A Different Christmas

 The thing about Christmas celebrations are that they are often deeply rooted in tradition. I love traditions—especially Christmas traditions. I am a sentimental girl at heart and nothing pulls on those heartstrings like the things that make our Christmas unique and special to me and my own family. Just hearing Ray Conniff's version of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" conjures up memories from the time I was a little girl. It's a tradition we still have as a signal that it's time for Christmas festivities to begin.

But sometimes, traditions change. It's hard to part with those we held dear for so long, but life changes, so naturally, traditions change too. And there is good in that mixed with a little sadness as well. And because life changes, we often find ourselves with empty chairs at the Christmas table. Maybe our loved one is spending Christmas somewhere else this year, or maybe they've passed away.

This has been another difficult year for so many. Personally, I have lost friends of mine this year to Covid19, and it's been hard to come to grips with. Families will be celebrating, but with huge, gaping holes in their hearts. Some may not even be able to conjure up a Christmas plan—their pain is too deep. My heart aches for them.

Our own Christmas table has dwindled through the years—some from change, and some from death. And yet as we may feel a sense of disappointment or sadness, we must remember that Christmas isn't about tradition or even who is seated at our table. And while it doesn't necessarily erase the pain or the adjustment we face with change, it does prompt us to reflect on what this season is all about.

When I think of Christmas, what are my first thoughts about? I confess it's so easy to get caught up in the traditions and the commercialization of the holiday. I also confess to love those aspects of Christmas, but they don't touch my heart the way the greater story does—the birth of our Savior that long ago night in a stable in Bethlehem. I've spent perhaps more time reflecting on that story this year than any year prior, and I think one of the reasons is the story remains the same. Nothing about it will ever change, and that's a beautiful thing.

Change is inevitable. People change and life changes. We move on from certain things and never look back. We may change locations or career paths or find ourselves facing family changes. Empty nests and new babies—marriage and sadly even divorce—falling in love and feeling brokenhearted and alone—these are also everyday realities for us. And while some may feel joyful this Christmas season, some are also depressed, discouraged, lonely and heartbroken.

If you're facing some changes you may not feel happy about this season, maybe the unchanging, faithful story of Jesus birth can fill you with joy. His birth is the very hope the world had waited for—the hope for a Savior to rescue and redeem a broken world. That child was the fulfillment of promises made from the beginning of time, and the promise I still hold to for my own redemption. 

Christmas is Jesus—it's not in all the things we try to make it about, even as they may enhance our celebrating. And so whatever your Christmas looks like—different or the same—the reason behind it will never change. She brought forth her newborn Son and called His name JESUS—because He would save His people from sin. That's an unchanging truth worth celebrating with great joy.

She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins (Matthew 1:21, ESV)."

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever (Isaiah 40:8, ESV).

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it (Numbers 23:19, ESV)?

It Probably Won't Go the Way I Planned

     Let me introduce you to the "high school me". I'll grow up and travel the world. I'll be a travel agent and marry later, after I get my business established. I'll be a mom- 3 or 4 kids. I'll be successful, forever thin, and live a happy, carefree life. I'll find time to spend with God, and manage to make an impact on other's lives. I'll stay healthy. I'll marry a perfect guy. Blah, blah, blah- how unrealistic I was.
     Goals are good, and I encourage them in others- specifically my children and myself. But while it's true that goals are good, and having a future vision important, it's also true that things often don't go as we planned. I'm living proof of this statement, because I'll now introduce you to "grown up me". I did graduate with a bachelor's degree- in social work/sociology. I am not a travel agent, but I sure like to travel. I am blessed to have two children after the loss of two pregnancies. I didn't foresee those losses, and they sure were painful. I am usually in need of losing ten pounds- sometimes more. There have been times when I didn't feel close to God, usually because I allowed too much extra stuff to crowd Him out. And I did marry a great guy- he's perfect for me, but we've had our struggles. One of the biggest unplanned life events we faced together, was infidelity. That wasn't supposed to be on my agenda- but it was. 
     The truth is, we usually have detours- life experiences that we never expected to be a part of our story. We wouldn't ever choose these painful parts of our story, but oftentimes, we need them. I know I do. Had I lived that high school version of myself, I wouldn't be where I am today! I wouldn't have experienced God's love, grace and mercy to the extend that I have, and frankly, that would be a loss. Losing pregnancies made me appreciate my children. Losing my husband, made me appreciate a restored marriage. Losing weight would also be cool, but hey, you can't have it all;)
     How we handle our detours is crucial in our spiritual walk with our Father. We may not have planned those detours, but He knew they would be a part of our journey. He equips us to handle them. He gives us what He can handle, not what we can handle on our own. We are supposed to learn things from our trials. We are supposed to grow. We should learn more about who He is. And our goal should be to become more like Jesus- humble, compassionate, loving, forgiving and kind. Sometimes we may become shocked and alarmed at the way our story goes, and struggle to understand the "why". When we stay locked in that place, we won't experience the growth God wants for us through those bends in the road. We won't know Him better, and we won't be more like Him.
     If you're walking through a detour right now, wondering why, try to shift your focus. Instead, think of ways God will use this detour to point others to Him. Allow His strength to be witnessed in your own walk, so that others may desire to know the Source of that strength. Don't allow Satan to trip you up, blaming God for your hardships. While God doesn't relish the pain you're experiencing, He does want to use it for His glory. Life often doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. But when it doesn't, our response to the detour has great power. May God help us to illuminate His light through the dark bends in the road, and that others may want to know Him, through our own walk through the valley. 

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit."- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:13-14 (ESV) 
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4 (ESV)

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to allow You to handle the bumps in the road that feel too big for me. May I not become full of anxiety, wishing to quickly make it to safer ground, without really experiencing how You work in those detours. Help me to trust You when my world takes a painful spin, and to know You will bring me through. Help me be a living witness of what You have done for me. In Your name I pray, Jesus, Amen!

Unloved like Leah

       If you've ever felt "less than", I get it. Whether you were overlooked for making a school sports team, a runner-up in a pageant, missed a promotion to a more qualified co-worker, or lost in an art show to someone more talented, you understand the sting of feeling passed over. These are life events we all face at one time or another, and the best way to move forward is to dust ourselves off and keep going. But sometimes, being "less than" hurts far more than we feel capable of handling on our own. Being rejected hurts, but being rejected by the one we love is devastating and seemingly impossible. I've had a Bible story on my heart for quite a while that paints a clear picture of being unloved and looked over for another. If you would like to read more of the story, you can find it in Genesis 29. 
     Here is a brief synopsis of the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel: A long time ago, in a far away country in the east, there were two sisters. The younger sister had a beautiful face and a good figure, while the older was plain and less attractive. A young man comes into town and finds the prettier sister at the watering well as he inquired of his Uncle to some of the local men. She is the daughter of his Uncle Laban, and he is welcomed into their home. He falls desperately in love with this pretty young woman named Rachel, and eventually asks her father for her hand in marriage. He offers seven years of his life to her father in exchange for Rachel. He works for seven years and feels like it was only a short time because of his great love for her. After his wedding night, he wakes up in the morning to find his Uncle had tricked him and given him the older sister, Leah, as it was the custom to marry off the older first. He then waits one week, and is given his long anticipated bride, Rachel, in exchange for an additional seven years of service to her father. This begins a long, complicated, painful journey for these sisters, and Jacob. Marriage was never intended to be shared, but rather a sacred union between two individuals. God knew the complications, jealousy, and heartache that would result from polygamy, and because of this, it was not His intention that we would share our spouse with another. 
     Imagine with me the pain Leah was forced to endure because of her father's deceit. Rachel was always given the place of favor among Jacob, and Leah was not cherished. Jacob would choose to lie in Rachel's arms over Leah's. Jacob would choose to spend his free time with Rachel, and not Leah. Leah would yearn for his love, only to see it showered on her sister instead. Rachel would become jealous and unkind towards her sister for her ability to bear children, while she remained barren for quite some time. Leah hoped that bearing sons would cause her husband to love her, but she was unable to capture his heart. 
     Have you ever felt like a Leah- unloved, unseen, unchosen, and cast aside? No matter who or whatever causes us to feel this way in life, as God's children, we are never unloved or unchosen. While the sting of rejection doesn't vanish because our Heavenly Father loves us, we can rest assured that He will heal our hurts and He understands our feelings of being unloved. No one ever felt as unwanted as our Savior did. If your heart is hurting and heavy from being overlooked, put away or cast aside, lay your burdens at His feet, and hear His precious promise to you- You are my beloved, and I have chosen you!

For you are a people holy to the LORD your God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 14:2 ESV
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah Psalm 62:8 ESV
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:26 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so thankful that we can be sure of Your faithful love towards Your people. While we may feel cast aside by those who love us here, we know You will never forsake or leave us. Thank You Father, for Your faithfulness and Your perfect love for us. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!

Loving and Healing- An Update

     I'm sitting here this morning, a little sunburnt, and with a grateful heart, thinking of the holiday weekend spent with family. While I didn't feel well this past weekend (thanks to some mysterious orange pollen coating everything outside our home), I was so happy to be with the people I love the most. I promised to update occasionally on where we are, and how we are doing. It's been a couple months, so I wanted to post a little about what's going on with us. It's funny how we've been married almost 26 years next month, but this year has felt like a new beginning. One of the good things that came out of our marriage breaking, was the opportunity for a fresh start- correcting the things we had allowed to grow old and routine.
     One of the biggest changes for us, is time spent together as a couple. Although we spent time together as a couple before, it had grown more into the process of elimination for it being just the two of us. With children that are young adults, it seems they often have their own plans, and it would end up just being the two of us for dinner or an evening out, by default. But how much better it is to make time for one another, regardless of what the kids are up to- choosing to spend an evening out together means a lot more than doing it because no one else was available. I will always be an encourager of this for any of my married friends, acquaintances, or readers. Please make the time to enjoy the company of your spouse. By doing this, you're investing in your marriage and the expense will be worth it.
     We still continue to go to counseling every couple weeks. The sessions are a great time to work through any thoughts or feelings we may have, as well as learning new tools to work through issues that may arise. We recently faced a business trip back to the area of the affair, and I expected Satan to whisper words of doubt in my ear and heart as we were apart. But what I didn't expect, was a louder Voice that quieted my spirit, and my newfound faith in my husband to feel secure while he was away. This is the result of the work we are doing in rebuilding our relationship on a solid foundation- Jesus Christ. It is also the result of being able to openly share our thoughts without feeling unsure of how they will be received. I want to encourage you all to keep the doors of communication open in all areas of your marriage. Share what you think, and learn the art of careful listening to the thoughts of your partner- not to use the time they are talking to craft your own words or comeback!
     Our life at home with our family is falling back into a pattern of normalcy. The awkwardness that once lived here is gone. While there is always room for improvement, we have spent time enjoying our kids and praying for them specifically each night together. We continue our morning and evening devotions and prayer, and I can't think of a more intimate way to share life and our marriage. In order for us to grow together, we need to keep growing individually. In what ways can you invest in personal growth, that will benefit your relationship or marriage? I need to have some good personal attributes to bring to the table, and I need to remove relationship killers like pride, selfishness, greed, a critical spirit, and other toxic behaviors. 
     Each day, I feel so thankful for a marriage being restored by God. It humbles me greatly to understand how much He values marriage- specifically my own. While my husband's affair used to take up a lot of residence in my brain, it is being removed a little more each day. His love and care for me, along with with the help of my Heavenly Father, is tearing away the barriers of distrust and fear. I'm not naive anymore to think we won't face further assaults from Satan, but I am relishing this new "us" that makes me feel hopeful, grateful, and a little mushy all over again. Keep praying for us, friends, that God will use our story in ways we never imagined, and that our hearts always feel as warm for one another, as they do today!

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 ESV
But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for the gifts You give me each day. I pray  I'll never lose sight of the blessings I've received by Your hand. Help us to reach others that are hurt by broken marriages, and introduce them to the hope and healing You offer. Continue to strengthen us in our marriage, and others who are rebuilding theirs. Comfort those who weren't given the opportunity for restoration, and guide and help them in their own journeys. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

So, What Next?

     What a journey this has been, blogging our story. What blows me away is when it all began, it was so different than where we ended up. I started this journey with a broken heart and little hope at restoration, and look what God did! It's our miracle story, and one I will always be grateful for and humbled by. We made friends along the way- you know who you are. So many of you wrote words of support, love and encouragement. For those who did, you'll never know how much that meant to me. For those who liked and shared and commented- thank you! You guys were the ones that kept me going when I didn't always feel like it! 
      While it may seem our story has come to an end, in reality- it's just starting, and we feel so blessed. I am not leaving my blog site or website, but our posts will now only be once a week. I will share old posts on occasion to reach new readers who may be freshly beginning their infidelity journey. Occasionally, I will blog more about our life as we go, but I will primarily share relationship posts and updates on my devotional book release expected later this year. Many of you encouraged me to seek publishing, and because of your support, my dream is becoming a reality. Thank you so much for that; we can't wait to see what God has for us through writing and sharing our story with others. 
     To my parents- your support in my writing has been such a blessing to me. You each read daily, comment, and personally encouraged me each time I saw you! I love you both so much, and I'm so grateful for your help and support. To those who emailed me regarding your own marriage battle, don't think for a minute that we will stop praying for you! You are the reason we wrote each day, and we are so thankful you are sharing your story with us. To my kids- thank you for allowing yourselves to be interjected into my posts. You guys are my rock stars, and have been by my side each step of the way! To those who pray for us- you have no idea how much that means to us! Without God's intervention, my life story would be very different today. To my little brother who shares my Twitter post EVERY SINGLE DAY, thanks, D:) To my sister and her husband- your therapy dinners out with us are some of our most favorite times. To my sister-in-law- you were seriously such a lifeline to me and I'll treasure you always! To my family and friends who fought this battle with us each day- I love you from the bottom of my heart. 
     And then there is my husband. You always had my heart, no matter what. My eyes tear up thinking of what we have come through, but in the end- you chose me all over again. I'm honored to share life with you, and I'll always be your biggest fan. You are the reason for the sparkle in my eyes, and the light in my smile. Thank you for loving me, for all you do for me, and for allowing God to change your heart. I believe with everything in me that our best years are ahead of us, and I can't wait to see the blessings God has for us. I love you forever and always!
     Last, but most precious, is the love and faithfulness of my Jesus. I love this  name, for it was Jesus Who experienced life in this world, yet never sinned. He never hurt anyone, He never turned His back on anyone- He was human, yet perfect and holy. And what a precious name He was given- One Who would save His people from their sins, and I'm so thankful that included me. Without His hand in my life, I would be lost, empty and hopeless. His care for me is such a wonderful gift, and He cared so much for my marriage, that He reached down and rescued it. Jesus, I will forever love You, and look forward to serving You for all eternity. Thank You, Lord, for Your grace, mercy and love, and for giving me more than I could ever ask or imagine. 
     Thank you all again for sharing by reading- and the many other ways you showed you cared. May each of you experience God's best in your lives, and may you truly know Him and live to serve Him. Putting Him first will always be the wisest choice and will lead you to His best ever story for you. My heart is touched by all of you- some known to me, and some I don't know. Please share our website with any who may need it- theselightafflictions.com. You're always welcome to contact us through FB or email- roomcdonald@bellsouth.net. God bless you all!
Love, Ruth

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for each reader and their support and encouragement. I pray that our story helps others who are hurting and struggling through their own story of infidelity. Open doors You want us to walk through and lead us away from closed doors- and give us the faith and wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Dating my Husband Again

     Remember the feeling of waiting to get picked up by your date? You would get all cleaned up, dressed up, and excited? We first dated before cell phones were a thing- there was no constant communication, and we couldn't FaceTime or Skype. We looked forward to the weekend since we lived 50 minutes apart and lived on our 10:00 pm phone calls (when the rates dropped)! I remember being so excited when I would hear him pulling into our driveway to whisk me away for a couple hours of fun.
     It might seem a little crazy, but love doesn't change. Twenty-five years of marriage went by, followed by a really difficult year. But I can tell you, when he pulled in our driveway for our dates earlier this year, my heart felt like the same teenage-girl that waited for him decades earlier. The wonderful thing is this- our difficult year didn't define us, but it did refine us. I learned to appreciate him in a whole new way. This man wasn't afraid to be vulnerable and honest. He didn't hold back his tears or emotions. I was given a gift to know a better man than I had known before, and I thank God for that each day. My story could've went a whole different way, but I'm glad God chose this path for me- for us.
     While it wasn't easy living apart, it did make the time we had together so special. We knew it was temporary, and looked forward to the day we could live under the same roof again. We talked, we dreamed, we shared, we cried, and we connected in a whole new way. What had been between us before- we learned from it, but it was a part of our past, not our present. We have been given a fresh start to do things better this go round. 
     If you have walked through infidelity in your marriage, you may not have a chance for a fresh start. If that is your story, and you prayed for a different outcome, then I'm so sorry. Being rejected is painful and can't be glossed over. But I would like to encourage you to find your own new beautiful story. While I had come to peace with parting ways with my husband, it was never what I wanted. I am thankful each day for where we are today- growing together and making a beautiful new story. This was truly only a script that God could write, and having Him at our center is key in building something that will last. Some bends in our life journey are really painful places to walk through, but I am so thankful God allows them to make us stronger, wiser, and more like His Son. Thank You, Lord, for giving us fresh starts, and for rescuing us in our darkest moments. And thank You for the light of these new days- days full of hope and love and opportunity!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. Job 8:7 ESV
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for these new days- days full of new beginnings and promise. I thank You for the lessons of the past, and for bringing us through some of our worst days. Your mercy is always greater than our failures and we are humbled by this beautiful truth. Give us strength and courage each day to make something stronger and better, and may our love be centered around Your Son. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     
     

Caught in the Act

     We have all seen movies, or maybe read a book about a couple found while committing adultery. Or maybe it hits closer to home- and you were the one that discovered them. Extreme emotions arise- emotions of anger and shock. We want to drag the adulterer out, and find a way for justice and even humiliation. 
     I can see myself, standing among the accusers. How dare this person dishonor me in this way? I'm hurt, and want revenge. Who will help me find the justice I am seeking for my betrayer? I have many who are angry with me. Every single one accompanying me wants this sinner to pay for the offense, and carries stones to throw at him. We bring the betrayer to a Man, sitting in the temple. We tell Him of what this person has done. Isn't it punishable to a high degree? This is a direct disobedience to one of the basic Ten Commandments- surely He will help us. He is known to many as One who has great authority.
     The Man doesn't say anything. It's crazy, that He would just sit there. If He had seen what I saw, and felt the things I felt, surely He would help me. I look at my spouse with disapproval, and even something deeper- disdain. The more I argued my case, I began to see the others, drop their stones and slowly walk away. One by one they left me standing there with my husband, and this Man. How could they leave me, when they were supposed to be my friends? I felt betrayed by them as well. And so I looked at this Man, as He began writing in the sand with His finger. 
     And in the silence, I began to reflect on my life. This Man was quiet, yet His eyes caused me to begin a good self assessment. And it's as if a screen begins to unfold before me. I see myself telling lies to those who love me. I hear my voice whispering "I hate you," when I was punished by my loving parent. I see my hands hit my very own brother. I see myself make a choice to touch someone I shouldn't. I hear my thoughts daydream of killing someone that wronged me. I see myself drawn to sexual sin. I turn my back on those that are poor, and in need of help. I hear myself scream at my child that needed my attention, rather than disapproval. I disciplined out of anger. I spoke against my husband. I failed to show love to a neighbor. I judged other people's sins, and failed to see the severity of my own. And tears began to slip down my face. I turned to look at my spouse, and I no longer see him with anger. I look at this Man, and I feel loved, rather than judged. And I silently turn, let the stone drop from my hand, and leave this Man with my husband. And I walk away convicted of my own sin, and lovingly aware of overwhelming grace received from this Man, called Jesus.

***This is a story found in John 8:1-11. I have used it for the setting of my own story, to show how Jesus sees each one of us, carrying our own stones against our betrayers. I pray you'll join me, in having the courage to release your grip on the stones, and reflect on God's grace towards you <3 

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:44 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, it's so easy for me to see the wrong in my betrayers, and want retribution. What was done was wrong, and it hurt me. And yet when I am drawn to look closely at my own heart, I am convicted of my own story of sin, hurt and betrayal. Help me to drop any stone I may wish to cast at others, and offer the grace You offer me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
     

Embarrassed by a Failed Marriage

     We can say it over and over again, but it just isn't true. We DO care what others think of us. It's nice to pretend we don't, and to tell others it doesn't matter, but it doesn't make it true. While there is definite shame for the unfaithful spouse, I felt it as well. 
     I didn't realize it before, but my marital security and integrity were important to my pride. I like to appear to have it all together. I want others to see that my life is neat and tidy. I don't want to appear flawed and messy. I don't leave my house without make-up. I usually go to the grocery store in nice clothes, and freshly washed and styled hair. I like a clean car and a clean house. I want others to see my kids behaving. I want them to believe my husband is amazing, and that together, we have a great thing going. What I came to realize is this- I stunk of pride.
     Why I held myself to this ridiculous standard, I don't know. But I do know that when our marriage fell apart, it further crushed my proud spirit, and caused embarrassment. What would people think? What will they say? I wanted to hide my marriage problems, because I was ashamed that I fell short of what others may think of me. How crazy this thought process was, and how short it fell from living in a meek and humble spirit. And a further shot to the heart is the reminder of what God says about pride- He hates it.
     When I think of how Jesus lived, it is deeply humbling. He came from a poor family, in a nondescript town. He didn't have monetary possessions. He spent time with sinners. He had only one possession at the cross- His garment. This man, Who was God in flesh, had not one stitch of pride in His character, and He had every right to. When I think of His attitude, and then I see mine, I drop my head in shame. Shame that isn't about my circumstances, but about my heart. My pride had to be humbled if I were to serve Him the way He wants me to.
     When I could release myself from the expectations I placed on myself, I felt a burden lifted. I still wear my make-up, and get dressed for the grocery store, but I'm not afraid to tell my story. I tell others that I'm messy and broken, and how God's grace is working in my life and my marriage. I don't try to hide my story from others, and felt relief at sharing our struggles. And when I let go of my pride, and allowed myself to be authentic about my situation, I found so many others that could relate to me. I didn't feel that connection when I lived in my pride, but I felt it when I allowed myself to be broken- just like everyone else. 

For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3 ESV
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. Proverbs 18:12 ESV
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV
The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, in your lofty dwelling, who say in your heart, "Who will bring me down to the ground?" Obadiah 1:3 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to live humbly before others, acknowledging my failures and shortcomings. These are things that show my need of You, and Your perfect ability to help me overcome them. I thank You for caring enough for me to show me my prideful heart, and change it. Help me to share my story with others, so they can see You woven throughout it. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!