I had grown cold in my Christian walk. I was still going to my place of worship, I was still participating and even in a leadership role and at times, I was moved by the Spirit to be warm for Christ, but I was lukewarm at best. Satan saw the chance and knew exactly what it would take to cut me down and wreck my life, and he moved swiftly, and with boldness.
I had developed a friendship with a co-worker that turned into a temptation. This temptation was far more than I would ever have wanted in the past, but in my weakened state, I fell. I lied to the people that I loved the most, I did things behind their back that gnawed at the heart of what I stood for- honesty, integrity and loyalty. I was unfaithful to my family, I cheated on my wife and I lost the respect of my close friends. During all of this, Satan kept whispering lies, telling me this is what I really wanted in order to be happy. He was filling my heart with lies and he was continually telling me this was a good thing. I wanted to believe it, but I also knew in my core being that this was not right and was totally against what i believed and had been raised to be.
This is when Satan dropped my biggest challenge- he lied and told me I had gone too far to ever be restored. He said it was too late for me and that I was forever scarred and useless in God's work. I was struggling with being able to accept God's grace. I had been forgiven years ago when I was first saved, told others about God's abundant grace that He shows to all who call out to Him, and here I was - refusing to accept it and break free of my chains.
I want to fast forward to January of 2019. I had left my wife and family for the 2nd time just after Christmas, and my plan was for this to be the final departure. I knew this was going to be it and I would move on and divorce- it would be hard, but manageable. So many others chose this path and surely I could handle it as well. I tried to make it as easy as possible on my wife, but I left.
I spent New Year's being unfaithful and actually miserable. I had so much conflict in my heart that I can say it was the worst New Year's I had ever had. I got back to North Carolina on New Year's night and went to work the following day and the conflict began to intensify. It got to the point where I made the decision to break off the relationship with the woman I thought would make me happy. Satan had told me that would be difficult, but I prayed to God to help me do this quickly and for it to be forever done. God prevailed in this, and I was so thankful.
Whatever you're facing in life today, listen to the Voice of the Spirit. He will lead you to life and peace, while Satan will whisper lies to derail and defeat you. I am thankful to serve a God that doesn't turn His back on His own. We turn our backs on Him, yet He remains loving and faithful to us. I will always be thankful to the Lord for His persistence in dealing with me. He is a God Who invests in our lives- and He seeks to deliver us from sin. Will we open our hearts to Him, or listen to the lies of Satan? The choice lies on us- choose well!
Where shall I go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:7-8 ESV
The LORD you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, no matter where we are or where we go, You promise to be with us. We can't outrun You, nor can we hide from You. I'm so thankful for Your persistence and Your faithfulness- without both, I would be lost. Help us to listen for Your voice, and that it would always be louder than the evil whispers of Satan. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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