I am Thomas

I sat beside his bed, holding the hand of my husband. Thirty years of doing life together conjured up so many rich memories. How could I go on without him, I wondered? We were a team—partners, lovers, and best friends. And now this. The doctors had given us news that literally shook us: stage 4 cancer. How are you supposed to handle that kind of news? 

In another home across the world a woman sat alone. Fearful and heartbroken, she faced the awful news that her husband had left her. The clothes and books and his well-worn recliner seemed to mock her in his absence. Was it over? Would things ever be okay again? How was she supposed to move forward alone? She missed him desperately, yet here she was—broken and filled with doubt.

Centuries earlier, a similar situation played out in a distant land. As he looked on, he saw his friend hanging on a cross. Broken and bloodied and dying. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He had placed all of his faith in this Man, and now He was dying—leaving them and shattering his hopes that Jesus was truly the long-awaited Messiah. Why had he been so foolish to believe, he thought to himself? Why did it have to end this way?

The disciples were gathered together and Jesus appeared to them after that awful day of His death. While Jesus had told them prior to His death that He would indeed die and raise from the dead, they didn't understand what He meant. So when they saw Him, their hope was restored—He really was the Messiah. He really was Who they had believed Him to be. This caused them great joy and I'm sure, a huge sense of relief. But Thomas wasn't there. He didn't get to see Him, and when he was told that Jesus had appeared to them, he refused to believe it.

Not only did Thomas refuse to believe the news, but he adamantly refused. In fact, these are his words:

"Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe (John 20:25, ESV)."  Never.

Eight days later, Jesus appeared to His disciples again, except this time Thomas was with them. How do you think Thomas felt when Jesus, knowing his heart and his words, asked him to place his finger in the nail print in his hand and to place his hand on His side and feel the place where the sword had pierced Him? I would imagine in that moment, Thomas felt an ocean full of regret and sorrow. He had doubted the Lord, and the Lord had called him out on it. Not in a mean way—but in a very direct way. And Jesus then told Thomas: "Do not disbelieve, but believe (John 20:27b, ESV)." 

It's so easy to point fingers at Thomas and judge him for his doubting heart. How could he have seen the works of the Lord and then doubt His identity? He had watched Him perform many miracles in the three years he spent with Him—healing people, feeding multitudes from only a few loaves and fish, raising people from the dead. How could he have been an eye-witness to these miraculous acts, only to doubt Him as He hung on the cross? It seems foolish, and yet I've been there, and maybe you have too.

The truth is, God heals cancer. God restores broken marriages. God gives the addict freedom from substance abuse. God makes a way when it seems there is none. God cures. God rescues. That's what He does, and I often easily forget that when I'm faced with situations that seem absolutely impossible. I doubt Him. I forget what He's done. I'm no different or better than Thomas.

But Thomas didn't stay a doubter. After he touched the wounds of Jesus, he appropriately addressed Him as "my Lord and my God." History records that later Thomas would lose his life as a martyr. He could have stayed in a place of disbelief, but he didn't—and I don't have to stay in a place of doubt either. Why? Because I've personally seen the hand of Jesus miraculously move in my own life. I've had a front row seat to witnessing the power of God transform people—transform my marriage, and transform lives. When I stop to consider these things I can release worry and doubt that grips my heart when I'm the one sitting by the hospital bed or facing an unfaithful spouse or a child addicted to drugs. Is it hard—yes. Does it hurt—absolutely. But I serve a God who is able.

Even though He is able, God doesn't always heal that stage 4 husband. He doesn't always bring back a wayward child or spouse. The addict will take the final dose that takes their life. Our world is broken, and sin has touched every part of it. But as believers, we don't have to live in a place of doubt. God will make all things new and restore His creation. He cares about us and wants us to hope in Him. He can do all things, and in His strength, so can we. And sometimes–somedays, that's enough to remove every bit of doubt from our hearts no matter what we are facing. May we, like Thomas remember—truly see Him, and then address Him as our Lord and our God. 

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind (James 1:6, ESV). 

Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him (Mark 11:23, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, help us to be remembered by our faith, and not our doubts. May we be Christians that leave a legacy that says "they trusted in God, and lived it." In Your name we pray, Amen!

Balancing Faith and Preparation

     She was sick, and getting sicker by the day. As she awaited news from the doctor about her diagnosis, she worried. How would they pay for treatment? Would they lose everything they had worked for after so many decades of making a secure life for their family? Would they have to file bankruptcy in order for her to receive treatment if the diagnosis was indeed cancer? For most of her life, they talked about faith, and how God would take care of them no matter what happened. And so insurance seemed like a joke- a display of trusting in an insurance company, and not God. Until now. Now, she wasn't so sure.
     This scenario plays out in many various ways, but the same principle holds true- faith without preparation. I am a firm believer in faith, and know that God can do the impossible. In fact, He has done the impossible for me many times over, so I've personally experienced the truth of it. That said, I also firmly believe that God wants us to prepare with good sense. We should be responsible with what He has entrusted us with, and make choices that will help us when we are in trouble. 
     The situation our world is facing right now is one that calls us to both faith, and preparedness. Faith that God is in control, and always has been. Faith that He will is my Helper and Friend. Faith that He will work all things out for good- because scripture promises us this. But we also want to be prepared. Being prepared doesn't necessarily mean we buy all the toilet paper, but it is wise to make preparations for the unknown circumstances of our immediate future. And it always helps to know that while the future isn't known by us, it is known by Him. And so we have this constant balance of faith and preparation- a mix that gives security to our families, and a hope to the anxious soul. 
     This situation made me think of the Israelites, and how they faced the same balance. The Lord provided for their daily needs in the wilderness by giving them fresh manna each day (a small, round, white substance they used to bake bread). They were to only collect what they needed for that day, yet some of them felt greedy and lacked faith that He would provide the next day, so they took more than their share. What happened to the excess? It rotted, and was useless. Their disobedience to gather more than they needed ended up in a smelly basket of rotten manna. Did God want them to prepare? Yes, but He also wanted them to obey and trust Him to provide for their needs the next day as well.
     The purpose of this post isn't to scold anyone for buying more than our daily needs, but rather to remind us of the importance of both preparing for the future, and believing that God is in control. 100 rolls of toilet paper won't eliminate the fact that I still need God. We can, and should prepare, but we still need God every second of every day. Whether we are in times of plenty, or leaner times, God wants us to trust Him- yet all while being wise. This is true in our marriages, our careers, our home life, our parenting- every single sphere! So while this virus can cause us to feel uncertain and fearful, we can choose to push away the fear and allow our faith to lead us to a better place. We will do what we can to prepare for tomorrow, trusting that God will be there, just as He's here today. And sometimes, this is just the faith exercise that I need to remember Who He is, and witness His great power in not only my own life, but the whole world. 

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest. Proverbs 6:6-8 (ESV)
That your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2:5 (ESV)
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for providing for us, and for seeing to our needs. We ask for forgiveness for our oftentimes lack of faith, and pray that even in this time, our faith would be increased. May we not only witness Your power, but may others see it in me. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Mustard Seed Faith

     The prognosis was bleak. Cancer was not only in her breast, it was also in her bones and blood. She was thin from treatment, and from the cancer that was robbing her appetite and depleting her body. People spoke in hushed voices, sharing their skepticism regarding her already poor prognosis. She was faced with certain death this go round, and she seemed to know it. We all did. As she lay in her bed, weak and tired, the days ticked slowly by. It could be any time now, we all assumed. We prayed for healing, but doubted it would happen- at least not on this side of eternity.
     We've all been there, haven't we? Faced with the certain death of a loved one- whether physical in nature, or perhaps the death of a marriage. We doubt that healing is possible, yet we pray for it anyway. Doubting means we don't really have faith at all- not even the size of a teeny, tiny mustard seed. Here's one of the faith problems we are experiencing with modern day technology- our knowledge weakens our faith. The doctor gives us a detailed report, based on blood work and imaging scans, so we choose to believe knowledge, over the thought that God can still heal. Our spouse has filed for divorce, and has no interest in reconciling, so we assume it's over. We wish for reconciliation, but we just don't believe it will happen for us.
     James 1:6 tells us to "ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." Asking- without doubt? Ouch! To be perfectly honest, I'm guilty of asking with plenty of doubting. I want it- I may even think God wants it too, but my head knowledge gets ahead of my heart. Instead, God wants me to pray with an unshakeable faith. Matthew 17:20 comes to mind: He said to them,  "For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." This shows how limited we have become in our prayers, because we seldom believe He is truly capable of the impossible. 
     I don't write this as if I have the answers for a greater faith. In reality, I'm ashamed of the smallness of mine. And I wonder- if I actually believed it really were possible, would the outcome of my prayers be vastly different? I believe in my heart that they would. The truth is, the more we seem to think we know, the less we believe that God is able to do what knowledge says isn't possible. We doubt the miraculous, because the odds seem against us. But God isn't confined by odds or chance, and I often forget that.
     The thing is, sometimes God really does choose to take them anyway. We hope for a different outcome, but it's not in His plan. And some marriages come to an end, as much as we hoped and prayed they wouldn't. We don't always have the answers here, and oftentimes, we don't understand them. But how many times am I guilty of praying without truly believing? And would my life, and those I pray for, be transformed if I kicked that foolish habit? I absolutely believe they would! So as we move into another year that will be filled with its own challenges, may we move forward expectantly, as we ask God for the impossible. And may our hearts be humbled and blessed when we see Him move in ways we can't even begin to comprehend.

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Matthew 21:22 (ESV)
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)
For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37 (ESV)
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our lack of faith- we acknowledge that it's sin. Help us to pray with believing; for You alone are capable of the impossible. Thank You, Father, for hearing and answering prayer. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

See Them with Different Eyes

     You hear the conversation from the other room, and your whole world spins out of control. Can it be true? Doesn't cancer happen to other people and their families? We never thought it would part of our journey- not now! Or the phone rings, and you hear words you hoped you would never hear- "your husband had a heart attack, and has been taken by ambulance to the local emergency department. Please come right away." Or your son is in a serious battle with depression, and you are desperate to get him help! These are moments that forever change our lives, and we feel compassion and a strong desire to do anything possible for them. We long to alleviate their pain and assist them in their health crisis. 
     When health issues assault a loved one, we work hard to make life comfortable for them. We drive them to appointments, we lighten their work load, we buy them gifts, and offer them unlimited support. We shave our heads so they aren't bald alone, we encourage them to seek counseling, or try eating the same heart healthy diet. We cry with them, listen to them, and try our best to understand, on some level, the journey they are on. Why do we do it? Because we love them, and their pain is personal to us. Our compassion capacity is "all in" for them, and we make sure they know it.
     Why then, do we have such a hard time feeling compassion when the sickness isn't physical?. What about when the sickness is spiritual in nature? Why do we so easily walk away, offering little to those we claim to love? When we are able to see infidelity, among other spiritual struggles, as a real battle against our sinful flesh, it transforms how we see our spouse. Yes- what they have done has caused a great deal of pain, but it often wasn't intentional, but rather the result of the "slow fade" Casting Crowns sings about. 
     Many have asked, through our own journey through infidelity, how I felt about my husband during those difficult months and years. Choosing to feel bitterness and focus on the anger, would result in my own "slow fade". These feelings are not meant to be a part of who we are, as Christians, even though anger has its place in any affair. But when I chose to look on my husband with eyes of compassion for his fall, it changed my way of thinking altogether. This man that I loved, was in a crisis, and by golly, I wanted to help him! If we all walked away from those who have fallen and are broken, then we are quitters. We are prideful. We are hard-hearted. We are missing the call of the gospel. 
     If you know someone who has fallen away from their faith, struggling against their flesh and the devil, and walking in ways contrary to scripture, can I ask you to show them compassion? Pity and feeling sorry for them isn't the same being compassionate. Pity involves pride, while compassion understands our own ability to fall-  choose compassion over pity! They are spiritually sick, and they need help. They need love. They need wise counsel. They need a hug. They desperately need prayer. They need the body of Christ more than ever before. Please don't neglect those who are floundering in their faith. What I realized is this-  I am capable of the same fall. My sincere hope is that should it ever happen, you will faithfully pursue my restoration. Your help may not be accepted for a long time, or possibly ever, but God has called us to live out the gospel. This doesn't only pertain to the lost, but also to those who have fallen away. God never turns His back on us when we fail or fall, and I pray I will live out that same principle in my own life, regarding others! See them with eyes like Jesus, and you'll start to see that they look an awful lot like you.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12 ESV
"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 ESV
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Matthew 5:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, may we train our eyes to see others with compassionate eyes, like Yours. It's so easy to dismiss those who have hurt us, refusing to restore relationships, and seeking revenge, instead. Help us to see the hurting, even though they have hurt us, too. God, help us to draw alongside the spiritually ill, and love them through it. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!