I'm sitting here this morning, a little sunburnt, and with a grateful heart, thinking of the holiday weekend spent with family. While I didn't feel well this past weekend (thanks to some mysterious orange pollen coating everything outside our home), I was so happy to be with the people I love the most. I promised to update occasionally on where we are, and how we are doing. It's been a couple months, so I wanted to post a little about what's going on with us. It's funny how we've been married almost 26 years next month, but this year has felt like a new beginning. One of the good things that came out of our marriage breaking, was the opportunity for a fresh start- correcting the things we had allowed to grow old and routine.
One of the biggest changes for us, is time spent together as a couple. Although we spent time together as a couple before, it had grown more into the process of elimination for it being just the two of us. With children that are young adults, it seems they often have their own plans, and it would end up just being the two of us for dinner or an evening out, by default. But how much better it is to make time for one another, regardless of what the kids are up to- choosing to spend an evening out together means a lot more than doing it because no one else was available. I will always be an encourager of this for any of my married friends, acquaintances, or readers. Please make the time to enjoy the company of your spouse. By doing this, you're investing in your marriage and the expense will be worth it.
We still continue to go to counseling every couple weeks. The sessions are a great time to work through any thoughts or feelings we may have, as well as learning new tools to work through issues that may arise. We recently faced a business trip back to the area of the affair, and I expected Satan to whisper words of doubt in my ear and heart as we were apart. But what I didn't expect, was a louder Voice that quieted my spirit, and my newfound faith in my husband to feel secure while he was away. This is the result of the work we are doing in rebuilding our relationship on a solid foundation- Jesus Christ. It is also the result of being able to openly share our thoughts without feeling unsure of how they will be received. I want to encourage you all to keep the doors of communication open in all areas of your marriage. Share what you think, and learn the art of careful listening to the thoughts of your partner- not to use the time they are talking to craft your own words or comeback!
Our life at home with our family is falling back into a pattern of normalcy. The awkwardness that once lived here is gone. While there is always room for improvement, we have spent time enjoying our kids and praying for them specifically each night together. We continue our morning and evening devotions and prayer, and I can't think of a more intimate way to share life and our marriage. In order for us to grow together, we need to keep growing individually. In what ways can you invest in personal growth, that will benefit your relationship or marriage? I need to have some good personal attributes to bring to the table, and I need to remove relationship killers like pride, selfishness, greed, a critical spirit, and other toxic behaviors.
Each day, I feel so thankful for a marriage being restored by God. It humbles me greatly to understand how much He values marriage- specifically my own. While my husband's affair used to take up a lot of residence in my brain, it is being removed a little more each day. His love and care for me, along with with the help of my Heavenly Father, is tearing away the barriers of distrust and fear. I'm not naive anymore to think we won't face further assaults from Satan, but I am relishing this new "us" that makes me feel hopeful, grateful, and a little mushy all over again. Keep praying for us, friends, that God will use our story in ways we never imagined, and that our hearts always feel as warm for one another, as they do today!
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gifts You give me each day. I pray I'll never lose sight of the blessings I've received by Your hand. Help us to reach others that are hurt by broken marriages, and introduce them to the hope and healing You offer. Continue to strengthen us in our marriage, and others who are rebuilding theirs. Comfort those who weren't given the opportunity for restoration, and guide and help them in their own journeys. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!
Showing posts with label intimate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimate. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Monday, March 18, 2019
Changes
Changes- I generally find them uncomfortable and often resist them. When the clock changes in the spring and fall, I can't say I like those changes; they leave me tired and disoriented. I don't like the changes my body is going through as it transitions from young to old- things feel stiffer, grayer, flabbier, foggier, and wrinklier. And then there are the changes that come through phases of life- parenting has changed a lot for me in the past 20 plus years. From diapers, to science projects to swim meets to "where are my kids?", so many changes along the way. But when it comes to a marriage that was impacted by infidelity, changes must happen, and usually these are changes for the better; these changes I embrace and rejoice over.
The result of a broken person is one who is forever changed. I wrote a little about that in the blog post titled Broken. I'm so glad to be able to blog about these changes, as many who may not personally know us, likely have some incorrect assumptions of who we really are. One of my favorite changes was the willingness and work towards being completely open- no secrets, no "off limits" subjects, no lies. This was a necessary change toward a healthier marriage and one where trust could begin growing again. We are now able to discuss almost any topic without feeling walls and barriers. Of course there are some that will take time as they are areas that are very raw and painful. But I appreciate this new openness, and without it, would find moving forward very difficult.
The other crucial, major change was spiritual in nature. We now thoroughly enjoy sharing devotions and prayer time to start our day, and to end our day. As Christians, we believe that arming ourselves with scripture is the most powerful safeguard available to us- why not use it? These are my favorite moments spent together in our day, and through them, God is restoring us as a couple. In the past few years, we also had devotion time, but it lacked heart and sincerity which I believe greatly opened us up to Satan's attack against us. I highly recommend spending time with your spouse, sharing scripture and prayer. This is one of the highest forms of intimacy and greatly enriches our relationship.
Accountability has been another change that was necessary in order for our marriage to heal and grow. Whether it's sharing phone location, being open and honest about one another, or sharing the details of our day, being accountable to one another is imperative post-adultery. Rebuilding a marriage may be hard work, but the payoff is huge. I love a devotion my husband recently shared with me. It was centered around accountability to God for our marriage. One day, we will stand before Him and give account of our marriage- how we treated one another, how we served Him together, and so much more! God cares about our marriages, and will willingly assist us in rebuilding after the damage of a storm. I'm so thankful He cares- so much more than I can even begin to understand. And I am ever so grateful for the changes I see in our marriage in this new phase of our lives, and we appreciate your prayers as we work to make it a beautiful offering to present back to our Heavenly Father!
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2 ESV
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, our marriage needed change, and I thank You for opening our hearts to change in areas where it was most needed. Help any others who may be stuck in unhealthy patterns to courageously face them, seek ways to improve them, and making the necessary changes. We are creatures of habit and selfish at best, and yet You call us to something better. Lord, help us do the work required to present our marriage to You one day, knowing we can offer it as a treasure. Help us live lives that seek to honor You in all we do. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
The result of a broken person is one who is forever changed. I wrote a little about that in the blog post titled Broken. I'm so glad to be able to blog about these changes, as many who may not personally know us, likely have some incorrect assumptions of who we really are. One of my favorite changes was the willingness and work towards being completely open- no secrets, no "off limits" subjects, no lies. This was a necessary change toward a healthier marriage and one where trust could begin growing again. We are now able to discuss almost any topic without feeling walls and barriers. Of course there are some that will take time as they are areas that are very raw and painful. But I appreciate this new openness, and without it, would find moving forward very difficult.
The other crucial, major change was spiritual in nature. We now thoroughly enjoy sharing devotions and prayer time to start our day, and to end our day. As Christians, we believe that arming ourselves with scripture is the most powerful safeguard available to us- why not use it? These are my favorite moments spent together in our day, and through them, God is restoring us as a couple. In the past few years, we also had devotion time, but it lacked heart and sincerity which I believe greatly opened us up to Satan's attack against us. I highly recommend spending time with your spouse, sharing scripture and prayer. This is one of the highest forms of intimacy and greatly enriches our relationship.
Accountability has been another change that was necessary in order for our marriage to heal and grow. Whether it's sharing phone location, being open and honest about one another, or sharing the details of our day, being accountable to one another is imperative post-adultery. Rebuilding a marriage may be hard work, but the payoff is huge. I love a devotion my husband recently shared with me. It was centered around accountability to God for our marriage. One day, we will stand before Him and give account of our marriage- how we treated one another, how we served Him together, and so much more! God cares about our marriages, and will willingly assist us in rebuilding after the damage of a storm. I'm so thankful He cares- so much more than I can even begin to understand. And I am ever so grateful for the changes I see in our marriage in this new phase of our lives, and we appreciate your prayers as we work to make it a beautiful offering to present back to our Heavenly Father!
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2 ESV
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, our marriage needed change, and I thank You for opening our hearts to change in areas where it was most needed. Help any others who may be stuck in unhealthy patterns to courageously face them, seek ways to improve them, and making the necessary changes. We are creatures of habit and selfish at best, and yet You call us to something better. Lord, help us do the work required to present our marriage to You one day, knowing we can offer it as a treasure. Help us live lives that seek to honor You in all we do. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
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