I am 48 years old, and have been married to my husband for 25 years. We are both christians, and have enjoyed a long life filled with happy times and family memories. We have 2 children- a son (22), and a daughter (20). As most every parent, I think the world of these two. They are smart, beautiful, kind, have a strong work ethic, and know the Lord as Savior. We raised our children to know about God's Word, and lived it in front of them. They were in church every Sunday, Wednesday evening, and other various times in the week. We poured ourselves into our church and community. We lived a comfortable life, surrounded by our families and friends.
Three years ago, we took in our ailing father-in-law. My husband's mother had a massive stroke more than a decade ago, and requires constant care. After years of caring for her, it took its toll on Papa. Nana had to go into an assisted living home, and Papa came to us. The first year, he did pretty well. But year two was a struggle. I took on a lot of Papa's care and it kept me busy. Satan loves busy people, because they get distracted.
The final year of Papa's life was when my world exploded. In enters another woman engineered by Satan's design to bring my husband down. Busy people can make other people feel set aside. This was a recipe for disaster, and that is exactly what ensued. It isn't an excuse- infidelity never has a legitimate excuse, but being busy was the weak link that caused me not to notice what was happening until it was too late. Within two months after Papa's death, my husband walked out the door and planned to pursue a life that had little to do with me. I never saw it coming. We weren't "those kind of people." We both believed 100%, that marriage was a life long commitment. Never underestimate Satan- he truly does seek to kill and destroy and devour. That is exactly what happened to our marriage.
My kids are devastated. My life is forever changed. I didn't choose this to happen, but here I am. For over a year, he has been on and off with this other woman. For a brief 4 months, he returned home. Two days ago, he walked out again. You understand the feelings associated with this- and all of them will make their way into my future blog entries. But for today, I wanted to fill you in on my situation- at least the skeleton of my journey.
For every bit of bad in this, there is also good. God has been faithful, just as He promises to be. He has revealed Himself in ways that humble me and bring me to tears. The day my husband left for the second time, two short days ago, I sat alone in the quiet of our home. The lines of an old hymn came to my mind, and with a tear-shaking voice, I sang it out loud to my Heavenly Father...
Have thine own way Lord
Have thine own way
Thou art the Potter I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and still.
(verse 1 - song by Jim Reeves)
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness to me. When others aren't faithful to us it hurts, and so we thank You that You never turn from us. Help me, Lord to see the good when my heart hurts so badly, and to remember Your many blessings in my life. Forgive me for allowing my pain to distract me from Your purposes for me. Help me to look beyond my circumstances and see Your way and Your will. And may I follow You all the days of my life.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen!
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