Be an Encourager

 One of the most discouraging seasons of my life produced something infinitely valuable—those who stepped in as real encouragers to me. When you're down—really down, it's sometimes hard to muster the faith and courage within yourself to believe that somehow, you'll get through. You may have experienced circumstances that apart from God and His people, you have no doubt you would have hit the point of despair. And the reality is, we are rubbing shoulders with people this very day who are in similar circumstances; thick in the midst of their own personal trials and tragedy. It's easy to think you aren't the person to help, hoping someone else is more equipped for the task, but if you know of a need, at the very least, we can be their encouragers.

When my marriage fell apart back in 2017, a handful of people immediately come to mind who made that period of pain and heartache better, because they cared for me through their actions and words. While I was tempted often to hide away in the safety of my home, there were those who encouraged me to get up, and get out. If I missed an event or a church service, what I didn't need to hear were these words: "Where were you?, we missed you (which generally just meant why wasn't I where I was expected to be)." What I did need to hear were encouraging words like: "we are so thankful to see you today—I can imagine it must be hard to come, but we are so happy you did." The words we say to those who are hurting or spiritually struggling are so impactful, and because of that, we need to use the utmost care in how we speak.

We also can be encouragers to those who are spiritually struggling, rather than use words to bully them into biblical compliance. We can treat them in any of these three ways: indifference, unkindness that borders on threatening, or loving encouragement. As Christians, the only real choice should be number three, and anything other than the third choice will not bring about real spiritual change at the heart level. One of the best ways to look at this is through an example.

Eric grew up in a christian home, often in church services with two loving, godly parents. As Eric got older and made his own choices, he started down the wrong path, with the wrong friends, and his attendance became sporadic, at best, at his local church. One morning, he woke up and decided to go to church. When he walked in, he was tense, expecting people to question him and give him a hard time. Instead, an older man who was close to his Dad, came over and gave him a big hug. "Eric, how great to see you today! I was just praying for you last night, and thanking God for you and the blessing you are to all of us. I'd love to take you to lunch today, and catch up on all that's happening in your life. I've heard you're doing well in school, and I'd love to hear about your baseball season." Eric was greatly encouraged by this gentleman, and agreed to meet him for lunch. A door was opened for communication and connection through this man's love and encouragement.

Now Eric may be a made up story, but there are thousands of Erics around—and some of them may be in your circle of connections. You can choose to chastise his behavior, and further his discouragement, alienating him from God and His people. Or you can be someone who steps up to the plate and offers words that have power to touch the hearts of the lost or the hurting—possibly even bringing the wanderer back to the fold. There are so many things around us in this strange year of 2020 that may cause stress, anxiety and discouragement. There are also many discouragers out there—people who seemingly enjoy putting people down. As God's children, may that never be true of us. 

May we truly open our eyes to the people around us and when we see someone in need of encouragement, be there for them. Love them unconditionally. Trust that God will use you in ways you may never know the extent of, and that your willingness to encourage will be infectious to other believers following your example. As the body of Christ, it is our responsibility to look to the needs of others, and step in to help when we see a brother or sister who needs us.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV).

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (Proverbs 25:11, ESV).

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered (Proverbs 11:25, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, open our eyes to those around us who need encouragement and give us a heart of compassion for them. May we offer words that are like medicine to a wounded soul, and help build up the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Lowest Places

 It was a cold and sunny winter day. I was on the way home from rehab for my "runner's hip"- even though I've never been a runner. But Zumba creates stress on the hip flexors, and I had just left my appointment headed for home. My heart was so sick with the reality of my marriage, and the realization that my husband was gone. It was new, and it was so unwelcome- this intrusion in my peaceful and safe life. I had no idea how to process this reality and in my despair, I swerved over to a vacant lot and literally fell apart. I stayed there for some time-I have no idea how long, just until my tears and yelling were spent. It was one of the lowest places of my life, and I look back at that moment with assorted feelings. One-life can be really painful, and two, in those low places, we are not alone.

I think of the life of Job in the Old Testament. He lost his health, wealth, his livestock and all of his children. How can you handle that sort of loss? It's a staggering thought, and so difficult to truly enter into his suffering. His friends were not the kind to bring hugs and prayers and homemade meals. Instead, they pointed out reasons why they believed he was being punished. His wife urged him to curse God, rather than offer encouragement, support and care. This "low" goes beyond the scope of my imagination. One of the most remarkable men to have lived, he refuses to curse God and throw in the towel. In contrast, he recognized God as his only Source of hope. If he could've seen down the road, he would've seen himself healthy, wealthier and enjoying a full household of children and grandchildren. Yet in his lowest place, he simply had to trust that God had a plan in his suffering.

My lowest place in no way compares to Job's, yet it was my lowest place. It was a time when I had to choose to either be angry at God and turn bitter, or believe that He had a good purpose that would spring from this painful situation. It didn't happen overnight, but I had known God long enough to know He isn't cruel and He doesn't allow us to suffer without purpose. I also physically felt Him with me through each painful moment of that season. Lowest places are terribly unpleasant, yet necessary for our spiritual growth. They show His faithfulness in ways we don't see in our better days, because we often forget His goodness when we aren't as aware of our need of Him.                                           

I bet you can go back to your own low place in life. A time when your heart was devastated and your dreams were shattered in a million pieces. Your low place may be a lot worse than mine-yet if you know Jesus, you know you were not left to handle it alone, either. Life is hard, but life with Jesus gives us hope and help in those lowest places. When you stop to think of someone in a "low" place, you realize they need rescued. They need help getting back up again. While Jesus is the biggest Resurrector of our low places, we also need the love and encouragement of friends and loved ones.

If someone comes to mind today that is sunken in their own place of despair and pain, God wants you to move in and reach out your hand to help them recover. It may be that meal, a hug, a listening ear, a check, or your prayers. Especially if that person is walking a similar trial to your own past experience, you have a unique ability to understand, encourage and lend support. God is doing good things through my own painful past-a blessing I couldn't have seen when I was in the thick of it. While it wasn't something I would have chosen for myself, God allowed it to happen because He can see past the painful event and straight to the purpose that would grow from it. What good have you seen spring forth from your past hurts? Are you allowing God to use it for His purposes, or holding on to bitterness and nonacceptance? The truth is, if we are called to walk through low places, why not allow God to redeem them? One day, the pain will be past, but what we did through it will last forever.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28, ESV).

And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me (Psalm 50:15, ESV)."

Dear heavenly Father, help us truly depend on You to bring us through our lowest places, and remove the foolish notion that we can do it on our own. Help us as well to see the needs of others, and to bear their burdens, fulfilling one of our purposes as the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

When My Face Lied

     It's still hard to write about that time- the time when my life fell apart. Some days, I can almost forget it happened to me as life begins a new normal. But for many reading, you may still be in that broken place. It could be an unfaithful spouse that broke you, it could be the death of a loved one, or it could be another piece of tragic news that completely caught you off guard. Some days, I allow myself a visit to the past, if only to recall how far God has brought me- and has brought us. 
     I joked about my thoughts with my closest friends and family, but honestly, there was some truth to what I was feeling. While I liked to look put together and sane on the outside, the inside of me was a disaster. The mirror often lied about how I really was. Somedays this made me feel crazy and the outside of me seemed to mock what I felt. Truth be told, I suddenly had an understanding of Brittany Spears' bald head. While it doesn't really make a lot of sense to people who haven't been emotionally devastated, I could now understand the desire to make the outside of me match what was in my heart.
     This way of thinking isn't new- take the Old Testament custom of those who sat in sackcloth and ashes. When faced with circumstances that led to mourning and despair, they would remove their clothing and replace it with sackcloth. Sackcloth was made of coarse black goat hair- it was itchy, scratchy and terribly uncomfortable. Then to make matters worse, they would sit in a pile of ashes and pour them over their heads. This practice was an outward sign of what was going on inside. It was a physical picture of mourning, despair, grief and pain.
     I had my own "sackcloth and ashes" desires that likely make me sound a little nuts. I wanted to hide away in the woods, and cover myself in dirt. I don't feel very comfortable sharing those thoughts, but given the custom of the Old Testament Jews, I don't feel quite as crazy. This longing was my outward display of what was inside of me- grief and despair. By the way, I didn't carry through on this, but these were some of the thoughts of my broken heart. 
     Maybe you've never had feelings like this, and if you haven't, I'm happy for you. But if you have, you have an intimate understanding of grief. Grief leaves us wounded and in need of a Healer. Eventually, my feelings gave way to hope. Today, the thought of sitting in the woods covered in dirt doesn't have the same appeal, because with time, He healed the most broken parts of my spirit. Today, my smile is genuine, but for quite some time, it just didn't reach my heart. 
     We live around people who are grieving their own personal losses. They may smile and seem "okay" on the outside, but inside, they are a broken mess. We don't know what everyone is facing in their lives, and because of that, we need to be people of compassion. As God's children, it's our privilege to offer the same love, grace and compassion to the hurting- the ones we know are hurting, and the ones we think are doing better than they actually are. There really are people who are fighting battles we know nothing about- being kind and gracious may be just what they need to carry them through the day. May we allow God's love to pour from our own mended spirits, knowing His power to repair the brokenhearted in a very personal way. 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 (ESV)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 (ESV)
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1 (ESV)
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. Psalm 31:9 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for being an ever present help in my time of grief and sorrow. Lord, heal those who are still hurting and in despair, and give me a heart of compassion and love for those who are broken. I thank You, Lord, for allowing me this opportunity to intimately relate to others experiencing loss, and showing them the comfort You have shown me. In Your name, I pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

December 28, 2018 - Another Goodbye

     When things aren't right in a marriage, you can feel it in your gut. We had been reunited for four months, and although the first two went well, the second two revealed an issue- our marriage battle wasn't over. We got through the holidays with strain and unease, a time I usually enjoyed immensely. In all ways, things were different- the holidays were celebrated in a different way, and our hearts were once again far apart. 
     Even though we lived under the same roof, and were "not okay", I do want to say that my husband made a concerted effort to make Christmas the best it could be, given the circumstances. He has always been generous, and that was no different. I did enjoy the day with my family, and if nothing else, we were still partners- working side by side to keep things going. But when the lights went out that night, I had such a feeling of dread and expectation, knowing he had one foot out the door. With Christmas officially over, I felt the other foot would now follow.
     The day after Christmas, I noticed a pile of gifts that he received were stacked up on the floor of our room. He always puts things away, and I thought it was weird. But the morning I knew he was leaving, I noticed a bag packed in our closet- shoes, belts and some clothing, along with his packed shave bag. My stomach dropped because I was certain, before the close of that day, he would be gone. My nerves were on edge and my heart was a mess. 
     Around lunch time, I checked his location and noticed he was getting closer and closer to home. He wasn't supposed to be coming home, so I knew why he was. I tried to look calm and busy with my business tax information at the dining room table. He walked in the door, and asked if we could talk in private. I literally felt sick. We went back to our room where he stated that he tried, but still wasn't happy. He assured me I had done nothing to contribute to his decision, but was going to leave once again. 
     There was no longer any use to argue. I had come to peace with whatever happened, and while it was heartbreaking and unsettling, it was almost a relief since I knew it was coming. We spoke a few words, he went up and spoke to our son, came back down and we hugged and he walked out the door. It was me and God, and I knew He was with me. It's an amazing comfort to have Him when we experience times like this. So I sang to Him, and talked to Him just like He was sitting beside me, because I can tell you this for sure- He was! Thank You Lord, for meeting us in our deepest heartaches. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV
So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. John 16:22 ESV
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, You comfort us when we are sad and heartbroken. I thank You for being so near at those times, and revealing Your tender love to us. Thank You for loving not only the hurt, but the one who is hurting others, and for pursuing them relentlessly. God- You are so good, and I praise You for Your tender mercies and kindness to us. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Why we Need the Family of God in Times of Crisis

     As little tiny kids, we exercised our independence by saying, "I can do it myself." Being self-sufficient is looked on as a strong character trait. We like to think we don't need others, and can do whatever comes our way on our own. But that isn't how God created us. We were never meant to do life on our own. God knew we were creatures who would fare much better enjoying relationships, and fellowship. 
     Last January, when my husband left home, I was completely wrecked. It is the only time in my life where the word 'despair' was a reality for me. I couldn't sleep, eat, think straight, or concentrate. It was the darkest time in my christian journey to date. I have no idea how I would have survived apart from the fellowship of the precious ones I worship with, and my Heavenly Father. These loving souls brought over food, flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, prayers, and conversation. They cried with me- Kleenex cries, where there are too many tears for a hand swipe. They texted me, called me, and just plain loved on me. And I desperately needed it.
     No, God didn't intend for us to travel life's journey alone. If you are struggling, hurting and trying to do it yourself, can I encourage you to reach out to fellow believers? Don't let pride or fear hold you back. Just as God lavishes His grace on us, we will find it in those who love Him, and serve Him. Initially, I wanted to hide from other Christians, because I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed that I wasn't a good enough wife (Satan's words to me), resulting in a failed marriage. Satan wanted to use any lie he could whisper to keep me out of the 4 walls of my local church testimony. Because he knows... he knows that in those walls I will find compassion, love, and encouragement. I will find purpose, service and grace. I will be encouraged to exercise my spiritual gifts to the fullest. And when I find those things, Satan's voice gets quieter, and God's gets louder. 
     I have felt God's presence in a hug from a friend, a tear-filled prayer, and a casserole. God's Spirit is within those He has redeemed, and it's beautiful. The family of God is such a blessing, and our local church testimony is a safe place from the harsh, cynical, sinful world we live in. It is a place of refreshment, and I am privileged to be there. Don't push other Christians away in times of crisis, dear friends. God wants to use them to minister to your needs, so let them minister to you. 

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some. But encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:25 ESV
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
For where two are three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for creating fellowship and for the comfort and joy, and accountability it offers me. Help me to lean on other fellow believers when I am weak and discouraged, and to offer it to others when they are in need. I thank You for the privilege of being a part of the family of God. Help me to accept help and hope from the wisdom of my church family. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!