Living Without Sin

     Today, my heart is heavy when I think of the world we live in. Depravity of every kind fills the hustle of modern day cities, as well as the quiet gentle slopes of the countryside. You can't turn on the news without hearing awful things. Nor could you scroll through social media without squirming with discomfort. School cafeterias buzz with plans-plans that involve sin. Hospital corridors are teeming with patients suffering the results of sin. Co-workers whisper of things that should never be said. Church walls witness sinners in desperate need of a Savior. And my own heart is a place that is in a constant battle against that 3-letter word-sin!
     Without sin, we would live in a perfect world. This is a world only experienced by two humans-Adam and Eve. A world unstained before the fall of mankind. A world fully connected with God. This world was pain-free. It was open and trusting and completely harmonious. No wars. No racism. No worry. No sickness. No sadness. No divorce. No sexual sin. No selfishness. No natural disasters. No hunger. No death! Nothing at all that could hurt us. It's a world that I honestly can't imagine, because I've never lived there. But I know that someday, I will.
     I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to heaven. But even though I am, I'm unable to grasp what it will be like to no longer be tempted. I can't begin to understand never feeling worry, pain, or sadness. I don't know a world that isn't self-absorbed. I worry about illness, or the loss of a loved one. I am in a constant war against aging and body image. I feel a craving for more-a craving that can't ever be fully satisfied because my list of wants continually grows. This is all we know, because we live after the fall of Adam and Eve. But I long for better.
     If I assigned a mental picture to entering heaven's gate, there would be a huge pile of burdens, too high to measure, laying just outside of it. I would walk through with such relief after such a weary journey through life. Oh, how I long to see the face of Jesus-for sure, but I also long to feel the absence of sin and how deeply it affects every aspect of my life. I long to finally be at complete peace with no worries or cares weighing heavily on my mind and my heart. I long to be holy. And while many days here make me smile with joy, the burden is always there, always lingering, and always beckoning me to succumb to the desires of my flesh. 
     You've been hurt by sin. We all have. None have been exempt from its wages. But if you belong to Christ, it's all just temporary. And while we can claim victory over temptation through His Spirit each day, it's a constant war. Some wars we will win, and some we will falter and fail. As our hearts are heavy with the devastating current events-we long for better days, yet we cannot experience complete peace and unity in a sin broken world. What our souls long for is heaven-a place where sin will be forever put away. And while I can change my own actions, the world will continue to disappoint me. Until I'm home in heaven, sin will be an issue for me. I'll wrestle with it until the day I die. But one day-one day soon, it'll lose its hold on me. I long for the release of its deadly grip, and I daydream of how wonderful it will to finally be free.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 (ESV).
Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned- Romans 5:12 (ESV).
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins Ecclesiastes 7:20 (ESV).
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me Psalm 51:10 (ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we long for the day sin will be forever removed from us. It hurts others, and it hurts me. Our sin had such a cost to Your Son, Jesus, and through that cost, He made a way for us to be free! We look forward to the day we will no longer struggle with it, and are at perfect rest in Your presence. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     
     

New Year- New Me

     I think of the phrase, "new year, new you", and this year, that couldn't be more true. Oh the changes of the past year... and how those changes changed me! Here I was looking forward into 2019 with a whole different life situation- some good, some heartbreaking. While I had grown closer to the Lord, deepened my relationships with my children, started my own business, and began this blog journey, I was also looking at a possible divorce and the absence of my favorite person.
     There were definite things I wanted to celebrate, and others I wished to forget. And just as with NYE, I didn't want to face the same traditions we had celebrated in past years and longed for something different. I know some of my family members didn't understand, but I could not do my usual hosting of New Year's Day, or anything remotely similar. It's a hard thing to try to explain to someone who hasn't been there, but "different" was absolutely necessary.
     In the past, I had my whole family over for an Italian meal, games, strategizing for our family diet for the next few months, and just enjoying one another's company. It had always been something I enjoyed, but I was ready for a change. My kids were supportive of "something new", and we ended up celebrating in a really fun way, and had a really fun day! We spent a few hours at Top Golf, which by the way, I'm not too good at;) But hey- I think I may have a future at honing this new skill! Then we headed off for a couple hours of shopping and a nice dinner out. My kids made me laugh, and at times, I forgot my sadness. Kids are good for bringing a smile or a laugh when we need one the most. 
     While I knew my husband was off celebrating in a different place, I didn't know that God was working in his heart to begin something absolutely amazing. And so while this day was a different day, with a different perspective and outlook, very soon God would do something that could only point to His absolute faithfulness and power. But in this new moment, of this new year, there were changes in me that only God could bring about, and for them, I am thankful. 
     If you take your loved ones or your marriage for granted, I want you to take this moment to appreciate them. Tomorrow is not guaranteed- not the people we love or the marriage we have. And take this moment to appreciate the God Who delivers us from our worst moments, and brings us into victory. This isn't victory we have won for ourselves- but victory He gives through His miraculous work. And when we experience that victory, the most powerful thing we see through it is God's glory. Thank You dear Jesus for seeking victory in not only my marriage, but my life! Help me to remember that through it all, it isn't about me, Lord- it's all about You! When all is said and done, and my body is laid to rest, I hope there is this one thing remembered about my life- the faithfulness of my Heavenly Father and how His glory was revealed in my life. 

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 ESV
For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. Psalm 33:4 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
O LORD GOd of hosts, who is mighty as you are, O LORD, with your faithfulness all around you? Psalm 89:8 ESV
He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and a buckler. Psalm 91:4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, You faithfully deliver us from our fiery trials in Your time, not ours. You walked alongside me through my most painful days, never leaving me when life got tough. Your faithfulness and power give so much hope and encouragement and when I walk through the gates of victory, may others recognize the Author of my victory. Thank You for fighting for me, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Remembering 2/14/18

     If you have had a serious break-up, or your marriage faced an affair or another serious issue, you probably remember Valentine's Day in that time period. I dreaded it from the day he walked out the door. Sadly, I only had about six weeks before the day was upon me. For 24 years, we had enjoyed this day together. We always got each other a sappy card, a gift, and enjoyed a dinner date out to celebrate. It was a special day of celebrating our love, and I had always looked forward to it.
     But 2/14/18 wasn't like that. It was sad and awkward. If I could have somehow slept through it without waking until 2/15, that would've been great, but that wasn't really fair to my kids, or possible. The day before, I remember getting a text from my husband that it would be a difficult day for us, and I knew that for me, that was definitely true. I missed our traditions, and I missed what was.
     The great thing about friends and family is they don't let you go through it alone. My house ended up looking like a florist shop. Between my kids and my nieces and nephews and friends, I had multiple vases of flowers, giant teddy bears, more chocolate than I should have considered eating (but did), balloons and cards. And I loved each sentiment from those who cared so much for me that they made sure I felt loved on that day. What a wonderful network of people I have- people that love me and show their love by words and actions. 
     And as lovely as all that was, in the quiet of my heart was a searing sadness that no flower or card could ever fill. And it's in these moments that my Heavenly Father literally carried me through. He loves me at my best, and He loves me at my worst. I can't ever do anything so terrible that I would lose His love for me. His love is faithful and pure, and has no ulterior motives. He IS love, and He reminded me of this truth through the love of others, and words in scripture. He whispered words of love and hope in my heart when I desperately needed it, and I will be forever grateful for Him. 

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3 ESV
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16 ESV
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whosoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your faithful love for me. Nothing I can ever do would make You choose to stop loving me. Help me to love others the way You love me. I am thankful, Father, for those that stepped in to show me Your love in my time of need. Help me to do that for others the rest of my days, In Your name I pray, Amen!

Holding on to Hope

     Have you ever hoped to win a million dollars? I’ve actually wasted time imagining what I would do with it. Just in case you wondered, I would pay off our house, our cars, and college for the kids. I would probably take an exciting family vacation. And of course, give some to something worth-while. This is me hoping in the impossible. But when it comes to real life possibilities, there is always hope.

     It’s easier to hope for the little things- a sunny day after too many rainy days, a cup of coffee after a restless night of sleep, or a shower after a workout. But for the bigger things- a good job, buying a new house, or considering a move across the country, we can feel a little stressed and unsure. Our hope can waver when it doesn’t seem there’s a sure answer in the near future.

     But then we hit a storm in life, and it’s tough to have hope. I know, because it was something I had to constantly remind myself of- hope in all situations. In fact, I put a reminder on my lock screen on my phone that says: I wait for the LORD, my soul waits. And in His Word I hope. Psalm 130:5. There is a story behind that...

     It had been a particularly hard day. One where we had made progress in our relationship, and then I found out he went back to her. I was DEVASTATED. I spent a tear-filled night in bed, begging for something to hold on to that would give me the hope I longed to keep. I could feel the Spirit with me, but I had no answers. Then, in the morning, the verse of the day arrived on my phone- it was Psalm 130:5 (the verse above). Wow! God speaks, He really does. Hold on to hope, my friend. God really is able, and can do what seems impossible. Just when we think there is no way possible, He opens a way. It may not be the way we thought it would be, but if He is in control, we can rest in knowing it's the very best way for us. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7 ESV

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience Romans 8:25 ESV

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 ESV

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Psalm 71:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me not to lose hope. You are the God of hope, and all things are possible with You. On the dark days, and in the sleepless nights, help me to remember Your power and might. You made the heavens and the earth. You designed the human body- so complex, and so orderly. You conquer our enemies, and You are always able. Thank You, Lord for being the source of my hope. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

ps- I almost posted this yesterday. And guess what the verse of the day was yesterday? Psalm 130:5;)

Satan's Attack on my Marriage- Part Two

     It's easy to see Satan at work in the lost. We can assign his hand to murderers, alcoholics, drug abusers, prostitutes and a long list of people whose lives are characterized by sin. But he doesn't just have jurisdiction on the lost, he most definitely goes after God's children as well- with fervency. According to 2 Corinthians 4:4, Satan blinds the eyes of unbelievers to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel. Satan once again doesn't stop there- he desperately seeks to blind the eyes of believers, with sin, to mess with their usefulness to God. Here is the scripture focus for today:
In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers,      to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who        is the image of God. 2 Corinthians 4:4 ESV
     In my earlier blog post, I mentioned that Satan goes after the active ones- people that are considered a threat to his evil plans. He can make our blessings look like burdens. He can dangle things in front of us that seem like a much better path for us. Prettier women. Men with flattering words. Someone that seems to understand us better. A life without the restraints of God's Word. Better sex. Freedom. It all feels so alluring, and appealing. But these are all lies, things he will use to bring us down and cause ruin. Instead of living in the freedom we experienced through the blood of Jesus, we shrug back into the filthy bondage of guilt and shame. It's a familiar garment, one we wore well for far too long before we were His. But it has no place on the backs of believers.
     There is no freedom in sin. There is no freedom in Satan. When we fall for his tricks, we lose joy and peace. We lose respect and confidence. This isn't a place God plans for believers, and His best plans are certainly not found in Satan's lies. Yet it happens, doesn't it? We see people who are prominent, useful, and active in the church fall. When we allow Satan to lure us away from God's ways for us, we will be temporarily blinded to what he is doing. We will question our blessings, and make excuses for why they are burdens. We will sit back, and watch marriages and families crumble, and shrug our shoulders. It won't look as ugly in the moment to the spiritually blind, but those with open eyes will look on with shock and horror at the awful price of sin. We know God won't stop pursuing a believer, and I'm so thankful for that. We can find hope in knowing that He will search for the missing sheep, speaking softly at times, and louder at others. And eventually, we pray that God will humble the blind. He is a God of restoration and healing, and He often does it when it looks completely impossible. Pray for the heart of those blinded by sin. Pray that God will open their eyes to the mess, chaos and ruin in the wake of Satan's destruction. And always- praying that through restoration, God will be glorified and honored. 

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 ESV
And give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:27 ESV
For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:3 ESV
For we do not have a high priest (Jesus) who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for any who are spiritually blinded by Satan. Open their eyes to truth, and help them to clearly see the destruction of their choices. Guard me against this same blindness, and help my eyes to be fixed on You. Restore the lost and broken, and give healing to the hurt and set aside. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Loneliness Along the Journey

     Perhaps one of the hardest things we face when left by a spouse, is loneliness. I am a "people person." I love being around people. They don't even necessarily have to be talking to me; it's nice to just know someone is there. This goes beyond a body being present with us- we like to know someone is there for us on every level. If we are sick, they are there to care for us. If we had a bad day, they are there to give us a hug and encourage us. If we are afraid, they are the first to show up for us. They are a hug when we walk in the door and a "goodnight" before we turn over to sleep. They are a hand to hold in the car, and a shoulder to cry on. They pray with us, laugh with us, dream with us, and listen to us. They are "our person." 
     Friends can step into some of those empty places, but at the end of the day, they go home to their own "person." It doesn't feel fair, to be left alone along the journey of marriage, by choice. The house feels empty. The bathroom sink has only my things. One toothbrush. Empty chair at the table. Quiet in bed. No plans for Valentine's Day. No kisses. No one to take care of the leaks and squeaks in the house. No call on the way home from work. Empty.
     I have a friend who understands this loneliness. I love how she works through it on the tougher days. She sits a chair in her bedroom and puts her Bible on it as a visual. And she talks to Jesus just as she would to her missing husband. She tells Him about her day. She tells Him about her worries and fears. She asks Him for help and wisdom. She finds courage and strength in His very real presence. He's closer than a chair to us- He is within us. 
     God isn't happy for my loneliness- it wasn't what He wanted for me. But He will use it to exercise my faith in Him, and call me to a higher level of trust in Him. It wasn't God's plan for me to be left alone this way, but He knew it would happen. And just as He knew it would, He will care for me in my loneliness. He will step into those lonely moments and days, in ways that are precious and humbling. I can choose to allow my loneliness to lead to bitterness, or I can choose to allow it to lead me to better places. Better than this present place of fear, rejection and being alone. God really does have blessings for me- even in the "here" that I don't really like. 
     As christians, we will experience valleys. It's part of living in a sin-filled world. Choices and decisions will be made that will hurt us. We will hurt others as well, along this life journey. But we must be able to look, even while we are in a valley, at our Savior- the One Who will bring us back up to a mountain top. It will happen, in His time. But for now, in the quiet of this phase of life, may God help us to grow in Him. May we depend on Him in ways we never have before. Whether our mountain top is here, or heaven, only He knows. But when we trust Him in the valley, we are promised an eternal reward that far outweighs the loneliness of this valley! Hold on to that hope, knowing our God always keeps His promises to us!

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, give me comfort in this lonely season of life. This valley is a challenge, but I pray You will exercise my faith and trust in You. Help fill the empty spaces with Your loving Presence. Help me to use this lonely time to reach out to others who are walking this same journey, pointing them to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!