The Importance of Belonging

 New social situations have always been difficult for me. You may not think that would be true if you know me, but I struggle with walking in a room of strangers and feeling comfortable. The older I've gotten, the more confident I feel in these situations, but I still wouldn't choose it. But when I was younger, the first day of college classes had my stomach in knots, and my breath a little short. There is no way to assess the layout of the classroom ahead of time-you simply open the door and then quickly decide where to sit and what to do. I also remember the new world of attending business networking events where I would walk in a restaurant, know almost no one, and have to find my way into the group. Why are these uncomfortable situations for most of us? It all comes down to our real need to belong and to feel accepted by others.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "I don't care what people think about me"! And while it's an easy thing to say, it's almost impossible to fully believe. I don't honestly know anyone who would walk into a room full of strangers whispering and glancing their way, and not feel uncomfortable and upset. I remember studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs in sociology, a theory made up of the five essential human needs. And guess what made the list?-belonging! Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. This group can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, fellow believers or strangers. If you are human, you need to belong.

For many of us, it's a lifelong struggle. Even when you do find yourself in a group of familiar people, you question others thoughts of you. You wonder if shared glances and whispers are being made at your expense. You may feel inferior to certain members of your circle of friends or acquaintances. "So-and-so" makes more money than you. Someone else is more physically attractive. Everyone laughs at her jokes, but yours don't bring the same bang. Your co-worker may be the brains behind the project, making you feel inadequate. We come up with a million little reasons why we aren't quite accepted, and doubt our worth and ability to "belong" in this group. And when we do this, we feel less about ourselves than who God created us to be.

I think one of the most refreshing and amazing aspects of being in God's family, is how readily He accepts us. We don't deserve to be in this beautiful family, but through the blood of Jesus, we are made acceptable. In the darkest place of my life, the Son of God came into that space, seeking my rescue. If ever there was a time I wasn't acceptable, it was in the darkness of my sin, and yet the love of Christ was demonstrated in how He chose to meet me in that place. By His blood, I was made right before the Father. God's family is full of misfits-me being one of them. And yet when we come together, we belong because we have been adopted into the family.

When I think of how God sees me as His daughter, it should chase away my insecurities. Not in a way that makes me prideful, but in a humbling way, I can walk in the confidence of His love. Even if people choose to ignore me and not make me feel welcome. Even when I am surrounded by strangers. Because the truth is, I really don't belong here. I wasn't made to fit in with the world-I was made for heaven. Somedays this truth escapes me and I allow Satan to whisper words that cause me to feel anxious and unsure of myself. But I hope that the next time I feel a sense of anxiety in the presence of strangers or those who aren't welcoming, that I will remember who I really am. I pray I'll remember that I am a child of God, and in His Kingdom, I am always accepted. May each of us feel a real sense of belonging when we think of our identity in the best family of all-the family of God!

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12, ESV),

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (Romans 12:5, ESV).

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19, ESV),

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God (Romans 15:7, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting us. The cost was high-the very blood of Your Son, and we acknowledge this truth and offer our thanksgiving. Help us to remember when doubts and insecurities creep in, that we belong to Your family and nothing can change that. Help us to walk in Your love, and welcome others in the way you welcomed us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Those Who Believe in Us

     I've been blessed in life with a large support group. These people believe in me, even when I doubt myself. They've encouraged me through the more difficult classes or exams in my years of education, prayed for me when I was ill, rallied me through child rearing, cheered for me during competition, and consoled me in my heartaches. These are people who love me, and they back up their words with action. I am thankful for this wonderful group of people, and oftentimes wonder what I would do without them. 

     Having people that believe in me is pretty powerful, but I am also blessed with people that believe in us- my marriage, specifically. Spending time with people who support my marriage, whether in good times or bad times, is so important. I've witnessed people who cheer for the individual, and not for the couple. They will encourage you to "do you", and that "we" aren't so much the focus. If you have people encouraging this way of thinking in you, I will boldly say this way of thinking is against scriptural teaching. 

     Marriage was God's idea. It is a covenant made before God, that isn't meant to be broken. While a marriage facing a sexual affair, like mine, breaks the covenant, God is always a God of restoration. He believes in mending broken things, just like He believes in saving sinners. People who supported our marriage in the darkest of times, were true warriors and champions of love. We were rich with many who prayed for us, visited us, encouraged us, and supported restoration, continuing to do the same today. They believed restoration would happen for us, not giving in to doubt.  

     While having people who believe in me is a gift I greatly appreciate, having people who believe in us is invaluable. Believing in us requires faith- faith that God would work a miracle in us. It required knowledge in One able to restore, transform, and heal. Without the hand of God intervening, I have no doubt we would have been finished. But I love how God gave us people early on in our marriage- people who understood marriage God's way. People who knew the Master Healer, and how He longed to heal the broken. People who refused to bash our spouse, even when they likely deserved it. People who knew, somehow, someway, that God would see us through. 

     If you are married, surround yourselves with people who believe in the two of you. When you do, you have a good support system in place if you ever find your marriage in a crisis. While we always have our Heavenly Father available to us in any situation, we know He gives us other believers to help hold us up through life's journey. I am thankful for each person God has placed in our lives for support and care. And I am thankful for those who not only believed in me, but believed in the truth that what God began in the two of us, He would bring to completion. Because of what they witnessed God do in their own lives, they knew that no situation was without hope- not even us! Thank you for never giving up on us, and believing in the beautiful reality of what we are enjoying in our present- a restored marriage! 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13 ESV
So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Romans 14:19 ESV
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Hebrews 10:24 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for surrounding me with people who believe in my marriage. In the dark times, it must've seemed difficult to imagine a restored marriage for us, but there were those that continued to believe it would happen. Thank You for those who continued to remain hopeful, supporting us with encouragement,  because they knew the God we serve- A God who delights in restoration. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

Making Amends

     When a relationship has been wounded, making amends is imperative in restoring it again. When it comes to infidelity, many more people are hurt than just the betrayed spouse. There are kids, family members and friends to consider. Making amends is humbling, and sometimes very difficult to do. And in the case of my husband, he put in the work and effort to do his part in this, without any prompting from me! This went a long way to prove that he was serious about putting our problems behind us, and working toward rebuilding what we had lost.
     Our family members and friends could immediately see the difference in his sincerity. Again, being broken stripped away the pride that held him back prior to God's work in his heart. He reached out in person, in email and in text. I cannot tell how you much this meant to me, personally. We shared so many close, personal relationships with so many, and making things right was so important to clear the air and start fresh.
     The flip side was all about grace. People could choose to hold it against him, but as Christians, God only gives us the choice He chose to offer us- grace upon grace! No matter what has been done against us, even without an apology (that's tough, I know!), God says we are to offer grace. And in light of our own sin against God, no deed done against us is too big for us to forgive. If you are struggling to forgive someone who has hurt you, look to the example of Jesus for your answer. While we are fallible as humans, we are to strive for the example God left for us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Hold out your hand to the one who has hurt you. Send a text of apology for withholding grace. Give a hug to the person who has wronged you. And even if they don't offer the apology and love you want, God will honor you for your heartfelt attempt at making things right.
     And so bridges are being made and rebuilt in our family and friend relationships. The awkwardness is melting away. I am happy to say that those who loved him before, love him still. Our family is slowly returning to a place of love, peace and acceptance. It takes time to rebuild, but the process is so worthwhile. To see our loved ones building bridges warms my heart and soul. This is the way of Jesus- our own precious Bridge to the Father. Is there someone you can take the first step toward, someone who needs the bridge rebuilt? Let go of past hurts and struggles, and step out in faith, knowing God Himself is rooting for you! That, in itself, is worth taking the first step for! 

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; Hebrews 12:14-15 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for relationships, and how special they are to us. And yet when we are hurt by them, we often refuse to show grace. We know You are a God of grace and our behavior should mimic Yours. Help us, even when it's hard, to let go of pride and extend our hands to the ones who hurt us. When we do this, we not only build a bridge, but we also bring You joy. We thank You for being our own Bridge to God the Father, and for the the cost involved in offering Yourself in that way. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Part One- HIs Deliverance (told by him)

     I had grown cold in my Christian walk. I was still going to my place of worship, I was still participating and even in a leadership role and at times, I was moved by the Spirit to be warm for Christ, but I was lukewarm at best. Satan saw the chance and knew exactly what it would take to cut me down and wreck my life, and he moved swiftly, and with boldness.
     I had developed a friendship with a co-worker that turned into a temptation. This temptation was far more than I would ever have wanted in the past, but in my weakened state, I fell. I lied to the people that I loved the most, I did things behind their back that gnawed at the heart of what I stood for- honesty, integrity and loyalty. I was unfaithful to my family, I cheated on my wife and I lost the respect of my close friends. During all of this, Satan kept whispering lies, telling me this is what I really wanted in order to be happy. He was filling my heart with lies and he was continually telling me this was a good thing. I wanted to believe it, but I also knew in my core being that this was not right and was totally against what i believed and had been raised to be. 
     This is when Satan dropped my biggest challenge- he lied and told me I had gone too far to ever be restored. He said it was too late for me and that I was forever scarred and useless in God's work. I was struggling with being able to accept God's grace. I had been forgiven years ago when I was first saved, told others about God's abundant grace that He shows to all who call out to Him, and here I was - refusing to accept it and break free of my chains. 
     I want to fast forward to January of 2019. I had left my wife and family for the 2nd time just after Christmas, and my plan was for this to be the final departure. I knew this was going to be it and I would move on and divorce- it would be hard, but manageable. So many others chose this path and surely I could handle it as well. I tried to make it as easy as possible on my wife, but I left. 
     I spent New Year's being unfaithful and actually miserable. I had so much conflict in my heart that I can say it was the worst New Year's I had ever had. I got back to North Carolina on New Year's night and went to work the following day and the conflict began to intensify. It got to the point where I made the decision to break off the relationship with the woman I thought would make me happy. Satan had told me that would be difficult, but I prayed to God to help me do this quickly and for it to be forever done. God prevailed in this, and I was so thankful.
     Whatever you're facing in life today, listen to the Voice of the Spirit. He will lead you to life and peace, while Satan will whisper lies to derail and defeat you. I am thankful to serve a God that doesn't turn His back on His own. We turn our backs on Him, yet He remains loving and faithful to us. I will always be thankful to the Lord for His persistence in dealing with me. He is a God Who invests in our lives- and He seeks to deliver us from sin. Will we open our hearts to Him, or listen to the lies of Satan? The choice lies on us- choose well!

Where shall I go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, no matter where we are or where we go, You promise to be with us. We can't outrun You, nor can we hide from You. I'm so thankful for Your persistence and Your faithfulness- without both, I would be lost. Help us to listen for Your voice, and that it would always be louder than the evil whispers of Satan. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

His Story- Back with No Change

     Back in August of last year, I returned home after several months of living with my sister. My time back home consisted of a couple months, and I know people have wondered why I came home, only to leave again. What motivated me to return, and why didn’t it last?

     My life is in North Carolina. The woman I was involved with was from Michigan, and nothing I knew or was involved with, other than her, was there. My family was in NC, my children were in NC, my work was in NC, my friends lived in NC, and I built a business in NC. My mind was torn, at the time, in where I really wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. I could see the hurt I was causing to those I loved here in my home state, and it bothered me immensely. But other times, I could avoid seeing those I loved, and I pushed it from my heart and mind.

     I was also deeply influenced, not only from my own selfishness, but also from the lies of Satan. I could hear his voice whispering words of doubt- telling me that it was too late to rebuild what I had destroyed, and that coming back would result in people looking down at me the rest of my life. But I would get windows of clarity, and see those lies for what they were. And so I returned home, believing I could make the necessary changes, and patch broken relationships. I felt that with effort, I could restore the spiritual brokenness I was experiencing, and while I should have known better, I was believing in my own capability to fix things, rather than recognizing that only God could restore what I had carelessly destroyed.

     And after returning home, it didn’t take long for me to see that I was not where I needed to be spiritually, to make things right. I received grace from others, but I couldn’t forgive myself. I would see those I knew were praying for me, and it amplified the feelings of guilt I already felt, and so I desired to remove myself from those feelings once again.

     It was my own foolishness that once again contacted the other woman, and felt I had been missing what we had together. And yet when I walked away from home, it only took a week for God to open my eyes to my situation, and the foolishness of my thought pattern. I want to warn any who are flirting with danger, when it comes to your marriage. No matter how far you’ve gone, it is never too late to turn around, and make things right with God. Whether you get the opportunity with your spouse, children or loved ones, that is secondary to making things right with God. Don’t listen to the lies of Satan, that it is too late for you. God is a God of grace and mercy, and we can never wander so far that He won’t pursue us and lead us back to Him. How grateful I am to this wonderful God I serve, and His compassion to His sinful people- a compassion I don’t deserve, yet He showered me with it.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV

Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus, whom heaven must receive until the time for restoring all the things about which God spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets long ago. Acts 3:19-21 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I don’t deserve Your grace or mercy, and yet You liberally shower me with it. Humans have a problem giving it to others, and yet You, a God that is Holy and just, give it to us- Your people. I thank You for it, not only today, but every day. Thank You for being a loving and gracious Father, In Your precious name I pray, Amen!

Just for Spite

     When people do bad things to us, we like to get even. You hurt me; I'll hurt you. People misuse the biblical truth of "an eye for an eye" to retaliate when someone hurts us. But when we really know the whole picture of His Word, it couldn't be further from the truth. But I've been there, and I've done it. And I'm betting you can relate, because that's our nature. 
     I started this behavior as a little child with my siblings. If you hit me, I'll hit you back, and hopefully a little harder than you hit me. I carried it with me into my school years, where a friend would say something I didn't like, so I snapped back. Or there were even times when I just didn't like someone, for no particular reason, so how about I do or say something that will upset them, or hurt their feelings? I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty. And guess what? It didn't stop when I was a teenager- I have carried it into my adult relationships as well.
     We get a little better at disguising it when we get a little older. If I don't like something you did, I may push you away to make you "pay". If I don't like something you said, I may use your words against you in the future to get a little dig in. Because the bottom line is, I'm selfish, and more interested in making myself feel good, than to make others feel good. And this carried over into my marriage. Can you relate? 
     I remember times when I wasn't getting my way in my marriage, or wasn't being heard, so I decided to do something "just for spite." You know, you only get momentary pleasure from that behavior, and then the Holy Spirit (if you're listening) will bring a feeling of remorse. In the end, I never felt great afterwards, and it showed a spirit of spiritual immaturity and selfishness. I can even think of examples in my parenting where their behavior had an uncalled for response from me to make them "sorry" for what they did or said. I'm not talking about proper discipline, because I'm a big advocate for that. I'm talking about preferences that didn't cater to what I really wanted. 
     Can you think of times when you did things for spite? Our spite hurts others, and is never the right approach to a wrong action taken against us. I am so thankful I love and serve a God Who doesn't play the games we play. If He were ever to get even with me, I can't tell you where I would be- but I can tell you I would not have a heavenly home. While it was my human nature to be spiteful towards my unfaithful spouse, it should not be in my spiritual nature. The very foundation of a christian life is found on the principles of grace, mercy and forgiveness. These attributes won't come easy for us, but when we follow the example of Jesus, we will extend them, rather than use spiteful behavior. 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Romans 12:19 ESV
Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. Proverbs 20:22 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1 ESV
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, keep my heart and mind from spiteful thoughts and actions. Help me to exercise grace, love, and mercy demonstrated by Your Son. May I learn to be patient and kind to everyone, and especially to those who hurt me. Teach me Your ways, and help me to live a life that pleases You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Remembering 2/14/18

     If you have had a serious break-up, or your marriage faced an affair or another serious issue, you probably remember Valentine's Day in that time period. I dreaded it from the day he walked out the door. Sadly, I only had about six weeks before the day was upon me. For 24 years, we had enjoyed this day together. We always got each other a sappy card, a gift, and enjoyed a dinner date out to celebrate. It was a special day of celebrating our love, and I had always looked forward to it.
     But 2/14/18 wasn't like that. It was sad and awkward. If I could have somehow slept through it without waking until 2/15, that would've been great, but that wasn't really fair to my kids, or possible. The day before, I remember getting a text from my husband that it would be a difficult day for us, and I knew that for me, that was definitely true. I missed our traditions, and I missed what was.
     The great thing about friends and family is they don't let you go through it alone. My house ended up looking like a florist shop. Between my kids and my nieces and nephews and friends, I had multiple vases of flowers, giant teddy bears, more chocolate than I should have considered eating (but did), balloons and cards. And I loved each sentiment from those who cared so much for me that they made sure I felt loved on that day. What a wonderful network of people I have- people that love me and show their love by words and actions. 
     And as lovely as all that was, in the quiet of my heart was a searing sadness that no flower or card could ever fill. And it's in these moments that my Heavenly Father literally carried me through. He loves me at my best, and He loves me at my worst. I can't ever do anything so terrible that I would lose His love for me. His love is faithful and pure, and has no ulterior motives. He IS love, and He reminded me of this truth through the love of others, and words in scripture. He whispered words of love and hope in my heart when I desperately needed it, and I will be forever grateful for Him. 

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3 ESV
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16 ESV
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whosoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithful love for me. Nothing I can ever do would make You choose to stop loving me. Help me to love others the way You love me. I am thankful, Father, for those that stepped in to show me Your love in my time of need. Help me to do that for others the rest of my days, In Your name I pray, Amen!

Social Withdrawal

     For as far back as I can remember, I have been a very social person. I love get togethers, talking with friends and family, coffee with a friend, or going somewhere with a group of people. Being alone has its place, but I like it in small doses (and in broad daylight;). I have never been accused of being a loner or recluse, but when our marriage faced infidelity and my husband left, I changed.
     I don't know if it's "normal" or considered customary in cases of separation and infidelity, but I know that for me, I socially withdrew. I had no clue what to say to people, and I didn't want to face their questions or pity. Somedays I handled it better than others, but other days I wanted to lock myself in my room for the entire day. Initially, I would sit on my couch for hours and wonder how this happened. I would read my Bible for hours on end and journaled verses that I found especially helpful. On my couch, I felt safer, and my family teased me about getting up, and out. 
     If you have been betrayed by your spouse, and were separated, you may know what I experienced. It was completely out of character for me, yet it was my unique way of trying to deal with a situation I never imagined would be mine. In many ways, it was an avoidance of enjoying life and moving forward. I felt so sad and heartbroken that I had little interest in doing things that used to bring me joy. Such a big part of who I had been for the past 25 years was wrapped up in my husband, and who we were together. Learning to be separate from "us" was difficult, and it was hard for me to find my way.
     While I avoided family functions, conversations with mutual friends in the grocery store, and other social situations, I found immense comfort in drawing close to the Lord. I felt Him with me, and I craved His soothing presence. Even though I felt alone in many ways, I was vividly aware of how He was present with me. It wasn't that I didn't have people that sat on my couch with me, because I did. My sister, daughter, and niece or nephew spent many hours of many days and evenings on it with me. But moving out of my safety zone was difficult for the first 6 months or so. Eventually, with the encouragement of others, and prodding from the Spirit, I was able to slowly come out of my social withdrawal, and begin the process of finding who I was, without him. The more I came out amongst others, the more I saw how many of us there were. And God began opening my heart to see my situation as a ministry of sorts. If you have been called to walk a difficult road in your life, look around you. There are those who are hurting, and need encouragement, a listening ear, and a friend. Our ministry as christians, is to reach out to those around us with a need. We have been given a unique opportunity to use our journey through a situation, as a way to show others the hope found in our Heavenly Father. And each of you that needed me, well- I thank you for helping me along my own path to healing, and restoring my "social butterfly" status!  

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 ESV
But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24 ESV
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah 6:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for helping me overcome social withdrawal. I thank You as well for sending those who encouraged me in my darkest times. I pray that You will give me a heart of compassion for those who have walked my journey, and offer them the hope I found in You. Help me to see the needs of others who are searching for answers, and may I always direct them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

His Story- Guilt Associated with Lies

     In my last post, I discussed lies and betrayal. But behind the lies is a mountain of guilt. You may or may not know how this feels. I can tell you that even though it stemmed from my own choices and behavior, it feels terrible. Guilt manifested itself in many different behaviors for me, but the biggest one that stands out is withdrawal.
     It's a vicious cycle, with lying. You lie, you feel guilty and withdraw. It was a behavior pattern for me that not only I could see, but my wife could as well. The lies between us caused me to withdraw from her. I was careful not to stay too close to her, or even any other family members, because I was sadly worried about receiving texts from the other woman, and upsetting them. And so I avoided my wife and my own family.
     I was staying with my sister during much of the past year, and I lied to her as well. My sister is a good woman- God-fearing, and not afraid to speak her opinion. And so I lied to her about my whereabouts, and what I was up to. I didn't want her to question me, or voice her disapproval. I tried to stay out of the house most of the time I knew she would be home or awake. By doing so, I could avoid any probing questions or feeling like I needed to lie about my life and relationships.
     I also withdrew from lifelong friends. This hurts me to think on as well, because they were people that sought to lead me to a better place, and I knew it. But by avoiding them, I felt I wasn't being put in a position to feel like I needed to lie to cover up the reality of my life. They would send me texts for requests to get together, and I avoided returning them most of the time. I was ducking out on the people I had cared the most about in life, because I didn't know what I wanted to do, and didn't want to hear what I knew they would tell me. 
     Some nights I would lie awake at night and feel so convicted of my behavior, and others I would immediately crash from the exhaustion of worrying about all of it. But God never stopped speaking to me, and He kept pursuing me. I could run from friends and family, but there is only so long He will let us run from Him. Any time we allow ourselves to withdraw from God, we are in trouble. His faithfulness to us will never allow it to be the other way around. So many times I knew He had every right to turn His back on me, and Satan tried to remind me of that lie. But it is against His character, and opposes a love for me that I don't deserve or understand. 
     If you are on my side of infidelity, you can likely relate to the feelings of guilt and withdrawal, and if you're on the other side, I hope it gives you a window into the ways Satan uses our sin to manipulate our thought pattern. He finds a way to use it so we feel unable to make things right, and continue in our destructive ways. I am so thankful to a God, and a woman that never stopped believing in the Spirit's ability to change me, and for faithful love towards an unfaithful man. 

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 ESV
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. James 1:14 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithful pursuit of me. No matter how much I withdrew from You or my loved ones, You never withdrew from me. In the quiet of the night, I could hear You calling out to me. In the chaos of the day, I heard Your whispers. Thank You, Lord for Your undeserved faithfulness to sinful me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Bearing one another's Burdens

     You may remember the Bible story about Moses and his friends, Aaron and Hur. Here is a scripture reference that gives you a good picture of what they did for him:
But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. Exodus 17:12 ESV
During a battle, the Israelites were only winning while Moses held up his arms. Can you even imagine trying to hold your arms up for an entire day?  Now, I love some Zumba, and one class I take is called Zumba Tone. For one hour, we do Zumba dances while we hold light weights above our heads. When you initially hold them up, it's super easy, but after an hour, yikes- I need Aaron and Hur!
     I have been in a battle for my marriage over a year, and along the way, my arms grew weary. It was an experience that led to emotional exhaustion. There is no way I could hold up my arms that long without help. Along came my Aaron and Hur in the form of family, friends, and fellow believers. They came in droves, bringing kind words, encouragement, food, hugs, and prayers. They sat with me, invited me over, cried with me, and held me up. They didn't come for a couple days or weeks- they remained in the battle with me. I will always be grateful for those who helped carry my burden. When we come alongside someone who has a burden, we are living out a scriptural command (Galatians 6:2), and lightening the load for them.
     If you are in a battle, no matter what you're fighting against, share your burden with others. We are notorious for trying to handle our own problems, feeling it's a sign of weakness to ask for help. When we carry a heavy load, we will feel anxious, stressed, and afraid. But when we allow others to share our burdens, we feel more equipped to handle them in a healthy way. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. When we don't ask for help, we are often too afraid to show we are vulnerable, just like everyone else. 
     For me, I needed people to pray for me. I wanted a few who could talk me through the more difficult times. I longed for a dinner companion. I needed financial advice. The bathroom fan stopped working, and I'm hopeless with that sort of thing. I had friends that encouraged me in my new business venture, and gave advice. People slept over when I was lonely or afraid. These were simple acts of kindness that spoke of their love for me, and lightened my load. Friends, share your burdens so that others can exercise the truth of Galatians 6:2 (see below). And if you see someone with a burden, be Aaron and Hur to them- even if it's coming to Zumba with me. 

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to share my burdens with others. We often let fear and pride hold us back, but we can't carry our burdens well on our own. Help me to allow others to know my needs, so they can carry out the truth we find in scripture. And always, Lord, help me remember You long for us to give our burdens over into Your capable hands. Thank you for Your willingness to bear them for us, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!