Extravagant Worshipper

 In my reading this week, I was touched by the act of Mary's extravagant gift to Jesus—the gift of perfumed ointment. She sat at the feet of Jesus and poured out a whole bottle of very expensive oil on His feet, weeping as she did so. She used her hair to wipe the oil from His feet, and here's the thing—she used the whole container on Jesus.

We read in Scripture that this ointment was costly. How much are we talking here? It says it was worth about 300 pence which would equal the salary for almost an entire year of wages. Now if we convert this into modern currency, depending on whose math you choose to go with (there are many opinions), you're looking at a price tag of somewhere between $15,00 and $56,000 for this alabaster box of nard. That's a lot of money! Which brings this Bible verse to mind:

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21, ESV).

Our spending history reveals our hearts. This truth weighs heavily on me, revealing a lack in my heart for loving the LORD wholeheartedly. I hold back, and this is reflected in my spending which is why I know deep within my heart that I would only have used a little of that nard on Jesus and reserved the rest for another use. I'm unsettled by that truth and personally find it uncomfortable. I would love to think I would pour it all out on Jesus but I know myself well enough to know better.

What is it that may be holding you back from this type of extravagance? Maybe you would pour it all out, and if so, I want to be more like you. Or maybe like me, you would feel pretty accomplished and happy with yourself for giving a little bit of something so unbelievably expensive, thinking it was a sacrificial offering—but Jesus would know the truth. 

Mary's love for Jesus was evidenced in this act of worship. She didn't hold anything back from Him—she gave Him all of it. This shows her heart for Jesus, and how she properly understood His place in her life. Money wasn't greater than Him—she placed her own wants and needs under her worship of Him. Mary was a worshipper and this scene in Scripture gives us a front row seat to what that looks like.

God doesn't ask us to give gifts with a certain price tag, He just asks for our hearts. Not in part—but our whole heart. He is truly worthy of my heart and it saddens me to think of how often I reserve parts of it for other people or stuff. I don't do it intentionally, but when I stop to evaluate my own heart alongside the heart of Mary, I see myself falling far short. It's not wrong to love other people—in fact, as believers, we certainly should. But God should have the place of priority in my life and should be on the throne of my heart.

As I've thought of Mary's gift this week, it's humbled me. It's made me realize how far I fall short in my worship of Christ. I want to be more like Mary, yet the temptation to indulge myself often stands in the way. Jesus doesn't deserve being pushed down the totem pole while I place lesser things above Him. He is the Everlasting LORD—the King of kings. And all He asks of me is to love Him wholeheartedly. May that become more a more a reality in my heart and may it be reflected in my worship. 

If we want to be worshippers, we will have to remove the gods we place above Jesus—gods that have familiar names like money, comfort, materialism, sexual pleasure, food, and other worldly temptations. None of those will bring us the joy and satisfaction found in worshipping the only true God—Jesus. May our hearts be touched with how great His love is for us, and in return, may we worship Him with our whole hearts—hearts like Mary's. 

 

The Gift of My Son

 Our house is full of wedding plans. This is a first for us, and it's baffling how much planning is packed into saying "I Do"! But it's mostly fun stuff and we are happy to do what it takes to give our only son a proper sendoff into his own life with his own wife. But some days it touches my heart how this little boy, grown into a man seldom leans on me these days. Yes, that's the way it's supposed to be, but I treasure memories of the little boy who never wanted to grow up so he could stay with me forever. And I'm so, so incredibly grateful for the years I've had him home with me—those are years I will forever treasure in my heart.

It all started close to twenty-five years ago. The effort and tears and prayers and love all poured into him in hopes of giving him the very best foundation to start his own family. Sure I've made mistakes along the way, but never did my heart stray from only wishing him the best and wanting a great future for him. And so the effort of raising a good man was never wasted, and while no one is perfect I'm awfully proud of my son. 

Now the purpose of this post isn't to make you roll your eyes or gag at the mushiness, but rather to show how our children are a gift—not only to us but to their future spouse. If I allow laziness, disrespect and unkindness to be overlooked and shrug my shoulders at it, I do a disservice to their future spouse. Greed, grudge holding and no spiritual foundation will not make him the man I want for his wife. And so we have a huge responsibility as parents to make humans that will be respectful, helpful and tender spouses. 

The days are counting down until the day I will watch him take his girl as his wife. In that moment I'll nearly bust with pride and emotion, but I'll also give one of the greatest gifts I have to give—the gift of my son. I hope that in him I've instilled a sense of being the best husband he can be and in time, Lord willing, the best dad he can be. Those character traits have hopefully been formed in him, even as most came at the surrender of worn knees and heavenly pleas. He is one of my most valuable treasures and when I stop to think of this, I'm taken to Calvary.

God sent His only precious, highly treasured Son to a cruel cross to die in my place. Not because I'm a "good" person because I surely am not, but because of my great sin that separated me from a holy God. His Son was everything perfect and everything holy yet He gave Him willingly out of a love for us greater than our understanding. He gave me the gift of His Son. It was the single-most selfless sacrifice and one that provided everything I could ever need to secure my eternal pardon. He didn't make mistakes along the way and offer the best He could manage—He offered a perfect Son for a sinful creation. So while I offer my own son, filled with humanity's sinful imperfections, He offered the only perfect Son for me—for you!

When the day comes for me to celebrate the giving of my son to his beautiful bride, I hope I can take a few moments that day to reflect on God's Son being given to me. Giving something of great value has a high cost. In God's case, no higher cost could have been paid—He gave us the very best. And while my own son is no match to the cost paid through Jesus on the cross, he is my only boy–the son of my own heart. I'm not a person of great wealth or prestige—my children far excel over any earthly goods I could offer. As my heart thinks on these things, may it be touched with the price He paid for me through His own Son, Jesus. Thank You, Lord for your indescribable gift—my heart is humbled anew at Your great love for me. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3, ESV).

And behold, a voice from heaven said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17, ESV)."

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father we thank You for the gift of Your Son, given up to the cross in order to rescue us from sin. Your love exceeds our understanding and our hearts are warmed by You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Heart of Mary

I distinctly remember the weeks following the birth of my firstborn son. I remember sitting with him on our couch, pondering many things about him. Where would those little feet travel? What would his first word be? What would his hands touch, and who would they provide for? I hung on every sound he made, listening intently for signs of distress. After two miscarriages, God had given me the treasure of this child, and I would love him forever. 

Even as I had these thoughts, I also thought about the bad things that would surely happen to him. I hoped his hands and feet would not lead him into trouble, but I also was wise enough to know they likely would. His mouth would say things that would be hurtful, because he was human. He would make choices I would not like and he would do things that would bring us disappointment. This is the normal course of life for us as fallible humans—falling and failing because ultimately, we are all sinners.

But Mary. Can you imagine the thoughts she must have had about her firstborn Son? As I've enjoyed readings of late of the Christmas story, Mary has spoken to my mother's heart. What must it have been like to mother the Savior of the world? The differences she would see in her Son must've been striking, and unlike anything she had ever heard about or seen before. It all began in the most unconventional way with a visit from an angel.

For the first decade and a half of Mary's life, she surely had been around other babies with their mothers. She surely saw the natural way that children want their way—temper tantrums and all. She surely saw them cry and whine and disobey. She would have watched as exasperated moms exercised discipline to alter the behavior of their disobedient children. But all of that would be absent in her mothering of Jesus, the Holy and Perfect Son of God. 

All of this would be included in the pondering of Mary's heart that we read about in Luke 2:19. In addition would possibly be the visits from the shepherds and the wisemen. The virgin birth would have also been admittedly astounding, yet would solidify the validity of this Child's title as Messiah. Simeon's message to them in the temple would also stand out in her mind. But aside from all of this would be the notable difference in His character and behavior, beginning at infancy.

What must it have been like to love Jesus as mother and Savior? I love how this same Scripture says she "treasured up all these things" as she pondered them. The thoughts of our sweet babies are thoughts we treasure. But even as we have many thoughts we treasure, we also know our children will bring us disappointment at some point along the way. They will make mistakes. They will disobey and need correction. But Jesus never did. 

As I enjoyed the thoughts Mary surely had, my heart was touched by the character of Jesus. Pure, holy, loving and kind. This Child would become the Bridge between us and God. He would offer Himself as a substitute for the punishment that should have been ours, because He deeply loved us. And for me, that conjures up quite a bit of pondering in my own heart for Jesus—our promised Messiah and Savior. Hope was woven into this Baby whom Mary treasured. Hope not only for Mary, but for me and for you. As Christmas has passed for another year, the real story behind it remains. And just like Mary, may I also treasure up thoughts of Him as I ponder Who He is, and the reason He came: to rescue sinners like me. 

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart (Luke 2:19, ESV). 

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart (Luke 2:51, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful You came to rescue us and save us from our sin. May our hearts be like Mary's—touched with treasured thoughts of You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

The Gift of Heaven

 Looking down, the view was heartbreaking. Sin was rampant in every corner of the world. Lust, hatred, violence, and deceit. Lying, betrayal, pride, and jealousy. Sinful behavior resulted in crime, broken families, broken marriages, and broken hearts. It would be tempting to look away, and never allow the planned rescue, but that was not a part of God's plan.

Can you imagine the anticipation of Heaven, all through the period of time before Christ came? They waited—longing for the day He would come in human form as the ransom needed to redeem our sin, setting us free. The thrill they must've felt as the angel appeared to Mary, knowing the time was drawing ever so close. The stories we love to read from Matthew and Luke's gospels were known to them long before it ever happened. The star? The shepherds? The wisemen? The angels? All of these were placed right where they were needed to usher in the best gift this world has ever been given—Emmanuel, God with us.

If you're anything like me, you're busy right now. You're baking, decorating, shopping and wrapping. The tree is up, and you're basking in the warm glow of lights and the wonderful scents of Christmas. Cinnamon, clove, pine, and orange scents, are some of my favorites of the season. Even with all the differences this season with Covid 19, there are still many of the traditions we are enjoying as we anticipate the big day. And yet our anticipation pales in comparison to that of Heaven, as the day of His birth finally came to pass. They were sending the best—God's own Son. And even though Heaven knew He was our Rescue, they also knew the rest of the story.

The truth is, we didn't deserve that Gift. We certainly didn't merit a rescue, yet Scripture tells us love was the reason for both the Gift, and the motivation for the rescue. As humans, we can't understand a love like this. Our love is always based on relationship, or mutuality. God's love is unlike any love—unconditional, and unprejudiced. We can't earn it, because our sin disqualifies us. So when you think of this Gift—Jesus, we can't help but feel unspeakable joy for the sacrifice God made to send His Son to be our Rescue. 

It's easy to get sucked into the traditions of the season, allowing them to get much of our attention. These traditions are not bad—but they aren't the reason for all we enjoy and anticipate at Christmastime. The reason is Christ, and the great sacrifice of Heaven as they sent Him not only to be born, but to die so that we might have hope! I love to give gifts, and I love to receive gifts. It's an exciting part of the season. But there is no gift like the One Heaven sent, when they sent the long-awaited Messiah. Receiving Christ was the best gift I have ever been given. It will not expire, or go out of style. It won't break or disappoint. It's eternally valuable, and indescribably wonderful. May each of us who have received Him, remember the price Heaven paid to send this Gift to us. As we do enjoy the season, and all it brings—may our primary focus be on the beautiful Gift of Heaven, and may we remember to be thankful for our Savior's willingness to come down for us. 

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:14, ESV).

She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins (Matthew 1:21, ESV)." 

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman (Galatians 4:4, ESV)...

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the incredible Gift of Jesus—sent to save us from our sins and provide the Rescue we desperately needed. You are so good to us, and we thank You for Your willingness to redeem us. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Why Do I Need Friends?

          "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then  
           wait to hear the answer." - Ed Cunningham

      I had just lost a pregnancy I desperately longed for since I was a little girl, it seemed. A sonogram revealed something I never imagined- my baby had died in the womb. A "blighted ovum" they called it, something that was fairly common, but didn't feel common to me. Tears came until there were none left. I was heartbroken, tired and out of words. All of the anticipation of being a mom ended with a D & C, removing the remains of my precious first child. So many people loved me, and I knew that. But I'll never forget the friend that came to sit with me- not to say anything, because no amount of words could fix my sadness. She came to sit with me, just offering her presence. She mourned across the couch, and I felt better because I knew she was there. She was a friend to me in my time of need, and I was so thankful for her.
     Then there was that awful period after my marriage fell apart. My home was similar to one that had just lost a family member, and in a sense, that's exactly what had happened. People brought food. People came to sit with me. People came to pray with me. These precious friends cried with me, too- feeling my grief alongside me. They came to hang out and help me feel supported and less lonely. They sent flowers and cards, and texted to check on me. They helped to fill a huge void in my life- the missing companionship of my husband. These people gave me life when my heart felt dead. They made me smile and laugh and gave me light when I felt surrounded by darkness. Because that's what friends do, right?
     Friends are something we all need. They enrich our lives and throw us a lifeline when life gets rough and we feel like we're drowning in sorrow and fear. Our all-knowing, wonderful God created the whole concept of friendship for a reason- because He knew how much we needed them. Women generally do better with establishing friendships than men, yet men are no less in need of true friends. Friends are a huge source of support throughout our lives, offering love, advice, help and encouragement. Friends are a network of accountability as well, giving us a sounding board and perspective. They tell us when we need to straighten up- not afraid of ruffling our feathers. 
     Life's problems seem a little more bearable with the support of our friends. We feel more capable in hard times, because they help us carry the load. We share our burdens with our closest friends, not worried they will ostracize us or turn their backs on us. We can be vulnerable with them, because we know they care for us and want what's best for us. Men- you need people like this in your life, and you need to learn to be a friend to other men that need you. When you have friends, they will be there for you when you fall. They will encourage you to get back up again. Women- if you struggle with friendships, you also need them. You can try to handle life's problems alone, but why would you want to? As Christians, we enjoy a friend relationship with our heavenly Father, but we also need a godly network of people in our lives that will be there for us in good times and bad times. If you find yourself in a crisis, these people will be there for you. I will always be thankful for my friend group, and for how they carried me through my most painful seasons. If you're one of them, know you will always have a special place in my heart. And if you ever need a friend, I am here for you. Let's not be too proud to share our burdens and allow others to help us when our burdens are simply too heavy for us to carry ourselves. Thank God for the gift of friendship, and how He gives abundantly when we simply ask for a friend. 
PS... My husband that I wrote about in this post? Today, he's my closest friend. I'll never get over how amazing God is, and how He really does give abundantly more!

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (ESV)
A friend loves at all times, ... Proverbs 17:17a (ESV)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for those You have placed in our lives, sharing the burdens and joys we experience. Help us, in turn, to be a good friend to others. And Father, we thank You for being our greatest Friend. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Satan's Lies About Sex

     Maybe you've been here as a parent, and this same conversation played out in your own home. "Mom, he said the s-word!" Your mind likely goes to a 4-letter word- the magic number for bad words, it would seem. But on careful digging from your little one, the word turned out to be sex. That whispered word in my long ago childhood- unspoken by most, especially by the right people. And so we began childhood thinking sex bad, when in fact, if practiced God's way, is actually a beautiful good gift. 
     There likely isn't a subject with more books and articles than sex. Sex tips fill women's magazines. "What women really want", a hot topic in men's reading materials. Sex therapists. Sexual addiction. Pornography. Sex chat rooms. Prostitution. Human trafficking. Adultery. Fornication. Divorce. Abortion. Sexually transmitted diseases. There are so many by-products of unhealthy, ungodly sex. When we think of guidance for anything sexual, we likely don't think of the Bible, and yet God is the One who gave this gift to us. As the Creator of sex, He is the only One with answers to its purpose, and who it was created for. This is where our world gets so twisted in its view of all things sexual.
     We read in Genesis that God instituted marriage and then told Adam and Eve to be "fruitful and multiply". He gave Eve to Adam to be his wife, and from them would come the descendants of the world. But sex wasn't just for procreation, it was intended to be pleasurable between a man and his wife. Reading in the Song of Solomon, we follow the passionate love story of a married couple. It is a story that shows the amorous side of sex- not only to be fruitful and multiply, but to enjoy! Our culture likes to think sex is for the young, the beautiful, the powerful- but God says it's for a man and his wife, and it's private and holy. 
     Sex used in the wrong way hurts people. I believe this is one powerful reason God takes sexual immorality seriously. His gift of sex was never meant to hurt others. Earlier in this post, I listed some of the ways misused sex causes pain. Adultery and fornication are two ways that are highly prevalent in our society, causing hurt and devastation. As someone who has felt the sting of adultery, I can tell you the result is painful and far reaching. And as a 40-something year old woman, I could tell you many examples of broken hearts from young people who gave themselves away before marriage and suffered painful consequences. Sexual baggage is heavy and hard to carry, and finds its way into healthy relationships, wreaking havoc on them. I know of young women who have horrible emotional pain following an abortion, in an effort to hide their situation from their parents. These are just some examples of how sex outside of God's plan cause pain and heartache.
     When it comes to Microsoft, we would give Bill Gates words a lot of weight. He and Microsoft go together, and he would be considered an expert in this subject matter. And when it comes to sex, God is the expert. He created it, gave instruction on what and who it is for, and graciously gave it as a gift. There is no better authority than God on the subject of sex, and yet we listen far too often to the world's opinion on this topic. If you've been "doing it wrong", God is a God of second chances. I would invite you to investigate what His Word has to say on the subject, and talk to Him about your own thoughts and actions regarding sexual behavior and practices. While God is a God of love, He is also a God who gives us biblical principles He expects us to follow as Christians. Sex is beautiful, and it is a gift to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Don't buy Satan's lies about what sex is, and who it's for- because his lies are rooted in evil that will lead to pain and brokenness. God's ways will lead to joy and fulfillment, and sex- His way, is always, always worth the wait! 

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (ESV)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, allow our thoughts of sex to be guided by Your Word. Help us to embrace Your principles, and to enjoy sex in the proper way. Remove negative baggage and Satan's lies, and help us to live in the freedom You meant for us in our marriages and relationships. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

Perfect Baby Jesus

     The night seemed endless as pain racked her body. Sweat rolled down her face and her body arched with each contraction. It's hard to catch your breath, so much so, that you are given lessons on how to breathe correctly through these painful contractions. As they move closer and closer together, the pain intensifies. And then the moment comes- a baby is born! Relief and the worst of the pain are behind, and every mother wants to see one thing: the face and body of their little child. We count toes. We count fingers. We look at that tiny face- scrunched up with the sudden assault of light. We listen for their cry. As mothers, this long-awaited child is finally here, and we are so thankful to see this little one we anxiously looked forward to meeting.
     Mary was no different- I'm sure of it. And when she looked at her newborn baby Jesus, she beheld perfection. No crying. No deformities. Ten fingers. Ten toes. While she was no different- this child surely was. And I have no doubt that she knew from the start that the news of the angels was truth- the Messiah had come, and passed through her very womb, into the world. In my mind's eye, I can see Him too. This perfect baby with no sin- no scars. And just like I did with my own little ones, I also look at His hands, feet, and face. Smooth and pink- healthy and whole. But it wouldn't last, and it wasn't because of His sin. No- it would be my own sin that would disfigure Him. 
     Yes, I rejoice at this precious Christ child that came to save us. He was Immanuel- God with us. His name was Jesus, meaning this : He shall save His people from their sins. But I also want to own up to my part in how His perfect body would be beaten and crushed- offered on that cross for the sins of the world... specifically, mine. Gone were the smooth cheeks that were once pink and healthy and whole. Hands and feet now bleeding from the nails that fastened Him to that cruel tree. A side that was once perfect, now split open from the sword of a malefactor. His sweet forehead- likely kissed often by the lips of Mary, punctured with thorns made into a crown- a crown that mocked His title: King of the Jews. 
     It's humbling to think of what happened to the body of this precious baby- the baby we celebrate at this season of Christmas. And yet His body only endured a fraction of the pain felt on that Cross. Most of His pain was a result of dealing with our sin in those hours that God shrouded His Son in darkness- a darkness that was protective of His suffering Son. It was in those hours that the punishment of my sin was taken upon the Son of God- and God made good on His promise to send us a Savior. 
     So while we often get caught up in thinking of that manger scene- the couple huddled up together in the likely shelter of a cave in nondescript Bethlehem, there is so much more to it than that.  Yes-we think of this little baby, lying in the manger, wrapped in swaddling cloths. But I ask you to look even closer- look at these little hands and feet. Look at His tiny face. In this moment, the cost of our sin isn't visible on His little body- but it will be, and it had to be if I would ever be rescued. Oh God, I'm so thankful for this little baby- but I'm filled with an unspeakable gratitude for the promise that baby held. Thank You, Lord, for coming here with a willing heart to be our Jesus- the very One Who would save us from our sins. May we never forget that He's so much more than just a baby in a manger- He is the Savior of the world. Hallelujah- Christ came! Celebrate with me as we remember this child- our Messiah!

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 (ESV)
And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." Luke 2:12 (ESV)
And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn. Luke 2:7 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of Your perfect Son- sent into the world as a tiny baby. His purpose was huge- a purpose that would send Him to the cross and offer up His life in a terrible way. We can't understand the love You have for us- but we thank You for this precious gift of Your Son, and how You sent Him to rescue us from our sin. In Your precious name we pray, Jesus, Amen!

Settling In

     There has been a lot of activity and hype surrounding our world for the past couple months. Good things, new things, and things that kept us busy and focused on plans we made together. We had my husband's amazing deliverance. We began spending time together again and dating. We planned his return home and our vow renewal celebration. We went on a cruise to celebrate our new beginning. We started counseling together. I have my very first book in editing with a publisher and expected release later this year. And now- life resumes to a new normal, and what's that like?
     Well, I can tell you it isn't less busy. Life demands are still what they were- business busyness, commitments, writing, housework, church responsibility, family needs, and the list goes on. With a lot of the big stuff behind us, we now settle into this new season together- recommitted, and a little less crazy. Yes, life keeps us busy, but we don't want to lose the insight we gained from the past year and a half. I think one of the biggest lessons learned is learning to appreciate today. We've learned to see each step forward as a gift, one we don't take for granted. We try not to focus too much on yesterday, because the past can't be rewritten. And honestly, the past made for a better present, which is the best way I know to look at it.
     We have goals. Goals to keep the lines of communication open. Goals to stay spiritually grounded. Goals to make each other a priority and spend time together each week as a couple. We want to explore life together- travel, study, build our businesses, learn more about one another. We want to build up our family and treasure these last years with kids home as well as look ahead at building our life around our empty nesting selves. We want to share our story with the world through our website, blogging and my book release this fall. We hope to help others that are hurting and in need of an understanding ear. And we want to share the best gift we have with those we encounter- our Faithful, Wonderful Heavenly Father. 
     The road to marriage recovery isn't short, and we know there will be obstacles ahead. Some days will be much easier than other days, but with a commitment to stick it out, talk it out, and serve one another, we believe in "us". Our foundation must be Jesus- the Author of grace, forgiveness and love. Please continue to pray for us as we press ahead, knowing our God is going to carry us through the good and the bad. And as we have each day since January 5th, we thank Him for His redemption of our marriage. Friends- never doubt the goodness of our God, for we can say with assurance, "God is good and His mercy endures forever!"

So that they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew 19:6 ESV
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12 ESV
And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10 ESV
"For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Job 14:7 ESV
I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for being a Redeemer. You redeem lost souls, yes- but You also redeem marriages in ruin from sin. We look to You to guide us in all that is ahead, trusting You to lead us to Your good and perfect plan for us. In Jesus' precious name, Amen!






     

Dating my Husband Again

     Remember the feeling of waiting to get picked up by your date? You would get all cleaned up, dressed up, and excited? We first dated before cell phones were a thing- there was no constant communication, and we couldn't FaceTime or Skype. We looked forward to the weekend since we lived 50 minutes apart and lived on our 10:00 pm phone calls (when the rates dropped)! I remember being so excited when I would hear him pulling into our driveway to whisk me away for a couple hours of fun.
     It might seem a little crazy, but love doesn't change. Twenty-five years of marriage went by, followed by a really difficult year. But I can tell you, when he pulled in our driveway for our dates earlier this year, my heart felt like the same teenage-girl that waited for him decades earlier. The wonderful thing is this- our difficult year didn't define us, but it did refine us. I learned to appreciate him in a whole new way. This man wasn't afraid to be vulnerable and honest. He didn't hold back his tears or emotions. I was given a gift to know a better man than I had known before, and I thank God for that each day. My story could've went a whole different way, but I'm glad God chose this path for me- for us.
     While it wasn't easy living apart, it did make the time we had together so special. We knew it was temporary, and looked forward to the day we could live under the same roof again. We talked, we dreamed, we shared, we cried, and we connected in a whole new way. What had been between us before- we learned from it, but it was a part of our past, not our present. We have been given a fresh start to do things better this go round. 
     If you have walked through infidelity in your marriage, you may not have a chance for a fresh start. If that is your story, and you prayed for a different outcome, then I'm so sorry. Being rejected is painful and can't be glossed over. But I would like to encourage you to find your own new beautiful story. While I had come to peace with parting ways with my husband, it was never what I wanted. I am thankful each day for where we are today- growing together and making a beautiful new story. This was truly only a script that God could write, and having Him at our center is key in building something that will last. Some bends in our life journey are really painful places to walk through, but I am so thankful God allows them to make us stronger, wiser, and more like His Son. Thank You, Lord, for giving us fresh starts, and for rescuing us in our darkest moments. And thank You for the light of these new days- days full of hope and love and opportunity!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for these new days- days full of new beginnings and promise. I thank You for the lessons of the past, and for bringing us through some of our worst days. Your mercy is always greater than our failures and we are humbled by this beautiful truth. Give us strength and courage each day to make something stronger and better, and may our love be centered around Your Son. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     
     

Sunday Relationship Post- Sex, God's Way!

     Sex is one of the most misused expressions of intimacy. Our world twists its meaning, capitalizes on it, and uses it to entice young and old alike. While it offers momentary pleasure, it often causes deep-seated pain. It steals, confuses, corrupts, and hurts. When misused, it often leads to heartache and brokenness. It can lead to paths of betrayal, abortion, disease, and addiction. We have distorted this gift, and used it in ways God never intended. 
     Who did He create sex for? This made me think of kids and young adults, and how they think it's gross to know their parents have sex- and yet, it was created for married people. God made sex as an expression of love between a husband and wife. If we are Christians and want to live a life that pleases God, scripture is clear that it was intended only inside of marriage. If you're single, dating, or engaged- God says not yet. He doesn't hold it back from us to punish or deprive us, He holds it back because He knows the pain and heartache it can cause. He says, "not yet" because He cares for us, and knows better than we do. And so, we should simply honor His Word and trust Him while we wait.
     What about sex inside of marriage? It shouldn't be given as a reward for good behavior, much like it shouldn't be withheld as punishment for bad behavior. It should be liberally enjoyed to express our love in feeling and action. We can say, "I love you" with words, but with sex, we show our love in a unique, beautiful way. God didn't only create it with procreation in mind, He knew it would be something we would crave and enjoy. Some days, we feel more intimate and loving than others, but regularly expressing our love in this way is healthy and builds a marriage up. Don't deprive one another when it comes to sex, it opens the door to sin and betrayal. I also challenge every married person not to look outside of your spouse for sexual fulfillment. It's always wrong, it always leads to trouble, and it always causes pain and heartache. 
     If you aren't married, and find yourself compromising when it comes to sex, consider studying God's Word on the subject. It's never too late to decide to save it for marriage. You may have done it wrong in the past, but with God, He always gives us opportunity to be obedient and start fresh. If you are married, make it a regular part of your communication. Be thankful for this unique gift God has given us- and enjoy it with your spouse. Make time for it, and don't allow distractions and an overfilled schedule to stand in the way of intimacy. Talk about what you need from your spouse, and learn to know what your spouse needs from you. If you're still in the "not yet" phase of life, as the saying goes- good things come to those who wait. 

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 ESV
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3 ESV
Let the marriage bed be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 ESV
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for this gift- one we often misuse and abuse and in the process, we hurt not only others, but ourselves as well. Help us to be strong and exercise self-control, knowing that when we are sexually pure, we honor You. Help me treasure this gift, and remember Your purposes in it. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Broken

     I've heard it said of others, and often wondered exactly what it looked like when someone was "broken". Yes, in many ways, that can be said of us when we come to the point of accepting salvation from our Heavenly Father. But what about after that, when we fall and find ourselves deeply entrenched in sin? How long will God allow us to stay there, and what will it look like when we come to the breaking point? Will it be obvious? Will others notice the change?
     When my husband fell to adultery, I prayed countless times throughout every day that God would break him and change his heart. And a few times along the way, I thought maybe He had, but let me tell you- when it happens, it's so obvious! The end result of those days where God convicted and changed the heart of my husband ended in brokenness. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't vague- no, it was a complete change of heart, and a change with God's name stamped all over it. In short, it was nothing less than a miracle!
     When my husband was involved in the affair, his eyes had a hardness to them I had never seen before. But when I saw my husband after he was broken, his eyes were full of peace. The hard edge to his face was replaced by a softer, kinder look. And the moment I saw him, we fell into each other's arms with many tears of sorrow for what we had been through, and joy with for what God had done to bring us to this place. The absolute reality was this - he was forever changed, just as he stated in his deliverance story! That evening will forever be one of my most treasured memories.
     If you are a child of God and living in a lifestyle of sin, God won't leave you alone. You may not hear Him for stretches of time because you choose to drown out His voice, but He will relentlessly pursue His wayward children. I knew God would not give up on him, even though at times, my faith wavered. I prayed desperately for a changed heart- a heart that remembered Who God is, and a desire for lovingly serving Him. Because when we make God our priority, and read His Word, we will find our other relationships fall into a better place. 
     I will forever be grateful to the Lord for breaking my husband! While it was the most difficult trial we have faced to date, I have faith that God will use us in sharing our story with the world! Our story is a story that speaks of God's redemption. We pray it will point others to our Source of strength and hope, Jesus Christ- the Author of forgiveness, hope, and abundant grace!

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17 ESV
For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15 ESV
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for relentlessly pursuing us when we wander from Your way and will for us. I praise You for the work You have done in our marriage, and for breaking our will when it opposes Yours. Your grace and mercy are gifts we often take for granted, and yet when we see them demonstrated in this way, they are precious gifts to us, dear Lord. We love You for Who You are, and for what You are doing, and for giving Your life for ours. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Intimacy after Infidelity

     This is a hard topic to write about, and I would love to skirt around the issue, but it's a pretty big part of the story. Not to mention, my parents read my blog ("Hi Mom and Dad" ;) and yet, I feel called to tastefully bring up this subject. For some, you may have experienced infidelity in your marriage, and were never intimate again with the spouse who betrayed you. For others, like me, you have experienced intimacy with your spouse, after a sexual affair. 
     For all of my almost 25 years of marriage to my husband, there was never anyone else to compare myself to, when it came to sex. We married as virgins and figured out the whole mystery of sex together. It was beautiful and pure and I never had to wonder how I measured up. He had the same luxury, knowing that I only knew him, and there was no judgment or comparison in the bedroom. This is the way God designed sex- as a way of demonstrating love between a man and wife within the union of marriage. Our world has a really messed up view of sex- very different than what God created it for, and Satan has used sex to lure plenty of married men or women away from their spouse. 
     Friends, if you and your spouse have only had sex with each other, thank them today for their gift of faithfulness. This gift is so precious and not to be taken for granted. I confess that I never anticipated an affair in our marriage, and felt secure in remaining untouched by sexual betrayal. Because it has touched our marriage, I now wonder things I had never wondered about before. It's natural to wonder how I measure up or where I fell short. It's hard to think of what was exclusively mine, being shared with an outsider. It's painful to have images or scenarios in our brains that may or may not be real. It was far simpler before these issues and heartaches became a part of our marriage, and yet they are. 
     So, how do we deal with them? Other than counseling (which I strongly suggest), how do you gain confidence in intimacy after betrayal? Can you gain confidence? In my story, it was initially hard to do, but with God's guiding, and open communication, healing comes. And while I will save most of that for another day, the bottom line for today is this: God never intends for our marriages to face infidelity, and it is outside of His plan for us. But He will use sexual betrayal to teach us more about His faithfulness, when we experience unfaithfulness by others. And just as He makes us new creations in Christ, He can also mend a broken marriage. It will take time, patience, effort and consistency. But there is no problem too big for Him- in all things, and in all ways, He is able. My hope is, was, and will be in Jesus Christ! I choose to listen to what He says about me, than what Satan whispers in my ear. I refuse to play the comparison game. I am who God chose for my husband, and so I am not only the best woman for him, but the only woman. God help us to remain faithful all the rest of our days- and thank You God for making broken things, wonderfully beautiful again!

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 ESV
"You shall not commit adultery. Exodus 20:14 ESV
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 ESV
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of sex; it's a beautiful gift, and yet so often abused and used in the wrong way. Protect our marriages from sexual betrayal, and when we are sexually betrayed, may we come to You for healing and hope. Help us not to be held captive by feelings of inadequacy or rejection, but to remember what You say about us. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Broken Home- Broken Kids

     I am a mama bear when it comes to my babies. My babies really aren't babies- they are in their early 20's, but to me, they will always be my babies.  If you hurt them, it hurts me more. I would walk through fire for them, and slay dragons for them, if they existed. I don't like to see them disappointed or hurt, and most parents feel the same way.
     One of Satan's biggest lies, regarding separation and divorce, is that it's better for the kids this way. Unless we are talking an abusive relationship, I don't buy that lie. I witnessed the change in my children, and the devastating effect it had on them- and it wasn't for the better. Their security was shattered, their role model was tarnished, and their lives were forever changed by infidelity. 
     My kids grew up in a home centered on Jesus, and the principles of God's Word. They were told from the earliest age that we would always be together, and they didn't have to worry about divorce in our home. We told them we were 100% committed to one another, and would always remain that way. So they didn't worry- it wasn't in the cards for our family. They saw their friends families broken, but never feared it would happen to us. So when it did, it was completely unexpected, and an absolute shock.
     Our children are a gift to us. They look up to us, and a stable upbringing is so important for a healthy mind. I will never forget the looks on the faces of our kids when they were told by their dad he was choosing to leave. If I could stop right here, and just reach out to any reader that may be on the side of having an affair- PLEASE COUNT THE COST! And for any other reader- GUARD YOUR MARRIAGE, PLEASE! Infidelity causes so much pain, and steals so much, from so many.
     While there is a lot of brokenness in our family and home, we serve a God of restoration. If you are a christian, you've witnessed how He changed you when He brought you out of darkness, into His light. This same God can do this with marriages, and families. He can't do it without our cooperation, but apart from Him, I have no doubt we would remain broken. Relationships have to be rebuilt, and trust and respect will be a process. While I am a fan of quick fixes, there isn't one for a home assaulted by infidelity. 
     While a quick fix isn't possible, a long term solution is. In Him, there is always hope when we are willing. If you are both willing, the first key is to have God at the center of all that is ahead. If you try to use any substitute for the Holy Spirit, the results will be lacking. Be there for your kids as a safe place to share feelings, and give them love and support. Encourage counseling and foster an open line of communication with them. While we will at times fail our kids as parents, our Heavenly Father never will. We have the perfect example in Him, and the perfect Parent. We will fall short of His example, but with His guidance, and our obedience to Him, we can repair what was broken. It may never be the same, but there is a possibility for something better- and only God can do that. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3 ESV
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, Titus 2:7 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV
You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. Psalm 71:20-21

Dear Heavenly Father, help our children who are hurting from our choices, and those of our spouses. Help us to be there for them, and show them unconditional love and support. Give healing and restoration, as only You can. I thank You for the precious gift of our children. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!