It's a little weird how we are wired, isn't it? I set different standards for myself than I do for others, and I bet you do too! I've forgiven others for a long list of hurts against me. I've forgiven lies, physical assaults, hurtful words, betrayal, theft, and adultery. When I say I have forgiven those things, I really mean it- it isn't forgiveness if I'm keeping track and holding on to a grudge over it. But when it comes to my own hurtful words or actions, they plague my mind for a very long time. Why does it sometimes feel easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves? I have figured out the answer for me, but first let's look at a story from about 8 years ago.
Most days, I would say I'm a pretty decent mom. I passionately love my kids. They were a true gift after a battle with infertility, and I feel blessed to be their mom in many ways. But teenagers can get to the best of us- especially smart-mouthed teenagers. One day, my son had pushed about every button he knew to push with me. While I am a firm believer in proper spankings, I have never crossed the line. But this particular day, I punched my son in the arm. To be honest, I doubt that it really hurt him physically, but I knew it was inappropriate and uncharacteristic to my usual parenting style. Did I apologize? I most certainly did. Did he forgive me? Absolutely. Did I forgive myself? Well- that took some time, for sure.
Inside the best Christian, is the same human rot that plagues each one of us- sin! I'm no less prone to it than the next person. I am going to mess up. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to hurt people with my words and actions because even though I am a Christian- I'm still battling my flesh. But what I've discovered is something that further exposes my weaknesses. When I struggle to forgive myself, it's because my pride hurts that I'm less than perfect. I may expect weakness and failure in others, but am shocked when it springs forth from my own behavior.
When I have sinned, there are three parties needing an apology from me. The one(s) I hurt, God, and myself. In turn, each should forgive a sincere apology. We know God will, we hope they will, and it's in our own power to truly forgive ourselves. While we may not apologize formally to ourselves, we can set ourselves free from the guilt of the offense, knowing we are forgiven (provided we apologized). People often ask us about forgiveness regarding our own journey through infidelity. We both will tell others that it is often more difficult to forgive ourselves, than it is to forgive our spouse. Forgiving behavior, choices, and words that divided us, is tough- but accepting forgiveness for our own wrongdoings is a choice we must make in order to move forward in a healthy way. Learning to forgive- even ourselves- is a pattern we learn by the way our Heavenly Father forgives us. True forgiveness sets us free- and that needs to start with me! Whatever you've done, it's never too late to make it right. Apologize, then let it go. God has given us freedom in releasing our sin, knowing His blood covers it all! Release yourself today from the guilt of the past, knowing He covered it all. Today is a new day- let's go forward with a clean conscience and a fresh perspective!
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to truly let go of the sins of my past. Help me to set myself free from the chains of guilt regarding past choices, actions, and words that hurt You, and others. Help me to be forgiving in nature to others that hurt me, but also to myself. Thank You for shedding Your precious blood that covered each one of my sins, setting me free from Your righteous judgment! In Your precious name I pray, Amen!
Showing posts with label battle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label battle. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Monday, March 25, 2019
How to Win Your Husband Back
I used to wonder when I heard of couples that got back together after an affair, what their secret was. Was it an improved physical appearance that the unfaithful spouse just couldn't resist? Was it the leverage of having history, kids together and a unique understanding of one another? Was there pouting involved or maybe finally standing up for oneself in an aggressive manner? Was it just an obligation, because I never wanted to be an obligation.
What ultimately would bring my own husband back to me? I tried quite a few things initially, to my embarrassment. How foolish of me to think I could win my husband back, because that's just the thing- you can't! I know this question will likely be posed to me from hurting people who want to believe their efforts will make the difference, and I will have to tell them what I've learned through our own story. You can try to lose twenty pounds, dye your hair blonde, find an interesting hobby, threaten self-harm- whatever it is you can think up, and it just won't work.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is the affair wasn't about me. It wasn't something I could change, and changing myself wouldn't ultimately make the difference. If there were some hidden secret I could share with you, I would certainly share it, but there just isn't. The bottom line is the outcome of my marriage was completely out of my hands, but thank God it wasn't out of His. You may be a prayer skeptic, and if you are, had you walked the past year in my shoes, you would no longer be skeptical. In theory, my marriage was done- finished, over. How I longed for something different, but all I had were prayers and hope that whatever God brought along would be the very best.
I can tell you this- manipulating, yelling, threatening and being vengeful will not reap good results. Instead, pray for your broken spouse and wait to see what God will do. It isn't a conquest, but it is a battle. I think the thing to remember here is that the battle isn't between you and your spouse- the battle is between your spouse and God. I remember getting to the point where I realized it was not in my hands at all- nothing I could do would make a difference. And in that moment, all I had left was faith- but knowing Who my faith was grounded in made all the difference. Can you win your spouse back, and would you really want to? He says He fights my battles, and so I let Him.
The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 ESV
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for fighting my battles. Without You, my marriage would have been over- I had no power in its outcome. I thank You for not only hearing our prayers, but faithfully answering them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
What ultimately would bring my own husband back to me? I tried quite a few things initially, to my embarrassment. How foolish of me to think I could win my husband back, because that's just the thing- you can't! I know this question will likely be posed to me from hurting people who want to believe their efforts will make the difference, and I will have to tell them what I've learned through our own story. You can try to lose twenty pounds, dye your hair blonde, find an interesting hobby, threaten self-harm- whatever it is you can think up, and it just won't work.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is the affair wasn't about me. It wasn't something I could change, and changing myself wouldn't ultimately make the difference. If there were some hidden secret I could share with you, I would certainly share it, but there just isn't. The bottom line is the outcome of my marriage was completely out of my hands, but thank God it wasn't out of His. You may be a prayer skeptic, and if you are, had you walked the past year in my shoes, you would no longer be skeptical. In theory, my marriage was done- finished, over. How I longed for something different, but all I had were prayers and hope that whatever God brought along would be the very best.
I can tell you this- manipulating, yelling, threatening and being vengeful will not reap good results. Instead, pray for your broken spouse and wait to see what God will do. It isn't a conquest, but it is a battle. I think the thing to remember here is that the battle isn't between you and your spouse- the battle is between your spouse and God. I remember getting to the point where I realized it was not in my hands at all- nothing I could do would make a difference. And in that moment, all I had left was faith- but knowing Who my faith was grounded in made all the difference. Can you win your spouse back, and would you really want to? He says He fights my battles, and so I let Him.
The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 ESV
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for fighting my battles. Without You, my marriage would have been over- I had no power in its outcome. I thank You for not only hearing our prayers, but faithfully answering them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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