The Importance of Belonging

 New social situations have always been difficult for me. You may not think that would be true if you know me, but I struggle with walking in a room of strangers and feeling comfortable. The older I've gotten, the more confident I feel in these situations, but I still wouldn't choose it. But when I was younger, the first day of college classes had my stomach in knots, and my breath a little short. There is no way to assess the layout of the classroom ahead of time-you simply open the door and then quickly decide where to sit and what to do. I also remember the new world of attending business networking events where I would walk in a restaurant, know almost no one, and have to find my way into the group. Why are these uncomfortable situations for most of us? It all comes down to our real need to belong and to feel accepted by others.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "I don't care what people think about me"! And while it's an easy thing to say, it's almost impossible to fully believe. I don't honestly know anyone who would walk into a room full of strangers whispering and glancing their way, and not feel uncomfortable and upset. I remember studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs in sociology, a theory made up of the five essential human needs. And guess what made the list?-belonging! Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. This group can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, fellow believers or strangers. If you are human, you need to belong.

For many of us, it's a lifelong struggle. Even when you do find yourself in a group of familiar people, you question others thoughts of you. You wonder if shared glances and whispers are being made at your expense. You may feel inferior to certain members of your circle of friends or acquaintances. "So-and-so" makes more money than you. Someone else is more physically attractive. Everyone laughs at her jokes, but yours don't bring the same bang. Your co-worker may be the brains behind the project, making you feel inadequate. We come up with a million little reasons why we aren't quite accepted, and doubt our worth and ability to "belong" in this group. And when we do this, we feel less about ourselves than who God created us to be.

I think one of the most refreshing and amazing aspects of being in God's family, is how readily He accepts us. We don't deserve to be in this beautiful family, but through the blood of Jesus, we are made acceptable. In the darkest place of my life, the Son of God came into that space, seeking my rescue. If ever there was a time I wasn't acceptable, it was in the darkness of my sin, and yet the love of Christ was demonstrated in how He chose to meet me in that place. By His blood, I was made right before the Father. God's family is full of misfits-me being one of them. And yet when we come together, we belong because we have been adopted into the family.

When I think of how God sees me as His daughter, it should chase away my insecurities. Not in a way that makes me prideful, but in a humbling way, I can walk in the confidence of His love. Even if people choose to ignore me and not make me feel welcome. Even when I am surrounded by strangers. Because the truth is, I really don't belong here. I wasn't made to fit in with the world-I was made for heaven. Somedays this truth escapes me and I allow Satan to whisper words that cause me to feel anxious and unsure of myself. But I hope that the next time I feel a sense of anxiety in the presence of strangers or those who aren't welcoming, that I will remember who I really am. I pray I'll remember that I am a child of God, and in His Kingdom, I am always accepted. May each of us feel a real sense of belonging when we think of our identity in the best family of all-the family of God!

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12, ESV),

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (Romans 12:5, ESV).

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19, ESV),

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God (Romans 15:7, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting us. The cost was high-the very blood of Your Son, and we acknowledge this truth and offer our thanksgiving. Help us to remember when doubts and insecurities creep in, that we belong to Your family and nothing can change that. Help us to walk in Your love, and welcome others in the way you welcomed us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Will You Love Me Tomorrow?

     I've not been feeling exactly like myself, lately. I feel a little messier and a less put together. My nails are a wreck- short, thin and brittle from chipping off my own gel polish. We don't really have any reason to get dressed up or to get our make-up just right. It's a lot of gym clothes and pony tails. It's a "we're stuck in the house, and snacks beckon us", kind of month. Gyms are closed. So while I'm a fan of self care, I've been a little re-miss lately at doing a great job in this department. I know many of my girlfriends feel the same way- a little unpolished and unkempt. And if we aren't careful, this feeling will carry over into our spirit, whispering lies about who we really are and what our true worth is. Can you feel me? Have you felt a little out of sorts during this quarantine way of life?
     Self image is an age old ploy of the devil to rob us of how God sees us. And while a little effort is important, it still comes down to one basic bottom line in love- it's a choice. My mind goes to a couple  I follow through social media. Two attractive people, married only a few years. A disfiguring accident changed the whole course of their life. She no longer looked beautiful on the outside, at least according to the world's standard of beauty. Her life would now include the need for round the clock care, a wheel chair and diapers. As far as self image- this is a helpless place to live, day in and day out. You can't will yourself to look like you used to, or navigate like you used to- this is the new reality for this lovely couple, and they are ...thriving. How is this possible, given their current state? Again, we go back to the basic truth -love is a choice!
     Can you love like this? Selfless. Serving. Exhausting. It's one of the deeper, darker trials of life, and yet it's possible when we understand what love really is. For those of us who have been betrayed in love, it's hard to believe that we could be loved in this way. We may doubt it's possible, but our worth does not rest in who we think we are, or even in who our spouse thinks we are, but rather in who God says we are. And when we understand that God loves us in our lowest state, it should shame us to think of how shallowly we often love others. When Jesus willingly died an excruciating death to save me, out of His great love for me, He set the bar really high for how I'm to love. If I'm honest, I fall short far more often than I hit the mark. 
     Your words and actions have the power to eradicate doubt and fear in your spouse. We all go through periods of insecurity and we all feel "less than" at some point in our lives. Right now, we are all missing our hair stylists, nail techs and fitness instructors. We may be feeling a little less attractive, but it doesn't change the heart of who we are, or the choice to love through those messier seasons. Let's not listen to the lies that this changes our worth or makes us less worthy of love. Let's heed the call of Scripture that encourages us to build others up, fulfilling a real need in every one of us. One day, hopefully soon, my nails may look better. One day soon, I can get back to my gym routine. But I'm no less today, than I was or will be. Every day, I'm chosen. Every day, I'm loved. Every day, I'm reminded that God found me worth dying for. My circumstances don't change that. And when we love one another in this way, fears and doubts are cast out. And we know- we really know, we will be loved tomorrow.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (ESV)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 (ESV)
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, help us to remember our value does not rest on our outward beauty- but as we read in Your Word, You look in our hearts. May we learn to love like You love, without conditions. And may we learn to listen to what Your Word says about us and not the lies Satan whispers in our ears. May I love my spouse every day- no matter what. In Your Name I pray, Amen!