Recovery Is Possible

Most days I forget the pain of the past. I can make it through the whole day without thinking once about where we were a few years ago, and how it forever changed me. But some days I remember. Some days, I look at myself and I'm amazed that with God's help, I survived-our marriage survived! So my blog post today is for any who may be going through a really difficult situation in your marriage, or even in your own life that seems impossible to make it through. God seems far away and you feel uncertain and skeptical that your heart will feel joy again. Your days are filled with fear, sadness and discouragement. You feel you'll never smile again, and your heart will never heal. If that's you-I want to encourage you to have hope that better days are ahead for you. It may seem like I speak empty words in this season for you, but I know-I've been there. I want to promise you that God can restore your broken heart. I want to whisper words that will allow you to believe, today, that healing will come for you. It won't mean you'll be the person you used to be, and if you really think about it, do you want to be?

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday. I sat in my counselor's office, leaning forward on that couch and with a pained heart, I asked her, "how long? How long will it take for healing?" She told me that the average amount of time was right around two years. But she also told me that some parts of infidelity would forever change my reaction in certain situations. She truthfully told me that I would never return to the exact woman I used to be. She stressed how important it was for both partners to actively do their part in the recovery process if our marriage had a chance to heal from the affair. Weeks later, I was joined by my husband in therapy, and we began formulating our own recovery plan. The road ahead would be difficult, but we knew that we were following God's plan in our decision, and that with His help, we had a really good shot at this. 

Whatever you're up against, don't forget that God is in it with you. I often wonder how people make it through big life obstacles without His help, comfort, wisdom, and guidance. I look at the broken woman I was back in the worst of it, but on closer inspection, I can see how God was actively using others to help restore my hope and my joy. He hugged me through the arms of other believers. I can see how His Word spoke life and hope into my wounded heart. I needed almost constant reassurance from Him, and He provided each and every time. That same God is with you, too. He longs to carry your burden for you. He wants to heal us-He really cares! We read of many He healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the New Testament, and we see evidence of His faithful healing all around us still today. Even yet-we often doubt it will happen for us. We long for it, but our hearts feel skeptical. 

My marriage is just one example in a long thread of answered prayers in my life. God doesn't always heal in the ways we ask for. But even when He says "no", recovery is possible when we realize He understands a bigger picture than what we could ever see or comprehend. While I am forever changed in many ways, I am also truly recovering. I am living proof that God is a Healer of the brokenhearted. It won't happen overnight because there are lessons to learn in the broken places of our circumstances. Recovery is a process. It's a process of learning to trust God in those painful seasons when hope is hard to grasp. It's a transformation in our self-dependence to dependence on Him. It will hurt, but I want you to believe it'll happen for you, too. Because the same God that walked me through the fire and out the other side, longs to walk with you as well. Recovery is real-and my prayer today is that each one stuck in a place of pain can have renewed hope that your heart will sing with joy again. Believe-because He is able.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you (1 Peter 5:10, ESV).

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, ESV).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28, ESV).

He restores my soul (Psalm 23:3a, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for the hope we have in You for our recovery from brokenness and pain. Sometimes, we feel unable to manage the hurts of the day, yet we know that in our inability, You are our Perfect, Able Father. Help us to remember, no matter how bad the day, that our recovery will come. In Your name we pray, Amen!

     

Pain

     Pain. We all experience it to some degree, and it's never enjoyable. Physical pain is pretty fresh in my mind as I just paid a visit to the dentist this morning for pain I've been experiencing. I had a tooth extracted last Monday, and a bone graft in the empty socket. The couple days following the procedure, I was sore, which I expected. But this past weekend (because complications always seem to arise over the weekends- am I right?), I began having throbbing pain that ibuprofen and hydrocodone barely touched. The long and short of it is, I had a dry socket in the extraction site, which is akin to childbirth in the pain department. A simple collagen sponge was inserted into my socket, and thank the Lord, the pain is already much more manageable. 
     Often, physical pain can be fixed with medicine or a procedure, and the pain is nothing but a bad, distant memory. Physical pain is actually helpful, in that it points out a problem in our body that needs immediate attention and treatment. Without feeling pain, we would not be aware that we had a medical need that needed addressed. As much as physical pain stinks, it has a good purpose, but emotional pain is a different story.
     Emotional pain can't be fixed with a prescription or a medical procedure. The pain I experienced after my husband's affair wasn't easily treated and cured. The pain he experienced as a result of what happened in our marriage, also didn't have a quick fix. Our pain was a result of infidelity and broken hearts, but there are other life events that cause emotional trauma and pain. The death of a loved one, sexual assault, and abuse are other arrows that cause deep emotional pain. If only there were a medicine that quickly fixed these issues, the developer would be a rich and famous person, for sure! While physical pain is often cured much faster, emotional pain takes time, effort, and commitment to properly heal.
     There are always lessons to learn, though, no matter what kind of pain we experience. Physical pain allows me to be compassionate when my friend says, "Can you believe I also have a dry socket?" I'll give them an understanding hug, and validate their moans and groans, knowing that they legitimately hurt. I'll offer advice about what to do to get relief, and they will listen because I've been there. Emotional pain offers the same opportunities. I hope and pray to be a voice of compassion and understanding toward others who experience infidelity in their marriage. My husband and I both wish to use our story to help hurting hearts, and make this a part of our ministry for Jesus Christ. 
     What are you hurting from? I'm sure you've experienced physical pain, but are you struggling with emotional pain in your life? In what ways can you use it to help others? In what ways have you allowed it to bring you closer to Jesus? Apart from His loving care and comfort, I would've been hard pressed to ever heal, and I am forever thankful for His help through each hurdle in my marriage, and my life. Any kind of pain forces us to stop and take notice of what's going on. If your pain is physical, listen to your body and seek answers from a physician. But if your pain is emotional, take time to seek real, lasting comfort from the Great Physician- our Savior. He has given us tools we need for healing- in others, in counseling, and through His Word. Take your pain to Him today- He longs for us to trust Him with our biggest difficulties, and in His time, He will heal the wounds we have today. I believe- because I am a living testimony of what God can do!

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4 ESV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV
You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Psalm 56:8 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for being a Healer of pain. Life can be full of many seasons that bring about deep physical or emotional pain, and I'm so grateful for Your comfort and healing in my own life. I pray that others who are hurting will find comfort in You, and that You will use me to help others. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!