The Heart of Mary

I distinctly remember the weeks following the birth of my firstborn son. I remember sitting with him on our couch, pondering many things about him. Where would those little feet travel? What would his first word be? What would his hands touch, and who would they provide for? I hung on every sound he made, listening intently for signs of distress. After two miscarriages, God had given me the treasure of this child, and I would love him forever. 

Even as I had these thoughts, I also thought about the bad things that would surely happen to him. I hoped his hands and feet would not lead him into trouble, but I also was wise enough to know they likely would. His mouth would say things that would be hurtful, because he was human. He would make choices I would not like and he would do things that would bring us disappointment. This is the normal course of life for us as fallible humans—falling and failing because ultimately, we are all sinners.

But Mary. Can you imagine the thoughts she must have had about her firstborn Son? As I've enjoyed readings of late of the Christmas story, Mary has spoken to my mother's heart. What must it have been like to mother the Savior of the world? The differences she would see in her Son must've been striking, and unlike anything she had ever heard about or seen before. It all began in the most unconventional way with a visit from an angel.

For the first decade and a half of Mary's life, she surely had been around other babies with their mothers. She surely saw the natural way that children want their way—temper tantrums and all. She surely saw them cry and whine and disobey. She would have watched as exasperated moms exercised discipline to alter the behavior of their disobedient children. But all of that would be absent in her mothering of Jesus, the Holy and Perfect Son of God. 

All of this would be included in the pondering of Mary's heart that we read about in Luke 2:19. In addition would possibly be the visits from the shepherds and the wisemen. The virgin birth would have also been admittedly astounding, yet would solidify the validity of this Child's title as Messiah. Simeon's message to them in the temple would also stand out in her mind. But aside from all of this would be the notable difference in His character and behavior, beginning at infancy.

What must it have been like to love Jesus as mother and Savior? I love how this same Scripture says she "treasured up all these things" as she pondered them. The thoughts of our sweet babies are thoughts we treasure. But even as we have many thoughts we treasure, we also know our children will bring us disappointment at some point along the way. They will make mistakes. They will disobey and need correction. But Jesus never did. 

As I enjoyed the thoughts Mary surely had, my heart was touched by the character of Jesus. Pure, holy, loving and kind. This Child would become the Bridge between us and God. He would offer Himself as a substitute for the punishment that should have been ours, because He deeply loved us. And for me, that conjures up quite a bit of pondering in my own heart for Jesus—our promised Messiah and Savior. Hope was woven into this Baby whom Mary treasured. Hope not only for Mary, but for me and for you. As Christmas has passed for another year, the real story behind it remains. And just like Mary, may I also treasure up thoughts of Him as I ponder Who He is, and the reason He came: to rescue sinners like me. 

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart (Luke 2:19, ESV). 

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart (Luke 2:51, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful You came to rescue us and save us from our sin. May our hearts be like Mary's—touched with treasured thoughts of You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Perfect Baby Jesus

     The night seemed endless as pain racked her body. Sweat rolled down her face and her body arched with each contraction. It's hard to catch your breath, so much so, that you are given lessons on how to breathe correctly through these painful contractions. As they move closer and closer together, the pain intensifies. And then the moment comes- a baby is born! Relief and the worst of the pain are behind, and every mother wants to see one thing: the face and body of their little child. We count toes. We count fingers. We look at that tiny face- scrunched up with the sudden assault of light. We listen for their cry. As mothers, this long-awaited child is finally here, and we are so thankful to see this little one we anxiously looked forward to meeting.
     Mary was no different- I'm sure of it. And when she looked at her newborn baby Jesus, she beheld perfection. No crying. No deformities. Ten fingers. Ten toes. While she was no different- this child surely was. And I have no doubt that she knew from the start that the news of the angels was truth- the Messiah had come, and passed through her very womb, into the world. In my mind's eye, I can see Him too. This perfect baby with no sin- no scars. And just like I did with my own little ones, I also look at His hands, feet, and face. Smooth and pink- healthy and whole. But it wouldn't last, and it wasn't because of His sin. No- it would be my own sin that would disfigure Him. 
     Yes, I rejoice at this precious Christ child that came to save us. He was Immanuel- God with us. His name was Jesus, meaning this : He shall save His people from their sins. But I also want to own up to my part in how His perfect body would be beaten and crushed- offered on that cross for the sins of the world... specifically, mine. Gone were the smooth cheeks that were once pink and healthy and whole. Hands and feet now bleeding from the nails that fastened Him to that cruel tree. A side that was once perfect, now split open from the sword of a malefactor. His sweet forehead- likely kissed often by the lips of Mary, punctured with thorns made into a crown- a crown that mocked His title: King of the Jews. 
     It's humbling to think of what happened to the body of this precious baby- the baby we celebrate at this season of Christmas. And yet His body only endured a fraction of the pain felt on that Cross. Most of His pain was a result of dealing with our sin in those hours that God shrouded His Son in darkness- a darkness that was protective of His suffering Son. It was in those hours that the punishment of my sin was taken upon the Son of God- and God made good on His promise to send us a Savior. 
     So while we often get caught up in thinking of that manger scene- the couple huddled up together in the likely shelter of a cave in nondescript Bethlehem, there is so much more to it than that.  Yes-we think of this little baby, lying in the manger, wrapped in swaddling cloths. But I ask you to look even closer- look at these little hands and feet. Look at His tiny face. In this moment, the cost of our sin isn't visible on His little body- but it will be, and it had to be if I would ever be rescued. Oh God, I'm so thankful for this little baby- but I'm filled with an unspeakable gratitude for the promise that baby held. Thank You, Lord, for coming here with a willing heart to be our Jesus- the very One Who would save us from our sins. May we never forget that He's so much more than just a baby in a manger- He is the Savior of the world. Hallelujah- Christ came! Celebrate with me as we remember this child- our Messiah!

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 (ESV)
And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:12 (ESV)
And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. Luke 2:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of Your perfect Son- sent into the world as a tiny baby. His purpose was huge- a purpose that would send Him to the cross and offer up His life in a terrible way. We can't understand the love You have for us- but we thank You for this precious gift of Your Son, and how You sent Him to rescue us from our sin. In Your precious name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

A Little About My Story

     I am 48 years old, and have been married to my husband for 25 years. We are both christians, and have enjoyed a long life filled with happy times and family memories. We have 2 children- a son (22), and a daughter (20). As most every parent, I think the world of these two. They are smart, beautiful, kind, have a strong work ethic, and know the Lord as Savior. We raised our children to know about God's Word, and lived it in front of them. They were in church every Sunday, Wednesday evening, and other various times in the week. We poured ourselves into our church and community. We lived a comfortable life, surrounded by our families and friends. 
     Three years ago, we took in our ailing father-in-law. My husband's mother had a massive stroke more than a decade ago, and requires constant care. After years of caring for her, it took its toll on Papa. Nana had to go into an assisted living home, and Papa came to us. The first year, he did pretty well. But year two was a struggle. I took on a lot of Papa's care and it kept me busy. Satan loves busy people, because they get distracted.
     The final year of Papa's life was when my world exploded. In enters another woman engineered by Satan's design to bring my husband down. Busy people can make other people feel set aside. This was a recipe for disaster, and that is exactly what ensued. It isn't an excuse- infidelity never has a legitimate excuse, but being busy was the weak link that caused me not to notice what was happening until it was too late. Within two months after Papa's death, my husband walked out the door and planned to pursue a life that had little to do with me. I never saw it coming. We weren't "those kind of people." We both believed 100%, that marriage was a life long commitment. Never underestimate Satan- he truly does seek to kill and destroy and devour. That is exactly what happened to our marriage. 
     My kids are devastated. My life is forever changed. I didn't choose this to happen, but here I am. For over a year, he has been on and off with this other woman. For a brief 4 months, he returned home. Two days ago, he walked out again. You understand the feelings associated with this- and all of them will make their way into my future blog entries. But for today, I wanted to fill you in on my situation- at least the skeleton of my journey.
     For every bit of bad in this, there is also good. God has been faithful, just as He promises to be. He has revealed Himself in ways that humble me and bring me to tears. The day my husband left for the second time, two short days ago, I sat alone in the quiet of our home. The lines of an old hymn came to my mind, and with a tear-shaking voice, I sang it out loud to my Heavenly Father...

Have thine own way Lord
Have thine own way
Thou art the Potter I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and still.
(verse 1 - song by Jim Reeves)

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness to me. When others aren't faithful to us it hurts, and so we thank You that You never turn from us. Help me, Lord to see the good when my heart hurts so badly, and to remember Your many blessings in my life. Forgive me for allowing my pain to distract me from Your purposes for me. Help me to look beyond my circumstances and see Your way and Your will. And may I follow You all the days of my life.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen!