Living With Regrets?

     Regrets- things I wish I had never done or said, yet they remain unchangeable in nature leaving me with bad memories. From lies, to friend choices, to spending habits, to perms in just the front of my hair in high school (not even kidding); the list is pretty extensive in reality. Some of these regrets are easily forgettable, and some change the course of our lives. Maybe you understand the bigger regrets in painful ways- things like unsaid apologies, a loss of time spent with a parent who has passed away, a poor example of behavior in front of your children, substance abuse, or even infidelity. These are regrets that can cause deep pain and psychological issues, yet we can't undo what we've done. When I look behind me, I see a trail of mistakes and missed opportunities, some which are painful to recall. But looking back keeps me locked in regret, rather than focusing on what's ahead with more discerning eyes and a wiser heart.
     The truth is, we all have regrets. We all have those painful choices we made that hurt others and led to disappointment and heartache. We chose paths motivated by our sinful flesh rather than the leading of the Spirit. But we must choose to learn from our mistakes without allowing them to define our present. People have asked me if I would wish away the affair that assaulted our marriage, and I confess this is a difficult question. While the affair stripped away my security and trust initially, it also brought about some pretty amazing things as well- a keen awareness of God as Comforter and Friend, and a more tender husband and marriage relationship. 
     While we all have regrets, we need to learn to leave them behind us and not allow them to bring us down in our present. It doesn't really matter if I could make changes in the past, because I can't. What's done is done, and it simply can't be changed, so why waste time and energy thinking about it? But today- today is full of new possibilities and opportunities! I can make a difference today and make better choices with spiritual discernment. I can pray about my decisions and wait on God's leading for today and the future. I can appreciate the marriage I have today. But I can't make different choices in my yesterdays. 
     Regret is a thief. It will rob you of peace, joy and contentment. If we allow it to remain, it will rob our relationships. Regret has its place between sin and confession, and from there, we need to let it go. Whatever regrets you are facing today, make each one right and choose to release them. God can use our failures for good- that's part of what He does. I don't want to go through life carrying the identity of my past sin, and I'm sure you don't want to either. Release any whom you may be forcing into a lifetime sentence of regret by truly forgiving them and allowing them to move forward. And why not start with yourself? Release yourself from the burden of regret, and step into the future with  determination to let go of the past. Today is a new day- live it joyfully, without regret!

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, Philippians 3:13 ESV
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for the sins of my past- each one is against You. Help me to release myself from guilt and regret after forgiveness is given. None of us are perfect, Father, and I pray that I will truly allow Your blood and Your grace to cover my sins, allowing me to let them go. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen! 

Don't Know what You've Got Until it's Gone

     There's a lot of truth to the title and lyrics of this song by Cinderella. This likely dates me a little- back to the 80's, which was a pretty good decade, to be honest. But just the simple truth in the song title is as real as real gets. For me, I took my life and my marriage for granted, but when faced with the very real possibility of losing my marriage, there was a lot of loss associated with that.
     It's a lot easier, today, to write a blog post on this subject, because I know the outcome of our journey through infidelity. But in reality, there is a lot to be gained in taking stock of whatever stage of life we are living today. Even in those darker months and years, there were life lessons and cultivating that I needed to learn and experience in order to appreciate today. When I think of life without my husband, I realize with clarity, the real sense of loss I faced. 
     Losing my marriage meant losing so much more than just a wedding ring and a last name. It meant losing my life partner- losing the yin to my yang (whatever that even is;). It meant making big decisions on my own and finishing up parenting as separated parents- not united. It meant quiet, lonely evenings and cereal for dinner, because cooking for one is a waste of my time. There was no one to fall asleep with each night, and no one to share all the little details of my day and my life. Who would care for me if I fell ill? What would I do with our family home and how do we separate personal items? There is so much associated with our marriage partner that we don't even realize until we lose it. For those readers whose spouse has died, my heart hurts for you. There is a permanency there that forces one to move forward without their other half, and I'm sure the pain is horrible.
     One of the best lessons to take from each day, and each moment in our journey, is to find the good in where we are. There is always good even in our most difficult moments. I can see the hugs, support, love, and prayers from my dearest friends and family in those dark times, and I see good. I look at how God made His presence so real and so comforting and I praise Him for His goodness. I can see how I was changed for the better through what we experienced. I can see how my husband is a better man because of what God brought us through. I see the good in our marriage today, and how much richer it is from experiencing near loss. Whatever it is you are facing today, I encourage you to see the good, and not just the heartache. It's understandable and easy to wish away these more difficult days, but trust that God is with you in your today, and He will use these moments to make a better "you" than you could ever imagine. Loss makes us appreciate what we do have, and I pray that today, you will find the touches of God in your present, and praise Him for them!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, Colossians 1:13 ESV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving back to me not only what I almost lost, but so much more. That is something only You can do, Father, and I praise You for Your ability to bless us beyond measure. For those who have lost a spouse, I pray for comfort and healing. We are so thankful that no matter what our circumstances, You are with us. You love us with a love we can't understand, and we are so grateful. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!