I love a fresh, new notebook. The pages are perfect, crisp, and white. No mistakes, no wrinkled edges- just clean and neat. Writing on that first page is satisfying, but also frustrating if you start off the notebook with a mistake. If it's in pencil, the eraser can leave smudge marks. But I'm almost always writing with a pen or a fine-tip marker, so for me, it's just a mistake I can't hide. I can scribble over it, or I can use white-out- but there is no getting around the fact that I screwed up. Life is kind of like that too, isn't it?
As we finish off this year of 2019, our "notebooks" for the year are at the last pages. Riddled throughout them are mistakes- not one of us will come to the last page and think, "hey, no mistakes for me this year!" We all have some beautiful pages- neat and clean. Then we all have the pages that are messy- indicating failures, hurts, pain, frustrations, and loss. My pages will look different than yours. Yours will tell your own unique story, yet all of us fall short of perfection.
My year has been a healing year- a year of building and re-building. A story full of hurt, betrayal and pain that turned into hope, joy and restoration. The very first pages of my year had marks on it that are painful to recall. I spent the New Year celebrating with my kids while my husband was not with us at the time. I forged out into 2019 with a broken heart and faith that somehow, some way, God would open good doors for me. And He did. And just like my God, He did more than I could ever have hoped or imagined.
Less than a week into 2019, God miraculously reached in and restored my husband. I'll never tire of hearing that story, and if you haven't read it yet, you can find it in my earlier blog posts. In February, we renewed our wedding vows, and since then, we are falling into our new normal in life. We still face challenges, and if you're married, you will experience your own challenges. We have spent most of this year healing and growing and learning and trying to be intentional with one another. And as we end the year, we know Who has given us this gift of second chances- our amazing Heavenly Father.
I don't know your story, and I don't know how your year started or how it's ending. I'm not sure what challenges you've faced this year, but I would love to hear of challenges conquered by the power of God Almighty. I'm living proof that He still fights our battles, so whatever you may be up against that may seem too big, too scary, or too overwhelming- they simply aren't. Not when we realize Who fights for us, and understand that He is more powerful than any of our circumstances.
We are all about the turn the page to a fresh start. What will 2020 hold for us? None of us really know- but we can all count on days that will bring joy, and others that will break our hearts. All of us will have mistakes and smudge marks. We don't get to re-do our past, but we do have a whole new year ahead of us, providing opportunity to learn from our past mistakes, and hopefully avoid making the same ones in 2020. So as we embark on this New Year, think about who is in control of your pen or pencil- if you are, the mistakes will be abundant. But if God is allowed to be the Writer of your story, your notebook will look a lot better, a lot neater, and likely a lot different than you thought it would look. Allowing Him to be the Author of our story is the best way to set out in 2020! When we give Him the ultimate control, we are removing a lot of our stress, and setting ourselves up for fitting neatly into His purpose for us- and we don't want to miss that!
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 (ESV)
You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11 (ESV)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)
Dear Heavenly Father, as we face a New Year, we thank You for the blessings of 2019. Some of our days were hard days, but we know You walked them with us. Help us to learn from our past mistakes, and to avoid making the same ones in the New Year. Help us to allow You to be the Author of our life story, and to relinquish control to You. We look ahead to 2020, knowing You will walk us through every joy and every trial. We thank You for that, Father. In Your name we pray, Jesus, Amen!
I think of the phrase, "new year, new you", and this year, that couldn't be more true. Oh the changes of the past year... and how those changes changed me! Here I was looking forward into 2019 with a whole different life situation- some good, some heartbreaking. While I had grown closer to the Lord, deepened my relationships with my children, started my own business, and began this blog journey, I was also looking at a possible divorce and the absence of my favorite person.
There were definite things I wanted to celebrate, and others I wished to forget. And just as with NYE, I didn't want to face the same traditions we had celebrated in past years and longed for something different. I know some of my family members didn't understand, but I could not do my usual hosting of New Year's Day, or anything remotely similar. It's a hard thing to try to explain to someone who hasn't been there, but "different" was absolutely necessary.
In the past, I had my whole family over for an Italian meal, games, strategizing for our family diet for the next few months, and just enjoying one another's company. It had always been something I enjoyed, but I was ready for a change. My kids were supportive of "something new", and we ended up celebrating in a really fun way, and had a really fun day! We spent a few hours at Top Golf, which by the way, I'm not too good at;) But hey- I think I may have a future at honing this new skill! Then we headed off for a couple hours of shopping and a nice dinner out. My kids made me laugh, and at times, I forgot my sadness. Kids are good for bringing a smile or a laugh when we need one the most.
While I knew my husband was off celebrating in a different place, I didn't know that God was working in his heart to begin something absolutely amazing. And so while this day was a different day, with a different perspective and outlook, very soon God would do something that could only point to His absolute faithfulness and power. But in this new moment, of this new year, there were changes in me that only God could bring about, and for them, I am thankful.
If you take your loved ones or your marriage for granted, I want you to take this moment to appreciate them. Tomorrow is not guaranteed- not the people we love or the marriage we have. And take this moment to appreciate the God Who delivers us from our worst moments, and brings us into victory. This isn't victory we have won for ourselves- but victory He gives through His miraculous work. And when we experience that victory, the most powerful thing we see through it is God's glory. Thank You dear Jesus for seeking victory in not only my marriage, but my life! Help me to remember that through it all, it isn't about me, Lord- it's all about You! When all is said and done, and my body is laid to rest, I hope there is this one thing remembered about my life- the faithfulness of my Heavenly Father and how His glory was revealed in my life.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 ESV
For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. Psalm 33:4 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
O LORD GOd of hosts, who is mighty as you are, O LORD, with your faithfulness all around you? Psalm 89:8 ESV
He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and a buckler. Psalm 91:4 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, You faithfully deliver us from our fiery trials in Your time, not ours. You walked alongside me through my most painful days, never leaving me when life got tough. Your faithfulness and power give so much hope and encouragement and when I walk through the gates of victory, may others recognize the Author of my victory. Thank You for fighting for me, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
