The Jealousy Of Cain

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” (Genesis 4:3-6, 8, 10-12 ESV)

Jealousy. A sin we easily commit daily. We play the comparison game and often feel like we are getting the short end of the stick. They have more money. He has a better job. She has a better body. They have a nicer home. She has trouble-free kids. His wife is sweeter than mine. Her husband is more attentive. Dangerous, jealous thoughts enter our minds and steal the joy of our own marriage blessings. It's an unhealthy game we often play, and it never leads to good. 

Cain had a pretty good situation going on for him. He was an accomplished farmer. He had been blessed with a green thumb, and before his curse, the ground easily produced for him. He was just missing one thing- a heart for God. This one missing character trait cost him everything. He was jealous of his younger brother, Abel. Abel understood God’s requirements regarding sacrifice, and took great care to give an acceptable offering. Cain hated his brother for outshining him in the presence of God. This led to a jealousy that turned his heart and hands to murder his very own brother. The price of this evil deed led to a curse on Cain that was almost too much for him to bear. Because jealousy and envy does that-it destroys and steals. 

Jealousy is a dangerous enemy to marriage. We can find ourselves feeling bitter about our spouse’s shortcomings when we shift our gaze to other couples and begin making comparisons. What we aren’t seeing, is the inside, day-to-day struggles, we all face in the confines and privacy of our own homes. Nobody is perfect, and no one has it all, no matter what you think you observe in them. Instead of wishing for something someone else has, why not invest that energy into bettering ourselves and our own marriage? When we put in the effort, even if its one-sided, our marriage will be much better for it. 

One of the best ways to get rid of jealousy is voicing gratitude for what you’ve been given. The more you do it, the more natural it will become to have a heart of thankfulness for your spouse. Then thank God for your spouse, and focus on their positive attributes. Don't take them for granted. Talk to your spouse about their strengths, and let them know what you specifically appreciate about them. The more we focus on being grateful, the more jealousy will not take root and destroy. Don’t be like Cain. Satan will try any tactic to destroy the joy in your marriage. Refuse to allow jealousy to lessen the gift you have been given in your own spouse. Your marriage is the one to focus one. Anything different will only lead to discontent. 

*What are you specifically jealous of? Take a moment to think of even one thing that is a dangerous jealous thought, standing in the way of fully enjoying your own marriage. 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the blessing of marriage-my marriage. Help us guard our hearts against jealousy, as it can easily cause us to be full of discontentment in all of our relationships-especially the one I share with my spouse. Thank You for the gift we have in one another. Help us to regularly speak thankfulness for the one you’ve given to us. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen.

 

Don't Know what You've Got Until it's Gone

     There's a lot of truth to the title and lyrics of this song by Cinderella. This likely dates me a little- back to the 80's, which was a pretty good decade, to be honest. But just the simple truth in the song title is as real as real gets. For me, I took my life and my marriage for granted, but when faced with the very real possibility of losing my marriage, there was a lot of loss associated with that.
     It's a lot easier, today, to write a blog post on this subject, because I know the outcome of our journey through infidelity. But in reality, there is a lot to be gained in taking stock of whatever stage of life we are living today. Even in those darker months and years, there were life lessons and cultivating that I needed to learn and experience in order to appreciate today. When I think of life without my husband, I realize with clarity, the real sense of loss I faced. 
     Losing my marriage meant losing so much more than just a wedding ring and a last name. It meant losing my life partner- losing the yin to my yang (whatever that even is;). It meant making big decisions on my own and finishing up parenting as separated parents- not united. It meant quiet, lonely evenings and cereal for dinner, because cooking for one is a waste of my time. There was no one to fall asleep with each night, and no one to share all the little details of my day and my life. Who would care for me if I fell ill? What would I do with our family home and how do we separate personal items? There is so much associated with our marriage partner that we don't even realize until we lose it. For those readers whose spouse has died, my heart hurts for you. There is a permanency there that forces one to move forward without their other half, and I'm sure the pain is horrible.
     One of the best lessons to take from each day, and each moment in our journey, is to find the good in where we are. There is always good even in our most difficult moments. I can see the hugs, support, love, and prayers from my dearest friends and family in those dark times, and I see good. I look at how God made His presence so real and so comforting and I praise Him for His goodness. I can see how I was changed for the better through what we experienced. I can see how my husband is a better man because of what God brought us through. I see the good in our marriage today, and how much richer it is from experiencing near loss. Whatever it is you are facing today, I encourage you to see the good, and not just the heartache. It's understandable and easy to wish away these more difficult days, but trust that God is with you in your today, and He will use these moments to make a better "you" than you could ever imagine. Loss makes us appreciate what we do have, and I pray that today, you will find the touches of God in your present, and praise Him for them!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, Colossians 1:13 ESV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving back to me not only what I almost lost, but so much more. That is something only You can do, Father, and I praise You for Your ability to bless us beyond measure. For those who have lost a spouse, I pray for comfort and healing. We are so thankful that no matter what our circumstances, You are with us. You love us with a love we can't understand, and we are so grateful. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!