Passing Through the Waters

 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you (Isaiah 43:2, ESV).

With the enemy thundering at their heels, the Children of Israel rushed forward hoping for an escape from Pharaoh's army. The Egyptians had set them free, only to change their minds and pursue them on their flight from bondage. God had delivered them—or so they thought. As they were pursued, they came to a roadblock. The Red Sea lay before them and the enemy behind. They were trapped. Fear, doubt, anger and uncertainty likely held each of them captive. Why would God deliver them only to bring them to certain death at the banks of the sea?

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided (Exodus 14:21, ESV)."

Deliverance came for them through the gracious hand of God and their enemies perished in the waters as they closed on those Egyptians. The waters did not overwhelm them.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to kneel down to the golden image King Nebuchadnezzar had made. Refusal to worship this false god would result in a serious punishment—they would be thrown into a fiery furnace. What a terrifying verdict, and yet when we read further we read these words in Scripture:

"Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, "Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" They answered and said to the king, "True, O king." He answered and said, "But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods (Daniel 3:24-25, ESV).""

Deliverance came for these men through the gracious hand of God for their faithfulness to Him. The fire did not consume them.

What waters are you currently facing? Is there something you're facing that seems impossible? Do you feel trapped by your circumstances and can't seem to find a way out? Is it finances? An addiction? A troubled relationship? An affair? Or maybe you're facing foreclosure. What waters have you feeling fearful and discouraged?

What fires are you facing? The loss of a loved one? An unfaithful spouse who abandoned you? A pregnancy that is seriously in jeopardy? A family scandal or job insecurity? Do you feel the heat and wonder how you'll ever survive it? 

Deliverance doesn't always look like we think it should, but the God who parted that sea, and the same God who walked through the fire with those Hebrew men is still God today. When waters or fires threaten to consume and overwhelm us, He is our only solid answer and the only true Source of hope. 

May we be encouraged today in trusting that God knows our situation and He also knows our need. While He won't always remove hardships we experience, He will always meet us in the middle of them. He does always give us the strength and courage we need to face our trials and in these trials we face the promised refining—being made more like Jesus each day.

My Response To Unwelcome Circumstances

     I have a pretty vivid memory when it comes to unwanted life situations. When we pass through things that are difficult, they are often referred to as "fiery trials". Passing through fire means we will experience painful burns- burns that are hard to erase from our memories, and likely have value in being remembered for the lessons they hopefully taught us. My mind goes back to one particular season of emotional pain- a time of separation from my husband following an affair. While I'm close to celebrating my fiftieth birthday, no season was more painful than those two years.
     For many months throughout that period of time, I struggled against acceptance. While I remained close to the Lord out of a desperation for comfort and help, I still despised my circumstance. "Why me?", I would ask Him. I would scan through my past actions, looking for a reason, wanting to know why this was part of my life's story. Most days, I felt it was an injustice to my "good girl" persona. I felt jilted- not only by my husband, but by God. I plodded along with these feelings for quite some time, and then there was a turning point that is emblazoned in my memory. 
     After my husband left home for the second time within the course of one year, I was heartbroken, yet relieved. God was still working on him, and at this point, I knew I had to wait until He broke him. But that's another story for another time. My turning point looked like this: a heaping mess face down on the floor of my bedroom trusting the Spirit to make the right words from my heart for the Father. I had to come to the point of surrender that for now, this was the reality that God allowed to touch my life, so He must have a purpose in it. He isn't cruel. He isn't without intention. And so I simply had to come to the point of surrender and acceptance that even though I didn't like it, somehow and some way, God would make it right. 
     Maybe you're up against a circumstance today that you don't want to be a part of your life journey. Life doesn't look like you wished it did today. So many of us are experiencing Covid related disappointments. Separations from those we love. Inability to worship collectively. Financial struggles and job loss. Small businesses closing the doors permanently as lifelong dreams die. Postponed weddings. Separations from loved ones suffering an illness or celebrating the birth of a new baby. It's not supposed to be this way, we think to ourselves. Why is God allowing this to happen to me?
     Life is going to have its share of disappointments. Things won't always go the way we wish they did. But how are you responding in those moments? Are you accepting them, trusting that God will bring good from them? Do you really believe He has purpose, for His good plans- even in this? Are you straining against what is, and wishing for what you really wanted? In these painful moments, God is looking for not only surrender, but acceptance. And from acceptance, the hope that joy is still possible- even if things don't work out my way. 
     God has lessons in our seasons of waiting. He wants us to trust Him when things are a mess. He wants us to serve Him, even when our hearts are hurting. He wants us to love Him, even when we are in that fire- and especially then. Whatever you may be experiencing today that wasn't a part of your plan in life- may you learn to surrender and accept what is. Pray for His will in your situation, and even when it doesn't measure up with your will, trust that He knows what He's doing. And never stop believing that around the bend, He has good things for you. And He hopes you'll be willing to use those burns to reach others who are walking the same fire as you. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, life can be so hard somedays. Situations and circumstances come along that cause worry, pain and fear. Help us to trust You, even when things look out of control and completely different than we envisioned. Help us to surrender and accept what You allow in our lives, trusting You have good plans for us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Freedom or Shackles

     I don't know about you, but I've been missing my freedom lately. With the restrictions this virus has placed upon us, I've never spent so many consecutive days at home. I love my home, and it's a place I enjoy spending time, but lately I feel a little like a prisoner inside these 4 walls. I'm thankful for the time with family, and I'm thankful for the efforts of our government to keep us safe. But these restrictions have opened my eyes to what it must feel like to live a life of restrictions- either by government structure, or even as a prisoner. 
     Freedom is something every Christian enjoys when the shackles of our sin are removed through the gift of salvation. Our sin is heavy, and wears us down. Just as we feel an emotional weight when we wish to be forgiven in one of our earthly relationships, the same is true before we are set free from the guilt of our sin. There is something so freeing when we hear those sweet words from someone we hurt : "I forgive you!" We immediately feel lighter and more at peace. This is the feeling we experience when we received forgiveness from our Savior- a burden too heavy for words was lifted as a result of His mercy and grace.
     It's hard to return to bondage after freedom. I can't imagine the feelings of those who for short time, escaped from the evil power of Nazi rule, only to be captured once again. For most, it would've meant certain death for them, but at best, a return to the worst imaginable life of bondage in a concentration camp. Their return to bondage wasn't voluntary- they would have never chosen to go back, yet we often willingly return to bondage when we misuse our freedom in Christ, leading us back to sin's shackles.
     Scripture reminds us of the danger of returning to the lifestyle of the lost after salvation. We are essentially putting on filthy garments and shackles, after being clean and set free. It makes no sense, this desire to return to this unhealthy spiritual state, and yet we often do. In my own life experience, I've seen it play out in my marriage. After enjoying decades of living a godly and fulfilling married life, sinful flesh took over and corrupted what was. While it may initially feel like freedom to forsake the "bondage" of marriage and pursue worldly passion, it is actually a return to Satan's control in our decisions and choices. The result of returning to a lifestyle of bondage to sin, will always hurt people. 
     While our freedom is feeling a little compromised at present, it's a good time to take stock of how we are doing spiritually. Are we living free, or are we returning to the shackles that once held us in the past? Freedom in Christ does not mean that we get to do what we want, but rather a freedom we experience through His gift of salvation, releasing us from Satan's captivity. It frees us from the ultimate price of sin- hell for eternity. While our earthly freedom may be subject to circumstances, government and yes- even a virus, our spiritual freedom can never be taken from us. And that, to me, is the best news ever!

For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. What the true proverb says has happened to them: "The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire." 2 Peter 2:20-22 (ESV) 

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the freedom You have given us, and acknowledge the great cost it was to You- the blood of Your Son, Jesus, shed for us on the cross of Calvary. Help us to remember the danger of returning to bondage after receiving Your precious gift of freedom. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Why Me, Lord?

     if you've asked God "why", you're not alone...

     We start asking this question as soon as we learn it. If I had a nickel for every time my own children asked me "why", I would be a really rich woman. "Why are you big, and I'm little?" Or, "why does she get to go, but I don't?" So many "whys" in life, and they don't stop as we grow up. In fact, the questions still come and become more and more complicated as we age.  It always remains—this desire to understand things, and our need for answers. And while we usually go to parents, other family members, or friends for answers, we also find ourselves asking God "why". After all, He knows everything, and allows things to happen, so we naturally turn our "whys" upward. I'm really glad He's okay with that.
     My "why" questions really transformed as I grew up. From trivial questions about my little world and the basics of life, they took a new turn. Why am I single, and everyone else seems to have someone? Or why do they get to have children, and I keep having miscarriages? And then there were the "whys" of my marriage problems. Why do other people get to have "normal" marriages, and mine is a mess? Why did my marriage journey include an affair? Why does my faith seem to constantly be tested? These are questions we ask God with desperation, needing some sort of answer, or at the very least, reassurance that even in the middle of life's messiness, He still loves us.
     Some of our questions will be answered, and some won't. Even those that we don't feel are answered, actually are, they just weren't answered the way we hoped, or as clearly as we wanted them to be. But we do know that God always hears us, and He always cares. We often feel heartbroken when He doesn't give us the answer we want, and feel ignored or uncared for. But when we understand the character of God, we know we are wrong to ever assume this about Him. While He understands our questions, He answers in ways that we often don't understand. This is because our vision is so localized to where we are right now in this part of our journey, that we can't see the bigger picture—but God can. When my "whys" don't get answered, God is asking me to simply trust Him. My withheld answers are intended to bolster my faith—not a faith in the answer, but faith in God.
     What questions are you struggling with today? What has God allowed to happen in your life that seems unjust or unfair? Why does God call some of us to go through some really difficult stuff? We will always wrestle with our "whys" because we are earthly minded. I have asked God many times in my own journey, "why me, Lord?" And at times when I'm really desperate for an answer I often get discouraged and impatient—and sometimes, even angry. While I may not know why things are they way they are right now, I do know that God can be trusted and He is always in control. And so when I'm faced with my biggest "why" questions in life, may I remember the goodness and faithfulness of God. He doesn't mind my questions, but He does ask that I trust Him and obediently follow Him, even when I can't see or understand where He's leading me. If we had all the answers, we wouldn't need faith. And without faith, it is impossible to please God. As I move forward, without knowledge of the outcome, may I know that God will never lead me where He won't use me. And somedays, that is the only answer I need.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now i know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for always hearing our questions and we pray that You will give us patience as we wait for answers. We are thankful for the wonderful gifts You have given us, and we pray for faith when answers seem far away. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Facing Life with Courage

     Honestly, I love the word courageous, and all that it means, but it's not a word that often fits my character. Me and the struggle with being courageous go way back. From being a tiny toddler, terrified of being plopped on top of the fridge, to being scared of the starter gun while running on the school track, to being afraid of the dark, I've often fallen short of bravery. I want to be courageous, but I often allow fear to spoil it. 
     As we forge ahead into 2020, I pray for more courage- for you, and for me. Life can be scary. Situations unsettling. Circumstances impossible! What unexpected bends in the road are you currently facing? Is your career in jeopardy? Do you have a sickness that causes you worry? Troubling kids?Financial challenges also are very unsettling, bringing their own set of fear and doubt. Is your marriage in trouble? Often, those who have walked through an affair, like me, have their own set of worries. Satan longs to use these to weaken our faith and zap our courage. So many life situations can make us feel stressed and fearful, far from courageous- even as Christians. 
     God doesn't want us to live in a state of worry and fear, yet I often drag myself into exactly that. While He understands our feelings, but He doesn't want us to allow circumstances to diminish our faith in Him. Instead, He wants us to recognize His ability to handle our problems allowing us to live courageously and boldly! Worry and stress have always plagued me. I would love to be known by my unshakeable faith, but in reality, I'm often anxious. Yet looking back over my life, I can see examples of how God walked me through some very trying circumstances. He didn't allow them to destroy me, but rather to challenge and grow me. That, alone should give me courage for anything that is ahead.
     What if we were given the ability to know what would happen in the future? Would it cause us less fear, having the unknown removed? Would I be braver? I would imagine that wouldn't be the case- instead, we would often live our days in dread of what's ahead. God, in His mercy, spared us from knowing future happenings; instead, calling us to faith. Faith that whatever lies ahead, He knows about it all, and is able to meet our needs. When we exercise true faith in our Father, our courage is bolstered. We can push away the stress and anxieties of today, knowing they are all in His capable hands. 
     Today, I am grappling with my own set of fears and worries, and I bet you have your own list of them. God is working in my heart to remove these burdens, reminding me that He is an Overcomer. And because I am God's child, He can overcome what I cannot. While I am a person that likes to be prepared for what is ahead, the best way I can do this is to recall His promises to me. He has promised that no matter what I am called to, He will meet me there. And so as I write this, I ask for courage to simply surrender to His control, knowing He is fighting my battles for me. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, open my heart and my hands to Your control, and ease my worries and stress. Life has its uncertainties, but we can be sure of Your ability to work in them, and through them. Father I pray for a greater courage, and a deeper faith, knowing You alone are best in the driver's seat of my life. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

     

An Unmerry Christmas

     Christmastime is one of my favorites. It's generally a time of happiness and joy. There is nothing like a day that goes like this : Starbucks salted hot chocolate. 50% off everything in the store. The possibility of snow (a rarity around here). My favorite hoodie and jeans. Scents of the season. A fun dinner with family. A walk through McAdenville, NC (Christmas town USA). A Christmas movie on the couch. Gas logs burning. A beautifully lit tree casting a warm glow in my home. Laughter. Togetherness. These are days that bring great joy. But sometimes- some Christmas seasons don't go this way. In fact, happiness seems far removed and the season is more painful, than joyful.
     Perhaps you've been there. I have. Everyone around you seems full of Christmas cheer- wrapped up in holiday magic, and inside, you're lonely, hollow and sad. Death does that. A broken marriage does that. Poor health, a financial crisis, and loss, all cast painful shadows on this time of celebration. Death has robbed me of holiday joy, but most recently, it was a broken marriage and a broken heart. Quite honestly, I could have skipped the whole season had I not had children in the home that deserved this special time of year. 
     As Christians, we always have something to celebrate and feel joyful about- our Savior and how He rescued us from our sin! We have a wonderful future to look forward to- free of pain, suffering, death and loss. But in this moment, right now, loss may be stealing your happiness. You might be missing him. You may be wishing for better health- sick of laying on the couch in pain. You may be longing for some extra money to buy gifts for the kids this year. You are tired from being a caretaker of an elderly parent. You may long for peace over the chaos of your current home situation. Some seasons seem unfair, as the world around you seems to be celebratory and jovial, but you aren't. You just can't find the energy to get into the Christmas season. Memories from years past cause a real sense of emptiness on this present season. 
     God understands your hurt, and He longs to comfort you. We can get caught up in wondering why God would have allowed this painful season in our life. We can get angry. But because of sin, we don't live in a perfect world. People die. People have affairs. Money is tight. Kids rebel and turn away. Addictions are a reality. This wasn't the way God wanted this world to be- His way was the in the Garden before Adam and Eve disobeyed God and our world fell into sin. But because of sin, He sent His only Perfect Son into this imperfect world, to die so that we can be set free. So while we live here, sin touches our world. We will experience pain and loss, but for those who know Him as Lord, we have the assurance that when we take our last breath, He will make good on His promise of redemption. This world, and the master of it, only has a little while to cause us pain and grief. 
     Some seasons- even Christmas seasons, won't bring us happiness or joy. The magic of the season won't make it to our hearts- but may we always allow the Hope of the season to warm us, even when the lights and traditions let us down. This hope says our hurting is temporary. One day, He will heal all hurts and mend all hearts. That tiny baby in the manger is the fulfillment of our hope. During this Christmas season, if you aren't feeling it this year because you're hurting, may you allow your heart to be warmed by His promises, and may you feel the comfort only He can give. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 (ESV)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)
You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. Job 11:16-18 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for comfort for those hurting this Christmas season. This world is broken from sin, and often causes us pain and suffering. We look forward, with anticipation, to that day when You will redeem us and forever remove death and sin from us. We thank You, Lord, for coming to redeem us- for giving Your life as a ransom for ours. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!
     

She's Prettier Than Me

     Comparison. The thief of self-confidence. The lurking doubt in our mind that we don't measure up. Women are notorious at playing this game, and it steals our joy and confidence. Men play it too, but they are known to give themselves a pass far sooner than we are. We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to our appearance. While we know as fact that we are created a masterpiece, in the image of God, our hearts lack the knowledge that this is actual truth.
     These are the words of our enemy, and they are likely present in your mind, no matter how aesthetically pleasing your features are:
She is prettier than I am.
I don't like my ______.
I would look better if only _____.
I would be more accepted if I ______.
Trust me. I know these phrases, because I've heard them over and over again in my own spirit. They hurt, and they cause fear, doubt and uncertainty. If you've been betrayed or rejected, they are louder than they ever were in the past. We all hear them though, so what do we do about it?
     It is absolutely true that God looks on the inward appearance, and finds our value there. But sadly, we live in a world that looks on the outside first, and then decides our value. It's a backward culture, but one we must learn to live in with a measure of confidence. Over-confidence is another subject altogether, and one we often link to vanity and narcissism. So what is the balance we hope to embrace, as children of God? How do we live with a sense of confidence that God made us beautiful, and accept that as truth with a humble spirit?
     If I claimed to have all the answers, I would be lying- because I still wrestle with these whispered words that cause self-doubt. I look in the mirror and notice my faults much more than any other physical feature I possess. So I write this to myself- and not just to you! If you're married, it's important to make an effort to look your best, but it's also important to know they love you when you look your worst. Yet the hardest reality we face is that we often feel less attractive, due to our opinion of someone we believe to be more attractive than we are. Women often allow this to cause feelings of insecurity and jealousy, especially in the face of sexual betrayal.
     If you are married or in a relationship, I want to encourage you to build up your partner. We have tremendous power to squelch the feelings of insecurity in our spouse by our words and actions. Another valuable resource we have to combat insecurity is to see what God has to say about us in His Word. God would not send His only Son to die for someone He deemed worthless. We know from scripture that God doesn't love us based on our physical appearance- in fact, He is far more interested in our heart. 
     Our beautiful Savior, Jesus, was described as One without majesty or beauty that we should be attracted to Him for His physical appearance (see Isaiah 53). Yet was there ever One more beautiful than our Lord? Real beauty flows from our heart- outpouring into our attitude, presence, words, and actions. And while we live here, we have a distorted view of beauty, failing to recognize the beauty that truly counts. God help us to shed our insecurities and embrace the heart of Your Spirit within us. Help us to turn our eyes from the mirror and instead, fasten them on You. May I, like You, look on the hearts of others, rather than assign worth on physical attributes. Forgive me, Lord, for often being critical of who You created me to be!

Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV)
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30 (ESV)
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to remember how You see me- precious and so loved. It's so easy to get sidetracked with beauty and vanity and miss real beauty- the beauty of a heart of loving devotion to You. In Your name I pray, Lord, Amen!

     

My Mysterious God

     Why do bad things happen, and what is my response when they do? If I'm honest, my first response is often an angry cry towards God asking why this was allowed in my life. I doubt my ability to handle it, and I doubt that God really knew me well enough in giving me something this large to manage. I am most comfortable with things I can know for certain, but my God is a God of mystery. His Word tells us that He moves in ways that are mysterious to us—too big for me to understand. This begins the seesaw of my faith—my desire to control my circumstances, and His will for me to trust what He's doing.
     So many days I've wished for God to come down in bodily form and sit with me a while. I have so many questions, and unless He speaks the answers to me in person, I often feel unsure and anxious. In the middle of a hard situation, I'd love to have Him meet me for coffee and tell me specifically what will happen, and what I should do. And yet if He did, I would never develop my faith—a faith He longs for me to have. 
     The truth is, sometimes I'm not ready for the answer. God is going to use experiences, people, His Word and circumstances to bring me to the point of acceptance of what will be. Had God told me that one day my husband would have an affair and leave me for over a year, I would not have been able to move forward for fear and heartache. Instead, He worked mysteriously in my life giving me circumstances to better prepare me for the news I would one day receive. The delay of immediate answers if often gracious, and preparing me for things I can't yet see or understand.
     What are you up against that you wish you had answers for? We all have things that we face that leave us feeling anxious and uncertain. Some of these are bigger than others and cause us serious distress and anxiety. We may not understand why God is allowing us to face these things, but we know He is good. In the middle of my darkest moment He was there—I felt Him and knew He was present, even if He didn't reveal what I really wanted to know right away. Because God is interested in the spiritual realm of our circumstances the most, we often feel slighted in the physical and emotional issues facing us. This is due to our worldly vision in contrast to His spiritual vision. He sees what we can't and He knows how each life event will fit His greater plan for us. 
     While God's ways are mysterious, we shouldn't allow that mystery to diminish our faith. If we even know a little about Him, we can trust that what we are experiencing is not without purpose. I don't have to know all the answers because He does. I don't have to feel afraid, because He walks through any storm with me. Some days, this is easier said than done and I still wish for a face-to-face visit with my heavenly Father. The future is unknown to me, but I serve a God that holds it all in His hands and knows exactly what He's doing. Somedays, even when my heart screams for answers, that's all I really need to know.

Oh, the depths and the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable are his ways! Romans 11:33 (ESV)
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
"Can you find out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limit of the Almighty? Job 11:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we can feel afraid and insecure when we face certain trials. We long for answers and we long for brighter days, but we can trust that You are with us in those broken places and have a good plan for us. We cannot understand Your ways—they are mysterious to us. But we can see Your character in Your Word, and we can trust You and place our faith in You. Help us to believe even when it's hard, that You love us and are working in ways too big for us to understand. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

Welcome Home, My Love!

     I was at the airport the other day, and a touching scene played out before me. I don't know the back story, but what I saw made my eyes tear up a little. There was a little boy holding balloons with an older couple. A woman, whom I believe was his mother, walked in the airport and they flew into each other's arms. The mom had tears running down her face, and the boy kept looking up at her with a huge smile. A homecoming, played out right there in the airport, as I watched with a teary smile. That little homecoming brought out a memory of my own- a wonderful, happy memory that still brings me so much joy!
     It was a cold January, Monday night, earlier this year, and I was waiting at home for a visitor. Not just any visitor, a very special one- my husband. He didn't used to be a visitor- he used to live here, but in this period of time, he did not. We had just gone through a little over a year of absolute turmoil. An affair had wrecked our marriage, and seriously damaged my heart. But on this night, the worst of it was behind us. A few days earlier, God had reached the heart of my husband in the most miraculous way, and the result was spiritual restoration. This story wouldn't have happened without God's intervention; I know that in the very depths of my heart.
     I had no doubt that this time we were finally headed in the right direction, and while I was nervous for him to show up at our home, I was also very excited. I was excited because this was a homecoming of sorts- my husband was coming back to me! The lies, betrayal and deceit were behind us, and the present moment of this day was an incredible gift, because both of us knew how close we came to losing it all. Most of what we said, and what happened that Monday night is a treasure we share between only the two of us- a precious, tender blessing. But what I can tell you is that when he got out of his car, I was in the garage waiting, and what followed was the most touching scene of my entire life. Tears, hugging, prayers of thanksgiving to God, talking, and a love bigger than any love I've ever yet felt for him, were all components of that special evening. While Satan had hoped to destroy us- God stepped in and turned it all around! Sometimes I wonder why He gave me such an incredible gift, and yet He opens my eyes daily to what He plans to do with it. This was a healing homecoming- two hearts being knit back together after being torn apart. 
     I know another homecoming awaits me- one I look forward to with anxious anticipation. I can get pretty caught up in living, and I think it's something we naturally do. But while I'm here, I am living short of the very best homecoming I'll ever be a part of. One day, when my family and friends say goodbye to me, I'll be experiencing the most wonderful welcome of all time- Jesus will be welcoming me home! Sin and pain will be behind me, and only good things ahead! No more bad days. No more death. No more sickness or heartaches or worry. Safe in the arms of my Savior- forever home! And while my heart warms with the scene from the airport, and more so over the story that unfolded with my own dear husband, they are mere glimpses of what awaits me. One day, we'll never say goodbye again. We will finally be home at last. I hope to see you there- there is no place better than our heavenly home!

But, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him"- 1 Corinthians 2:9 (ESV)
In my Father's house are many rooms. If It were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? John 14:2 (ESV)
But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, Philippians 3:20 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we look with anticipation to Your second coming to take us home. While we love our earthly homes, and the joys we experience here, we know they pale in comparison to what awaits us in heaven. Until we are home, may we have the courage to share the way to heaven with others. In Your precious name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

Those Who Believe in Us

     I've been blessed in life with a large support group. These people believe in me, even when I doubt myself. They've encouraged me through the more difficult classes or exams in my years of education, prayed for me when I was ill, rallied me through child rearing, cheered for me during competition, and consoled me in my heartaches. These are people who love me, and they back up their words with action. I am thankful for this wonderful group of people, and oftentimes wonder what I would do without them. 

     Having people that believe in me is pretty powerful, but I am also blessed with people that believe in us- my marriage, specifically. Spending time with people who support my marriage, whether in good times or bad times, is so important. I've witnessed people who cheer for the individual, and not for the couple. They will encourage you to "do you", and that "we" aren't so much the focus. If you have people encouraging this way of thinking in you, I will boldly say this way of thinking is against scriptural teaching. 

     Marriage was God's idea. It is a covenant made before God, that isn't meant to be broken. While a marriage facing a sexual affair, like mine, breaks the covenant, God is always a God of restoration. He believes in mending broken things, just like He believes in saving sinners. People who supported our marriage in the darkest of times, were true warriors and champions of love. We were rich with many who prayed for us, visited us, encouraged us, and supported restoration, continuing to do the same today. They believed restoration would happen for us, not giving in to doubt.  

     While having people who believe in me is a gift I greatly appreciate, having people who believe in us is invaluable. Believing in us requires faith- faith that God would work a miracle in us. It required knowledge in One able to restore, transform, and heal. Without the hand of God intervening, I have no doubt we would have been finished. But I love how God gave us people early on in our marriage- people who understood marriage God's way. People who knew the Master Healer, and how He longed to heal the broken. People who refused to bash our spouse, even when they likely deserved it. People who knew, somehow, someway, that God would see us through. 

     If you are married, surround yourselves with people who believe in the two of you. When you do, you have a good support system in place if you ever find your marriage in a crisis. While we always have our Heavenly Father available to us in any situation, we know He gives us other believers to help hold us up through life's journey. I am thankful for each person God has placed in our lives for support and care. And I am thankful for those who not only believed in me, but believed in the truth that what God began in the two of us, He would bring to completion. Because of what they witnessed God do in their own lives, they knew that no situation was without hope- not even us! Thank you for never giving up on us, and believing in the beautiful reality of what we are enjoying in our present- a restored marriage! 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13 ESV
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Romans 14:19 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Hebrews 10:24 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for surrounding me with people who believe in my marriage. In the dark times, it must've seemed difficult to imagine a restored marriage for us, but there were those that continued to believe it would happen. Thank You for those who continued to remain hopeful, supporting us with encouragement,  because they knew the God we serve- A God who delights in restoration. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

Mountain Climbing

     I'm not a fan of heights! I've never been interested in scaling tall mountains, and people that do rock climbing?- well, I think they are insane. I hate flying in airplanes, and only do it out of necessity. I can't imagine skydiving when merely looking out the window makes me feel slightly panicked, and definitely vulnerable. When we visited NYC, we decided to take the elevator to the top of Rockefeller Center. As beautiful as the view was, I felt relieved to be safely on the ground floor again. If I'm not on the water, I like my feet on solid ground- low ground. But if I look at my life as a climb, I'm way up in the clouds.
     Looking at life as a climb gives us a good mental picture of where we are, but it also gives us an awesome visual of how far we have come. For each moment in each day, we take a step higher- not able to see what is ahead. Some days, I wasn't sure I could keep climbing and stumbled along the journey. I felt tired and uncertain.  Miscarriage and infidelity seemed insurmountable. What was in front of me seemed too painful to continue forward, but with the help of the Leader of my Path, I desperately grabbed His hand and followed. I know this to be absolutely true: Jesus gives us strength for the climb. 
     Take a moment to think of your own mountain. Look behind you. What do you see? What have you come through that seemed impossible? The older I get, more of my mountain is behind me and a shorter journey lies ahead. It can cause feelings of fear and doubt looking ahead, not knowing what we will encounter in our tomorrows. Because we can't see it, it can unsettle us. But what I am being taught through the harder times, is that I don't have to know what's ahead. The reality is that God knows, and this wonderful truth relieves me from carrying the burden of uncertainty. Whatever lies ahead, I know He will meet me there. 
     Some of life's knocks are hard. They leave us fearful, angry, jaded and even bitter. As Christians, we weren't promised an easy climb. A world touched by sin has left it broken. We can't escape painful experiences, and honestly, if we could, we would be shallow, with little evidence to show Who we belong to. No, we don't know what is ahead, but there isn't any reason for fear when we are being led by our Heavenly Father. So grab a hold of His hand, and allow Him to lead you higher, knowing He is fully capable of handling the ruts along the way. Going sideways or refusing to walk forward will never allow us to get to our mountaintop peak. The way can be hard, but the view at the top is breathtaking, and I don't want to miss it!

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it." when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21 ESV
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105 ESV
The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. Psalm 37:23-24 ESV
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for faithfully guiding me along life's journey. I can't see what is ahead, but I look in awe behind me. Lord, You've led me through many difficult bends in the road, but I kept moving forward because You gave me the strength to take another step. Whatever is ahead, may I look to You for help and direction. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!

Loving and Healing- An Update

     I'm sitting here this morning, a little sunburnt, and with a grateful heart, thinking of the holiday weekend spent with family. While I didn't feel well this past weekend (thanks to some mysterious orange pollen coating everything outside our home), I was so happy to be with the people I love the most. I promised to update occasionally on where we are, and how we are doing. It's been a couple months, so I wanted to post a little about what's going on with us. It's funny how we've been married almost 26 years next month, but this year has felt like a new beginning. One of the good things that came out of our marriage breaking, was the opportunity for a fresh start- correcting the things we had allowed to grow old and routine.
     One of the biggest changes for us, is time spent together as a couple. Although we spent time together as a couple before, it had grown more into the process of elimination for it being just the two of us. With children that are young adults, it seems they often have their own plans, and it would end up just being the two of us for dinner or an evening out, by default. But how much better it is to make time for one another, regardless of what the kids are up to- choosing to spend an evening out together means a lot more than doing it because no one else was available. I will always be an encourager of this for any of my married friends, acquaintances, or readers. Please make the time to enjoy the company of your spouse. By doing this, you're investing in your marriage and the expense will be worth it.
     We still continue to go to counseling every couple weeks. The sessions are a great time to work through any thoughts or feelings we may have, as well as learning new tools to work through issues that may arise. We recently faced a business trip back to the area of the affair, and I expected Satan to whisper words of doubt in my ear and heart as we were apart. But what I didn't expect, was a louder Voice that quieted my spirit, and my newfound faith in my husband to feel secure while he was away. This is the result of the work we are doing in rebuilding our relationship on a solid foundation- Jesus Christ. It is also the result of being able to openly share our thoughts without feeling unsure of how they will be received. I want to encourage you all to keep the doors of communication open in all areas of your marriage. Share what you think, and learn the art of careful listening to the thoughts of your partner- not to use the time they are talking to craft your own words or comeback!
     Our life at home with our family is falling back into a pattern of normalcy. The awkwardness that once lived here is gone. While there is always room for improvement, we have spent time enjoying our kids and praying for them specifically each night together. We continue our morning and evening devotions and prayer, and I can't think of a more intimate way to share life and our marriage. In order for us to grow together, we need to keep growing individually. In what ways can you invest in personal growth, that will benefit your relationship or marriage? I need to have some good personal attributes to bring to the table, and I need to remove relationship killers like pride, selfishness, greed, a critical spirit, and other toxic behaviors. 
     Each day, I feel so thankful for a marriage being restored by God. It humbles me greatly to understand how much He values marriage- specifically my own. While my husband's affair used to take up a lot of residence in my brain, it is being removed a little more each day. His love and care for me, along with with the help of my Heavenly Father, is tearing away the barriers of distrust and fear. I'm not naive anymore to think we won't face further assaults from Satan, but I am relishing this new "us" that makes me feel hopeful, grateful, and a little mushy all over again. Keep praying for us, friends, that God will use our story in ways we never imagined, and that our hearts always feel as warm for one another, as they do today!

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gifts You give me each day. I pray  I'll never lose sight of the blessings I've received by Your hand. Help us to reach others that are hurt by broken marriages, and introduce them to the hope and healing You offer. Continue to strengthen us in our marriage, and others who are rebuilding theirs. Comfort those who weren't given the opportunity for restoration, and guide and help them in their own journeys. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Pain

     Pain. We all experience it to some degree, and it's never enjoyable. Physical pain is pretty fresh in my mind as I just paid a visit to the dentist this morning for pain I've been experiencing. I had a tooth extracted last Monday, and a bone graft in the empty socket. The couple days following the procedure, I was sore, which I expected. But this past weekend (because complications always seem to arise over the weekends- am I right?), I began having throbbing pain that ibuprofen and hydrocodone barely touched. The long and short of it is, I had a dry socket in the extraction site, which is akin to childbirth in the pain department. A simple collagen sponge was inserted into my socket, and thank the Lord, the pain is already much more manageable. 
     Often, physical pain can be fixed with medicine or a procedure, and the pain is nothing but a bad, distant memory. Physical pain is actually helpful, in that it points out a problem in our body that needs immediate attention and treatment. Without feeling pain, we would not be aware that we had a medical need that needed addressed. As much as physical pain stinks, it has a good purpose, but emotional pain is a different story.
     Emotional pain can't be fixed with a prescription or a medical procedure. The pain I experienced after my husband's affair wasn't easily treated and cured. The pain he experienced as a result of what happened in our marriage, also didn't have a quick fix. Our pain was a result of infidelity and broken hearts, but there are other life events that cause emotional trauma and pain. The death of a loved one, sexual assault, and abuse are other arrows that cause deep emotional pain. If only there were a medicine that quickly fixed these issues, the developer would be a rich and famous person, for sure! While physical pain is often cured much faster, emotional pain takes time, effort, and commitment to properly heal.
     There are always lessons to learn, though, no matter what kind of pain we experience. Physical pain allows me to be compassionate when my friend says, "Can you believe I also have a dry socket?" I'll give them an understanding hug, and validate their moans and groans, knowing that they legitimately hurt. I'll offer advice about what to do to get relief, and they will listen because I've been there. Emotional pain offers the same opportunities. I hope and pray to be a voice of compassion and understanding toward others who experience infidelity in their marriage. My husband and I both wish to use our story to help hurting hearts, and make this a part of our ministry for Jesus Christ. 
     What are you hurting from? I'm sure you've experienced physical pain, but are you struggling with emotional pain in your life? In what ways can you use it to help others? In what ways have you allowed it to bring you closer to Jesus? Apart from His loving care and comfort, I would've been hard pressed to ever heal, and I am forever thankful for His help through each hurdle in my marriage, and my life. Any kind of pain forces us to stop and take notice of what's going on. If your pain is physical, listen to your body and seek answers from a physician. But if your pain is emotional, take time to seek real, lasting comfort from the Great Physician- our Savior. He has given us tools we need for healing- in others, in counseling, and through His Word. Take your pain to Him today- He longs for us to trust Him with our biggest difficulties, and in His time, He will heal the wounds we have today. I believe- because I am a living testimony of what God can do!

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4 ESV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV
You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Psalm 56:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for being a Healer of pain. Life can be full of many seasons that bring about deep physical or emotional pain, and I'm so grateful for Your comfort and healing in my own life. I pray that others who are hurting will find comfort in You, and that You will use me to help others. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen! 

Forgive and Forget?

        I have a long trail of transgressions behind me that I simply don't remember- they were trivial in nature, and with 49 years of living and forgiving, who could recall them all? I've forgiven lies, backstabbing, gossip, fist fights (siblings only), and hurt feelings. I've given no less than I've received when it comes to hurting others. And while many of them are long forgotten, plenty of them are still fresh in my mind. 
     For all of you that love me, and know me well, I hope you still do when I tell you a story from my childhood. I was number two in a sibling pack of four. At any moment in time, any of us could be the one the others turned on, and I well remember a few times we turned on our littlest- my youngest brother, Daniel. We sound pretty uncivilized when I say we occasionally "dog piled our brother." Maybe it was because he screeched the loudest, and Mom always got after us when he did (and might I add he would smile at us behind her back when we did get it). But I recall my older sister, my other brother, and I waiting for him to come downstairs where we "jumped" him. My idea was to rub a nylon hairbrush on his arm, which I'm sure, felt awful! Just to clarify a little, we were all very young, and he didn't bleed. But in this moment, I needed forgiveness, but I didn't forget what I did all these years later, and maybe he hasn't either. 
     The thing is, we all have hurt others- and especially those we love the most. And while we may forgive them, we often can't forget the hurtful words or actions. They are locked away in our memory because they were painful enough to remember. Infidelity is like that. While we can forgive and move on, we don't forget what we came through, and how it changed us. Forgiving means we no longer hold the offense against the one that hurt us, but to forget doesn't seem possible when the hurt goes that deep. And I think it's important not to forget the valuable lessons we learned through our own journey, while forgetting the offense. The lessons learned help guard us in our "today moments", and helped strengthen our marriage and our relationships with one another and our Lord. I'm truly thankful for the lessons God taught us through our own story, and am certain He will use them for good. Yes, we forgave, but we also remember.
     That's what makes us so unlike God. When you think about it, every sin committed in all of history, is against Him. The hairbrush rubbing, the affair, the fighting, the lying, the hurting- every one is against Him. Should my sins be tallied up, I would cringe in embarrassment at how awful I really am. But on the cross, many years ago, my sins were washed away with the holy, precious blood of Jesus- forgiven forever! And not only did Jesus forgive my sins, but He chooses not to recall them. He doesn't assign my sins to me anymore, labeling me by them- which is such an amazing gift. While we look on others and remember the hurtful words or actions they did to us, He chooses not to do that. When we think of how God does this for us, I feel shame for what I choose to remember. While it's wise to remember the lessons learned from past hurts, it's grace that allows me to let go of the offense, and never again place that label on the offender. "God help me in all ways, to be more like You."

"I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25 ESV
Then he adds, "I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more." Hebrews 10:17 ESV
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I often don't realize just how far I fall short of being an example of Your Son, Jesus. Help me, Father, to not only forgive, but to forget the offense, while remembering the lessons learned from it. Help me to never assign labels to others that are human, just like me. We all sin because we are not perfect or holy. Help me to love others and forgive the way You do, Lord. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen!


     

Against Any Odds

     Reading through the statistics of marriages that face infidelity is staggering. Even in Christian marriages, the numbers aren't encouraging. It's so easy to feel protected from the possibility, yet it's also very naive. According to multiple surveys, a little over half of married couples will experience an affair. Many never come to light, sadly, and stay hidden as skeletons in the closet. And while we may be able to hide our skeletons from others, we know we can't hide them from God. Did I ever see it coming in my own marriage? I absolutely didn't, and the best piece of advice I can give to each of you is this- guard your hearts, keep communication open and active, and invest in one another spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
     Once a marriage has experienced an affair, what are the chances of restoration and recovery? I was pleasantly surprised to read that 70% of couples that admit to infidelity will stay together! While even a larger number would be better, 70% was better than what I expected. Some are adamant they would never be able to forgive an affair, and would divorce if it happened in their own marriage. I was sure of those feelings myself, but God had other plans for me. 
     I think it's much more important to focus on your new commitment, than to allow statistics to cause fear or discouragement. Sure, the path ahead is a little daunting initially, but staying the course with a renewed sense of purpose, allowing God to create something better is certainly where we are happy to be. For us, we are absolutely certain that God had to be in it on both sides in order for it to work. Once we re-established that foundation, we had something we could build on. Another component I believe to be important is to learn that forgiveness means letting go of what happened. It doesn't mean that we don't learn lessons from it, and it doesn't mean that we don't have scars that can at times feel sore- but it does mean that we are able to truly feel forgiveness regarding the betrayal. 
     So how do we find ourselves in that 70%, and not the 30% that walk away? While I am sure each couple has their own stories of how they found victory over sexual betrayal, I think it starts with a willingness to face what's happened together, and seek help to heal with a genuine sense of commitment to restoration. Having a mutual openness to godly counsel was crucial in our marriage and continues to reap tremendous benefits. If you're in the stage of recovery, both my husband and I, would strongly encourage christian counseling along with marriage-based shared devotions and daily prayer. Once we were on the same page, with the leading and guiding of our Heavenly Father, we refused to accept anything less than God's best for us as a couple- and we knew that meant staying together. Yes, we are still a work in progress, but God is making our story so beautiful, and He isn't even finished with us yet! Don't stop praying for us, and we won't stop praying for those we are touching with our own story. And my prayer is this- "God, help those in the 70% to heal and recover and flourish in their renewed love. But God, please help heal the broken hearts of the 30%, and the loved ones that continue to hurt inside the brokenness of infidelity. And Father, allow us to help others experiencing the deep pain associated with an affair- may You use us in ways that continue to blow us away. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!"

But Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you." Ruth 1:16-17 ESV
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 ESV

Clean Feet

     Nothing stings quite like betrayal- especially when it comes from your spouse. It's painful and unexpected, yet it happens more frequently than we'd like to think. Forgiving betrayal isn't easy, and takes working through a complicated process of emotions. Some never get past it, while others are able to with time. Jesus was no stranger to betrayal, and He understands our feelings and emotions as we face our own Judas's. The marked difference in how I face being betrayed, is my own sin throughout the process, and my failure to see myself as a Judas to Jesus in my own ways. 
     In my personal Bible reading, I've read a lot about Judas lately, as we walked through the story of Jesus being crucified and raising Himself back to life. I love how we can read scripture over and over again, and yet new things grab you each time. A particular scene caught my attention- one of Jesus washing His disciples feet in the Upper Room before the Passover Meal. He removed his garment and wrapped a towel around His waist, and got to work. He didn't exclude Peter- knowing Peter would deny Him those three times. And He didn't exclude Judas- even though He knew his betrayal would be the catalyst allowed to lead to His own death. And I have no doubt, had I been there, that He would have included me- dirty with my own sin.
     I wonder about Judas, and the thoughts following his betrayal of Jesus. I don't really believe that Judas didn't notice Jesus was different- special even. But I do believe that money mattered more to him in the end. Maybe he was tired of living a simple life without riches and the comforts of the world, as was the way of Jesus and His disciples. He wanted something more, and money seemed to be the answer for him. But I also wonder if he ever looked down at his feet, clean from the careful cleansing of the Master, and felt shame. Did his mind go back to Jesus washing his feet and being told that he wasn't clean, because Jesus knew his traitorous heart? And did he remember Jesus calling him "Friend", when he kissed Him to signify to those seeking to capture Him that He was the One they sought?
     The ways of Jesus should always be the pattern I follow in my own life. Judas deserved harsh treatment from Jesus in our way of thinking- but He asks us to reconsider our thirst for retaliation and justice and do something ultimately harder, though much better. As Christians, we are asked to mirror the grace of Jesus in our own life choices and behavior. While an extramarital affair is a painful situation, it would be worse to have my husband hatch up a plan that led to my death- and even in something of this magnitude, Jesus loved Judas. If you're walking through life with feelings of bitterness and anger over your own betrayal, allow me to suggest the freedom we find in letting it go. We may or may not get the remorse and apology we so desire, but we do have the ability, through Him, to forgive without them. We can see the heart of Jesus more clearly when we allow ourselves to picture washing our own betrayer's feet with love and compassion, knowing what they would do to us. Living like Jesus isn't easy, but to hear Him say of us in a coming day, "well done, My faithful servant" will make it worth all the sacrifice. How will you love your Judas? Are you willing to love them like Jesus? It will be hard, but it'll be rewarded in a coming day, and His reward is always worth it. 

But Jesus said to him, "Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" Luke 22:48 ESV
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15 ESV
After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, "Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me." John 13:21 ESV
And when they heard it, they were glad and promised to give him money. And he sought an opportunity to betray him. Mark 14:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to love and forgive others like You do. When I am heartbroken and angry from the sting of betrayal, may I extend grace- even then. May I remember that on my best days, I'm still no better than a Judas- guilty and dirty from my own sin and failures. Father, help me to serve others like You taught us, by washing the feet of Your disciples. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen! 

So, What Next?

     What a journey this has been, blogging our story. What blows me away is when it all began, it was so different than where we ended up. I started this journey with a broken heart and little hope at restoration, and look what God did! It's our miracle story, and one I will always be grateful for and humbled by. We made friends along the way- you know who you are. So many of you wrote words of support, love and encouragement. For those who did, you'll never know how much that meant to me. For those who liked and shared and commented- thank you! You guys were the ones that kept me going when I didn't always feel like it! 
      While it may seem our story has come to an end, in reality- it's just starting, and we feel so blessed. I am not leaving my blog site or website, but our posts will now only be once a week. I will share old posts on occasion to reach new readers who may be freshly beginning their infidelity journey. Occasionally, I will blog more about our life as we go, but I will primarily share relationship posts and updates on my devotional book release expected later this year. Many of you encouraged me to seek publishing, and because of your support, my dream is becoming a reality. Thank you so much for that; we can't wait to see what God has for us through writing and sharing our story with others. 
     To my parents- your support in my writing has been such a blessing to me. You each read daily, comment, and personally encouraged me each time I saw you! I love you both so much, and I'm so grateful for your help and support. To those who emailed me regarding your own marriage battle, don't think for a minute that we will stop praying for you! You are the reason we wrote each day, and we are so thankful you are sharing your story with us. To my kids- thank you for allowing yourselves to be interjected into my posts. You guys are my rock stars, and have been by my side each step of the way! To those who pray for us- you have no idea how much that means to us! Without God's intervention, my life story would be very different today. To my little brother who shares my Twitter post EVERY SINGLE DAY, thanks, D:) To my sister and her husband- your therapy dinners out with us are some of our most favorite times. To my sister-in-law- you were seriously such a lifeline to me and I'll treasure you always! To my family and friends who fought this battle with us each day- I love you from the bottom of my heart. 
     And then there is my husband. You always had my heart, no matter what. My eyes tear up thinking of what we have come through, but in the end- you chose me all over again. I'm honored to share life with you, and I'll always be your biggest fan. You are the reason for the sparkle in my eyes, and the light in my smile. Thank you for loving me, for all you do for me, and for allowing God to change your heart. I believe with everything in me that our best years are ahead of us, and I can't wait to see the blessings God has for us. I love you forever and always!
     Last, but most precious, is the love and faithfulness of my Jesus. I love this  name, for it was Jesus Who experienced life in this world, yet never sinned. He never hurt anyone, He never turned His back on anyone- He was human, yet perfect and holy. And what a precious name He was given- One Who would save His people from their sins, and I'm so thankful that included me. Without His hand in my life, I would be lost, empty and hopeless. His care for me is such a wonderful gift, and He cared so much for my marriage, that He reached down and rescued it. Jesus, I will forever love You, and look forward to serving You for all eternity. Thank You, Lord, for Your grace, mercy and love, and for giving me more than I could ever ask or imagine. 
     Thank you all again for sharing by reading- and the many other ways you showed you cared. May each of you experience God's best in your lives, and may you truly know Him and live to serve Him. Putting Him first will always be the wisest choice and will lead you to His best ever story for you. My heart is touched by all of you- some known to me, and some I don't know. Please share our website with any who may need it- theselightafflictions.com. You're always welcome to contact us through FB or email- roomcdonald@bellsouth.net. God bless you all!
Love, Ruth

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for each reader and their support and encouragement. I pray that our story helps others who are hurting and struggling through their own story of infidelity. Open doors You want us to walk through and lead us away from closed doors- and give us the faith and wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

How to Win Your Husband Back

     I used to wonder when I heard of couples that got back together after an affair, what their secret was. Was it an improved physical appearance that the unfaithful spouse just couldn't resist? Was it the leverage of having history, kids together and a unique understanding of one another? Was there pouting involved or maybe finally standing up for oneself in an aggressive manner? Was it just an obligation, because I never wanted to be an obligation. 
     What ultimately would bring my own husband back to me? I tried quite a few things initially, to my embarrassment. How foolish of me to think I could win my husband back, because that's just the thing- you can't! I know this question will likely be posed to me from hurting people who want to believe their efforts will make the difference, and I will have to tell them what I've learned through our own story. You can try to lose twenty pounds, dye your hair blonde, find an interesting hobby, threaten self-harm- whatever it is you can think up, and it just won't work. 
     One of the biggest lessons I learned is the affair wasn't about me. It wasn't something I could change, and changing myself wouldn't ultimately make the difference. If there were some hidden secret I could share with you, I would certainly share it, but there just isn't. The bottom line is the outcome of my marriage was completely out of my hands, but thank God it wasn't out of His. You may be a prayer skeptic, and if you are, had you walked the past year in my shoes, you would no longer be skeptical. In theory, my marriage was done- finished, over. How I longed for something different, but all I had were prayers and hope that whatever God brought along would be the very best.
     I can tell you this- manipulating, yelling, threatening and being vengeful will not reap good results. Instead, pray for your broken spouse and wait to see what God will do. It isn't a conquest, but it is a battle. I think the thing to remember here is that the battle isn't between you and your spouse- the battle is between your spouse and God. I remember getting to the point where I realized it was not in my hands at all- nothing I could do would make a difference. And in that moment, all I had left was faith- but knowing Who my faith was grounded in made all the difference. Can you win your spouse back, and would you really want to? He says He fights my battles, and so I let Him. 

The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 ESV
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for fighting my battles. Without You, my marriage would have been over- I had no power in its outcome. I thank You for not only hearing our prayers, but faithfully answering them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!