I had grown cold in my Christian walk. I was still going to my place of worship, I was still participating and even in a leadership role and at times, I was moved by the Spirit to be warm for Christ, but I was lukewarm at best. Satan saw the chance and knew exactly what it would take to cut me down and wreck my life, and he moved swiftly, and with boldness.
I had developed a friendship with a co-worker that turned into a temptation. This temptation was far more than I would ever have wanted in the past, but in my weakened state, I fell. I lied to the people that I loved the most, I did things behind their back that gnawed at the heart of what I stood for- honesty, integrity and loyalty. I was unfaithful to my family, I cheated on my wife and I lost the respect of my close friends. During all of this, Satan kept whispering lies, telling me this is what I really wanted in order to be happy. He was filling my heart with lies and he was continually telling me this was a good thing. I wanted to believe it, but I also knew in my core being that this was not right and was totally against what i believed and had been raised to be.
This is when Satan dropped my biggest challenge- he lied and told me I had gone too far to ever be restored. He said it was too late for me and that I was forever scarred and useless in God's work. I was struggling with being able to accept God's grace. I had been forgiven years ago when I was first saved, told others about God's abundant grace that He shows to all who call out to Him, and here I was - refusing to accept it and break free of my chains.
I want to fast forward to January of 2019. I had left my wife and family for the 2nd time just after Christmas, and my plan was for this to be the final departure. I knew this was going to be it and I would move on and divorce- it would be hard, but manageable. So many others chose this path and surely I could handle it as well. I tried to make it as easy as possible on my wife, but I left.
I spent New Year's being unfaithful and actually miserable. I had so much conflict in my heart that I can say it was the worst New Year's I had ever had. I got back to North Carolina on New Year's night and went to work the following day and the conflict began to intensify. It got to the point where I made the decision to break off the relationship with the woman I thought would make me happy. Satan had told me that would be difficult, but I prayed to God to help me do this quickly and for it to be forever done. God prevailed in this, and I was so thankful.
Whatever you're facing in life today, listen to the Voice of the Spirit. He will lead you to life and peace, while Satan will whisper lies to derail and defeat you. I am thankful to serve a God that doesn't turn His back on His own. We turn our backs on Him, yet He remains loving and faithful to us. I will always be thankful to the Lord for His persistence in dealing with me. He is a God Who invests in our lives- and He seeks to deliver us from sin. Will we open our hearts to Him, or listen to the lies of Satan? The choice lies on us- choose well!
Where shall I go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, no matter where we are or where we go, You promise to be with us. We can't outrun You, nor can we hide from You. I'm so thankful for Your persistence and Your faithfulness- without both, I would be lost. Help us to listen for Your voice, and that it would always be louder than the evil whispers of Satan. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Showing posts with label weak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weak. Show all posts
Monday, March 11, 2019
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
I Can't do This!
I am a slow learner, but man, I am learning. I think back on a "pre-mom me", and I hear myself saying that I couldn't handle losing a pregnancy- then I walked that journey not once, but twice! I see myself through the years telling my own husband and others I could never forgive an affair, and certainly couldn't deal with that, and what do you know? I think it's our feeble attempt at almost telling God, not me- that is too big for me to handle. And I think that's true, for the most part.
Life is going to have its share of trials and hard times. It can't really be any different when we live in a world touched by sin, and its consequences. I have wished to fast forward through those more difficult days and seasons, but then I would miss the lessons in them. When it comes to the bigger heartaches in life, we will struggle even more if we don't find a source of strength. The world places a lot of emphasis on physical strength, and while it has a benefit to us, it won't help us through those harder days. And since I go to the gym out of necessity over enjoyment, I'm pretty glad it isn't that kind of strength I will need in order to survive hardships.
I know people talk about how God won't give you more than you can handle, and I don't necessarily think that is true. Because when we are relying on Him to fight our battles, we will find that our strength doesn't really matter, but His does. I think a better way of putting it is like this - He won't give us more than He can handle. Because when it comes to the really hard stuff in life, like adultery, I am going to need strength much bigger than my own. In those moments, it won't be me that will carry myself through them, it will be my Heavenly Father!
I think the Apostle Paul got it. He talked about how in his weakness, he could be strong. When I allow myself to be weak, and just give it over to God to handle, I am the strongest I can be! So when people talk to me about my strength, it truly isn't mine you are seeing, it's His! There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter what life presents, I won't have to handle it alone. No matter how I may struggle against the difficult things, I need to remember that if I truly want to be victorious over them, I must let the Source of my strength handle it for me. And I'm learning something else, too -never say never!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Ephesians 6:10 ESV
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear of be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the strength You give me. I am not able to do some of the harder things on my own. You challenge us to give up our own will, and allow You to transform us with Your strength and power. I thank You for that marvelous gift- which enables me to handle what I could not, apart from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Life is going to have its share of trials and hard times. It can't really be any different when we live in a world touched by sin, and its consequences. I have wished to fast forward through those more difficult days and seasons, but then I would miss the lessons in them. When it comes to the bigger heartaches in life, we will struggle even more if we don't find a source of strength. The world places a lot of emphasis on physical strength, and while it has a benefit to us, it won't help us through those harder days. And since I go to the gym out of necessity over enjoyment, I'm pretty glad it isn't that kind of strength I will need in order to survive hardships.
I know people talk about how God won't give you more than you can handle, and I don't necessarily think that is true. Because when we are relying on Him to fight our battles, we will find that our strength doesn't really matter, but His does. I think a better way of putting it is like this - He won't give us more than He can handle. Because when it comes to the really hard stuff in life, like adultery, I am going to need strength much bigger than my own. In those moments, it won't be me that will carry myself through them, it will be my Heavenly Father!
I think the Apostle Paul got it. He talked about how in his weakness, he could be strong. When I allow myself to be weak, and just give it over to God to handle, I am the strongest I can be! So when people talk to me about my strength, it truly isn't mine you are seeing, it's His! There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter what life presents, I won't have to handle it alone. No matter how I may struggle against the difficult things, I need to remember that if I truly want to be victorious over them, I must let the Source of my strength handle it for me. And I'm learning something else, too -never say never!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Ephesians 6:10 ESV
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear of be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the strength You give me. I am not able to do some of the harder things on my own. You challenge us to give up our own will, and allow You to transform us with Your strength and power. I thank You for that marvelous gift- which enables me to handle what I could not, apart from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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