As a little girl, my sister and I loved to collect pretty rocks. We had some shiny, smooth black rocks given to us by a sweet older gentleman. I don't have mine today, but I kept them for years. We had some crystalized purple and green rocks we bought from the gift shop of a mine. In all honesty, they were pretty, but apparently worthless, if they willingly sold them to little children for a couple bucks. And then we loved to find fool's gold. These rocks were plain, other than the dusting of gold that covered their outer layer. We always hoped that somehow, they weren't fool's gold, but rather authentic, and we would be rich from our fortunate find. Sadly, that was never the case for us.
These rocks were significant to the two of us, because they had sentimental meaning to them. There was no real value in them, other than our memories. I wonder if the children of Israel had those same sentimental thoughts, when they looked on the twelve stones retrieved from the bottom of the Jordan River. These stones had no value, other than they signified how God had opened the river to allow them to cross with the Ark of the Covenant. Joshua had one man from every tribe, carry a stone from the Jordan to where they lodged. While these rocks were likely plain to look upon, they told an amazing and miraculous story that pointed those who would look on them, to the redemptive and unmatchable power of God.
Wouldn't it be amazing if we had rock memorials from the many times God has touched us- rocks that signified His redemption and healing in our life events? If it were so, I would look behind me and be blown away by the sea of rocks telling stories of my own deliverance. I would see piles that showed how He saved me from being eternally lost, at the tender age of eleven. I'd see how He helped me through school, and provided opportunities for college and a degree. I would smile at the ones that reminded me of how He opened the door to being married to my best friend. I would be touched at the healing of multiple sicknesses, and heartaches. I would shed tears over His faithfulness in blessing me with a son and daughter, after years of infertility and pregnancy loss. And my heart would be undone each time I looked upon the rocks that reminded me of how He is restoring our hearts and our marriage, after being shattered by infidelity.
Yes, my past is littered with beautiful stories that point to a Savior- One who is intimately involved in my life. Answered prayers. Healed hearts. People who call me "mom". Each story is a testimony to who He is, and what He does. And should I have a rock in place to remember, it would cause me to overflow with gratitude each time my eyes fell upon them. While I may not have rocks to remind me of His goodness, I do have memories. How thankful I am for all He has done, and will do for me. I challenge you stop today, friend, and remember the times He has worked mightily in your own life. We serve a God who loves to save, deliver, restore, and work- His purpose for doing so isn't just to make us happy, but rather to point others to His Son. Celebrate with me, the goodness of our Father, and the wonderful works He does for His children.
I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. Psalm 77:11 ESV
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the works of your hands. Psalm 143:5 ESV
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, Psalm 103:2 ESV
Then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, and out of the house of slavery. Deuteronomy 6:12 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the many times You've saved and delivered me from danger. I thank You for the countless blessings I've received from Your gracious hand. I praise You, Father, for Your gift of salvation. Help me to recall the many wonders You've done for me. In Your name I pray, Amen!
We all have life dreams- things we think of and wish for with all our hearts. Some want to be an actor. Some, a surgeon. Another may wish to take a ride out in space or a submarine into the depths of the ocean. Having goals is great and gives us something to work towards. For me, I wanted to be a wife and a mom. Having babies of my own was one thing I looked forward to, and assumed it would happen without much effort. I wanted to marry my best friend (and I did), and then settle into raising our babies.
While having dreams is a great thing, we often find that chasing them will lead us down paths of heartache. It isn't to say we shouldn't have our dreams, but things don't always happen easily, or the way we imagined they would. It's in these times God is working to exercise our faith and calling us to trust Him. But sometimes in those seasons, we often lose focus of our faith and instead, feel fear and disappointment.
My first pregnancy came without many months of trying. I was elated and couldn't wait for maternity clothes (they were ugly back in the day, mind you), lamaze classes, baby showers and all the fun leading up to Delivery Day. I remember the excitement of my first ultrasound at 16 weeks. The doctor had told me we would likely find out the sex of our baby at this visit, and I could hardly wait. I'll never forget how the anticipation and excitement of this day turned to heartache and sadness. On January 4th of 1995, we learned that our little one had passed away in the womb and would be surgically removed the following day. Disbelief and disappointment were very real that day and the months that would follow. Further heartache would come a few days later when my milk came in with no little one to feed. That was a tough valley in life, and one I never expected to experience.
After a couple months, we found out we were pregnant again. I was excited, but didn't feel well and had a feeling that things weren't right again this time. On April the 8th of 1995, I came home from the grocery store cramping and feeling anxious. Within an hour, I was headed to the Emergency Room to see yet again, that our second child was in Heaven without us. A long season of waiting followed- a season filled with sadness and grief. Everyone around me seemed to be pregnant and having healthy babies, and my arms were empty. I was truly happy for them, but hurting for what I had lost.
Prior to infidelity in our marriage, this season was our biggest challenge. And just as God worked in restoring our marriage, He worked to repair my wounded heart decades earlier when we were faced with infertility. The same God that cared for our marriage, cared for us in those years of wondering and waiting. Sometimes He gives us our own biological children, and sometimes He asks us to care for little ones that are in need of a mom and dad- either are a huge privilege and responsibility. But God hears our prayers for a child, and He makes a way for us to hear those precious words from the lips of a child- "Mom" or "Dad". If you know the pain and disappointment of infertility, my heart hurts for you- it's a difficult road to travel, and one many know all too well.
I'll never forget the day I first held my firstBORN son- a treasure and a true gift from God. And two years later, He blessed us with a little girl. On this day- 24 years after the second miscarriage, I'm reflecting on my Faithful God. He's been so good to me- to us. Yes, He's allowed us seasons of pain- but in them, I've found a faithful and loving Father. This Father is intimately involved in my little world. He cared for my empty arms and filled them. He cared for my empty heart when my husband had left home, and He led him back to us. How good is God- a God who loves, cares, provides, comforts, encourages and restores. If you don't know Him- I hope today you'll make it your mission to seek Him. Scripture tells us that when we seek Him, and search for Him with all our heart, we will find Him. You'll never be the same, and you'll never be sorry- and better yet- you'll never be alone!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:13-14 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, be with those who are facing infertility today. Give them comfort, peace and Your love as they wait on You. Thank You, Father, for hearing our own cries and for blessing us with a family. Thank You for restoring our marriage and for working so intimately in our lives. We are humbled by Your love and care, and thank You for the hope only You can give. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
