The Pull

 This week I was struck with how easily our flesh is drawn to the temporary pleasures the world has to offer. I felt sick and tired of the pull—the constant lure toward sin. How often I exchange a few moments of fun for something of real value. Something that could have a positive impact on my eternal reward. In almost 40 years of following Christ, I've never yet outgrown the desire for earthly pleasures and the lust of the flesh, and I suspect that won't change until I leave here, taking my final breath when I'll finally be set free.

But I'm not there yet, so I pray that God will touch my heart for His Presence and that I'll stop short-selling Jesus for lesser things. Somedays, I feel disgusted with my wasted days and months and seasons. I wish every moment had been in surrender to His will for me. But in reality, when compared to the length of time I've spent here, the moments of surrender have been few. I feel sin-sick and too often drawn to the things I shouldn't be drawn to.

I've been enjoying a new Gaither Vocal Band song this week titled 'Out of Bondage'. Here are a few lines from the song:

Out of bondage, into freedom

From the chains that held me fast,

Out of bondage, into freedom

From my prison free at last.

While this song is written about our freedom from our past and the sin that stood between us and God, I love to think of this in another way: the day my heart will forever be free from the pull toward this world and its shallow offerings. The day my chains will be forever loosed from my body—set free in my eternal home.

It's not that I don't love my life, and appreciate the blessings God has given me in so many areas. I love my husband and kids and family and friends. I love my church family, my dogs and my home. It's not that I long for death. But friends, some days I just feel weary of the brokenness here. The pain of wrong choices. The corruption of leaders. The indulgence in sin. The perversion of sex. The profane and idle chatter. The jealousy. The betrayal and lies. It's all so ugly and so heavy, and yet God stands with His arms wide open, beckoning me to fall into them and find peace and joy I could never find here. 

And so I run to Him, asking Him to forgive me—forgive us for this filth in our hearts. I hurt for Him as He looks on and sees it all—every single sin that cost Him His precious, only Son. And I wonder how we so easily forget. How can we be so callous? Why are we so drawn to things that hurt our Savior? I want to hunger for Him above all other persons or things. But I'll feel this away again more times than I care to admit. I'll feel pulled away from Him for something temporary. Something shallow. I'll waste more days and more opportunity. But today, I don't want to. I want my life to be spiritually rich and abundantly valuable in His eyes. 

"God, touch our hearts for You. May we hunger for You each day, weighing up our choices for where we pour our hearts. Help us to remember the tremendous cost of our sin, and may we truly have a desire to live a surrendered life. Forgive us for our constant desire for worldly offerings. And until the day I'm finally set free from the pull, hold me fast in Your loving arms."

Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12, ESV),

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16, ESV).

Freedom or Shackles

     I don't know about you, but I've been missing my freedom lately. With the restrictions this virus has placed upon us, I've never spent so many consecutive days at home. I love my home, and it's a place I enjoy spending time, but lately I feel a little like a prisoner inside these 4 walls. I'm thankful for the time with family, and I'm thankful for the efforts of our government to keep us safe. But these restrictions have opened my eyes to what it must feel like to live a life of restrictions- either by government structure, or even as a prisoner. 
     Freedom is something every Christian enjoys when the shackles of our sin are removed through the gift of salvation. Our sin is heavy, and wears us down. Just as we feel an emotional weight when we wish to be forgiven in one of our earthly relationships, the same is true before we are set free from the guilt of our sin. There is something so freeing when we hear those sweet words from someone we hurt : "I forgive you!" We immediately feel lighter and more at peace. This is the feeling we experience when we received forgiveness from our Savior- a burden too heavy for words was lifted as a result of His mercy and grace.
     It's hard to return to bondage after freedom. I can't imagine the feelings of those who for short time, escaped from the evil power of Nazi rule, only to be captured once again. For most, it would've meant certain death for them, but at best, a return to the worst imaginable life of bondage in a concentration camp. Their return to bondage wasn't voluntary- they would have never chosen to go back, yet we often willingly return to bondage when we misuse our freedom in Christ, leading us back to sin's shackles.
     Scripture reminds us of the danger of returning to the lifestyle of the lost after salvation. We are essentially putting on filthy garments and shackles, after being clean and set free. It makes no sense, this desire to return to this unhealthy spiritual state, and yet we often do. In my own life experience, I've seen it play out in my marriage. After enjoying decades of living a godly and fulfilling married life, sinful flesh took over and corrupted what was. While it may initially feel like freedom to forsake the "bondage" of marriage and pursue worldly passion, it is actually a return to Satan's control in our decisions and choices. The result of returning to a lifestyle of bondage to sin, will always hurt people. 
     While our freedom is feeling a little compromised at present, it's a good time to take stock of how we are doing spiritually. Are we living free, or are we returning to the shackles that once held us in the past? Freedom in Christ does not mean that we get to do what we want, but rather a freedom we experience through His gift of salvation, releasing us from Satan's captivity. It frees us from the ultimate price of sin- hell for eternity. While our earthly freedom may be subject to circumstances, government and yes- even a virus, our spiritual freedom can never be taken from us. And that, to me, is the best news ever!

For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. What the true proverb says has happened to them: "The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire." 2 Peter 2:20-22 (ESV) 

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the freedom You have given us, and acknowledge the great cost it was to You- the blood of Your Son, Jesus, shed for us on the cross of Calvary. Help us to remember the danger of returning to bondage after receiving Your precious gift of freedom. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Part Four- His Deliverance ( told by him)

** Continued from the previous 3 days... don't miss those!

     Later that same evening, I went to grab some dinner and for the first time in forever, I sat alone and not one person bothered to talk to me, yet I was in perfect peace. God had, in a miraculous way, moved in my heart and helped me latch on to His wonderful offering of grace. I couldn't live without it, nor could I take one more step without just accepting God had forgiven me, and the weight of sin was gone. The chains that had held me captive for far too long were broken. Not only had God forgiven me, but I was able to rest and claim that forgiveness for myself. 

     I spent that evening back at my sister's sitting alone watching YouTube videos of gospel artists singing the wonderful message of forgiveness. I let them pour into my soul like water on dry, barren ground. I didn't find out until later, that there were quite a few prayer warriors fighting for me that day. I will be forever grateful for the prayers of those that sought to bring me back to the light and love of my Savior. 

     What I witnessed over those couple days will forever impact my life. It gave me a new opportunity with my life and my marriage that would otherwise have been over. That God would lead my wife to write a blog about what had happened, and that He would lead me to read it and be convicted in such a way that it would redirect my steps, is something only God could do! The path, though hard, will never be the same because I have chosen to walk so much closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. 

     My daily prayer is this: "Jesus, I need you in every moment of my day, please help me stay close to You, and in everything I do, let me be reminded that You are with me in every step. Thank You, God, for allowing me to see my sin, and for working a miracle in my life to bring me to a place where You could move and heal. I love You for what You have done to secure my soul eternally, for what You are currently doing to make me more like You, and for the fresh appreciation I have been given of Your grace towards me. Amen!" There will be many small steps of building trust, respect, and healing back into relationships I had carelessly tossed to the side. One verse stands out to me though, when I think of what is ahead : I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). 

     I have included the verses of a hymn that is very special to me. The words that touch me so deeply are these: "wonderful grace of Jesus, greater than all my sin...broader than the scope of my transgressions, greater far than all my sin and shame, O magnify the precious name of Jesus, praise His name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Greater than all my sin

How shall my tongue describe it?

Where shall its praise begin?

Taking away my burden, setting my spirit free

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Chorus:

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus

Deeper than the mighty rolling sea

Higher than the mountain

sparkling like a fountain

All sufficient grace for even me

Broader than the scope of my transgressions

Greater far than all my sin and shame

O Magnify the precious name of Jesus

Praise His name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Reaching to all the lost

By it I have been pardoned

Saved to the uttermost

Chains have been torn asunder, giving me liberty

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Wonderful grace of Jesus

Reaching the most defiled

By its transforming power

Making him God's dear child

Purchasing peace and Heaven for all eternity

For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

                

Hymn by Haldor Lillenas , 1918