Exactly one month ago today, she had allowed a distraction to interfere with her driving. A crying baby in the backseat shifted her focus for one second- one little second, and it resulted in a costly car accident. Thankfully, she and the baby were both perfectly okay. However, their new family SUV had suffered moderate damage, putting them out a few thousand dollars and the inconvenience of being down a vehicle while it was being repaired. She gave an honest tear-filled apology, and a promise to pay more attention in the future. It was over- and it was the best she could do.
As the weeks passed, he dropped comments. Things like "money wouldn't be as tight right now if you hadn't had that accident." And "be careful today and try to stay focused while you drive." He asked her for favors after reminding her of her mistake. He mentioned it around a co-worker, and he teased her about her driving skills. And every single action and word revealed a simple truth- he really hadn't forgiven her. Real forgiveness doesn't look like that. Because of her mistake, he was making her pay penance, and it really stunk.
I wish I could say this was rare in relationships, but it's not. We tease. We bring up the past. We remind. We lecture. And each of these behaviors shows an unwillingness to truly forgive. Forgiveness that requires penance isn't real. And it reveals something else about us too- pride in self and insecurity. Some do this on some pretty obvious levels, and some do it less conspicuously. I've been guilty myself, of using a moment of confession as an opportunity to get my way. And when we think of how a marriage is to resemble a picture of Jesus and His church (all Christians), it makes us shrink back in shame. Because penance is the very opposite of what Jesus requires from us.
My mind goes back to my childhood, and a trip we took to Mexico City. As a young girl, I was stunned to see an older man crawling on the street toward the huge, ornate church building. He had pulled up his pant legs to allow the hot, cement pavement to burn and shred away the skin on his knees. I remembering just staring, feeling sad and asking my parents why he was doing this. I learned he was paying "penance" for his sin- hoping with this painful sacrifice, that he would receive forgiveness. And yet 2,000 years ago, the price for our sin was put away through the painful, substitutionary action of our Savior- Jesus. He paid for our sins with His own body on the cross, so that we would never have to pay the price for them. His gospel says this: "no penance required" on our part.
In light of His gift to us, it's so wrong that we often feel others owe us for their past mistakes. We feel they should be indebted, and are tempted to bring up their past behavior. Friends- God never does this with His own. He doesn't withhold love from us, simply because we sin against Him. My own life should mirror this same principle, when faced with hurtful actions of others. If they apologize (and even if they don't), no penance is required from them. And nothing on my end should make them feel they owe me for what they did in the past. If you're flinging up dirt from the past- especially in your marriage, can I encourage you to stop? If you truly have forgiven them- an action mirroring God's grace to us, then leave it in the past. Don't bring it up. Even when you really want to. Because when we can give them freedom for their mistakes, we find that we are a little bit more like Jesus- and that's the real goal.
For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:9 (ESV)
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 (ESV)
"I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25 (ESV)
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Matthew 5:7 (ESV)
Dear heavenly Father, it's so easy for us to hold grudges, and to bring up the sins of others. We feel entitled because they have wronged us, and we remind them of the debt they owe us. Jesus- this behavior is completely unlike Yours. Help us to change our ways, and truly forgive and let it go. In Your name we pray, Amen!
I don't know about you, but I've been missing my freedom lately. With the restrictions this virus has placed upon us, I've never spent so many consecutive days at home. I love my home, and it's a place I enjoy spending time, but lately I feel a little like a prisoner inside these 4 walls. I'm thankful for the time with family, and I'm thankful for the efforts of our government to keep us safe. But these restrictions have opened my eyes to what it must feel like to live a life of restrictions- either by government structure, or even as a prisoner.
Freedom is something every Christian enjoys when the shackles of our sin are removed through the gift of salvation. Our sin is heavy, and wears us down. Just as we feel an emotional weight when we wish to be forgiven in one of our earthly relationships, the same is true before we are set free from the guilt of our sin. There is something so freeing when we hear those sweet words from someone we hurt : "I forgive you!" We immediately feel lighter and more at peace. This is the feeling we experience when we received forgiveness from our Savior- a burden too heavy for words was lifted as a result of His mercy and grace.
It's hard to return to bondage after freedom. I can't imagine the feelings of those who for short time, escaped from the evil power of Nazi rule, only to be captured once again. For most, it would've meant certain death for them, but at best, a return to the worst imaginable life of bondage in a concentration camp. Their return to bondage wasn't voluntary- they would have never chosen to go back, yet we often willingly return to bondage when we misuse our freedom in Christ, leading us back to sin's shackles.
Scripture reminds us of the danger of returning to the lifestyle of the lost after salvation. We are essentially putting on filthy garments and shackles, after being clean and set free. It makes no sense, this desire to return to this unhealthy spiritual state, and yet we often do. In my own life experience, I've seen it play out in my marriage. After enjoying decades of living a godly and fulfilling married life, sinful flesh took over and corrupted what was. While it may initially feel like freedom to forsake the "bondage" of marriage and pursue worldly passion, it is actually a return to Satan's control in our decisions and choices. The result of returning to a lifestyle of bondage to sin, will always hurt people.
While our freedom is feeling a little compromised at present, it's a good time to take stock of how we are doing spiritually. Are we living free, or are we returning to the shackles that once held us in the past? Freedom in Christ does not mean that we get to do what we want, but rather a freedom we experience through His gift of salvation, releasing us from Satan's captivity. It frees us from the ultimate price of sin- hell for eternity. While our earthly freedom may be subject to circumstances, government and yes- even a virus, our spiritual freedom can never be taken from us. And that, to me, is the best news ever!
For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. What the true proverb says has happened to them: "The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire." 2 Peter 2:20-22 (ESV)
Dear heavenly Father, we thank You for the freedom You have given us, and acknowledge the great cost it was to You- the blood of Your Son, Jesus, shed for us on the cross of Calvary. Help us to remember the danger of returning to bondage after receiving Your precious gift of freedom. In Your name we pray, Amen!
If we could see our whole life picture ahead of us when we choose someone to marry, I wonder what we would do differently. If you saw your spouse, unfaithful in the future, would it change your choice? What if they were repeatedly unfaithful, and caused you a great deal of hurt? Wouldn't you want to run from what you saw, and choose differently? And what if God asked you to marry that person anyways, what would you think about that?
There is a book in our Bible called Hosea- it's one of the minor prophets in the cleaner part of your Bible;) Hosea was instructed, by God, to marry an unfaithful woman. It seems pretty ludicrous, that God would ask this of him, but He did. I love how Hosea was obedient, and didn't pitch a fit- he simply obeyed. Gomer was an unfaithful wife that surely caused a lot of heartache for Hosea. But God had a reason, as He always does for what He asks of us.
In Gomer, He saw me; and in Hosea, He saw Himself. By requesting that Hosea marry Gomer, He was allowing a picture of His immeasurable grace. I am the unfaithful one, when it comes to God. And time and time again, He takes me back because that is His character- a God of love and endless grace. It doesn't make sense to us that He would reach out to us every time we turn away from Him, because it is against our nature. We like to hold on to grudges, and refuse to give grace and compassion to those that have hurt us, but when we refuse to extend grace, we are saying our standards are higher than His.
The older I get, the more I realize God asks hard things of us, sometimes. But He never does it to cause us pain or harm, He does it out of love- to make me more like Him. God led me to this book of Hosea often after my husband left, and I knew He had a reason. It popped up in my devotions, it popped up in sermons, and it popped up in conversations. I couldn't argue that He was asking me to apply this story to my own marriage.
If you're struggling with extending grace to the one who has betrayed you, remind yourself of the grace God shows you. Hosea didn't partially obey, he chose to be obedient, and love his unfaithful wife. This is a hard thing for our hearts to comprehend, and sometimes, we don't quite make it there. Other times, we may not be given the opportunity to repair what has happened. But if you do have the opportunity, and if you're willing to be like Hosea, you have an opportunity to be a picture of God's love towards us. In any situation, grace is yours to offer- and in it, you'll find freedom!
And from his fullness we all have received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 ESV
You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, 2 Timothy 2:1 ESV
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. 2 Peter 3:18 ESV
But as you excel in everything- in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in all earnestness, and in our love for you- see that you excel in this act of grace also. 2 Corinthians 8:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to show grace like Hosea. In light of the grace You have shown me, I have no right to hold it back from others. Give me the strength to be liberal in extending it to those who have hurt me. I thank You for Your grace towards me, for it shows a love greater than I can understand. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
