The prognosis was bleak. Cancer was not only in her breast, it was also in her bones and blood. She was thin from treatment, and from the cancer that was robbing her appetite and depleting her body. People spoke in hushed voices, sharing their skepticism regarding her already poor prognosis. She was faced with certain death this go round, and she seemed to know it. We all did. As she lay in her bed, weak and tired, the days ticked slowly by. It could be any time now, we all assumed. We prayed for healing, but doubted it would happen- at least not on this side of eternity.
We've all been there, haven't we? Faced with the certain death of a loved one- whether physical in nature, or perhaps the death of a marriage. We doubt that healing is possible, yet we pray for it anyway. Doubting means we don't really have faith at all- not even the size of a teeny, tiny mustard seed. Here's one of the faith problems we are experiencing with modern day technology- our knowledge weakens our faith. The doctor gives us a detailed report, based on blood work and imaging scans, so we choose to believe knowledge, over the thought that God can still heal. Our spouse has filed for divorce, and has no interest in reconciling, so we assume it's over. We wish for reconciliation, but we just don't believe it will happen for us.
James 1:6 tells us to "ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." Asking- without doubt? Ouch! To be perfectly honest, I'm guilty of asking with plenty of doubting. I want it- I may even think God wants it too, but my head knowledge gets ahead of my heart. Instead, God wants me to pray with an unshakeable faith. Matthew 17:20 comes to mind: He said to them, "For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." This shows how limited we have become in our prayers, because we seldom believe He is truly capable of the impossible.
I don't write this as if I have the answers for a greater faith. In reality, I'm ashamed of the smallness of mine. And I wonder- if I actually believed it really were possible, would the outcome of my prayers be vastly different? I believe in my heart that they would. The truth is, the more we seem to think we know, the less we believe that God is able to do what knowledge says isn't possible. We doubt the miraculous, because the odds seem against us. But God isn't confined by odds or chance, and I often forget that.
The thing is, sometimes God really does choose to take them anyway. We hope for a different outcome, but it's not in His plan. And some marriages come to an end, as much as we hoped and prayed they wouldn't. We don't always have the answers here, and oftentimes, we don't understand them. But how many times am I guilty of praying without truly believing? And would my life, and those I pray for, be transformed if I kicked that foolish habit? I absolutely believe they would! So as we move into another year that will be filled with its own challenges, may we move forward expectantly, as we ask God for the impossible. And may our hearts be humbled and blessed when we see Him move in ways we can't even begin to comprehend.
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Matthew 21:22 (ESV)
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (ESV)
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our lack of faith- we acknowledge that it's sin. Help us to pray with believing; for You alone are capable of the impossible. Thank You, Father, for hearing and answering prayer. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!
Loving difficult people isn't easy, and if I'm really being honest, I find it almost impossible. People who are rude and have nothing kind to say grate on my nerves. I can't even begin to understand people who are abusive to their children or loved ones, and their sin angers me. For those who are unkind to my children, it takes restraint for me to not get involved (because I know they don't want me to)! Annoying drivers don't cause loving feelings to escape from my mind or lips. In short, I see love as something that you earn from me, rather than a way of life.
When it came to infidelity in my marriage, I felt some pretty unloving feelings. When I thought of the woman that had an affair with my husband- no real love there. When I listened to painful words said to me, they were stored up for feelings of resentment. This is the way of our sinful human hearts. We like to tweak the golden rule to suit us, and make it more like this: do to others what they deserve, by how they treat you. Ugh, this mind of mine is often unrighteous and full of yuck.
I often get stuck in these thought patterns and then ask myself why in the world God would love me. Sure, I remained faithful to my husband when he wasn't faithful to me, but I have plenty of my own sin to make me wonder at God's love toward me. It's easy for me to point fingers and think God sees me as "less bad" than the next person, but that just isn't the case. He doesn't keep score, He sees all sin as sin. And for some reason our minds can't fathom, He chooses to love sinners, even while He hates sin.
What sin do you struggle with? I have my own list, and it's sadly pretty extensive. I can get caught up in the injustice of sins that hurt me, but ultimately sin is against God. And my sin is just as ugly as the next person. Sin makes me fall short of God's standard, no matter how "big" or "small" it may be. God has compassion for us when we are hurt by sin, but He also calls all of us to confess our sins and repent (changing our behavior). So while infidelity deeply hurt me, it hurt God more. And even while it hurt Him, He loved the sinner no less. And He loves me that way too- without conditions or limits. I won't ever understand it this side of eternity, but one day when I'm face to face with my Savior, I can't wait to tell Him how thankful I am for His unconditional love towards sinful me!
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 ESV
Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 ESV
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 ESV
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I can't understand Your love for me, but I'm thankful for it. I love others with a love tainted by sin, placing limits on my love by how they treat me. Help me to throw out the limits and conditions that hold me back from loving like You love. Lord I am so thankful You came to die for my sin and wash me clean. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
