Forgiving Me

     It's a little weird how we are wired, isn't it? I set different standards for myself than I do for others, and I bet you do too! I've forgiven others for a long list of hurts against me. I've forgiven lies, physical assaults, hurtful words, betrayal, theft, and adultery. When I say I have forgiven those things, I really mean it- it isn't forgiveness if I'm keeping track and holding on to a grudge over it. But when it comes to my own hurtful words or actions, they plague my mind for a very long time. Why does it sometimes feel easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves? I have figured out the answer for me, but first let's look at a story from about 8 years ago.
     Most days, I would say I'm a pretty decent mom. I passionately love my kids. They were a true gift after a battle with infertility, and I feel blessed to be their mom in many ways. But teenagers can get to the best of us- especially smart-mouthed teenagers. One day, my son had pushed about every button he knew to push with me. While I am a firm believer in proper spankings, I have never crossed the line. But this particular day, I punched my son in the arm. To be honest, I doubt that it really hurt him physically, but I knew it was inappropriate and uncharacteristic to my usual parenting style. Did I apologize? I most certainly did. Did he forgive me? Absolutely. Did I forgive myself? Well- that took some time, for sure. 
     Inside the best Christian, is the same human rot that plagues each one of us- sin! I'm no less prone to it than the next person. I am going to mess up. I am going to make mistakes. I am going to hurt people with my words and actions because even though I am a Christian- I'm still battling my flesh. But what I've discovered is something that further exposes my weaknesses. When I struggle to forgive myself, it's because my pride hurts that I'm less than perfect. I may expect weakness and failure in others, but am shocked when it springs forth from my own behavior. 
     When I have sinned, there are three parties needing an apology from me. The one(s) I hurt, God, and myself. In turn, each should forgive a sincere apology. We know God will, we hope they will, and it's in our own power to truly forgive ourselves. While we may not apologize formally to ourselves, we can set ourselves free from the guilt of the offense, knowing we are forgiven (provided we apologized). People often ask us about forgiveness regarding our own journey through infidelity. We both will tell others that it is often more difficult to forgive ourselves, than it is to forgive our spouse. Forgiving behavior, choices, and words that divided us, is tough- but accepting forgiveness for our own wrongdoings is a choice we must make in order to move forward in a healthy way. Learning to forgive- even ourselves- is a pattern we learn by the way our Heavenly Father forgives us. True forgiveness sets us free- and that needs to start with me! Whatever you've done, it's never too late to make it right. Apologize, then let it go. God has given us freedom in releasing our sin, knowing His blood covers it all! Release yourself today from the guilt of the past, knowing He covered it all. Today is a new day- let's go forward with a clean conscience and a fresh perspective!

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to truly let go of the sins of my past. Help me to set myself free from the chains of guilt regarding past choices, actions, and words that hurt You, and others. Help me to be forgiving in nature to others that hurt me, but also to myself. Thank You for shedding Your precious blood that covered each one of my sins, setting me free from Your righteous judgment! In Your precious name I pray, Amen!

Relationship Post : So You're Not Perfect?

     We can often wrestle with our own flaws and imperfections, aware that we have many. For me, I have an extensive list- some are physical characteristics I wish were different, and some are character traits I haven't yet been successful in changing. These imperfections can irritate me and while I want to change them, I often lack the discipline required to be victorious over them. While others may see me as acceptable overall, I am always aware of my limitations. Most days, I don't allow them to get to me, but somedays, I struggle with them. It's funny, really, how we see our own faults and then hold others to a standard that is impossible to achieve. Like the one we share our life with. 
     In the beginning of a relationship, we often don't see the faults they possess, or even if we do, we believe we can change them. When we fall in love, we become blind to their flaws- "love is blind", right? And then after time begins to pass, we become shocked and disappointed to find out they are just like us- flawed individuals, falling short of perfection. We may even begin to question our choice, and some may even decide to throw in the towel. The thing is, you'll exchange them for another flawed person who will eventually disappoint you as well. 
     If you chose well, (and as a believer, you chose a like-minded believer) then it's time to take a step back before calling it quits. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? Are the imperfections deal-breakers (there aren't many that should make that list), or just the result of being imperfect humans? Just like you, they have their own shortcomings and struggles. Instead of pointing out the failures of our spouse or significant other, we should look for ways to build them up and encourage them. We will never like every quality they possess, and they will never like each ours either- and that's okay!
     When sin entered the Garden through Satan's tempting of Adam and Eve, we all became imperfect. None of us will achieve the status of perfection, even though some believe they are pretty close to the mark. It's my spouses responsibility to love me, regardless of my faults. That doesn't mean he shouldn't encourage growth where I need growth- but it does mean that he understands that just like him, I'm going to fail and make mistakes. I'm going to mess up and have my own set of insecurities. And at the end of the day, we commit to sticking it out together, because we are just two flawed humans who fell in love, made vows before God, and promised to help each other through our weaknesses and failures. Jesus was the only perfect One, and I'll always fall short of His standard this side of Heaven, but thank God His blood covers it all! So the next time your spouse splatters toothpaste on the mirror, leaves the dirty clothes on the floor, or is late for the third time this week- remember they are human, just like you. Acknowledge that you fell in love with a person that isn't perfect, and that's okay!

** Just a side note - I chose random flaws, and not ones that reflect my own husband;) 

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
As it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. Ecclesiastes 7:20 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are far from perfect, and while we know our own flaws, we often have trouble accepting them in others. Help me to be understanding, kind and forgiving when I'm faced with the imperfections of my spouse. Thank You for loving me despite the sin that makes me so flawed and messy. Help me to show that same love to others, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!