The Reality as Christ Followers

 What does it really look like to follow Jesus? I think Christians today have a distorted view of what their life should be like as Christ followers. From the perversion of prosperity gospel, many have come to feel that the Christian life should be easy if we simply try to keep the rules. Give, and you'll be wealthy. Give, and you'll be healthy. Give, and God will bless your family and marriage and everything will go just as you dreamed it would. Is this biblical, or is it full of misconceptions and empty promises?

The best way to answer this in short is to look at Scripture. What does the Bible tell us to expect as Christians? Here are a few scriptures to consider:

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 16:33). The Bible says as Christ followers, we will have tribulation—we can expect it! But it also tells us that even then, we can still feel the peace of knowing He is with us and will overcome the world.

And he said to them, "Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions (Luke 12:15)." The Bible says an abundance of possessions will only lead us to coveting; jealous thoughts and sin. God doesn't ever say we will have everything we want, in fact, the more we have, the less we realize our need for Him.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18). The Bible says we will suffer at times, but to remember the eternal hope that awaits us in glory.

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2). The Bible says we should help bear one another's burdens—which shows us that burdens are part of life as a Christ follower.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)." The Bible says that loving money should not be part of our Christian experience. Instead, we should be content with what we have—not desiring earthly riches, but instead, remembering our wealth is found in our eternal inheritance.

I have been a Christ follower now for a little over 39 years! In that time, I've experienced some real honest-to-goodness hard seasons. I've seen so many other Christians experience really difficult trials, some personally, and some in those they love—sickness, death, bankruptcy, addiction, infidelity, betrayal, unemployment, and more. I haven't yet met a Christian who navigated life unscathed—no trials or difficulties. Sin has broken this world, and none of us are exempt from the consequences. 

If Christianity meant life would go smoothly, then the world would explode with followers—but the emphasis would be on the absence of trials and not on the Person we follow. God wants us to want Him for Who He is and what He did on the cross for us—not for personal gain or an easy life. The truth is, life is difficult, but as Christ followers we have a real Resource for help. Jesus left this earth when He was taken up into Heaven after His resurrection. But He did not leave us. Instead, He sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of every believer, giving us help through life's most difficult challenges. 

So if you are a Christ follower and life has had its harder seasons, you're not alone. Our suffering here is but for a little while; our hope rests in our eternal home—a place free from sin's "side effects". If you've been promised that life as a Christian will go well if you just follow a few simple guidelines, you've been lied to. Prosperity gospel is rooted in mistruths and has led many astray. Without life's problems, we would not feel the need we have for Jesus—and we do need Him. Our challenges are a blessing in many ways for showing us the way to Christ. 

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for meeting our needs, yet reminding us that life isn't about the abundance of possessions. We thank You for those hard seasons, and for how they help us to grow and depend on You. In Jesus name we pray, Amen!

Why Do I Need Friends?

          "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then  
           wait to hear the answer." - Ed Cunningham

      I had just lost a pregnancy I desperately longed for since I was a little girl, it seemed. A sonogram revealed something I never imagined- my baby had died in the womb. A "blighted ovum" they called it, something that was fairly common, but didn't feel common to me. Tears came until there were none left. I was heartbroken, tired and out of words. All of the anticipation of being a mom ended with a D & C, removing the remains of my precious first child. So many people loved me, and I knew that. But I'll never forget the friend that came to sit with me- not to say anything, because no amount of words could fix my sadness. She came to sit with me, just offering her presence. She mourned across the couch, and I felt better because I knew she was there. She was a friend to me in my time of need, and I was so thankful for her.
     Then there was that awful period after my marriage fell apart. My home was similar to one that had just lost a family member, and in a sense, that's exactly what had happened. People brought food. People came to sit with me. People came to pray with me. These precious friends cried with me, too- feeling my grief alongside me. They came to hang out and help me feel supported and less lonely. They sent flowers and cards, and texted to check on me. They helped to fill a huge void in my life- the missing companionship of my husband. These people gave me life when my heart felt dead. They made me smile and laugh and gave me light when I felt surrounded by darkness. Because that's what friends do, right?
     Friends are something we all need. They enrich our lives and throw us a lifeline when life gets rough and we feel like we're drowning in sorrow and fear. Our all-knowing, wonderful God created the whole concept of friendship for a reason- because He knew how much we needed them. Women generally do better with establishing friendships than men, yet men are no less in need of true friends. Friends are a huge source of support throughout our lives, offering love, advice, help and encouragement. Friends are a network of accountability as well, giving us a sounding board and perspective. They tell us when we need to straighten up- not afraid of ruffling our feathers. 
     Life's problems seem a little more bearable with the support of our friends. We feel more capable in hard times, because they help us carry the load. We share our burdens with our closest friends, not worried they will ostracize us or turn their backs on us. We can be vulnerable with them, because we know they care for us and want what's best for us. Men- you need people like this in your life, and you need to learn to be a friend to other men that need you. When you have friends, they will be there for you when you fall. They will encourage you to get back up again. Women- if you struggle with friendships, you also need them. You can try to handle life's problems alone, but why would you want to? As Christians, we enjoy a friend relationship with our heavenly Father, but we also need a godly network of people in our lives that will be there for us in good times and bad times. If you find yourself in a crisis, these people will be there for you. I will always be thankful for my friend group, and for how they carried me through my most painful seasons. If you're one of them, know you will always have a special place in my heart. And if you ever need a friend, I am here for you. Let's not be too proud to share our burdens and allow others to help us when our burdens are simply too heavy for us to carry ourselves. Thank God for the gift of friendship, and how He gives abundantly when we simply ask for a friend. 
PS... My husband that I wrote about in this post? Today, he's my closest friend. I'll never get over how amazing God is, and how He really does give abundantly more!

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9 (ESV)
A friend loves at all times, ... Proverbs 17:17a (ESV)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship. Thank You for those You have placed in our lives, sharing the burdens and joys we experience. Help us, in turn, to be a good friend to others. And Father, we thank You for being our greatest Friend. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Puzzles and Me

     Ask my kids- I hate puzzles. They call for this big investment of time where you put all these miniature pieces together, and then when you finish, you take them all apart and pack it back into the box. It seems so pointless and futile to me. Oh- and of course one piece will be missing, because that's just the way it goes around here. If I do lend any help, it's with the border pieces- the easiest part. My kids and my husband enjoy them, but I would rather spend my time doing almost anything else.
     Life is like a puzzle. All these small fragments of time and experiences- some full of joy, and others pain. It helps to know that the painful pieces are just a piece, and it's honestly one of the things that get me through harder times. Sometimes it seems other people don't have many painful circumstances in their life journey, but I'm betting they do. Others are called to walk seriously dark and trying times, and it can seem more than a human can tolerate. But those ugly pieces of our puzzles are where we truly learn about ourselves, and about our God.
     My painful puzzle pieces are areas where I've learned the most in life. It's easy to trust God when everything is in order and you're happy and carefree. But those times won't make you grow. Sometimes, I wish I could almost stay the same spiritual size- no pain, no worries, no issues. But is that really the best thing for me? God knows me enough to know I need my share of trials, because if I don't, I won't really learn about how He is there when I need Him. I won't learn about how He is trustworthy when others aren't. And I won't learn about how much I need His love nor how much comfort He offers. I'll stay comfortable and stagnant- the same, but never more refined. 
     What pieces is God fitting together in your life right now? You may be in an easier stage of life- the border pieces. Or, you may be in the difficult part of your life puzzle- fears, worries, loss, heartache and pain. These parts are so hard to experience, but in them is opportunity. We can use them to grow and learn and be more like our Father. And the comfort we have is that our difficulties and painful circumstances are only given a time period. They aren't indefinite or eternal. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in the dentist's chair (one of my least favorite places to sit), I remind myself that this place of discomfort has a time limit. I'll be nervous and uncomfortable for a while, but eventually, I'll be safely at home again with the dental procedure behind me. This is what I remind myself of when life gets messy. There is an expiration date on the situation, and one day, I will wake up and feel better- I will feel hope and joy again!
     So whatever you're up against today, may you know that it's one piece of your life puzzle. Some of those pieces forever change us, and cause us lifelong pain. But even in that, as Christians, we know what's ahead for us is free of all the mess that comes with this broken world. Our sadness, heartache, and pain have a time limit. One day, we will be free from all of it. And while we wait for that release from our life burdens, may we seek opportunity to use our experiences to enrich the lives of others. And may they deepen our love for our heavenly Father. Because 100 years from now, it'll all be behind us- the lessons of living in this world. And what will truly matter will be how we served Him in our lives, and how He used each puzzle piece to hopefully transform us more into the image of His Son. May I be clay in His hands, willing to be molded to fit His purposes for me- never unyielding and unteachable. 

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. Hebrews 10:36 (ESV)
Strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God. Acts 14:22 (ESV)
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, while each piece of my life's puzzle isn't easy or enjoyable, I pray that Your purposes for me will blow me away. May the ugliest, most complicated pieces be a source of Your light in my life, leading others to want to know more about You. In Your name, I pray Jesus, Amen!

     
     
     
     
     
     

I Can't do This!

     I am a slow learner, but man, I am learning. I think back on a "pre-mom me", and I hear myself saying that I couldn't handle losing a pregnancy- then I walked that journey not once, but twice! I see myself through the years telling my own husband and others I could never forgive an affair, and certainly couldn't deal with that, and what do you know? I think it's our feeble attempt at almost telling God, not me- that is too big for me to handle. And I think that's true, for the most part.
     Life is going to have its share of trials and hard times. It can't really be any different when we live in a world touched by sin, and its consequences. I have wished to fast forward through those more difficult days and seasons, but then I would miss the lessons in them. When it comes to the bigger heartaches in life, we will struggle even more if we don't find a source of strength. The world places a lot of emphasis on physical strength, and while it has a benefit to us, it won't help us through those harder days. And since I go to the gym out of necessity over enjoyment, I'm pretty glad it isn't that kind of strength I will need in order to survive hardships.
     I know people talk about how God won't give you more than you can handle, and I don't necessarily think that is true. Because when we are relying on Him to fight our battles, we will find that our strength doesn't really matter, but His does. I think a better way of putting it is like this - He won't give us more than He can handle. Because when it comes to the really hard stuff in life, like adultery, I am going to need strength much bigger than my own. In those moments, it won't be me that will carry myself through them, it will be my Heavenly Father!
     I think the Apostle Paul got it. He talked about how in his weakness, he could be strong. When I allow myself to be weak, and just give it over to God to handle, I am the strongest I can be! So when people talk to me about my strength, it truly isn't mine you are seeing, it's His! There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter what life presents, I won't have to handle it alone. No matter how I may struggle against the difficult things, I need to remember that if I truly want to be victorious over them, I must let the Source of my strength handle it for me. And I'm learning something else, too -never say never!

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Ephesians 6:10 ESV
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear of be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the strength You give me. I am not able to do some of the harder things on my own. You challenge us to give up our own will, and allow You to transform us with Your strength and power. I thank You for that marvelous gift- which enables me to handle what I could not, apart from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen! 
     

Asking for Help

     If you are having marital difficulties strong enough to question your durability and commitment, it's probably time for counseling. If you are seriously unhappy with your spouse, it's time for counseling. If you can't seem to understand one another, and it's causing an issue, it's time for counseling. If you have one partner that has been sexually unfaithful, it's definitely time for counseling. 
While there are a myriad of issues that can benefit from counseling, I can say personally that a counselor is invaluable in helping sort out the mess in your mind, when it comes to adultery. I found it causes anxiety to keep things in, and it released tension to talk things through. I am so thankful for the availability of counseling, and the choices I had open to me. 
     I lived an entire 47 years before I ever darkened the door of a counseling center. I am fortunate to have not felt it necessary in my past, but when I was faced with infidelity, I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. While I had many friends and family I was able to talk to about my situation, at least to a degree, they were all connected to one side or the other. I loved having a safe person to share my thoughts with who was completely outside of the situation. This person had the necessary training to make sense of the issues I was dealing with, and offer ways to cope in a positive way.
     Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people feel that they should be able to deal with life's struggles on their own, but many times, we just can't do it well. When we try to handle big things on our own, we often don't heal in a healthy way. Not only did I find a listening ear in my counselor, I found an invaluable friend. While I went for close to a year by myself, I am thankful to have sessions now with both of us present. A counselor is so helpful in opening up our eyes and hearts to the needs and feelings of our spouse. 
     You may have grown up hearing that counseling is a waste of time, or that you can fix any problem on your own. I want to encourage you to remove any old thought patterns you may have heard against it, and look into a good christian counselor. Once you go and connect with one, you will soon see the rewards for having someone professional and safe, giving guidance and encouragement. 
     Having a christian counselor that supports the truths found in scripture is important. Not only did I find one of that fit that description, but I also received wonderful advice and help from others. None will be able to shed as much light as someone that has walked the journey of infidelity. And of course I had my Heavenly Father, always with me, and listening to my thoughts and my heart. Speak to Him- share your feelings, and know that He is completely invested in you. When we open our hearts to those willing to help, we will be on the road to healing, much faster!

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 ESV
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 ESV
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 ESV
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for always hearing me, and for Your Word that gives instruction and guidance. I thank You as well for providing those who can give us professional help when it is needed. I am thankful for the counsel of friends, and for the blessing of a good, christian counselor. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Anxiety and Infidelity

     Maybe you're someone who has struggled with worry and anxiety throughout your life, and maybe you even know the particular anxiety associated with infidelity. Since I was a little girl, I have been known to be anxious. A new school year, an oral report in college, a first date, or a dentist appointment (even a cleaning because they might say I have a cavity) can make my heart race, and keep me awake at night. I spent the early morning of my wedding day sick to my stomach because I would be the focus of attention for the day. A broken tooth or a root canal, could put me in cardiac distress;) 
     I have always been frustrated with anxiety, and wished for a way to get rid of it. I tried prayer, and I still worried- and I hated that. I tried medication, and it did help a lot, but I still worried. I asked God to help me have greater faith and trust, and had no idea how that would occur. When my husband left initially, and even just prior to that day, I was the most anxious I had ever been before. 
     There are so many problems and scenarios that run through the brain of a betrayed spouse. There are numerous questions in the "why" category- why did he do this, why did I not notice sooner, and why am I not enough? Then there were the "what" questions- what will I do, what should I say to people, what about our children, and what will ultimately happen? And then the "how" questions- "how will I support myself, how could he leave us, how can a christian do this, and how will I ever be ok? So many issues caused a feeling of restlessness and fear, and yet I knew God's presence with me.
     When you face the tougher things in life, we find out a lot about our faith- not faith that I belong to God (I knew that I did), but faith in His ability to handle 100% of my burdens. I realized that my faith was weak, and my worry was a result of trying to handle things bigger than me. If I didn't know Christ as my Savior, then the burdens are mine to figure out. But when I serve the Almighty God, I am foolish to carry my own burdens, when He wants me to hand them over to Him. 
     For most of a year, I struggled against handing my anxious thoughts, and worries, over to Jesus. I felt a need for control that I found out, I never really had. While my husband was warring against Satan in one way, I was warring against him in another- he was using my worries to cause me to doubt the ability of my Heavenly Father. When I recognized this, it was such a relief to know that I could just give up. Not giving up in defeat, but simply letting go of trying to control the outcome of my marriage, and just leaving it with God. When I was able to come to this place, I knew that whatever God had for me, was the absolute best, and I would be content with whatever that was. Will I ever worry again? I am sure that I will (especially at the dentist). But I hope I can look back to this time in my life when I was so aware of my inability, and He displayed His perfect ability to fight my battles for me. 

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV
So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 ESV
Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to lay down each burden, as I get them. I am unable to handle them properly on my own, but You are perfectly capable. Forgive me for feebly trying to manage my troubles, and then falling to anxious thoughts. Lord, Your power and authority make You the perfect solution to our troubles, and so I place them at Your feet. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Family Ties or Divide?

     I have an amazing family and extended family. These are my people, and I love them. We are loud, and a little crazy. I have one sister, and two brothers, and tons of nieces and nephews. We all live in the same area and spend holidays together. These people are not just my family, they are my friends. 
     Family is fiercely loyal- at least mine is. We stick by each other through the good and the bad. This doesn't just apply to my siblings and parents, but extends to the older nieces and nephews as well. We don't believe that in-laws aren't equal to the original clan; we accept them as one of us. So when our marriage fell apart, it was painful to so many! 
     In family, we have a huge source of support and love. I am so thankful for that, and leaned heavily on them. Each one of them was always there for me, willing to help in any way. While I welcomed their comfort, I had to be careful. I had a lot of feelings and information that was painful- things that would be hard to hear and know. And while I had a burden I was carrying, I often felt the harder stuff was best not shared with them. 
     I was hurt and unsure of what the future would hold. Would we ever reconcile, or would this end in a painful divorce? Regardless of what had happened, I did love my husband (at least by choice). If we ever reconciled, I would be able to forgive the things he had done, but would they? If I shared really painful information with them, I could hinder those relationships from being restored if we decided to work things out.
     This was, at times, a lonely journey. Had it not been for my husband's sister, I would have really struggled. I knew that his sister would continue to love him, no matter what I said. I knew she was praying for us all through the day and even during the night. I knew she loved me, and I knew she loved our children. She sent encouraging texts, scriptures and checked in often through the day. She was a safe place for my scariest thoughts, and I will always treasure her for that. 
     I want to encourage you to find a person like that. Choose wisely, and think about how this person will respond if you ever decide to reconcile. Don't automatically assume you won't reconcile- wait on God's timing and answer. We need someone we can take our feelings and thoughts to, knowing they will respond in love and with spiritual wisdom. But remember we have another valuable resource- our Heavenly Father! He is always with us, and longs to carry our burdens for us. He wants this valley to bring us close to Him and rely on His strength to see us through. I spoke to Him in my head, and I spoke to Him out loud. And you know what?  The most wonderful thing happened when I talked to Him - He spoke back! Listen friends, really listen. He will speak, and you won't want to miss it!

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 ESV
Blessed be the LORD, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah Psalm 68:19
How can I bear by myself the weight and burden of you and your strife? Deuteronomy 1:12 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for family. I pray that I will not say things to them that will cause division or anger. Help me to be wise in what I share, and who I share things with. May I always remember the resource I have in You- You long to carry my burdens for me, so I gratefully lay them at Your feet. Thank You for Your love for me, Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!