Where I Belong

 I walked into the room full of men and women with a dry mouth and a pounding heart. I knew no one and felt completely out of my element. Everyone was mingling, engrossed in groups of conversation. Coffee in hand, I glanced around the room looking for even one person that was alone only to find none. Why had I come, I wondered? I would do about anything to be home right now and not standing awkwardly outside of my comfort zone. I made eye contact with a few people as I slowly walked the perimeter, but didn't seem to connect with anyone. Finding my way to a seat, I tried to look confident and comfortable alone with my coffee. Pretending to peruse my social media thread, I mentally ticked the amount of time I would spend in this uncomfortable place.

Have you ever felt out of place—like a fish out of water? As I've gotten older I've gotten much better at being "good" with new situations, but they still cause a little anxiety for me. These are the thoughts that whirled through my mind as I thought this week of Ruth (not myself, but the Old Testament version of Ruth). As a Moabite woman, she left behind her family and her heritage for something completely different when she married Mahlon. As an Israelite family from Bethlehem, Mahlon's family was unlike the Moabite family Ruth would have been raised in. After a short time together, Ruth became a widow along with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law as all three lost their husbands.

Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, encouraged Ruth to return to her family and her homeland. This would have been more comfortable, perhaps, but it wasn't what Ruth believed to be right. Somewhere along the way, Ruth saw that Mahlon's family served the true God, and she loved Naomi and was willing to leave all she knew to follow her to a whole new place. But how did she feel in her heart as she set out for this city she knew nothing about nor anyone who lived there, apart from Naomi? I'm guessing she felt a little like I did in that room full of strangers, yet her resolve was firmly in place to follow Naomi wherever she decided to go.

Ruth wasn't an Israelite, but God didn't exclude her from His people because she had a different nationality. In fact, He made a place in His own family for her. How so? By weaving her into the very bloodline that would lead to the birth of Jesus Christ. I find this very special as well as encouraging for those of us who are Gentiles. While God chose the Israelites to be His chosen people, He opened up the way for those who sought Him—regardless of their lineage. His heart always craved a heart who desired Him. Rahab, another Old Testament woman with a sordid past was not a Jew either, yet she also shared in the bloodline that led to the birth of the Messiah. 

When we come into the New Testament, we see the open door for the Gentiles through Paul's preaching. The gospel was for everyone—even me. No matter your skin color or the country you were born and raised in, you're welcome in the family of God. If you have a colorful past or a family full of crooks, you're welcome in the family of God. He doesn't exclude—we do that. It's precious to think that God desires us and that as His children we are always wanted—we never have to worry about fitting in or feeling like a misfit. 

Do you ever feel a little lost in this world, overcome by feelings of inadequacy? Do you ever feel alone and out of your element? Humans judge and accept us based on their perceptions of us, but God accepts us based on something better—the shed blood of His Son on the cross of Calvary. If ever love was perfectly displayed, it was there on that cross. Through His invitation to come, it points to His intense desire for us. We will forever belong to Him and we never have to feel insecure or alone. Ruth was engrafted into His family despite her nationality. While she was considered a "foreigner", God saw her as a daughter. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't be accepted into God's family, but His love covers them all. I am chosen, wanted and fully accepted as a daughter in God's family—what a tremendous privilege and blessing it is.

Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all (Colossians 3:11, ESV).

Therefore let it be known to you that this salvation of God has been sent to the Gentiles; they will listen (Acts 28:28, ESV)."

And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd (John 10:16, ESV).

The Power of Rest

 She lay in bed wide awake, her heart slamming in her chest. Her mind literally buzzed with activity. Should she even be in bed, she thought, with all the "yet-to-do" list she mentally tallied in her mind? Deadlines. Laundry. Family picture day with color coordinated clothes. Company coming for dinner. Re-painting the bathroom. A doctor's appointment for a long overdo mammogram. Getting packed for a quick getaway, and making lists for the house sitter. Getting her Sunday School lesson planned. The more she thought about it all, the more sleep eluded her. Why was she foolish enough to even think of sleeping when all of these responsibilities stretched before her? The more she thought, the shorter her breath felt. Was it a heart attack, or just anxiety? Would she even know if she were having a heart attack, or would she die because she ignored the signs, thinking it was just a panic attack?

                   "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden

                    and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

To some of you, this may sound ludicrous. Do sane people really think this way? The truth is, 18.9 % of Americans deal with anxiety every year. And nearly half of all Americans consider themselves to be modern-day workaholics. The average American worker works approximately 4 hours for free each week, and spends another 4 hours a week thinking and planning for work. Essentially, they are working an extra day a week without pay, and without much needed rest. Do you think the drive to overwork ourselves has an impact on anxiety and stress? I think that's a no-brainer there-absolutely! 

                   "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place

                    and rest a while (Mark 6:31)."

The best example of how to handle responsibilities and pressure is to look at Jesus. God the Father showed us the first example of the need for rest in Genesis when He created the Earth, and all living things. He worked for 6 days, but on the 7th day, God rested. He didn't spend that 7th day planning for the next day, or worrying about what He needed to do next. He didn't feel guilty about taking a day of rest, nor did He fill it up with social activities that led to further exhaustion-it simply said He rested. And we read of Jesus' real need of rest as well. From feeding thousands, to healing countless sick people, to answering the questions of those clever and trying to trap Him with His words, we can only imagine how tired and weary He often felt. Jesus was absolutely never lazy, but He did long for peace, rest, quiet and times of refreshment praying to the Father. Both God and His Son, Jesus, understood the importance and necessity of rest.

                 "My presence will go with you, and I will give you

                  rest (Exodus 33:14)."

We often boast about our many accomplishments and the work we do. We love to tell others how busy we are, and feel inadequate if we don't rattle off a list of waiting responsibilities. The busier we are, the more productive we feel others view us. But oftentimes, our busyness alienates us from God's true purpose in our lives-serving Him and serving others! If I'm too busy to hear His voice, then I'm too busy. If I'm working so much that I am not available to those with real needs, then I'm working too much. If I'm stressed and anxious, maybe I need to consider my workload. In the world, being a workaholic may have a ring to it that is acceptable, and even admired. But as a Christian, being a workaholic leaves little room for kingdom work-work that has eternal value and reward. 

                 "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O

                  LORD, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8)."

When we pour most of our lives into our careers, we are pouring short in areas that matter most:relationships and building up the kingdom of God. Have you been that person, laying in bed with a pounding heart as you contemplate your list of responsibilities? This isn't the way God has for us, and He, Himself, gave us the pattern of the need for rest and refreshment. No guilt. No shame. Just a real need to withdraw from our duties, and refresh our souls and bodies. May we follow the example He has set before us. And may we not pour most of our efforts into things that have no lasting value for eternity. Ask God today to help you better serve Him and re-evaluate your priorities, and when you do-be prepared for some much needed rest!

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for our constant pursuit of worldly gain in our careers and in our work, and for neglecting real rest. Our rest is necessary for our physical, emotional and spiritual health, and we often are unhealthy in these areas because we neglect rest. Help us follow the pattern set before us in scripture, and quiet our souls in sleep and fellowship with our Father. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Importance of Belonging

 New social situations have always been difficult for me. You may not think that would be true if you know me, but I struggle with walking in a room of strangers and feeling comfortable. The older I've gotten, the more confident I feel in these situations, but I still wouldn't choose it. But when I was younger, the first day of college classes had my stomach in knots, and my breath a little short. There is no way to assess the layout of the classroom ahead of time-you simply open the door and then quickly decide where to sit and what to do. I also remember the new world of attending business networking events where I would walk in a restaurant, know almost no one, and have to find my way into the group. Why are these uncomfortable situations for most of us? It all comes down to our real need to belong and to feel accepted by others.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say, "I don't care what people think about me"! And while it's an easy thing to say, it's almost impossible to fully believe. I don't honestly know anyone who would walk into a room full of strangers whispering and glancing their way, and not feel uncomfortable and upset. I remember studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs in sociology, a theory made up of the five essential human needs. And guess what made the list?-belonging! Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. This group can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, fellow believers or strangers. If you are human, you need to belong.

For many of us, it's a lifelong struggle. Even when you do find yourself in a group of familiar people, you question others thoughts of you. You wonder if shared glances and whispers are being made at your expense. You may feel inferior to certain members of your circle of friends or acquaintances. "So-and-so" makes more money than you. Someone else is more physically attractive. Everyone laughs at her jokes, but yours don't bring the same bang. Your co-worker may be the brains behind the project, making you feel inadequate. We come up with a million little reasons why we aren't quite accepted, and doubt our worth and ability to "belong" in this group. And when we do this, we feel less about ourselves than who God created us to be.

I think one of the most refreshing and amazing aspects of being in God's family, is how readily He accepts us. We don't deserve to be in this beautiful family, but through the blood of Jesus, we are made acceptable. In the darkest place of my life, the Son of God came into that space, seeking my rescue. If ever there was a time I wasn't acceptable, it was in the darkness of my sin, and yet the love of Christ was demonstrated in how He chose to meet me in that place. By His blood, I was made right before the Father. God's family is full of misfits-me being one of them. And yet when we come together, we belong because we have been adopted into the family.

When I think of how God sees me as His daughter, it should chase away my insecurities. Not in a way that makes me prideful, but in a humbling way, I can walk in the confidence of His love. Even if people choose to ignore me and not make me feel welcome. Even when I am surrounded by strangers. Because the truth is, I really don't belong here. I wasn't made to fit in with the world-I was made for heaven. Somedays this truth escapes me and I allow Satan to whisper words that cause me to feel anxious and unsure of myself. But I hope that the next time I feel a sense of anxiety in the presence of strangers or those who aren't welcoming, that I will remember who I really am. I pray I'll remember that I am a child of God, and in His Kingdom, I am always accepted. May each of us feel a real sense of belonging when we think of our identity in the best family of all-the family of God!

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12, ESV),

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another (Romans 12:5, ESV).

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19, ESV),

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God (Romans 15:7, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting us. The cost was high-the very blood of Your Son, and we acknowledge this truth and offer our thanksgiving. Help us to remember when doubts and insecurities creep in, that we belong to Your family and nothing can change that. Help us to walk in Your love, and welcome others in the way you welcomed us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Facing Life with Courage

     Honestly, I love the word courageous, and all that it means, but it's not a word that often fits my character. Me and the struggle with being courageous go way back. From being a tiny toddler, terrified of being plopped on top of the fridge, to being scared of the starter gun while running on the school track, to being afraid of the dark, I've often fallen short of bravery. I want to be courageous, but I often allow fear to spoil it. 
     As we forge ahead into 2020, I pray for more courage- for you, and for me. Life can be scary. Situations unsettling. Circumstances impossible! What unexpected bends in the road are you currently facing? Is your career in jeopardy? Do you have a sickness that causes you worry? Troubling kids?Financial challenges also are very unsettling, bringing their own set of fear and doubt. Is your marriage in trouble? Often, those who have walked through an affair, like me, have their own set of worries. Satan longs to use these to weaken our faith and zap our courage. So many life situations can make us feel stressed and fearful, far from courageous- even as Christians. 
     God doesn't want us to live in a state of worry and fear, yet I often drag myself into exactly that. While He understands our feelings, but He doesn't want us to allow circumstances to diminish our faith in Him. Instead, He wants us to recognize His ability to handle our problems allowing us to live courageously and boldly! Worry and stress have always plagued me. I would love to be known by my unshakeable faith, but in reality, I'm often anxious. Yet looking back over my life, I can see examples of how God walked me through some very trying circumstances. He didn't allow them to destroy me, but rather to challenge and grow me. That, alone should give me courage for anything that is ahead.
     What if we were given the ability to know what would happen in the future? Would it cause us less fear, having the unknown removed? Would I be braver? I would imagine that wouldn't be the case- instead, we would often live our days in dread of what's ahead. God, in His mercy, spared us from knowing future happenings; instead, calling us to faith. Faith that whatever lies ahead, He knows about it all, and is able to meet our needs. When we exercise true faith in our Father, our courage is bolstered. We can push away the stress and anxieties of today, knowing they are all in His capable hands. 
     Today, I am grappling with my own set of fears and worries, and I bet you have your own list of them. God is working in my heart to remove these burdens, reminding me that He is an Overcomer. And because I am God's child, He can overcome what I cannot. While I am a person that likes to be prepared for what is ahead, the best way I can do this is to recall His promises to me. He has promised that no matter what I am called to, He will meet me there. And so as I write this, I ask for courage to simply surrender to His control, knowing He is fighting my battles for me. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, open my heart and my hands to Your control, and ease my worries and stress. Life has its uncertainties, but we can be sure of Your ability to work in them, and through them. Father I pray for a greater courage, and a deeper faith, knowing You alone are best in the driver's seat of my life. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

     

My Mysterious God

     Why do bad things happen, and what is my response when they do? If I'm honest, my first response is often an angry cry towards God asking why this was allowed in my life. I doubt my ability to handle it, and I doubt that God really knew me well enough in giving me something this large to manage. I am most comfortable with things I can know for certain, but my God is a God of mystery. His Word tells us that He moves in ways that are mysterious to us—too big for me to understand. This begins the seesaw of my faith—my desire to control my circumstances, and His will for me to trust what He's doing.
     So many days I've wished for God to come down in bodily form and sit with me a while. I have so many questions, and unless He speaks the answers to me in person, I often feel unsure and anxious. In the middle of a hard situation, I'd love to have Him meet me for coffee and tell me specifically what will happen, and what I should do. And yet if He did, I would never develop my faith—a faith He longs for me to have. 
     The truth is, sometimes I'm not ready for the answer. God is going to use experiences, people, His Word and circumstances to bring me to the point of acceptance of what will be. Had God told me that one day my husband would have an affair and leave me for over a year, I would not have been able to move forward for fear and heartache. Instead, He worked mysteriously in my life giving me circumstances to better prepare me for the news I would one day receive. The delay of immediate answers if often gracious, and preparing me for things I can't yet see or understand.
     What are you up against that you wish you had answers for? We all have things that we face that leave us feeling anxious and uncertain. Some of these are bigger than others and cause us serious distress and anxiety. We may not understand why God is allowing us to face these things, but we know He is good. In the middle of my darkest moment He was there—I felt Him and knew He was present, even if He didn't reveal what I really wanted to know right away. Because God is interested in the spiritual realm of our circumstances the most, we often feel slighted in the physical and emotional issues facing us. This is due to our worldly vision in contrast to His spiritual vision. He sees what we can't and He knows how each life event will fit His greater plan for us. 
     While God's ways are mysterious, we shouldn't allow that mystery to diminish our faith. If we even know a little about Him, we can trust that what we are experiencing is not without purpose. I don't have to know all the answers because He does. I don't have to feel afraid, because He walks through any storm with me. Some days, this is easier said than done and I still wish for a face-to-face visit with my heavenly Father. The future is unknown to me, but I serve a God that holds it all in His hands and knows exactly what He's doing. Somedays, even when my heart screams for answers, that's all I really need to know.

Oh, the depths and the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable are his ways! Romans 11:33 (ESV)
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 (ESV)
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)
"Can you find out the deep things of God? Can you find out the limit of the Almighty? Job 11:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we can feel afraid and insecure when we face certain trials. We long for answers and we long for brighter days, but we can trust that You are with us in those broken places and have a good plan for us. We cannot understand Your ways—they are mysterious to us. But we can see Your character in Your Word, and we can trust You and place our faith in You. Help us to believe even when it's hard, that You love us and are working in ways too big for us to understand. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

Faith or Freaking Out?

     It was a cool December day, and I remember it all too well. Something was wrong in my marriage, and I felt weighed down with anxiety. Something wasn't right, and for the first time in my 24 1/2 year marriage, I felt very fearful. My husband's location did not match what he had verbally told me, and that's all it took to make that sick feeling way down in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't a fear you could easily hide, no, my face said it all! I couldn't act normal, instead, I felt on the verge of hysteria. In that moment, I desperately needed God, yet it was almost too much to comprehend, let alone pass it on to Someone more capable, as crazy as that now sounds.
     Even this past weekend, I felt that awful familiar feeling of dread once again. A warm, relaxing Saturday shower was my current agenda, followed by a day of household chores and some baking. As I dried off and checked my phone, a text thread between my siblings grabbed my attention. It's not an easy piece of news to swallow hearing that the woman who cared for me, supported and loved me for all of my 49 years, was being rushed to the ER for a suspected stroke. Fear again- an awful enemy that the devil uses to derail us, and shift our faith from God, to helplessness. 
     I thank God for His willingness to be an intimate part of my life. Not only as an observer, but an integral help and support system that I can't imagine living without. God calls us to faith- faith that He is able to handle all of the awful, and not so awful circumstances of our lives. While I know that in theory, it's often hard to recall when I receive crushing news. I am guilty of feeling panic first, until I remember that isn't His way for me. 
     How do you respond to bad news, a serious illness or even suspicions? Do you feel immediately fearful? Does anxiety get the best of you, like it often does for me? It's true, that some news you'll receive, will forever change your life. Some news means an end to an earthly relationship with someone we dearly love. Some news means my own life is in jeopardy. In those moments, it's naturally hard not to feel panicked, yet God wants us even then, to trust Him and lean on Him for stability and help. But too often, it's a process for me- panic first, try to re-gain some sort of control I actually don't even possess, and then remember that God is available to help me through the good and the bad. 
     My marriage did fall apart from infidelity, but thank God that wasn't the end of our story! God is restoring our marriage one day at a time. And my sweet mom? She is recovering at home with only minor evidence of the TIA she was diagnosed with. Sometimes, the answers from God are really good ones, but sometimes, things don't work out the way we desperately longed for. Even then, God asks us to trust Him. It doesn't mean we won't feel hurt and heartbroken- He understands that we will. But even on those harder days, He is working out a story that involves all of us- saved or lost. We are all a piece to a puzzle of ultimate redemption, and while some of the working together of the pieces causes us heartache and pain, the finished product is exactly as it should be- a perfect picture revealing the glory of God. So in these days of living and learning, gains and losses, God is reminding me often of how I really need Him. He's tenderly calling out to me, "Ruth- just trust Me, I won't ever leave you!" So when my heart gives in to fear, my prayer is that I'll remember He calls me to something infinitely better than panic- faith that He will see me through.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV)
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 (ESV)
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. Proverbs 29:25 (ESV)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, how often I'm guilty of fear before faith. I pray that each day, I'll be reminded of Your perfect ability to handle the things that are too big for me. I confess that when things are really painful, it seems difficult to trust it's all known to You, and permitted to happen. Help me especially in those times, to remember Your faithful love toward me, and how You long to walk me through the fire, carrying me safely through. In Your precious name I pray, Jesus, Amen!

     

What Keeps You Up at Night?

     What is your "I can't sleep" solution? Do you count sheep? Pray until you fall asleep? Do you take a Tylenol PM or melatonin to try to catch your Z's? From my earliest memories, I recall lying in bed with numerous thoughts running through my head, disrupting my sleep. I bet many can relate, and have spent countless night hours staring at the ceiling, simply thinking. My mind is a busy place. Even when my body is exhausted, my brain finds the energy to keep going- often over negative thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Other times, it just doesn't want to be quiet and can't seem to settle down from the activity and interactions of my day.
     Relationships cause many of my sleepless hours. "Mom moments" I would love to forget. Kid choices that cause concern and frustration. Friend conversations that didn't go the way I expected. Foolish words that were spoken that I would love to retract. Periods of time when my husband and I weren't connecting. These are some of the issues that spin through my mind in the darkness of the night. Then there are even bigger things- health problems, finances, spiritual battles, and painful breeches in relationships that steal peace and sleep. In those moments, I desperately need to feel God's presence with me.
     When my husband left home for a little over a year, sleep often eluded me. What should I do? What should I say? Where will I go? How will things end up? Between prayer and Fixer Upper, I would eventually find rest, but often not nearly as much as my body needed. I often wonder about menopause and our kids growing into early adulthood- how are we supposed to ever get good rest? I made a list of scriptures that point us to the only plausible answer- the presence of our Heavenly Father in the middle of all of it. 
     What is keeping you awake at night? Do you have concerns regarding your children? Is your marriage in a state that is causing you stress and fear? Is your career giving you anxiety? Are looming health issues eating away at your peace? Is your family in the middle of a messy battle? Whatever it is, it's eating at you, and robbing you of peace, sleep, and the joy and contentment God wants us to experience, even through our difficult seasons. And in the middle of the blackness and stillness of night, these problems seem insurmountable. And then after a restless nights sleep, we wake and remember this promise from our Father- "His mercies never come to an end; great is Your faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV). 
     Friends- we know He is with us in our worries and fears, yet we often don't acknowledge His infinite ability to handle our stresses. Our enemy, the devil, seeks to disrupt our sleep and our lives with doubts and fears that our problems are too big for God to conquer. In the end, our worries only accomplish one thing- they rob us of our faith that He is willing and able to handle them for us. I am so guilty of this far too often. I wish I could write from a place of victory, but I simply can't. I struggle too. And each night that I find myself staring at the ceiling with a heavy mind, I can only do one thing- hand it all over to my Heavenly Father who is far more capable than me to take care of it all. Dear Jesus, I thank You that no matter how many times I fall into this trap, You always meet me there and rescue me!

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8 ESV
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2 ESV
I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me. Psalm 3:5 ESV
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I confess so often failing to trust You with my problems, and instead, worrying late into the morning hours. My worry and fears don't accomplish anything good, so help me Father, in those moments, to truly give them over to You, allowing me to rest in Your perfect ability to handle them for me. In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
     

      

Asking for Help

     If you are having marital difficulties strong enough to question your durability and commitment, it's probably time for counseling. If you are seriously unhappy with your spouse, it's time for counseling. If you can't seem to understand one another, and it's causing an issue, it's time for counseling. If you have one partner that has been sexually unfaithful, it's definitely time for counseling. 
While there are a myriad of issues that can benefit from counseling, I can say personally that a counselor is invaluable in helping sort out the mess in your mind, when it comes to adultery. I found it causes anxiety to keep things in, and it released tension to talk things through. I am so thankful for the availability of counseling, and the choices I had open to me. 
     I lived an entire 47 years before I ever darkened the door of a counseling center. I am fortunate to have not felt it necessary in my past, but when I was faced with infidelity, I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. While I had many friends and family I was able to talk to about my situation, at least to a degree, they were all connected to one side or the other. I loved having a safe person to share my thoughts with who was completely outside of the situation. This person had the necessary training to make sense of the issues I was dealing with, and offer ways to cope in a positive way.
     Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people feel that they should be able to deal with life's struggles on their own, but many times, we just can't do it well. When we try to handle big things on our own, we often don't heal in a healthy way. Not only did I find a listening ear in my counselor, I found an invaluable friend. While I went for close to a year by myself, I am thankful to have sessions now with both of us present. A counselor is so helpful in opening up our eyes and hearts to the needs and feelings of our spouse. 
     You may have grown up hearing that counseling is a waste of time, or that you can fix any problem on your own. I want to encourage you to remove any old thought patterns you may have heard against it, and look into a good christian counselor. Once you go and connect with one, you will soon see the rewards for having someone professional and safe, giving guidance and encouragement. 
     Having a christian counselor that supports the truths found in scripture is important. Not only did I find one of that fit that description, but I also received wonderful advice and help from others. None will be able to shed as much light as someone that has walked the journey of infidelity. And of course I had my Heavenly Father, always with me, and listening to my thoughts and my heart. Speak to Him- share your feelings, and know that He is completely invested in you. When we open our hearts to those willing to help, we will be on the road to healing, much faster!

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 ESV
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for always hearing me, and for Your Word that gives instruction and guidance. I thank You as well for providing those who can give us professional help when it is needed. I am thankful for the counsel of friends, and for the blessing of a good, christian counselor. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Anxiety and Infidelity

     Maybe you're someone who has struggled with worry and anxiety throughout your life, and maybe you even know the particular anxiety associated with infidelity. Since I was a little girl, I have been known to be anxious. A new school year, an oral report in college, a first date, or a dentist appointment (even a cleaning because they might say I have a cavity) can make my heart race, and keep me awake at night. I spent the early morning of my wedding day sick to my stomach because I would be the focus of attention for the day. A broken tooth or a root canal, could put me in cardiac distress;) 
     I have always been frustrated with anxiety, and wished for a way to get rid of it. I tried prayer, and I still worried- and I hated that. I tried medication, and it did help a lot, but I still worried. I asked God to help me have greater faith and trust, and had no idea how that would occur. When my husband left initially, and even just prior to that day, I was the most anxious I had ever been before. 
     There are so many problems and scenarios that run through the brain of a betrayed spouse. There are numerous questions in the "why" category- why did he do this, why did I not notice sooner, and why am I not enough? Then there were the "what" questions- what will I do, what should I say to people, what about our children, and what will ultimately happen? And then the "how" questions- "how will I support myself, how could he leave us, how can a christian do this, and how will I ever be ok? So many issues caused a feeling of restlessness and fear, and yet I knew God's presence with me.
     When you face the tougher things in life, we find out a lot about our faith- not faith that I belong to God (I knew that I did), but faith in His ability to handle 100% of my burdens. I realized that my faith was weak, and my worry was a result of trying to handle things bigger than me. If I didn't know Christ as my Savior, then the burdens are mine to figure out. But when I serve the Almighty God, I am foolish to carry my own burdens, when He wants me to hand them over to Him. 
     For most of a year, I struggled against handing my anxious thoughts, and worries, over to Jesus. I felt a need for control that I found out, I never really had. While my husband was warring against Satan in one way, I was warring against him in another- he was using my worries to cause me to doubt the ability of my Heavenly Father. When I recognized this, it was such a relief to know that I could just give up. Not giving up in defeat, but simply letting go of trying to control the outcome of my marriage, and just leaving it with God. When I was able to come to this place, I knew that whatever God had for me, was the absolute best, and I would be content with whatever that was. Will I ever worry again? I am sure that I will (especially at the dentist). But I hope I can look back to this time in my life when I was so aware of my inability, and He displayed His perfect ability to fight my battles for me. 

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to lay down each burden, as I get them. I am unable to handle them properly on my own, but You are perfectly capable. Forgive me for feebly trying to manage my troubles, and then falling to anxious thoughts. Lord, Your power and authority make You the perfect solution to our troubles, and so I place them at Your feet. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Holding on to Hope

     Have you ever hoped to win a million dollars? I’ve actually wasted time imagining what I would do with it. Just in case you wondered, I would pay off our house, our cars, and college for the kids. I would probably take an exciting family vacation. And of course, give some to something worth-while. This is me hoping in the impossible. But when it comes to real life possibilities, there is always hope.

     It’s easier to hope for the little things- a sunny day after too many rainy days, a cup of coffee after a restless night of sleep, or a shower after a workout. But for the bigger things- a good job, buying a new house, or considering a move across the country, we can feel a little stressed and unsure. Our hope can waver when it doesn’t seem there’s a sure answer in the near future.

     But then we hit a storm in life, and it’s tough to have hope. I know, because it was something I had to constantly remind myself of- hope in all situations. In fact, I put a reminder on my lock screen on my phone that says: I wait for the LORD, my soul waits. And in His Word I hope. Psalm 130:5. There is a story behind that...

     It had been a particularly hard day. One where we had made progress in our relationship, and then I found out he went back to her. I was DEVASTATED. I spent a tear-filled night in bed, begging for something to hold on to that would give me the hope I longed to keep. I could feel the Spirit with me, but I had no answers. Then, in the morning, the verse of the day arrived on my phone- it was Psalm 130:5 (the verse above). Wow! God speaks, He really does. Hold on to hope, my friend. God really is able, and can do what seems impossible. Just when we think there is no way possible, He opens a way. It may not be the way we thought it would be, but if He is in control, we can rest in knowing it's the very best way for us. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience Romans 8:25 ESV

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 ESV

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me not to lose hope. You are the God of hope, and all things are possible with You. On the dark days, and in the sleepless nights, help me to remember Your power and might. You made the heavens and the earth. You designed the human body- so complex, and so orderly. You conquer our enemies, and You are always able. Thank You, Lord for being the source of my hope. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

ps- I almost posted this yesterday. And guess what the verse of the day was yesterday? Psalm 130:5;)

Sharing Brain Space with the Enemy

     I love when my husband is thinking good things about me. I love when he is thinking of our kids, our friends, our family members, or our two crazy dogs. These are safe people to have in his brain, and I am happy to share brain space with them. I especially love when he allows God to share a spot in there with us. But I can firmly say I hated the enemy taking residence in there, threatening my peace and sanity.
     For me, one of the harder things to process in the face of infidelity, was my own thoughts. Where was he? What is he doing? What does she look like? Why is he doing this? Is she better than me? Is he telling the truth? Will he come home? How did this happen? Why is God allowing this? Why do other people get to have faithful marriages, but I don't? Will my kids be okay? So many questions swirled around my brain and caused anxiety and fear. I longed for the days of security and peace. 
     As Christians, how can we deal with these painful thoughts, and allow peace to rule in our hearts and minds? Some days, I wasn't able to remove them from continually invading my mind. Over and over I would take them to my Heavenly Father, then have them assault me again. These thoughts are ugly and turn our focus on what we have been blessed with, to our problems. The days I struggled the most, I tried to shift my focus by staying busy. That would work as long as I was busy, but those night hours in the dark were the absolute worst. 
     How many of you go to bed and spend the night in deep despair, worrying over things that may not even happen? In the dark of the night, they seem certain and filled with doom. Anxiety makes it hard to breathe well, and sleep evades us. Then the light filters in, and the house begins to stir, and you realize your problems aren't quite so bad. That is not to make light of what we are dealing with, but we often feel most negative in our thought patterns in the middle of the night. 
     While I think it's impossible to stop the thoughts from invading us, I do think we can make choices on what we do with them. What worked best for me was to speak them to the Lord, and ask Him for help. Each time I thought something painful, I asked Him to help me, or comfort me. I allowed myself to cry when I needed to, knowing He cared for me and sorrowed with me. While Satan longed to get comfortable in my brain, I shooed him away with whispers to Jesus. We don't like sharing brain space in our spouse's mind with the enemy, but we also don't want to open ours to the enemy and allow his lies to jade us. Jesus speaks truth, and I choose to listen. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV
When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. Psalm 94:19 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to keep my perspective based on truth, and not the lies and fear of Satan. Help me to share my fears with You, and allow You to replace them with peace only You can give. I want my thoughts to be on things that are honorable, and just, and pure. In the darkness of night, when the enemy tries to steal my sleep with fear, give me rest. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!