One summer, on the way back from a seven day cruise, my sister's family and ours decided we didn't want our summer vacation to be over, so we made a detour to Jekyll Island. We had passed signs for the island many times, and thought it could be a fun place to crash an extra day or two. The internet picture of the place we chose to stay, looked wonderful. With excited kids, and happy adults, we made the exit to our extended stay. Upon arrival to the actual island, we started to feel a little skeptical. But when we pulled into our hotel, things slowly got stranger and stranger. You know how you get a weird vibe sometimes? Well, that was the case here in Jekyll Island. From the biting flies, the rocky beach, and the really strange hotel, we decided to leave. It wasn't what we had hoped for, and so we packed up our stuff, our kids, and hit the road for a Hampton Inn. Not what we planned, and certainly not fancy, but we just didn't want to stay in Jekyll.
Relationships can be a lot like this. We have high hopes as we head into it, and then feel disappointed when we realize it isn't what we thought it would be. She wasn't as fun and carefree, and he wasn't as structured or driven. He wasn't a saver, and she wasn't an optimist. She wasn't as skinny, and he wasn't as stylish. The truth is, we all put on our best front in the beginning, but it's just that- a front. Inside, we are all broken, and we all have our share of struggles. Our world would tell us to move on, to find someone else, to get a divorce. But most often, the answer won't be there either. A new relationship or marriage will have its own set of challenges, and you'll be faced with the same decision: go, or stay.
Now let's be clear from the beginning: I am not condoning a person to stay in an abusive marriage or relationship of any nature. There are some character traits that will need change in order to safely remain. These circumstances are not the point of my blog post today. What I am talking about, is the ability to recognize our tendencies to run when things don't go the way we planned. Some marriages will face some pretty big obstacles: the death of a family member, infidelity, addiction, mental health issues, a serious illness, financial struggles, and many others. What will you do when your marriage faces a crisis? Many times, we feel it's easier to run, than to face the situation we find ourselves in. I want to encourage any who are feeling this way today to simply reconsider.
Relationships are hard, and there's no getting around that truth. The only perfect Person to have walked this earth was Jesus- all the rest of us are simply going to mess up. Satan will try to convince us there is someone better suited for us. He will try to make you believe you deserve something better. But at the very core of christianity, is the story of grace. Undeserved grace. Something we receive each day from God's heart, and not a one of us deserves it. If Jesus was our earthly example of how to love, then we will choose to love, even when it's hard. And just as He always is with us and promises not to leave, so we should do the same with our spouse. You can leave- but you'll soon discover the flaws in the next person you choose to love.
Marriage vows are serious promises. They are much more serious than a side trip to Jekyll Island. Somedays, staying is hard. Somedays, you'll almost listen to the lies that there is a better plan for you. There is joy in choosing grace in face of our spouse's shortcomings and failures. Encourage good change in their lives when it's needed, and recognize that you're also often in need of change yourself. Decide to fight for one another, and not against each other. You can overcome the obstacles that stand in the way of your marriage with whatever tools are necessary to achieve victory. God will fight for your marriage along with you. Leaving isn't the answer- by God's grace, choose to stay. Stay when it's easy, and stay when it's hard. Learn to love like Jesus- without conditions. Loving this way will always have a cost, but it will also reap benefits beyond what you see in this moment. Ask God today for the power to stay, and watch what He will do for you!
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)
Dear heavenly Father, help me to be characterized by forgiveness and steadfastness. Help my marriage be one that honors You. We thank You for the example of love that You've shown us in Your Son. Help us to mirror that kind of love in our marriages. In Your name we pray, Amen!
This past summer, I was driving home from Home Goods (one of my very favorite places to spend an hour or two), and I ended up crying the whole way home. It was a rainy, dreary day, and my heart was still pretty sore. I didn't cry over a song, I didn't cry because someone said something to me, I cried over an old man.
There is an intersection in a nearby city, with a grocery store. This intersection is pretty busy around lunch time. As I was sitting at a stoplight, I see an old man, umbrella in hand, a bunch of fresh flowers and a grocery bag in the other, making his way across the street. He doesn't look grumpy about the rain, in fact, he has a smile on his face. I watch him cross the intersection and start walking along the side of the road. The next neighborhood is probably a quarter mile up the road, and he starts along his way. The rain didn't hold him back, the distance didn't hold him back, and his age didn't either. Wow! Some sweet old lady is going to witness his love for her shortly. I was happy for that lady, whoever she was.
I wanted that kind of love, too. The kind that doesn't have obstacles in the way. The kind that goes out of its way, to reveal itself in big ways, yes, but also little ways. It's easy to show our love like this when love is new. But when we get used to one another, often we forget to love carelessly- no limits or barriers. Along the way in marriages, we often allow life to create barriers that stand in the way of showing our love- don't! Don't let things take precedence over simple displays of affection. Be that old man, carrying home a bouquet in the rain. Don't let rain hold you back, or anything else. Just show your love faithfully, thoughtfully, and selflessly.
This is how God loves us. Nothing prohibits His love. Our behavior doesn't, and I'm so thankful for that. He doesn't get used to us after a while, and change His mind about us. He consistently, patiently, and faithfully showers His love on us. His is the only perfect love there is, and He perfectly loves me. And I remind myself of this on my drive home, and my tears of sadness, turn to happy tears. Because no matter who else loves me, or fails to love me, He always loves me exactly the same. Thank You, Lord for Your perfect, faithful love!
For God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16 ESV
The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3 ESV
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:26 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, people will let us down, and hurt our hearts. We often forget how to love one another the way You have called us to love. Help me, when my heart is hurting, to remember Your perfect love for me. It is never conditional or performance based, and I am so thankful for that. Help me to return Your love, even though my love is imperfect. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
