The Gift of My Son

 Our house is full of wedding plans. This is a first for us, and it's baffling how much planning is packed into saying "I Do"! But it's mostly fun stuff and we are happy to do what it takes to give our only son a proper sendoff into his own life with his own wife. But some days it touches my heart how this little boy, grown into a man seldom leans on me these days. Yes, that's the way it's supposed to be, but I treasure memories of the little boy who never wanted to grow up so he could stay with me forever. And I'm so, so incredibly grateful for the years I've had him home with me—those are years I will forever treasure in my heart.

It all started close to twenty-five years ago. The effort and tears and prayers and love all poured into him in hopes of giving him the very best foundation to start his own family. Sure I've made mistakes along the way, but never did my heart stray from only wishing him the best and wanting a great future for him. And so the effort of raising a good man was never wasted, and while no one is perfect I'm awfully proud of my son. 

Now the purpose of this post isn't to make you roll your eyes or gag at the mushiness, but rather to show how our children are a gift—not only to us but to their future spouse. If I allow laziness, disrespect and unkindness to be overlooked and shrug my shoulders at it, I do a disservice to their future spouse. Greed, grudge holding and no spiritual foundation will not make him the man I want for his wife. And so we have a huge responsibility as parents to make humans that will be respectful, helpful and tender spouses. 

The days are counting down until the day I will watch him take his girl as his wife. In that moment I'll nearly bust with pride and emotion, but I'll also give one of the greatest gifts I have to give—the gift of my son. I hope that in him I've instilled a sense of being the best husband he can be and in time, Lord willing, the best dad he can be. Those character traits have hopefully been formed in him, even as most came at the surrender of worn knees and heavenly pleas. He is one of my most valuable treasures and when I stop to think of this, I'm taken to Calvary.

God sent His only precious, highly treasured Son to a cruel cross to die in my place. Not because I'm a "good" person because I surely am not, but because of my great sin that separated me from a holy God. His Son was everything perfect and everything holy yet He gave Him willingly out of a love for us greater than our understanding. He gave me the gift of His Son. It was the single-most selfless sacrifice and one that provided everything I could ever need to secure my eternal pardon. He didn't make mistakes along the way and offer the best He could manage—He offered a perfect Son for a sinful creation. So while I offer my own son, filled with humanity's sinful imperfections, He offered the only perfect Son for me—for you!

When the day comes for me to celebrate the giving of my son to his beautiful bride, I hope I can take a few moments that day to reflect on God's Son being given to me. Giving something of great value has a high cost. In God's case, no higher cost could have been paid—He gave us the very best. And while my own son is no match to the cost paid through Jesus on the cross, he is my only boy–the son of my own heart. I'm not a person of great wealth or prestige—my children far excel over any earthly goods I could offer. As my heart thinks on these things, may it be touched with the price He paid for me through His own Son, Jesus. Thank You, Lord for your indescribable gift—my heart is humbled anew at Your great love for me. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3, ESV).

And behold, a voice from heaven said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17, ESV)."

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father we thank You for the gift of Your Son, given up to the cross in order to rescue us from sin. Your love exceeds our understanding and our hearts are warmed by You. In Your name we pray, Amen!

His Hands and Feet

 It's a message we have heard many times within church walls—the commission to be the hands and feet of Jesus. In short, we are co-laborers with Christ which is quite a privilege. Who better to serve alongside than Jesus Christ? And yet the reality is, we allow so many things to distract us from sharing this responsibility with those hurting and in need of the gospel. We often are takers from others in active service for the Lord, and do not do our part in giving ourselves. In order to serve alongside Christ, we need to lay aside our own selfishness and desire for personal comfort. 

The Church is a place people are drawn to when they have a need. Sometimes, we judge the motives of those who come asking for money, groceries or help. We allow someone else to step in and help, but we feel most comfortable when it doesn't fall on us. But the reality is, the Church is a place people come for not only spiritual help, but a need they feel is more important. As believers, we know that the priority of Jesus was always meeting spiritual needs, but He often did that only after He addressed their physical needs. 

Take physical hunger, for example. Now I don't claim to understand real hunger even though I've been hungry, but for someone who is actually in serious need of food or water, their ability to think and reason is limited until that need is met. Or someone suffering from deep, searing burns on their body need pain management in order to think straight. Removing the discomfort allowed the people who came to Jesus to focus on what truly mattered—their spiritual need. 

Why is spiritual need the primary focus? The easiest way to answer this is because this need is the only need that transcends time. Physical discomfort is limited to our lifespan, but our spiritual need impacts our eternal destination. How foolish then to ignore our greatest need, brushing it aside for something less impactful. Jesus always sees past where we are now, to the place He wants us to be—in Heaven with Him for all eternity.

But back to being His hands and feet. In what ways has He called you to step in and actively meet the needs of others. Some may not have the finances to give money, but can instead offer their help. There are myriad of ways to step in and actively serve your part within the body of Christ. Perhaps the best place to start is to begin really seeing people. This means we not only watch, but listen. Only when we transfer focus from ourselves to others can we begin to see their needs. 

If you're like me, you have a natural fleshly desire toward selfishness. How seldom I give at personal cost to myself. Too many times, I give only after meeting my needs, and also most of the things I want. Because of this selfishness, I often miss the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. 

We have a real need in our communities that are the responsibility of Christians to recognize and help meet. Whether it's a financial need, an emotional need, a spiritual need or a need for help, may we be willing to not only notice it, but to do something about it. I think in our moments of true generosity, Jesus allows us to experience a joy that no material possession can match. When we fulfill our purpose as believers, we fill ourselves with blessing. May we all be sensitive to the needs of others and actively pursue our purpose within the body of Christ.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it (1 Corinthians 12:27, ESV).

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58, ESV).

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10, ESV).

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45, ESV)."

Dear Heavenly Father, give us eyes that see, and ears that hear. Then Lord, may we be willing to push aside our own selfishness and step in to be Your hands and feet. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Be an Encourager

 One of the most discouraging seasons of my life produced something infinitely valuable—those who stepped in as real encouragers to me. When you're down—really down, it's sometimes hard to muster the faith and courage within yourself to believe that somehow, you'll get through. You may have experienced circumstances that apart from God and His people, you have no doubt you would have hit the point of despair. And the reality is, we are rubbing shoulders with people this very day who are in similar circumstances; thick in the midst of their own personal trials and tragedy. It's easy to think you aren't the person to help, hoping someone else is more equipped for the task, but if you know of a need, at the very least, we can be their encouragers.

When my marriage fell apart back in 2017, a handful of people immediately come to mind who made that period of pain and heartache better, because they cared for me through their actions and words. While I was tempted often to hide away in the safety of my home, there were those who encouraged me to get up, and get out. If I missed an event or a church service, what I didn't need to hear were these words: "Where were you?, we missed you (which generally just meant why wasn't I where I was expected to be)." What I did need to hear were encouraging words like: "we are so thankful to see you today—I can imagine it must be hard to come, but we are so happy you did." The words we say to those who are hurting or spiritually struggling are so impactful, and because of that, we need to use the utmost care in how we speak.

We also can be encouragers to those who are spiritually struggling, rather than use words to bully them into biblical compliance. We can treat them in any of these three ways: indifference, unkindness that borders on threatening, or loving encouragement. As Christians, the only real choice should be number three, and anything other than the third choice will not bring about real spiritual change at the heart level. One of the best ways to look at this is through an example.

Eric grew up in a christian home, often in church services with two loving, godly parents. As Eric got older and made his own choices, he started down the wrong path, with the wrong friends, and his attendance became sporadic, at best, at his local church. One morning, he woke up and decided to go to church. When he walked in, he was tense, expecting people to question him and give him a hard time. Instead, an older man who was close to his Dad, came over and gave him a big hug. "Eric, how great to see you today! I was just praying for you last night, and thanking God for you and the blessing you are to all of us. I'd love to take you to lunch today, and catch up on all that's happening in your life. I've heard you're doing well in school, and I'd love to hear about your baseball season." Eric was greatly encouraged by this gentleman, and agreed to meet him for lunch. A door was opened for communication and connection through this man's love and encouragement.

Now Eric may be a made up story, but there are thousands of Erics around—and some of them may be in your circle of connections. You can choose to chastise his behavior, and further his discouragement, alienating him from God and His people. Or you can be someone who steps up to the plate and offers words that have power to touch the hearts of the lost or the hurting—possibly even bringing the wanderer back to the fold. There are so many things around us in this strange year of 2020 that may cause stress, anxiety and discouragement. There are also many discouragers out there—people who seemingly enjoy putting people down. As God's children, may that never be true of us. 

May we truly open our eyes to the people around us and when we see someone in need of encouragement, be there for them. Love them unconditionally. Trust that God will use you in ways you may never know the extent of, and that your willingness to encourage will be infectious to other believers following your example. As the body of Christ, it is our responsibility to look to the needs of others, and step in to help when we see a brother or sister who needs us.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV).

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2, ESV).

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver (Proverbs 25:11, ESV).

Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered (Proverbs 11:25, ESV).

Dear Heavenly Father, open our eyes to those around us who need encouragement and give us a heart of compassion for them. May we offer words that are like medicine to a wounded soul, and help build up the body of Christ. In Your name we pray, Amen!

An Ephesians 5 Wife

 Maybe you've witnessed it like I have, and it made you cringe. A woman, mad at her husband, smacks him out of anger. People stare-amused, and some even laugh; but not me. If anything, it makes me sad and it shows disregard for what Ephesians 5 has to say about our role as a wife. Just because we are the "weaker vessel," doesn't give us authority to show this ultimate display of blatant disrespect. And while this way of being disrespectful is obvious, there are more subtle ways of disrespect that I often am guilty of. So, what can we learn from Ephesians 5 about being a godly wife? I would like to insert the scripture right here, so we can uncover the truth about being the wife God wants us to be.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:27)."

"However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)."

First, we have the instruction to submit to our husbands, and as modern-day women, this word makes us squirm. We live in a world that is about serving self, making submission feels repressive. Truthfully if practiced God's way, this is a completely inaccurate thought. We aren't asked to be a doormat, or to be treated as one, but rather to encourage leadership in our husbands. While this subject is too big to limit to one blog post, the idea behind it is one that encourages the husband to love his wife as himself, and lead by love. I love how Dr. James Dobson made this statement: "The relationship isn't of master to servant; it's of lover and beloved." The women is not inferior to the man, she simply accepts his godly, loving leadership and allows him to guide her-offering security and support. 

But the bigger point of my blog post today falls into the final instruction to wives in Ephesians chapter 5~respect your husband! While I certainly don't physically assault my husband, I confess to failing to respect him at times. Disrespect is so rampant in our culture that we are often de-sensitized to how we transfer this behavior to our relationships without really realizing it. We may point out the faults of our husband to our girlfriends, or even in a social setting right in front of him (I've been guilty). We criticize him or pick jokes at his expense in front of the kids. We correct him in front of others, belittling his self-confidence. We laugh at something he is sensitive about. There are so many examples of disrespect that are oftentimes deemed socially normal, but fall short of what scripture teaches. This behavior tears down the spirit of our husband and is a cancer to his self-confidence and ability to lead well.  

It's pretty commonplace to respect authority in the workplace. We generally don't speak rudely to our boss, refuse to listen to the CEO, or disregard the suggestions of the one who signs our paycheck. And we certainly wouldn't physically assault them, as that would surely land us out of a job, and behind bars. We show respect to our boss because they have a position of authority over us. There is purpose in their position, and they are looking out for the good of the whole. Their leadership is for our good, and benefits all who submit to their authority. It's crazy how we readily accept their authority, and willingly respect them, yet often fail to show our husbands the respect they need. 

If there is a lesson we can learn today about being an Ephesians 5 wife, I pray it finds us more mindful of how we are treating our husbands. I pray our hearts would be changed by this scripture passage, and that we would remove any areas of disrespect we find in our own marriages and relationships. They so easily sneak in, and they are like poison to a healthy, godly union. God placed this passage in His Word because He is a good Father who knows what we need the most. I pray as a wife, these words will change me, and transform the way I treat my spouse. Just as a boss's leadership benefits the whole, the loving leadership of our husbands is for the good of our marriage and our family. May I never minimize the truth of this, and demonstrate behavior and actions that align with giving him respect.

Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word gives us instruction for being the wife You want us to be. Help us to submit to Your ways, and in turn, submit and respect our husbands. May we remember that our marriage is a picture of Your relationship with the body of Christ, and the seriousness of that responsibility. May we be a clear picture of an Ephesians 5 wife, bringing glory to You, Lord. In Your name we pray, Amen!

If it Didn't Happen for You

     My broken marriage was restored earlier this year, and I can tell you this- it wasn't my doing. I've had people ask me what I did, that would maybe help their own situation. I can't say why it happened for me, or that I am more qualified to receive this amazing gift than any other person. Frankly speaking, it wasn't owed to me just because I prayed for it, even though I longed for it in the depths of my soul. Because the bottom line is this- I can want something all day long, but if God isn't in it, and if hearts aren't changed on both sides, it likely won't happen.

     In my case, I wanted restoration. I prayed for it almost without ceasing. I was willing to work for it, and make necessary sacrifices. I was willing to go to marriage counseling and work through the tough issues that drove us apart. I could wish and work for it all day long, but if my husband had not opened his own heart to the calling and convicting of God, it wouldn't have happened for us. 

     We are only responsible for our own choices, and sometimes that truth can unsettle us. Had my husband chosen to ignore God's voice, we would probably be in the middle of a painful divorce. What choices are your loved ones making that you'd love to influence, or change? You may wish for a child to find victory over a drug addiction. You may wish for your spouse to stop being physically abusive. You may wish you could say just the right thing to lead your brother away from a life of alcoholism. Your son may be battling pornography, and you feel helpless. Your spouse may be lying in the arms of another man, leaving you heartbroken and lonely. These are choices that are being played out right before our eyes, causing deep pain and despair. And yet they are their choices- outside of our own control. We can plead, wish, and pray; but we can't make their choices for them. 

     I have spoken to some dear friends who have waited decades for their wayward spouses. My heart hurts for them. They wish for reconciliation too, but they are only one half of the broken marriage. We can pray for God to work in the lives and hearts of our estranged spouse, hopefully bringing them back, but they must open their own heart to His voice. Nothing I did on my own is responsible for my restoration story. I don't have any hidden secrets I could share that would make you say, "Ahh.. that's what it is!" I don't hold the key to success for a restored marriage. I honestly don't deserve the grace and mercy God has poured into my life and marriage, and yet that didn't stop Him. All I can tell you is this- God did it! He worked a miracle for us, and He can work one in your situation as well. Your child, your husband, your wife, your brother, your mom, your best friend- all can be reached by Him. No one is too far from His reach, no matter how bad it looks today! 

     If you're still waiting, know that He knows how hard the waiting is, and He cares so much about your situation. If you gave up, His heart hurt along with yours. You are only responsible for the choices you make- and sometimes the ones we love the most will make bad choices that will change the course of our lives forever. You are not responsible for their unwillingness to listen to God's voice. But you are responsible for your own choices- are you choosing well? My own marriage wasn't restored because I'm special, or God loves me more. It simply happened because both of us listened to what God had to say about it, and because of this, He is mending what our sin broke- because that's what God does!

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 ESV
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24 ESV
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1 ESV
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gift of restoration. I pray that others who are not given this opportunity, and are hurting today, will feel Your comfort and peace. Heal broken hearts, Lord, and turn back the ears of those who have wandered far from Your voice. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!