Do you remember how frustrating it was as a small child to feel unheard and ignored because you were "just a kid"? I had an aunt-a wonderful, special aunt, who no matter how young or insignificant I felt, always stopped to listen. I'll always remember my Aunt Carole that way-kind, compassionate, and an active listener. But I remember many times when I went unnoticed and unheard, and those times always got under my skin. As adults, we often ignore the words of others. People speak their hearts and we simply ignore them or choose not to listen and hear what they are saying. When we refuse to listen and understand, we often discourage and frustrate them.
We know how prayer works. God hears the prayers of His people. He's always listening, and He always cares. If He does that for all of us, can we not listen to the words of others? Can we not acknowledge their words and reply with compassion? As an adult, one of my biggest pet peeves is not being heard. To be waved off without consideration always gets my dander up. Maybe you've also had situations where you weren't heard, and it hurt or frustrated you. Being heard doesn't mean that the other party agrees, but that they listened and gave real consideration to your thoughts or feelings.
If you're married, you need to hear the words of your spouse. The old picture of the man grunting answers behind his morning newspaper is unhealthy. Conversation is necessary for connection-even in the mundane routines of life. You cannot have a deep relationship if you don't hear what your spouse is really saying. If you don't understand their thoughts-simply ask for clarification. The best ways to show you are listening is to give eye contact, repeat the information you are being told, and reply with feeling and knowledge regarding the words spoken to you. When you practice these three listening cues, your communication improves and you connect on a deeper level.
If you're a parent, your child needs to know you hear them. The same three cues can be practiced with your kids. While you may not understand what's really being said, by listening and sharing dialogue, the chances are that by your interest in their words, understanding will follow. Your children need to know that you will not only listen to them, but you'll hear the feelings, ideas, and thoughts they are trying to convey. Giving your children your attention and a thoughtful reply will do a world of good in building your relationship with them.
If you are part of a church fellowship, those who worship with you need you to hear them. You cannot have a spirit of unity and connection if you don't hear your brothers and sisters. Again-believers won't always agree with one another, but the spirit of active and thoughtful listening should be a part of every relationship inside each fellowship. Be approachable. Be kind. Listen to the thoughts and ideas of others. By doing so, you validate each one of them and show the spirit of godliness.
In all of our relationships, we want to be heard. And in all of our relationships, we need to hear others. There hasn't been a time in my life when people have more to say, and there also hasn't been a time in my life where people refuse to give consideration and kindness to the words of others. People are daily accusing others of things that are untrue. We often refuse to listen to reason and make unnecessary comments. Hear, listen and love knowing that even though we may not come to an agreement, we cared enough to listen. I wish the world were full of Aunt Caroles, and may I learn myself to be a lot more like her.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear; slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19, ESV);
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice (Proverbs 12:15, ESV).
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame (Proverbs 18:13, ESV).
Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge (Proverbs 19:27, ESV).
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion (Proverbs 18:2, ESV).
Dear Heavenly Father, help us to really listen to others and not dismiss them without understanding. Your Word calls us fools when we do that, and so we humbly ask that You'll open our ears and our hearts. We thank You for always hearing us. It's in Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!
As little tiny kids, we exercised our independence by saying, "I can do it myself." Being self-sufficient is looked on as a strong character trait. We like to think we don't need others, and can do whatever comes our way on our own. But that isn't how God created us. We were never meant to do life on our own. God knew we were creatures who would fare much better enjoying relationships, and fellowship.
Last January, when my husband left home, I was completely wrecked. It is the only time in my life where the word 'despair' was a reality for me. I couldn't sleep, eat, think straight, or concentrate. It was the darkest time in my christian journey to date. I have no idea how I would have survived apart from the fellowship of the precious ones I worship with, and my Heavenly Father. These loving souls brought over food, flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, prayers, and conversation. They cried with me- Kleenex cries, where there are too many tears for a hand swipe. They texted me, called me, and just plain loved on me. And I desperately needed it.
No, God didn't intend for us to travel life's journey alone. If you are struggling, hurting and trying to do it yourself, can I encourage you to reach out to fellow believers? Don't let pride or fear hold you back. Just as God lavishes His grace on us, we will find it in those who love Him, and serve Him. Initially, I wanted to hide from other Christians, because I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed that I wasn't a good enough wife (Satan's words to me), resulting in a failed marriage. Satan wanted to use any lie he could whisper to keep me out of the 4 walls of my local church testimony. Because he knows... he knows that in those walls I will find compassion, love, and encouragement. I will find purpose, service and grace. I will be encouraged to exercise my spiritual gifts to the fullest. And when I find those things, Satan's voice gets quieter, and God's gets louder.
I have felt God's presence in a hug from a friend, a tear-filled prayer, and a casserole. God's Spirit is within those He has redeemed, and it's beautiful. The family of God is such a blessing, and our local church testimony is a safe place from the harsh, cynical, sinful world we live in. It is a place of refreshment, and I am privileged to be there. Don't push other Christians away in times of crisis, dear friends. God wants to use them to minister to your needs, so let them minister to you.
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some. But encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:25 ESV
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
For where two are three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for creating fellowship and for the comfort and joy, and accountability it offers me. Help me to lean on other fellow believers when I am weak and discouraged, and to offer it to others when they are in need. I thank You for the privilege of being a part of the family of God. Help me to accept help and hope from the wisdom of my church family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
