Where I Belong

 I walked into the room full of men and women with a dry mouth and a pounding heart. I knew no one and felt completely out of my element. Everyone was mingling, engrossed in groups of conversation. Coffee in hand, I glanced around the room looking for even one person that was alone only to find none. Why had I come, I wondered? I would do about anything to be home right now and not standing awkwardly outside of my comfort zone. I made eye contact with a few people as I slowly walked the perimeter, but didn't seem to connect with anyone. Finding my way to a seat, I tried to look confident and comfortable alone with my coffee. Pretending to peruse my social media thread, I mentally ticked the amount of time I would spend in this uncomfortable place.

Have you ever felt out of place—like a fish out of water? As I've gotten older I've gotten much better at being "good" with new situations, but they still cause a little anxiety for me. These are the thoughts that whirled through my mind as I thought this week of Ruth (not myself, but the Old Testament version of Ruth). As a Moabite woman, she left behind her family and her heritage for something completely different when she married Mahlon. As an Israelite family from Bethlehem, Mahlon's family was unlike the Moabite family Ruth would have been raised in. After a short time together, Ruth became a widow along with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law as all three lost their husbands.

Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, encouraged Ruth to return to her family and her homeland. This would have been more comfortable, perhaps, but it wasn't what Ruth believed to be right. Somewhere along the way, Ruth saw that Mahlon's family served the true God, and she loved Naomi and was willing to leave all she knew to follow her to a whole new place. But how did she feel in her heart as she set out for this city she knew nothing about nor anyone who lived there, apart from Naomi? I'm guessing she felt a little like I did in that room full of strangers, yet her resolve was firmly in place to follow Naomi wherever she decided to go.

Ruth wasn't an Israelite, but God didn't exclude her from His people because she had a different nationality. In fact, He made a place in His own family for her. How so? By weaving her into the very bloodline that would lead to the birth of Jesus Christ. I find this very special as well as encouraging for those of us who are Gentiles. While God chose the Israelites to be His chosen people, He opened up the way for those who sought Him—regardless of their lineage. His heart always craved a heart who desired Him. Rahab, another Old Testament woman with a sordid past was not a Jew either, yet she also shared in the bloodline that led to the birth of the Messiah. 

When we come into the New Testament, we see the open door for the Gentiles through Paul's preaching. The gospel was for everyone—even me. No matter your skin color or the country you were born and raised in, you're welcome in the family of God. If you have a colorful past or a family full of crooks, you're welcome in the family of God. He doesn't exclude—we do that. It's precious to think that God desires us and that as His children we are always wanted—we never have to worry about fitting in or feeling like a misfit. 

Do you ever feel a little lost in this world, overcome by feelings of inadequacy? Do you ever feel alone and out of your element? Humans judge and accept us based on their perceptions of us, but God accepts us based on something better—the shed blood of His Son on the cross of Calvary. If ever love was perfectly displayed, it was there on that cross. Through His invitation to come, it points to His intense desire for us. We will forever belong to Him and we never have to feel insecure or alone. Ruth was engrafted into His family despite her nationality. While she was considered a "foreigner", God saw her as a daughter. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't be accepted into God's family, but His love covers them all. I am chosen, wanted and fully accepted as a daughter in God's family—what a tremendous privilege and blessing it is.

Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all (Colossians 3:11, ESV).

Therefore let it be known to you that this salvation of God has been sent to the Gentiles; they will listen (Acts 28:28, ESV)."

And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd (John 10:16, ESV).

Will You Love Me Tomorrow?

     I've not been feeling exactly like myself, lately. I feel a little messier and a less put together. My nails are a wreck- short, thin and brittle from chipping off my own gel polish. We don't really have any reason to get dressed up or to get our make-up just right. It's a lot of gym clothes and pony tails. It's a "we're stuck in the house, and snacks beckon us", kind of month. Gyms are closed. So while I'm a fan of self care, I've been a little re-miss lately at doing a great job in this department. I know many of my girlfriends feel the same way- a little unpolished and unkempt. And if we aren't careful, this feeling will carry over into our spirit, whispering lies about who we really are and what our true worth is. Can you feel me? Have you felt a little out of sorts during this quarantine way of life?
     Self image is an age old ploy of the devil to rob us of how God sees us. And while a little effort is important, it still comes down to one basic bottom line in love- it's a choice. My mind goes to a couple  I follow through social media. Two attractive people, married only a few years. A disfiguring accident changed the whole course of their life. She no longer looked beautiful on the outside, at least according to the world's standard of beauty. Her life would now include the need for round the clock care, a wheel chair and diapers. As far as self image- this is a helpless place to live, day in and day out. You can't will yourself to look like you used to, or navigate like you used to- this is the new reality for this lovely couple, and they are ...thriving. How is this possible, given their current state? Again, we go back to the basic truth -love is a choice!
     Can you love like this? Selfless. Serving. Exhausting. It's one of the deeper, darker trials of life, and yet it's possible when we understand what love really is. For those of us who have been betrayed in love, it's hard to believe that we could be loved in this way. We may doubt it's possible, but our worth does not rest in who we think we are, or even in who our spouse thinks we are, but rather in who God says we are. And when we understand that God loves us in our lowest state, it should shame us to think of how shallowly we often love others. When Jesus willingly died an excruciating death to save me, out of His great love for me, He set the bar really high for how I'm to love. If I'm honest, I fall short far more often than I hit the mark. 
     Your words and actions have the power to eradicate doubt and fear in your spouse. We all go through periods of insecurity and we all feel "less than" at some point in our lives. Right now, we are all missing our hair stylists, nail techs and fitness instructors. We may be feeling a little less attractive, but it doesn't change the heart of who we are, or the choice to love through those messier seasons. Let's not listen to the lies that this changes our worth or makes us less worthy of love. Let's heed the call of Scripture that encourages us to build others up, fulfilling a real need in every one of us. One day, hopefully soon, my nails may look better. One day soon, I can get back to my gym routine. But I'm no less today, than I was or will be. Every day, I'm chosen. Every day, I'm loved. Every day, I'm reminded that God found me worth dying for. My circumstances don't change that. And when we love one another in this way, fears and doubts are cast out. And we know- we really know, we will be loved tomorrow.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (ESV)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 (ESV)
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, help us to remember our value does not rest on our outward beauty- but as we read in Your Word, You look in our hearts. May we learn to love like You love, without conditions. And may we learn to listen to what Your Word says about us and not the lies Satan whispers in our ears. May I love my spouse every day- no matter what. In Your Name I pray, Amen!

Second Best

     I love the book of Genesis. I've been doing my morning reading from the Genesis series in She Reads Truth. I have a wonderful accountability partner, my sweet sister-in-law, who also loves studying this book. It's like a novel you can't put down, rich in popcorn worthy stories-yet all historical accounts of real people in real situations. Betrayal, destruction, death, infertility, polygamy, fresh starts, adultery, illness, reconciliation, and so much more, fill the pages of this action-packed book. I can read it over and over again, only to be amazed that I missed something each time I delve in again. That was the case with Leah.
     I've written a blog post about Leah before, but today's post is something that stood out to me just recently in my reading. It actually hurts my heart to think of life as Leah. The story takes place at the beginning of Genesis 33. Jacob is off to meet his estranged brother, nervous that Esau will take revenge on him for stealing his birthright and blessing. He is on his way from leaving his father-in-law, Laban, toward Canaan where he would settle with his own family. In preparation for meeting up with Esau, expecting that there could be trouble, he divides his family into groups. He placed his servants with their children in the front, just behind him. Leah and her children were placed in the middle, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. The most vulnerable to attack were the servants, followed by Leah and her sons, while most protection was given to Rachel and Joseph in the back. 
     Leah was a regular woman. She wasn't void of the emotions we all experience today. And honestly, I can't imagine what she must've felt being placed in front of her sister and nephew. Vulnerable. Angry. Jealous. Unwanted. Loved less. Second fiddle. All of these feelings are ones that are painful and angering, yet they were a reality of her life. It wasn't a life she chose for herself, but one her father orchestrated by deceiving Jacob. She was given to Jacob unknown to him, in the place of her sister, Rachel, whom Jacob loved. He didn't love Leah, yet she had no choice but to live as the unchosen wife. By giving Leah to Jacob, Laban opened both of his daughters up to a life of jealous rivalry, discord and anger. 
     Have you ever felt passed over? Overlooked? Second best? I think we all have at some point. Maybe you didn't get the job you applied for. Maybe your spouse left you for someone else. Maybe you didn't make the team. These types of things cause hurt feelings and even anger and bitterness. People will hurt us because they are people, but God won't. We never have to worry about being out of His protection. We are always Rachel- never Leah. It doesn't take the sting out of rejection, but it helps to know rejection is temporary. We can remind ourselves of how we are chosen by God. We are blessed and held in His loving hands. He will never thrust us forth into enemy territory- only Satan does that. 
     I think it's a beautiful thing that God chose Leah to be the line the Messiah would come through. While she maybe didn't know the story of her people, and how God would send His Son through future generations, she was shown favor in being the mother of many sons. I hope she felt comfort from her boys, but I know she eventually pinned her hopes that her sons would give her Jacob's love, to hope that God was with her. That was enough. And it's enough for me, too. Anything I am given isn't about gaining favor from mere humans, it's about giving glory to God for His mercy and grace toward me. 
     Being Leah must've been hard. And sometimes, being Ruth is hard too. But when I stop looking around me to see where I measure up, I'll find that all along I've been so loved. I've been chosen. I'll never, ever be overlooked or turned away. And while it's true that people will sometimes hurt us, we can draw comfort in knowing that God won't. Instead of leaving me in the front, exposed to the enemy, He swoops down and covers me with the safety of His wings. I don't have to be second best. And sometimes, that truth breathes life back into our sorrowing souls. 

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. Psalm 138:7 (ESV)
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah Psalm 32:7 (ESV)
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 (ESV)
The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen. 2 Timothy 4:18 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, thank You for seeing us as Rachel, and not Leah. You don't love anyone more than me, and you don't love anyone less. You are righteous and good and our Protector and Friend. You promise to walk through trouble with us-never leaving us alone. We are so grateful for Your loving hand of protection. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

Unloved like Leah

       If you've ever felt "less than", I get it. Whether you were overlooked for making a school sports team, a runner-up in a pageant, missed a promotion to a more qualified co-worker, or lost in an art show to someone more talented, you understand the sting of feeling passed over. These are life events we all face at one time or another, and the best way to move forward is to dust ourselves off and keep going. But sometimes, being "less than" hurts far more than we feel capable of handling on our own. Being rejected hurts, but being rejected by the one we love is devastating and seemingly impossible. I've had a Bible story on my heart for quite a while that paints a clear picture of being unloved and looked over for another. If you would like to read more of the story, you can find it in Genesis 29. 
     Here is a brief synopsis of the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel: A long time ago, in a far away country in the east, there were two sisters. The younger sister had a beautiful face and a good figure, while the older was plain and less attractive. A young man comes into town and finds the prettier sister at the watering well as he inquired of his Uncle to some of the local men. She is the daughter of his Uncle Laban, and he is welcomed into their home. He falls desperately in love with this pretty young woman named Rachel, and eventually asks her father for her hand in marriage. He offers seven years of his life to her father in exchange for Rachel. He works for seven years and feels like it was only a short time because of his great love for her. After his wedding night, he wakes up in the morning to find his Uncle had tricked him and given him the older sister, Leah, as it was the custom to marry off the older first. He then waits one week, and is given his long anticipated bride, Rachel, in exchange for an additional seven years of service to her father. This begins a long, complicated, painful journey for these sisters, and Jacob. Marriage was never intended to be shared, but rather a sacred union between two individuals. God knew the complications, jealousy, and heartache that would result from polygamy, and because of this, it was not His intention that we would share our spouse with another. 
     Imagine with me the pain Leah was forced to endure because of her father's deceit. Rachel was always given the place of favor among Jacob, and Leah was not cherished. Jacob would choose to lie in Rachel's arms over Leah's. Jacob would choose to spend his free time with Rachel, and not Leah. Leah would yearn for his love, only to see it showered on her sister instead. Rachel would become jealous and unkind towards her sister for her ability to bear children, while she remained barren for quite some time. Leah hoped that bearing sons would cause her husband to love her, but she was unable to capture his heart. 
     Have you ever felt like a Leah- unloved, unseen, unchosen, and cast aside? No matter who or whatever causes us to feel this way in life, as God's children, we are never unloved or unchosen. While the sting of rejection doesn't vanish because our Heavenly Father loves us, we can rest assured that He will heal our hurts and He understands our feelings of being unloved. No one ever felt as unwanted as our Savior did. If your heart is hurting and heavy from being overlooked, put away or cast aside, lay your burdens at His feet, and hear His precious promise to you- You are my beloved, and I have chosen you!

For you are a people holy to the LORD your God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 14:2 ESV
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 ESV
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so thankful that we can be sure of Your faithful love towards Your people. While we may feel cast aside by those who love us here, we know You will never forsake or leave us. Thank You Father, for Your faithfulness and Your perfect love for us. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!