The Pull

 This week I was struck with how easily our flesh is drawn to the temporary pleasures the world has to offer. I felt sick and tired of the pull—the constant lure toward sin. How often I exchange a few moments of fun for something of real value. Something that could have a positive impact on my eternal reward. In almost 40 years of following Christ, I've never yet outgrown the desire for earthly pleasures and the lust of the flesh, and I suspect that won't change until I leave here, taking my final breath when I'll finally be set free.

But I'm not there yet, so I pray that God will touch my heart for His Presence and that I'll stop short-selling Jesus for lesser things. Somedays, I feel disgusted with my wasted days and months and seasons. I wish every moment had been in surrender to His will for me. But in reality, when compared to the length of time I've spent here, the moments of surrender have been few. I feel sin-sick and too often drawn to the things I shouldn't be drawn to.

I've been enjoying a new Gaither Vocal Band song this week titled 'Out of Bondage'. Here are a few lines from the song:

Out of bondage, into freedom

From the chains that held me fast,

Out of bondage, into freedom

From my prison free at last.

While this song is written about our freedom from our past and the sin that stood between us and God, I love to think of this in another way: the day my heart will forever be free from the pull toward this world and its shallow offerings. The day my chains will be forever loosed from my body—set free in my eternal home.

It's not that I don't love my life, and appreciate the blessings God has given me in so many areas. I love my husband and kids and family and friends. I love my church family, my dogs and my home. It's not that I long for death. But friends, some days I just feel weary of the brokenness here. The pain of wrong choices. The corruption of leaders. The indulgence in sin. The perversion of sex. The profane and idle chatter. The jealousy. The betrayal and lies. It's all so ugly and so heavy, and yet God stands with His arms wide open, beckoning me to fall into them and find peace and joy I could never find here. 

And so I run to Him, asking Him to forgive me—forgive us for this filth in our hearts. I hurt for Him as He looks on and sees it all—every single sin that cost Him His precious, only Son. And I wonder how we so easily forget. How can we be so callous? Why are we so drawn to things that hurt our Savior? I want to hunger for Him above all other persons or things. But I'll feel this away again more times than I care to admit. I'll feel pulled away from Him for something temporary. Something shallow. I'll waste more days and more opportunity. But today, I don't want to. I want my life to be spiritually rich and abundantly valuable in His eyes. 

"God, touch our hearts for You. May we hunger for You each day, weighing up our choices for where we pour our hearts. Help us to remember the tremendous cost of our sin, and may we truly have a desire to live a surrendered life. Forgive us for our constant desire for worldly offerings. And until the day I'm finally set free from the pull, hold me fast in Your loving arms."

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12, ESV),

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16, ESV).