it's so obvious! The end result of those days where God convicted and changed the heart of my husband ended in brokenness. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't vague- no, it was a complete change of heart, and a change with God's name stamped all over it. In short, it was nothing less than a miracle!
     When my husband was involved in the affair, his eyes had a hardness to them I had never seen before. But when I saw my husband after he was broken, his eyes were full of peace. The hard edge to his face was replaced by a softer, kinder look. And the moment I saw him, we fell into each other's arms with many tears of sorrow for what we had been through, and joy with for what God had done to bring us to this place. The absolute reality was this - he was forever changed, just as he stated in his deliverance story! That evening will forever be one of my most treasured memories.
     If you are a child of God and living in a lifestyle of sin, God won't leave you alone. You may not hear Him for stretches of time because you choose to drown out His voice, but He will relentlessly pursue His wayward children. I knew God would not give up on him, even though at times, my faith wavered. I prayed desperately for a changed heart- a heart that remembered Who God is, and a desire for lovingly serving Him. Because when we make God our priority, and read His Word, we will find our other relationships fall into a better place. 
     I will forever be grateful to the Lord for breaking my husband! While it was the most difficult trial we have faced to date, I have faith that God will use us in sharing our story with the world! Our story is a story that speaks of God's redemption. We pray it will point others to our Source of strength and hope, Jesus Christ- the Author of forgiveness, hope, and abundant grace!

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17 ESV
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15 ESV
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for relentlessly pursuing us when we wander from Your way and will for us. I praise You for the work You have done in our marriage, and for breaking our will when it opposes Yours. Your grace and mercy are gifts we often take for granted, and yet when we see them demonstrated in this way, they are precious gifts to us, dear Lord. We love You for Who You are, and for what You are doing, and for giving Your life for ours. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

A Surprise Text from my Estranged Husband

     If you've been following the story of my husband's deliverance, you read about him sending a text to me the morning after he discovered my blog. I woke up early that morning and noticed a long text from him, and was curious about the subject, but also thinking it was probably about moving forward with a divorce. I expected it, and was prepared with a lawyer, some information, and complete heartache.
     Instead, God gave me a window into a hope I wasn't expecting- a text filled with real sorrow and tenderness. While I had received plenty of texts throughout the year- some good and some bad, this one seemed genuine and different. It was different in that I expected only anger from his discovery of my blog... but here he was telling me about how it made him feel after the initial anger wore off. He mentioned shame, guilt and remorse. He offered words of apology and sorrow over his actions. 
     The one thing that stood out to me in his text was a feeling of hopelessness- that he felt he was forever ruined, and that tore at my heart. When you know God, and Satan isn't getting in the way with lies, you know that we are never beyond His grace and forgiveness. He loves us with a love so much greater than our human minds can comprehend. I longed for him to remember His grace, and I longed for him to remember how loved he was, and always would be. No matter what we do, no matter how far we fall, God's love is consistently the same. He doesn't love us more when we are obedient, and He doesn't love us less when we aren't.
     At this point, I wasn't sure where this would go, but I got to praying right away, and asked a few of my prayer partners to join me. These wonderful prayer partners were with me through the whole journey, and I know they pray for us still- for healing and recovery! I had no idea of the spiritual battle that would ensue in the day and days ahead, but God faithfully pursued His lost sheep, and brought him not only back to the fold- but in time, back to me as well! 
     If you're in a situation that feels hopeless, I want to challenge you to believe that with our God, no situation is hopeless. There were days my hope wavered, but when we believe the promises He makes to us in scripture, we can rest in knowing this - He will prevail in all circumstances. He is good no matter how bad today may feel. Friend, don't give up believing He will deliver you! As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, He is faithful to His Word. Trust Him while you wait- and know your day of deliverance will come!

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 ESV
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV
But if we wait for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:25 ESV
Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18 ESV
Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD! Psalm 31:24 ESV
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for keeping Your promises to us. We make promises and fail to keep them, but I can always count on You to keep Yours. On days when it seems impossible, on days when it seems unbearable- let me hold fast to Your promises of hope and deliverance. Your unfailing love is my constant source of joy, and I thank You for loving me faithfully. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Part Three- His Deliverance (told by him)

*** For the full story, don't miss Part One and Two, posted the last two days! And don't miss tomorrow either :)

     God wasn't finished with dealing with me, thankfully. I left that restaurant and went to my sister's home, where I was staying. I slept all of about two hours that night, just wrestling with lies from Satan, and truth that God was putting right in front of me. That night was a night full of emotional torment and exhaustion.
     I got out of bed on Saturday morning to do a few things, and it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I determined that I would reach out to Ruth and just let her know how sorry I was, and how her blog had touched me. I have never, since I was saved, felt such a conflict in my soul. Satan was fighting hard to keep me down, but God was telling me it could all be mended. 
     I wanted to reach out to my wife, not only to apologize, but to tell how how shameful and real it was, to see in writing the awful pain I had caused, and how ashamed and sorrowful I felt in wrecking her life. Satan wanted me to keep believing this was all normal and okay- so many dealt with this all the time. He kept reminding me that I had ruined her, my family, my own life, and was beyond any usefulness.
     I finally got the courage to text her, and to my amazement, she responded. I told her what was happening, and what had been on my heart, and her response was that she would pray, and she would have others join her in praying for me. I could feel the power of God moving that day in such a real way. I texted her back at one point and told her I felt much like the man lying in the ditch left for dead (Luke 10). She sent me back words that were like medicine for my wounds. Ruth displayed the true character of Christ. Here she was, helping the very one who had wronged her, and hurt her so deeply.
     The awful thoughts of guilt and pain Satan wanted me to focus on were eventually overcome by the wonderful fact that my God has chosen not to remember the sins of the past, and he has already covered the future with the blood of His Son. I got so wrapped up in what was happening that afternoon in my heart, that I literally forgot one of the major jobs I was supposed to complete that day. If the people had known what was going on, I am sure they would understand.
     I want to encourage any who may see someone in need- whether spiritually, emotionally, or physically, to step in. We have so much to offer the hurting when we can tell them of One Who loves, cares and heals. No matter how close to impossible it may seem, God is always able! There is no situation too big for Him to handle. Yes, Satan will offer alternative ways to handle our problems and they will always lead to ruin, pain, and despair. Listen closely for a Voice Who calls you to hope, to peace and to life everlasting! In Jesus alone, we find rest from our struggles, and light from the darkness of sin. And if God allows you to see someone struggling, faithfully answer the call!

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 ESV
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12 ESV
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your mercy, grace and kindness shown to us. Lord, we don't deserve Your perfect love, and yet You lavish it on us anyways. Thank You for rescuing me from the pit of despair, and placing my feet on solid ground. Help us, Lord, to rescue others we see in need and not to turn our backs on them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Part Two- His Deliverance (told by him)

  ** Please read Part One if you find this post and have not been following. My entire story will be told over the course of a few days.

     After returning from my New Year's trip and breaking things off with the other woman, I needed some of my things from our house. I knew Ruth would be at church Wednesday night, so I asked if it would be okay if I came by and grabbed a few of my things. I knew it would be easier on everyone if I went when they were not home.
     What I saw when I got to the house rocked my world pretty hard. My side of the closet had been totally cleaned out and my clothes had been packed in boxes and stored under my desk in the front office. Ruth had left me a pretty challenging note that began to eat at me. I responded with some pretty selfish and stupid words and actions that I hoped would hurt them back. I was fighting against the idea that God could win this battle.
     By Friday, January 4th, the conflict had grown. I was leaving work and I wanted to reach out to my wife but I was very hesitant. I knew she still shared her location with me, so I could see that she was out eating with a friend very close to where I was. I missed her, and was already feeling the touch of God in my heart about how I had treated her and my kids. 
     I was sitting alone at a nearby restaurant and God clearly directed me to look and see what, if anything, she had posted about this on social media. I was caught totally off guard. I had not been on Twitter in months and I found her page and began to read a blog that she had created about spouses that had been betrayed by infidelity. I was so angry with what I was reading and could not believe she would put this out there for anyone to read. In that moment, God struck me right in the heart and He said to me, "why are you angry? This is what you have caused." 
     I was sitting in that restaurant all alone with tears running down my face as I read several of her blogs back to back. I went from complete anger to total shame and a real sense of guilt for what I had done. How could someone, especially one who proclaims to be a Christian, have left a beautiful woman and two awesome kids with such pain and with such terrible feelings? While I didn't want to answer, I knew how- the lust of the flesh. My selfish motives had blinded me, and driven me to fulfill them and abandon the ones I loved. I had fallen and I had devastated and wrecked the one most precious thing in my life- my family. 
     Isn't it amazing how God used what my wife was fearful to share, to point me to Him? He knew what it would take for me to fully see the consequences of my sin, and He led her to write exactly what was needed in order to rescue me. That's God- He works in ways that at times, astound me! I am so thankful He gave her the gift of writing this blog, created to help others, but was also the source that led me straight into the arms of my Savior, and ultimately, home! Our prayer is that you may know this same God- One so interested in you! Oh, how He loves us!

For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 ESV
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV
The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. Nahum 1:7 ESV
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. Romans 8:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your Spirit Who convicts us of our sin and calls us into Your presence. We will never find true joy, peace and contentment outside of Your will. Forgive me, Father, for the many times I seek pleasure from my sinful desires, forgetting how only You can fill me, Lord. Help me to guard myself against Satan by arming myself with Your Word. Keep my feet on the path that leads to life, and may I always turn from wandering from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Part One- HIs Deliverance (told by him)

     I had grown cold in my Christian walk. I was still going to my place of worship, I was still participating and even in a leadership role and at times, I was moved by the Spirit to be warm for Christ, but I was lukewarm at best. Satan saw the chance and knew exactly what it would take to cut me down and wreck my life, and he moved swiftly, and with boldness.
     I had developed a friendship with a co-worker that turned into a temptation. This temptation was far more than I would ever have wanted in the past, but in my weakened state, I fell. I lied to the people that I loved the most, I did things behind their back that gnawed at the heart of what I stood for- honesty, integrity and loyalty. I was unfaithful to my family, I cheated on my wife and I lost the respect of my close friends. During all of this, Satan kept whispering lies, telling me this is what I really wanted in order to be happy. He was filling my heart with lies and he was continually telling me this was a good thing. I wanted to believe it, but I also knew in my core being that this was not right and was totally against what i believed and had been raised to be. 
     This is when Satan dropped my biggest challenge- he lied and told me I had gone too far to ever be restored. He said it was too late for me and that I was forever scarred and useless in God's work. I was struggling with being able to accept God's grace. I had been forgiven years ago when I was first saved, told others about God's abundant grace that He shows to all who call out to Him, and here I was - refusing to accept it and break free of my chains. 
     I want to fast forward to January of 2019. I had left my wife and family for the 2nd time just after Christmas, and my plan was for this to be the final departure. I knew this was going to be it and I would move on and divorce- it would be hard, but manageable. So many others chose this path and surely I could handle it as well. I tried to make it as easy as possible on my wife, but I left. 
     I spent New Year's being unfaithful and actually miserable. I had so much conflict in my heart that I can say it was the worst New Year's I had ever had. I got back to North Carolina on New Year's night and went to work the following day and the conflict began to intensify. It got to the point where I made the decision to break off the relationship with the woman I thought would make me happy. Satan had told me that would be difficult, but I prayed to God to help me do this quickly and for it to be forever done. God prevailed in this, and I was so thankful.
     Whatever you're facing in life today, listen to the Voice of the Spirit. He will lead you to life and peace, while Satan will whisper lies to derail and defeat you. I am thankful to serve a God that doesn't turn His back on His own. We turn our backs on Him, yet He remains loving and faithful to us. I will always be thankful to the Lord for His persistence in dealing with me. He is a God Who invests in our lives- and He seeks to deliver us from sin. Will we open our hearts to Him, or listen to the lies of Satan? The choice lies on us- choose well!

Where shall I go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, no matter where we are or where we go, You promise to be with us. We can't outrun You, nor can we hide from You. I'm so thankful for Your persistence and Your faithfulness- without both, I would be lost. Help us to listen for Your voice, and that it would always be louder than the evil whispers of Satan. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Secrets

     You can probably go way back to your earliest memories and recall the birth of secret keeping in your life. Whispers in the ears of your sister or brother that circled around a likely trivial thought or event. "Don't tell," we would say. Or those hushed voice conversations with our best friends at recess, revealing our deepest thoughts. Whatever your memories conjure up, these were harmless secrets we often did tell, even if we promised not to.
     Then life got a little more complicated, and so did the secrets. They took on a more serious tone now, with real consequences if we failed to uphold our promise to keep them. The truth is, we all need someone to talk to and share our feelings with, and oftentimes our burdens are carried by others when we feel free enough to share. Having a trusted confidant is invaluable when life throws up some curveballs. 
     Then comes marriage. This a place where secrets are dangerous. They divide us and cause distrust. While our spouse should be our greatest confidant, we often turn to others instead. When we are faced with serious issues, we need to have open communication in order to be able to share our struggles with our spouse. It's so important to feel comfortable sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings in a marriage. And if we feel things about one another that are things we see as issues, we need to go to our spouse for resolution, rather than an outside source. 
     There are secrets that are harmless- surprises for one another or sensitive information told to us through another relationship that will not have any impact on your marriage. But in most cases, secrets will cause trouble in a marriage, and open doors of distrust and insecurity. When it comes to infidelity, secrets are the root problem and in order to heal and reestablish trust, they are off limits. The importance of honesty and openness cannot be overstated. Simply put, make a promise to keep nothing from your spouse- not overspending, not an encounter with a flirt, not career decisions, not parenting issues, nor any other piece of information that should be openly shared. 
     God has called each of His children to honesty. We cannot keep secrets from Him since He knows all, and sees all. And He doesn't want us to keep them in our marriages either. Honesty is a characteristic we associate with a godly marriage, and if we want our marriage to be healthy and God honoring, secrets have no place in them. As difficult as it is, I challenge you to open the doors of your heart and mind with your spouse and put away secrets that divide, not unite. 

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Luke 12:2 ESV
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25 ESV
I tell you on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:36-37 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for honesty in my marriage and all of my relationships. Keep me from covering up secrets from those I love, and from tearing down trust in relationships I have with my loved ones. Help me to be a person of my word, and to be trusted by all that know me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Let Go, But Don't Give up Hope!

     I recently posted a blog about letting go, and how it was a lesson I had to learn. Apparently, feeling in control was very important to me and I was pretty challenged in learning to let go, and truly allow God to do His work. But I can tell you for certain, when my husband left that second time I felt defeated- I had surely lost the fight for my marriage. It sure looked that way, but I was trusting God to somehow carry me through to the "new" that He had for me.
     And that is where hope came in. I had placed hope in a restored husband and restored marriage, instead of placing my hope in Jesus Christ. My challenge was learning to place my hope in the plans He had for me- whatever they were. I had to believe that the plans ahead would someday, somehow, bring healing and joy. I had to believe that He loved me and would heal my heart and restore my brokenness. And I also had to believe that in some way, it was possible that my marriage wasn't over- but only if He opened the door. But in this moment, I had to let go and wait expectantly for the good He had planned for me.
     If you are walking through a valley, don't give up hope. Some days will look dark and nearly impossible to overcome, and yet God is able in every situation. When I got to this point in my journey, God quickly moved to throw open doors I never imagined. But that door didn't open until I let Him take over. We struggle with allowing God to take control of our lives and think we know better. God forgive me for my foolish ways of thinking! 
     One of my favorite promises found in scripture is found in 1 Peter 5:10. (And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.) Brothers and sisters, we are going to suffer trials in our lives: it's unavoidable living in am imperfect world. But we won't stay there forever! This scripture promises that after a little while, the God of grace will restore us once again. If we can wrap our minds around that truth in the valley, we can look forward with hope, knowing the mountaintop awaits us- and very soon, He will place us there! God, I thank You for delivering me from my distress, and for faithfully upholding Your precious promises to me! 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 ESV
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:25 ESV
For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV
Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray I will let You have control in my life, and that I will never lose hope in Your promises to me. Thank You for walking me through my darkest days, and for victoriously leading me out into the "new" You have for me. Strengthen my trust and faith in You always, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!