The Jealousy Of Cain

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground. And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” (Genesis 4:3-6, 8, 10-12 ESV)

Jealousy. A sin we easily commit daily. We play the comparison game and often feel like we are getting the short end of the stick. They have more money. He has a better job. She has a better body. They have a nicer home. She has trouble-free kids. His wife is sweeter than mine. Her husband is more attentive. Dangerous, jealous thoughts enter our minds and steal the joy of our own marriage blessings. It's an unhealthy game we often play, and it never leads to good. 

Cain had a pretty good situation going on for him. He was an accomplished farmer. He had been blessed with a green thumb, and before his curse, the ground easily produced for him. He was just missing one thing- a heart for God. This one missing character trait cost him everything. He was jealous of his younger brother, Abel. Abel understood God’s requirements regarding sacrifice, and took great care to give an acceptable offering. Cain hated his brother for outshining him in the presence of God. This led to a jealousy that turned his heart and hands to murder his very own brother. The price of this evil deed led to a curse on Cain that was almost too much for him to bear. Because jealousy and envy does that-it destroys and steals. 

Jealousy is a dangerous enemy to marriage. We can find ourselves feeling bitter about our spouse’s shortcomings when we shift our gaze to other couples and begin making comparisons. What we aren’t seeing, is the inside, day-to-day struggles, we all face in the confines and privacy of our own homes. Nobody is perfect, and no one has it all, no matter what you think you observe in them. Instead of wishing for something someone else has, why not invest that energy into bettering ourselves and our own marriage? When we put in the effort, even if its one-sided, our marriage will be much better for it. 

One of the best ways to get rid of jealousy is voicing gratitude for what you’ve been given. The more you do it, the more natural it will become to have a heart of thankfulness for your spouse. Then thank God for your spouse, and focus on their positive attributes. Don't take them for granted. Talk to your spouse about their strengths, and let them know what you specifically appreciate about them. The more we focus on being grateful, the more jealousy will not take root and destroy. Don’t be like Cain. Satan will try any tactic to destroy the joy in your marriage. Refuse to allow jealousy to lessen the gift you have been given in your own spouse. Your marriage is the one to focus one. Anything different will only lead to discontent. 

*What are you specifically jealous of? Take a moment to think of even one thing that is a dangerous jealous thought, standing in the way of fully enjoying your own marriage. 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the blessing of marriage-my marriage. Help us guard our hearts against jealousy, as it can easily cause us to be full of discontentment in all of our relationships-especially the one I share with my spouse. Thank You for the gift we have in one another. Help us to regularly speak thankfulness for the one you’ve given to us. In the name of Jesus, we pray, Amen.

 

Knowing the God of the Storm

     I've had the pleasure of knowing God in very unpleasant circumstances. Is it a different God than the God of my other days? Is it the God that is right along with me, when I'm totally oblivious to Him? Is He the same God that hears my daily prayers, and is the subject of my daily reading? Well, He is always the same God, but He feels so much different to us when we are in the middle of a crisis or a storm. God hasn't necessarily changed in those moments, but my awareness of Him does, and He exemplifies different characteristics than the God of my usual days.
     The likelihood that you know the God of the storm is relatively high. If you're His child, and you live in this broken world, then storms will naturally come into our lives. We can choose in those moments to draw close to God, or we can choose to cast unwarranted blame at His feet. Our petulant nature feels He owes us a storm-free life as Christians. This is a naive way of thinking, and we are so much better prepared if we expect them to come our way, and choose to draw our strength from God when they do. 
     I've been a follower of Jesus for 39 years. I'm ashamed to admit there have been days I've forgotten He was with me. I've been guilty of allowing life's responsibilities and pleasures to crowd Him out of my mind. I've taken Him for granted, even though I owe no one more than I owe Him. He's never left me, even when I took the wrong path and did sinful things. God is faithful even when we stray. The days where storms were absent didn't change who God was, but they foolishly permitted me to take Him for granted, until storms hit my own life.  
     The God of the storm is so compassionate, so full of comfort, so encouraging, so strength-giving, and so very near. I'll be the first to admit that the storms of life are painful, and experiences I wish I didn't have to wrestle face. But I'm so blessed to know that aspect of God. When I struggled with infertility and lost pregnancies, He was my Comforter and Friend. When I wrestled with my identity as a mom and a wife, and needed guidance, He was my Guide and my Source of wisdom and encouragement. When my heart was broken from a broken marriage, He filled the sad places of my heart and whispered words of love and hope. I desperately needed Him, and He loved being needed and wanted by me.
     Friends, isn't it humbling and yet precious to know He wants to be needed by us? I often shake my head in disbelief that God would want me or need me. And I also feel sorrow that storms are often necessary to drive me to His waiting arms. God is no less sweeter or stronger when I think I don't need Him-and I wish it didn't take a storm for me to love Him and bring Him into every moment of my life, no matter the situation. If you've walked through a storm and allowed Him to carry you through, you know the God of the storm. Such precious help and hope and healing He brings to us who call on Him. Forgive me Father, for the days I take You for granted, and I thank You for Your unfailing love and devotion to me. God-You want me- I'm so amazed by that and I'm forever grateful.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10 ESV). 
The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you (Psalm 9:9-10 ESV). 
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:17-18 ESV).  

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for always being present with us as Your children, and we thank You for drawing so close when we are in the middle of a storm. Your presence gives us hope, peace and comfort. May we appreciate Your unfailing love for us each day, no matter our circumstances. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

It Probably Won't Go the Way I Planned

     Let me introduce you to the "high school me". I'll grow up and travel the world. I'll be a travel agent and marry later, after I get my business established. I'll be a mom- 3 or 4 kids. I'll be successful, forever thin, and live a happy, carefree life. I'll find time to spend with God, and manage to make an impact on other's lives. I'll stay healthy. I'll marry a perfect guy. Blah, blah, blah- how unrealistic I was.
     Goals are good, and I encourage them in others- specifically my children and myself. But while it's true that goals are good, and having a future vision important, it's also true that things often don't go as we planned. I'm living proof of this statement, because I'll now introduce you to "grown up me". I did graduate with a bachelor's degree- in social work/sociology. I am not a travel agent, but I sure like to travel. I am blessed to have two children after the loss of two pregnancies. I didn't foresee those losses, and they sure were painful. I am usually in need of losing ten pounds- sometimes more. There have been times when I didn't feel close to God, usually because I allowed too much extra stuff to crowd Him out. And I did marry a great guy- he's perfect for me, but we've had our struggles. One of the biggest unplanned life events we faced together, was infidelity. That wasn't supposed to be on my agenda- but it was. 
     The truth is, we usually have detours- life experiences that we never expected to be a part of our story. We wouldn't ever choose these painful parts of our story, but oftentimes, we need them. I know I do. Had I lived that high school version of myself, I wouldn't be where I am today! I wouldn't have experienced God's love, grace and mercy to the extend that I have, and frankly, that would be a loss. Losing pregnancies made me appreciate my children. Losing my husband, made me appreciate a restored marriage. Losing weight would also be cool, but hey, you can't have it all;)
     How we handle our detours is crucial in our spiritual walk with our Father. We may not have planned those detours, but He knew they would be a part of our journey. He equips us to handle them. He gives us what He can handle, not what we can handle on our own. We are supposed to learn things from our trials. We are supposed to grow. We should learn more about who He is. And our goal should be to become more like Jesus- humble, compassionate, loving, forgiving and kind. Sometimes we may become shocked and alarmed at the way our story goes, and struggle to understand the "why". When we stay locked in that place, we won't experience the growth God wants for us through those bends in the road. We won't know Him better, and we won't be more like Him.
     If you're walking through a detour right now, wondering why, try to shift your focus. Instead, think of ways God will use this detour to point others to Him. Allow His strength to be witnessed in your own walk, so that others may desire to know the Source of that strength. Don't allow Satan to trip you up, blaming God for your hardships. While God doesn't relish the pain you're experiencing, He does want to use it for His glory. Life often doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. But when it doesn't, our response to the detour has great power. May God help us to illuminate His light through the dark bends in the road, and that others may want to know Him, through our own walk through the valley. 

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit."- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:13-14 (ESV) 
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to allow You to handle the bumps in the road that feel too big for me. May I not become full of anxiety, wishing to quickly make it to safer ground, without really experiencing how You work in those detours. Help me to trust You when my world takes a painful spin, and to know You will bring me through. Help me be a living witness of what You have done for me. In Your name I pray, Jesus, Amen!

Sunday Relationship Post- Doing Things for One Another

     It's the little things that get me. While I get pretty excited about big things he does for me, I also love the little, unexpected gestures. Things like showing up at home with a cookbook someone was selling, because he knows how much I love a good cookbook. And the unlimited carwash package at our local Sam's Fast Wash- I mean, seriously- super excited about that one! I don't like having a dirty car, and I love black cars, so you know my struggle. My husband also is very good at arranging getaways for the two of us. These are special times for the two of us, and is something I really enjoy!
     What little things does your spouse do for you? Do you appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness associated with those simple little actions? It's great to be the recipient of these acts of love, but are we reciprocating? My husband appreciates little favors done for him- things like checking on our landscaping crew and pitching in when it's needed. He always says "thanks" when I grab his cleaning, run by the bank, order him a surprise gift or send him a sweet text. It doesn't take big things to show your love and appreciation for one another- but it does take some sacrifice, thought and a little effort.
     Doing things for one another doesn't have to cost money. A massage, wildflowers from a field, and cleaning their side of the closet are ways to show you care that don't cost a dime. Unexpected selfless actions done for those we love affirm our care for them. If you are on the receiving end, don't forget to say "thank you!" Thoughtful deeds that consistently go unappreciated often cease. Each of us should not only be the recipient of these actions, but should also be carrying them out as well. If you've not been doing well in this department, make an effort to change that, starting today.
     I think of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples- a loving act of service toward those He loved. Jesus taught by example- He showed us we are here to serve others. As Christians, our life shouldn't be self-focused, but others-focused. Why not start with our own spouse? What could you do today to show them loving service? By serving our spouse, we also honor God, and if you ask me, that's a win-win! 

Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28 ESV
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:44-45 ESV
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38 ESV
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to serve my spouse and to invest in building up my marriage- not just today, but every day. You left us so many examples of serving others, and showing them kindness. I know Your way is best and I want my marriage to be the best it can be. Help me to start with myself- putting the needs of my spouse ahead of myself and doing things that will show my love for them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
  
     

Don't Know what You've Got Until it's Gone

     There's a lot of truth to the title and lyrics of this song by Cinderella. This likely dates me a little- back to the 80's, which was a pretty good decade, to be honest. But just the simple truth in the song title is as real as real gets. For me, I took my life and my marriage for granted, but when faced with the very real possibility of losing my marriage, there was a lot of loss associated with that.
     It's a lot easier, today, to write a blog post on this subject, because I know the outcome of our journey through infidelity. But in reality, there is a lot to be gained in taking stock of whatever stage of life we are living today. Even in those darker months and years, there were life lessons and cultivating that I needed to learn and experience in order to appreciate today. When I think of life without my husband, I realize with clarity, the real sense of loss I faced. 
     Losing my marriage meant losing so much more than just a wedding ring and a last name. It meant losing my life partner- losing the yin to my yang (whatever that even is;). It meant making big decisions on my own and finishing up parenting as separated parents- not united. It meant quiet, lonely evenings and cereal for dinner, because cooking for one is a waste of my time. There was no one to fall asleep with each night, and no one to share all the little details of my day and my life. Who would care for me if I fell ill? What would I do with our family home and how do we separate personal items? There is so much associated with our marriage partner that we don't even realize until we lose it. For those readers whose spouse has died, my heart hurts for you. There is a permanency there that forces one to move forward without their other half, and I'm sure the pain is horrible.
     One of the best lessons to take from each day, and each moment in our journey, is to find the good in where we are. There is always good even in our most difficult moments. I can see the hugs, support, love, and prayers from my dearest friends and family in those dark times, and I see good. I look at how God made His presence so real and so comforting and I praise Him for His goodness. I can see how I was changed for the better through what we experienced. I can see how my husband is a better man because of what God brought us through. I see the good in our marriage today, and how much richer it is from experiencing near loss. Whatever it is you are facing today, I encourage you to see the good, and not just the heartache. It's understandable and easy to wish away these more difficult days, but trust that God is with you in your today, and He will use these moments to make a better "you" than you could ever imagine. Loss makes us appreciate what we do have, and I pray that today, you will find the touches of God in your present, and praise Him for them!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, Colossians 1:13 ESV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for giving back to me not only what I almost lost, but so much more. That is something only You can do, Father, and I praise You for Your ability to bless us beyond measure. For those who have lost a spouse, I pray for comfort and healing. We are so thankful that no matter what our circumstances, You are with us. You love us with a love we can't understand, and we are so grateful. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!