Our Daily Bread

 Bread is one of my most pleasurable life indulgences. It's not good for my waistline, but it tastes incredibly delicious. Even just the smell of it can make my mouth water. Give me some cold butter (no substitutes!) and I'm a happy woman! Any other bread lovers out there? I get this love of bread from my dad. We often teased him about how happy it made him when they brought a fresh bread basket to the table at a restaurant. But seriously—I was no less happy than he. 

Bread is mentioned often in the Bible. In fact, I was pretty surprised when I googled the number, and found it is mentioned around 492 times. That's a pretty remarkable number and causes us to take note, recognizing it has extreme significance in God's Word. Perhaps one of the most notable Bible references that comes to mind is how God sent manna to sustain the Children of Israel in the wilderness. Each day, He sent what was necessary to fill each of them with their necessary food as this delightful bread was provided early each morning. The taste of manna is described as wafers with honey. I'm sold!

But the next mention of bread that stands out to me is in the Lord's Prayer. He states, "Give us this day, our daily bread." Now I believe this prayer includes our physical need for nourishment, but also—so much more. I think of this statement being whispered from our own lips in situations that call for help. Help that doesn't include physical hunger but reveals a need—needs that express a void or a situation that distresses us—a place only the Lord can fill.

"I don't know how we will pay all the bills this month!"

(Give us this day, our daily bread)

"I have no idea what to do about the state of my marriage!"

(Give us this day, our daily bread)

"How can I go on without her?"

(Give us this day, our daily bread)

"I feel so stressed out with all these deadlines."

(Give us this day, our daily bread)

"I feel inadequate as a wife, a mother, or an employee."

(Give us this day, our daily bread)

Scripture refers to Jesus as the Bread of Life—our Sustenance and our Sustainer. He isn't just the Provider of our food, but the Provision for our every need. When we are stressed, worried, afraid, insecure, or sick—He is our Bread. He longs to fill our hearts and minds—not just our stomachs. 

Whatever has you emotionally bogged down, whisper words of invitation to our Bread of Life—words that ask Him to fill the needs you have today. He created you and all of creation. He conquered the cross. He rose from the grave. He saves us from hell. And as we read in the Bible a handful of times: "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" The answer is no. 

Life is difficult and full of situations that distress us, and sometimes—life just hurts. But we aren't without hope. We haven't been left here to flounder on our own. Jesus—our Bread of Life longs to sustain us. We can face the impossible with expectance. As much as our shoulders want to droop and our breath may become short and shallow, we have every reason to stand tall and run the race set before us. Whatever is troubling you, release it at the feet of Jesus. Recall His great power and His perfect ability to stand in the midst of your inadequacies—even if it's just a whispered prayer for Him to supply your daily bread.

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst (John 6:35, ESV)."

A Visit to My Past

 Maybe some of you have thought about what you would write in a letter to yourself, should you be able to write one to the young version of you. Would you warn yourself of future mistakes, and tell yourself things to do to avoid them? Would you tell yourself not to worry about all the little things, and instead, focus on the big picture? Or maybe you would tell yourself to listen to the advice of parents, or godly friends who were seeking to lead you to better paths than the one you would choose. Whatever, the case, we all have lived and learned and through our victories and poor decisions, we've become who we are right now. 

I look back at myself as a young girl of eleven, trusting Jesus to be my personal Savior. Skinny legs and bucktoothed and innocent, I was just getting started in life. I was naive, bright-eyed, compliant, and timid. Life is pretty uncomplicated at eleven. Nothing major had shook the foundation of my life. Not death. Not sickness. Not relationship struggles. No financial strains or big decisions to make. No real responsibilities. No—life was easy for me as a little girl. And because of the lack of the pressures of life, my knowledge of Jesus lacked depth. My eleven year old self trusted Him as my Savior, but knew little about Him in a personal way at that time.

Fast forward almost four decades, and I wish I could sit beside that eleven year old girl, and give some advice. It would not include anything about making different decisions as much as it would be about encouraging myself to know that God would walk each wrong one, and each right one, right beside me. I would tell myself that hurt is real. Betrayal is devastating. Sickness can be discouraging. Parenting is tough. Marriage is work. Money can run short. Anxiety is a battle. Death shatters hearts. Bad decisions will be made. But no matter how low you may feel some days, God will make Himself known to you in those low places. I would encourage her in knowing that for the bad seasons that would surely come, there would be so many wonderful seasons—seasons of joy, hope and love. "Don't get discouraged and give up", I'd say.

Stepping away from looking back, I can really look at where I am today. I see how prayer has changed not only me, but circumstances. Over and over again, I've seen it happen. I see how God's Word really is living and active and gives us discernment and help. It's bursting full of wisdom, instruction, encouragement, and hope. On days when my heart was so broken, His Word soothed my wounds. I've heard His voice when I desperately needed to, giving me hope and strength for the moment. He's healed me many times. He intimately cares for me, for my marriage, for my family and my loved ones. His Spirit within me has been the constant that always, always carries me through.

Yes, life would be hard. Life is hard. But without all of the hard stuff, I would not have the opportunity to grow and to really know more of Jesus. And because that isn't best for me, I will have many challenges along the way. These are for my good, and not meant to destroy me or diminish my faith. Some would love to go back and do life differently, and I get it, because mistakes can be painful. Mistakes can hurt others as well as myself. But for me, I can see how all of the hard situations and hurt led me to a better place—they all led me to the arms of Jesus. And the more time I spend there, the more I know Him. The more I know Him, the more I love Him. 

So a message to my eleven year old self would be this:He is real. He is faithful. When everything seems wrong and impossible, that's when you see Him best. You'll learn to know Him, because you always need Him. But if you had an easy road ahead, you'd miss out on so much. You'll always be a work in progress, until the day the Lord calls you home. Keep pushing forward though, knowing it's a race, but that the prize is worth it. You are so loved, and you need His love to see you through. God is using every situation in your experience to make you ultimately aware of His plan for you, and His purpose for your life. So keep going, little one. Be courageous and strong, because He is Your Rock. Lots and lots of love, an older and wiser me.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9, ESV)."

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17, ESV).

...And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20b, ESV)."

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed (Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV)."

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for walking through life with me. It's such a privilege and blessing to know You are with me in all things—whether good or bad. May I remember that the hard seasons drive me closer to You, and without them, my relationship with You would be shallow on my part. Give me Your strength for all that's ahead, and hope that You will carry me through every situation. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Forgiving Me

     It's a little weird how we are wired, isn't it? I set different standards for myself than I do for others, and I bet you do too! I've forgiven others for a long list of hurts against me. I've forgiven lies, physical assaults, hurtful words, betrayal, theft, and adultery. When I say I have forgiven those things, I really mean it- it isn't forgiveness if I'm keeping track and holding on to a grudge over it. But when it comes to my own hurtful words or actions, they plague my mind for a very long time. Why does it sometimes feel easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves? I have figured out the answer for me, but first let's look at a story from about 8 years ago.
     Most days, I would say I'm a pretty decent mom. I passionately love my kids. They were a true gift after a battle with infertility, and I feel blessed to be their mom in many ways. But teenagers can get to the best of us- especially smart-mouthed teenagers. One day, my son had pushed about every button he knew to push with me. While I am a firm believer in proper spankings, I have never crossed the line. But this particular day, I punched my son in the arm. To be honest, I doubt that it really hurt him physically, but I knew it was inappropriate and uncharacteristic to my usual parenting style. Did I apologize? I most certainly did. Did he forgive me? Absolutely. Did I forgive myself? Well- that took some time, for sure. 
     Inside the best Christian, is the same human rot that plagues each one of us- sin! I'm no less prone to it than the next person. I am going to mess up. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to hurt people with my words and actions because even though I am a Christian- I'm still battling my flesh. But what I've discovered is something that further exposes my weaknesses. When I struggle to forgive myself, it's because my pride hurts that I'm less than perfect. I may expect weakness and failure in others, but am shocked when it springs forth from my own behavior. 
     When I have sinned, there are three parties needing an apology from me. The one(s) I hurt, God, and myself. In turn, each should forgive a sincere apology. We know God will, we hope they will, and it's in our own power to truly forgive ourselves. While we may not apologize formally to ourselves, we can set ourselves free from the guilt of the offense, knowing we are forgiven (provided we apologized). People often ask us about forgiveness regarding our own journey through infidelity. We both will tell others that it is often more difficult to forgive ourselves, than it is to forgive our spouse. Forgiving behavior, choices, and words that divided us, is tough- but accepting forgiveness for our own wrongdoings is a choice we must make in order to move forward in a healthy way. Learning to forgive- even ourselves- is a pattern we learn by the way our Heavenly Father forgives us. True forgiveness sets us free- and that needs to start with me! Whatever you've done, it's never too late to make it right. Apologize, then let it go. God has given us freedom in releasing our sin, knowing His blood covers it all! Release yourself today from the guilt of the past, knowing He covered it all. Today is a new day- let's go forward with a clean conscience and a fresh perspective!

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to truly let go of the sins of my past. Help me to set myself free from the chains of guilt regarding past choices, actions, and words that hurt You, and others. Help me to be forgiving in nature to others that hurt me, but also to myself. Thank You for shedding Your precious blood that covered each one of my sins, setting me free from Your righteous judgment! In Your precious name I pray, Amen!

Resentful of Others

     Have you ever looked around at other people and felt resentful of their easier life? Their seemingly perfect marriage? Or how about their effortless ability to hold on to their youthful figure, but if you eat ONE donut, you need stretch pants? There are always people with more money, bigger houses, people who get to travel more, or families with perfectly behaved children. We can get so focused on what others have, that instead of seeing the good things we possess, we resent the blessings others are enjoying.
     Sitting in the middle of a painful marriage is a hard place to sit. While statistics say otherwise, it can feel lonely in the harder days of your marriage story. I would look around at all of my family and friends and see few of them really struggling. It isn't that I wanted them to struggle, but at times, I resented that I was. While they had that special person they could always count on to be there for them, I was hurt that I did not. 
     We all want happy and healthy marriages, but we can lose sight of the truth of what love is. Love isn't a feeling. Love isn't based on passion. Love isn't conditional. Love is a choice- a simple choice to love no matter what. For my readers who are married, remember that. Choose to love on the hard days, and remember that commitment is a promise. Rather than looking somewhere else when your marriage is struggling, look at the changes you can make in yourself to improve your marriage.
     We are all resentful of others at time, and falling into the "everyone does it" camp, doesn't make it right. We all have our struggles- no one is without them. Some of us are called to walk harder lives than others, but for those called to walk a harder road, we have so much opportunity for Christ. How can I use the painful journey through infidelity to help others? How can I use it to point others to Jesus Christ? Whatever road you are called to walk, use it! The harder ones give us the biggest voice. It's easy for me to resent the ones with easier life journeys, but if we change our perspective, we can see our situation as an opportunity for something great. God doesn't want any situation to defeat us, but rather that we would use it to defeat the enemy instead. 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31 ESV
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; Hebrews 12:15 ESV
Surely vexation kills the fool, and jealousy slays the simple. Job 5:2 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to be happy for the blessings others enjoy and not allow their blessings to be a point of resentment in my heart. It's so easy to be jealous of others, and yet You have blessings for me. Help me remember the things You bless me with, and to use my harder seasons to point others to Your Son. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!