An Accurate View of God

 Many people grow up with a warped view of God. He may be thought of as a huge etherial Creature that sits on a giant throne in some distant land in the sky. He's harsh, and ready to strike when you make a wrong move. He is impersonal and disinterested—unless you mess up. He makes rules that feel like punishment, and likes to hold back good things from us. He labels things as sinful that our nature naturally wants (sex outside of marriage, recreational drugs, excess alcohol, the love of money, etc)—depriving us. He's angry and menacing and watching with critical eyes. This view of God is completely wrong, and yet many people hold thoughts along these lines.

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15, ESV).

Other people fall on the other end of the spectrum and see God as a hip Friend in the sky. He loves us all (true) so much, that He will overlook our sin. He changes His mind about what His Word clearly says based on popular opinion of the present day. He's an "anything goes" kind of God who turns His face from sinful choices because He is our Friend and doesn't want to upset us or make waves. He's a God who takes every "good" person home to heaven when they die, no matter if they were a true believer or not. This is another completely false view of God that many hold as truth.

Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth (Psalm 96:9, ESV)!

The truth is, neither of these views is accurate. God is gracious and full of mercy, but He is also holy. God's holiness demands respect and reverence. God is also loving and kind, yet demands obedience, repentance from sin, and our whole hearts—a living sacrifice. He is fair and just and always in control. He isn't subject to change, which we should find refreshing and encouraging—we never have to wonder what He expects because He never changes. 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8, ESV).

God is our Creator, and as such, He understands us perfectly. He knows what is bad for us and can cause us heartache and pain—that's why He asks us to keep our bodies pure. He doesn't hold things back from us to make us miserable; He asks us not to do certain things because they will damage us. God longs to have a relationship with each one of us, and yet He leaves our pursuit of Him as a choice we must make. He will pursue us, but He will never force us to choose Him. 

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me (Revelation 3:20, ESV).

Having an accurate view of God is important if we are to know Him and serve Him. The only way we can know Him is to come to Him through the Father. How is this possible? By putting our faith and trust in the gift of the cross of Calvary. There, Jesus died to put away sin forever, calling us to believe that He is the Son of God who died to rescue us from sin and hell, and rose on the third day, victorious over death. This truth is what we call 'salvation'—an act of acceptance in what Jesus accomplished for us on that cross. 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, ESV).

Once we come to intimately know Jesus as our Savior, our view of Him should change. The more we study the Bible, the more we learn about Him. The more we pray and spend time with Him, the more clearly we see and understand Him. We won't have a warped view—we will begin seeing the truth of who God is through the lens of time spent learning and communicating with Him. 

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105, ESV).

God wants us to know Him—and He knows us better than anyone else ever could (and still loves us)! How we live and love as Christians has a loud voice. Our behavior reflects on our Savior. May we each live in such a way that the world has a clearer picture of who our God is, and that through us, they may have a desire to know Him better.

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15, ESV),

The Manipulation Game

 It starts as very young children—innocently enough initially until they figure out they own power over a caretaker. It's different than a new baby crying to signal hunger or discomfort, it's an action backed with intention. A temper tantrum is a clear sign of early stage manipulation—I'll scream and carry on until I get on your nerves so much that you'll give me what I want. As soon as you give them what they wanted to make the screaming stop, they think to themselves, "hey, that works!" And so it begins.

This behavior often follows us into our growing up years. We say things to manipulate a response: "If you really loved me, you wouldn't ground me for 3 weeks." The parents talk among themselves and reduce the punishment. They have in short, been manipulated. Why do we fall for this? Because our love is short-sighted and we don't enjoy punishing the people we love. By short-sighting our relationships though, we are failing to raise children who realize that A) sin has consequences, and B) manipulating us is not an option.

What is manipulation? It is defined as an action "to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner." (www.dictionary.com). The older we get, the better we often become at being manipulators. We learn what works with certain people and we skillfully use words or actions to influence them to do what we want them to do. This is a very damaging way to manage our relationships, and often leads to the parting of ways. If we manipulate our children, they are watching us and learning from our own behavior, thus, pouring this same manipulation into their own familial relationships. So, what do we do about it, and is there any hope to re-train ourselves to find value in differing opinions, behaviors and decisions other than what we prefer?

Manipulation is said by behavioral experts to be rooted in fear and insecurity. What we know from Scripture is that fear is not from God. ("For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline- 2 Timothy 1:7, NLT.") We also read in the Bible that there is no fear in love ("There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love- 1 John 4:18, NIV.) So we can surmise that fear is from Satan, and fear has no place in love. This poses a problem for allowing manipulation into our relationships as believers, and yet it is often prevalent in how we handle our kids, co-workers, and especially our spouse. 

Manipulation is a form of controlling others. When we practice controlling behavior, we are removing God from the equation. We may not be aware that we are essentially doing that, but isn't God the One who should be in control? Now here is another uncomfortable bit of truth. I've been a manipulator and I've been manipulated—and you have also played on both sides of the field. Some have a bigger struggle with it than others, but as believers, it's a behavior we need to eliminate from our lives. The only way we can even begin to tackle it is to understand that we have this problem and sincerely desire change. When we get to this point, only then is there hope for God to move in and work to change our hearts. When our hearts are changed, what flows from our words and our actions will also change as those are directly impacted by the state of our spiritual hearts.

If you recognize this damaging behavior in your own life, my prayer today is that you would acknowledge it, then learn to take it to the feet of Jesus. He longs to banish our fears and insecurities, and He promises to give us strength and help for anything we face. Depending on the severity and the root cause of our manipulative behaviors, we may find ourselves in need of counseling from a professional. But most of us can find what we need in Christ to kick this bad habit to the curb. May we allow God to purge us from using skillful influence to get what we want from the ones we love, because at the very core of it all, we are damaging our relationships. God, help us today to see ourselves with open eyes and open hearts, and be willing to allow You to work in us for our spiritual and relational good. 

Examples of Manipulative Behavior: (a very short list)

*Compliments before giving your parents your report card

*Withholding sex from your spouse over an argument

*Guilting your child to stay home because you're lonely

*Complimenting a co-worker so they do something that should be       your job to do

*Putting someone down to elevate yourself

*Pouting because your guy chose to play basketball instead of shopping   with you

*Crying to get out of a speeding ticket

*Using a loud, angry voice to intimidate

*Preaching a sermon that was tailored to jab at one person in the   congregation

*Misrepresenting a product to make a sale

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for this sinful, damaging behavioral pattern we often portray in our lives. Purge us from manipulation and help us to see how damaging it is to our relationships. Lord, may we remember that You are in control, and it is best left that way. In Your precious name we pray, Amen!

Forcing Penance Payment

     Exactly one month ago today, she had allowed a distraction to interfere with her driving. A crying baby in the backseat shifted her focus for one second- one little second, and it resulted in a costly car accident. Thankfully, she and the baby were both perfectly okay. However, their new family SUV had suffered moderate damage, putting them out a few thousand dollars and the inconvenience of being down a vehicle while it was being repaired. She gave an honest tear-filled apology, and a promise to pay more attention in the future. It was over- and it was the best she could do.
     As the weeks passed, he dropped comments. Things like "money wouldn't be as tight right now if you hadn't had that accident." And "be careful today and try to stay focused while you drive." He asked her for favors after reminding her of her mistake. He mentioned it around a co-worker, and he teased her about her driving skills. And every single action and word revealed a simple truth- he really hadn't forgiven her. Real forgiveness doesn't look like that. Because of her mistake, he was making her pay penance, and it really stunk. 
     I wish I could say this was rare in relationships, but it's not. We tease. We bring up the past. We remind. We lecture. And each of these behaviors shows an unwillingness to truly forgive. Forgiveness that requires penance isn't real. And it reveals something else about us too- pride in self and insecurity. Some do this on some pretty obvious levels, and some do it less conspicuously. I've been guilty myself, of using a moment of confession as an opportunity to get my way. And when we think of how a marriage is to resemble a picture of Jesus and His church (all Christians), it makes us shrink back in shame. Because penance is the very opposite of what Jesus requires from us. 
     My mind goes back to my childhood, and a trip we took to Mexico City. As a young girl, I was stunned to see an older man crawling on the street toward the huge, ornate church building. He had pulled up his pant legs to allow the hot, cement pavement to burn and shred away the skin on his knees. I remembering just staring, feeling sad and asking my parents why he was doing this. I learned he was paying "penance" for his sin- hoping with this painful sacrifice, that he would receive forgiveness. And yet 2,000 years ago, the price for our sin was put away through the painful, substitutionary action of our Savior- Jesus. He paid for our sins with His own body on the cross, so that we would never have to pay the price for them. His gospel says this: "no penance required" on our part. 
     In light of His gift to us, it's so wrong that we often feel others owe us for their past mistakes. We feel they should be indebted, and are tempted to bring up their past behavior. Friends- God never does this with His own. He doesn't withhold love from us, simply because we sin against Him. My own life should mirror this same principle, when faced with hurtful actions of others. If they apologize (and even if they don't), no penance is required from them. And nothing on my end should make them feel they owe me for what they did in the past. If you're flinging up dirt from the past- especially in your marriage, can I encourage you to stop? If you truly have forgiven them- an action mirroring God's grace to us, then leave it in the past. Don't bring it up. Even when you really want to. Because when we can give them freedom for their mistakes, we find that we are a little bit more like Jesus- and that's the real goal. 

For by grace you have been saved, through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:9 (ESV)
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 (ESV)
"I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25 (ESV)
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Matthew 5:7 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, it's so easy for us to hold grudges, and to bring up the sins of others. We feel entitled because they have wronged us, and we remind them of the debt they owe us. Jesus- this behavior is completely unlike Yours. Help us to change our ways, and truly forgive and let it go. In Your name we pray, Amen!

Satan's Lies About Sex

     Maybe you've been here as a parent, and this same conversation played out in your own home. "Mom, he said the s-word!" Your mind likely goes to a 4-letter word- the magic number for bad words, it would seem. But on careful digging from your little one, the word turned out to be sex. That whispered word in my long ago childhood- unspoken by most, especially by the right people. And so we began childhood thinking sex bad, when in fact, if practiced God's way, is actually a beautiful good gift. 
     There likely isn't a subject with more books and articles than sex. Sex tips fill women's magazines. "What women really want", a hot topic in men's reading materials. Sex therapists. Sexual addiction. Pornography. Sex chat rooms. Prostitution. Human trafficking. Adultery. Fornication. Divorce. Abortion. Sexually transmitted diseases. There are so many by-products of unhealthy, ungodly sex. When we think of guidance for anything sexual, we likely don't think of the Bible, and yet God is the One who gave this gift to us. As the Creator of sex, He is the only One with answers to its purpose, and who it was created for. This is where our world gets so twisted in its view of all things sexual.
     We read in Genesis that God instituted marriage and then told Adam and Eve to be "fruitful and multiply". He gave Eve to Adam to be his wife, and from them would come the descendants of the world. But sex wasn't just for procreation, it was intended to be pleasurable between a man and his wife. Reading in the Song of Solomon, we follow the passionate love story of a married couple. It is a story that shows the amorous side of sex- not only to be fruitful and multiply, but to enjoy! Our culture likes to think sex is for the young, the beautiful, the powerful- but God says it's for a man and his wife, and it's private and holy. 
     Sex used in the wrong way hurts people. I believe this is one powerful reason God takes sexual immorality seriously. His gift of sex was never meant to hurt others. Earlier in this post, I listed some of the ways misused sex causes pain. Adultery and fornication are two ways that are highly prevalent in our society, causing hurt and devastation. As someone who has felt the sting of adultery, I can tell you the result is painful and far reaching. And as a 40-something year old woman, I could tell you many examples of broken hearts from young people who gave themselves away before marriage and suffered painful consequences. Sexual baggage is heavy and hard to carry, and finds its way into healthy relationships, wreaking havoc on them. I know of young women who have horrible emotional pain following an abortion, in an effort to hide their situation from their parents. These are just some examples of how sex outside of God's plan cause pain and heartache.
     When it comes to Microsoft, we would give Bill Gates words a lot of weight. He and Microsoft go together, and he would be considered an expert in this subject matter. And when it comes to sex, God is the expert. He created it, gave instruction on what and who it is for, and graciously gave it as a gift. There is no better authority than God on the subject of sex, and yet we listen far too often to the world's opinion on this topic. If you've been "doing it wrong", God is a God of second chances. I would invite you to investigate what His Word has to say on the subject, and talk to Him about your own thoughts and actions regarding sexual behavior and practices. While God is a God of love, He is also a God who gives us biblical principles He expects us to follow as Christians. Sex is beautiful, and it is a gift to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Don't buy Satan's lies about what sex is, and who it's for- because his lies are rooted in evil that will lead to pain and brokenness. God's ways will lead to joy and fulfillment, and sex- His way, is always, always worth the wait! 

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (ESV)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 1 Thessalonians 4:3 (ESV)

Dear heavenly Father, allow our thoughts of sex to be guided by Your Word. Help us to embrace Your principles, and to enjoy sex in the proper way. Remove negative baggage and Satan's lies, and help us to live in the freedom You meant for us in our marriages and relationships. In Your name, we pray Jesus, Amen!

Making Amends

     When a relationship has been wounded, making amends is imperative in restoring it again. When it comes to infidelity, many more people are hurt than just the betrayed spouse. There are kids, family members and friends to consider. Making amends is humbling, and sometimes very difficult to do. And in the case of my husband, he put in the work and effort to do his part in this, without any prompting from me! This went a long way to prove that he was serious about putting our problems behind us, and working toward rebuilding what we had lost.
     Our family members and friends could immediately see the difference in his sincerity. Again, being broken stripped away the pride that held him back prior to God's work in his heart. He reached out in person, in email and in text. I cannot tell how you much this meant to me, personally. We shared so many close, personal relationships with so many, and making things right was so important to clear the air and start fresh.
     The flip side was all about grace. People could choose to hold it against him, but as Christians, God only gives us the choice He chose to offer us- grace upon grace! No matter what has been done against us, even without an apology (that's tough, I know!), God says we are to offer grace. And in light of our own sin against God, no deed done against us is too big for us to forgive. If you are struggling to forgive someone who has hurt you, look to the example of Jesus for your answer. While we are fallible as humans, we are to strive for the example God left for us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Hold out your hand to the one who has hurt you. Send a text of apology for withholding grace. Give a hug to the person who has wronged you. And even if they don't offer the apology and love you want, God will honor you for your heartfelt attempt at making things right.
     And so bridges are being made and rebuilt in our family and friend relationships. The awkwardness is melting away. I am happy to say that those who loved him before, love him still. Our family is slowly returning to a place of love, peace and acceptance. It takes time to rebuild, but the process is so worthwhile. To see our loved ones building bridges warms my heart and soul. This is the way of Jesus- our own precious Bridge to the Father. Is there someone you can take the first step toward, someone who needs the bridge rebuilt? Let go of past hurts and struggles, and step out in faith, knowing God Himself is rooting for you! That, in itself, is worth taking the first step for! 

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 ESV
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; Hebrews 12:14-15 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for relationships, and how special they are to us. And yet when we are hurt by them, we often refuse to show grace. We know You are a God of grace and our behavior should mimic Yours. Help us, even when it's hard, to let go of pride and extend our hands to the ones who hurt us. When we do this, we not only build a bridge, but we also bring You joy. We thank You for being our own Bridge to God the Father, and for the the cost involved in offering Yourself in that way. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Ultimatums

     Relationships are riddled with ultimatums. We give them often to our kids. There are consequences for not listening to our instruction. We tell our kids to clean their rooms, do their homework, improve their attitude, or use shampoo this time when they shower (have you been there?) . If they don't listen, there will be punishment for ignoring our request. There are good reasons for these ultimatums, because we are building our little ones into responsible, respectable adults. It's a process with a lot of trial and error, but with consistent effort, it will pay off.
     Ultimatums get a little stickier in marriage relationships. Because the bottom line is, we are often trying to change our spouse to suit our needs or wants. Our ultimatums may come across a little less obvious. We may pout if we don't get the attention we desire. We may yell or belittle if we don't see eye to eye on an issue. We may withhold sex if we are angry over an offense. Our ultimatums in this realm, fall into being selfish, rather than molding character or behavior. 
     But some ultimatums have their place in a marriage. Certain behaviors aren't acceptable, and if they continue, the marriage will possibly not be able to survive. Like infidelity. This behavior must stop in order for a marriage to have a chance. Some people may immediately close the door to a cheating spouse, and never look back. It's because infidelity is a very serious offense, and must be dealt with. It causes pain, insecurity, and unbelievable heartache. 
     During the process of dealing with infidelity in my own marriage, I have to confess something I am not proud of- I gave God ultimatums. I said things like, "God, please fix this fast, because I can't take this anymore." Or, "God, please remove this woman so he is no longer tempted by her." Instead of giving God ultimatums, I should have stated my heart, and let Him do His thing- whatever that was. I was ultimately asking God for changes to eliminate our weaknesses, and not allowing His strength to overcome them. God forgive me for trying to boss You around!
     Certain situations in life will require us to give ultimatums. But it is still my prayer, that when the behavior and heart has changed, grace will follow! Whether it is my children that need it, or my husband, I want to be characterized as being a woman of grace and forgiveness. Many times I fail at this, but being able to offer grace to someone who needs it, is an opportunity to pay forward what Christ has done for me!

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. Romans 12:17 ESV
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Galatians 6:7 ESV
For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. James 2:10 ESV
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me be wise with ultimatums. Help me to season them with grace and understanding, but to stand for truth. Forgive my selfish demands that You follow through on my wishes, in my time, and help me instead to have faith in Your ability to handle any crisis. I thank You, Lord, for always hearing my prayers, and forgiving my shortcomings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!