Ultimatums

     Relationships are riddled with ultimatums. We give them often to our kids. There are consequences for not listening to our instruction. We tell our kids to clean their rooms, do their homework, improve their attitude, or use shampoo this time when they shower (have you been there?) . If they don't listen, there will be punishment for ignoring our request. There are good reasons for these ultimatums, because we are building our little ones into responsible, respectable adults. It's a process with a lot of trial and error, but with consistent effort, it will pay off.
     Ultimatums get a little stickier in marriage relationships. Because the bottom line is, we are often trying to change our spouse to suit our needs or wants. Our ultimatums may come across a little less obvious. We may pout if we don't get the attention we desire. We may yell or belittle if we don't see eye to eye on an issue. We may withhold sex if we are angry over an offense. Our ultimatums in this realm, fall into being selfish, rather than molding character or behavior. 
     But some ultimatums have their place in a marriage. Certain behaviors aren't acceptable, and if they continue, the marriage will possibly not be able to survive. Like infidelity. This behavior must stop in order for a marriage to have a chance. Some people may immediately close the door to a cheating spouse, and never look back. It's because infidelity is a very serious offense, and must be dealt with. It causes pain, insecurity, and unbelievable heartache. 
     During the process of dealing with infidelity in my own marriage, I have to confess something I am not proud of- I gave God ultimatums. I said things like, "God, please fix this fast, because I can't take this anymore." Or, "God, please remove this woman so he is no longer tempted by her." Instead of giving God ultimatums, I should have stated my heart, and let Him do His thing- whatever that was. I was ultimately asking God for changes to eliminate our weaknesses, and not allowing His strength to overcome them. God forgive me for trying to boss You around!
     Certain situations in life will require us to give ultimatums. But it is still my prayer, that when the behavior and heart has changed, grace will follow! Whether it is my children that need it, or my husband, I want to be characterized as being a woman of grace and forgiveness. Many times I fail at this, but being able to offer grace to someone who needs it, is an opportunity to pay forward what Christ has done for me!

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. Romans 12:17 ESV
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Galatians 6:7 ESV
For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. James 2:10 ESV
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me be wise with ultimatums. Help me to season them with grace and understanding, but to stand for truth. Forgive my selfish demands that You follow through on my wishes, in my time, and help me instead to have faith in Your ability to handle any crisis. I thank You, Lord, for always hearing my prayers, and forgiving my shortcomings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

A Heart like King David

     You may be familiar with David's story in the Bible. It's a pretty shocking one, to be frank. You have a man lusting after a bathing woman, and he uses his position of authority to claim her, sexually. Never mind that she is a married woman- married to one of his faithful soldiers. David has Bathsheba brought to the palace, and takes what he has no business taking from her. His sin led to a pregnancy. The pregnancy would expose his sin- and so he has her husband placed in the front lines of battle, knowing it would claim his life. He then takes her as his own wife, but God will bring to light what David tried to hide, as He always does.
     This story isn't just a story, it happened. It reeks of sin and selfishness, yet King David is known to God as a "man after God's heart." In fact, God called him this on two separate occasions. Our humanity often doesn't speak the language of grace, like God. We look at this story and see someone who is awful, selfish, evil, and deserves punishment- but fail to see it in ourselves. Some possibly struggled with the blog post yesterday about the beginning of my husband's story of infidelity. But in all honesty, before God, we are all just sinners in need of His grace and mercy.
     I love how King David's sin didn't disqualify him from further service to God- in fact, some of his best days came after his affair and murder of Uriah. Many of the most touching Psalms were written by David, with a broken spirit sold out for His beloved God- the God of grace and redemption. This brings another story to mind found in Luke 7 of a sinful woman who entered the home where Jesus was, and poured out an outrageously costly jar of perfume on the feet of Jesus, and used her hair to wipe it off. Simon didn't understand why Jesus would let this sinful woman come close to Him. I love how Jesus admonishes him and says these precious words: "because her sins have been forgiven, she has loved much (Luke 7:47)." 
     When we have experienced God's grace from a very low point in life, we have the makings of  David's heart- one that wants to please God. We may look down our noses at sin, and never experience the joy of knowing God's grace at a level that brings absolute love and devotion. I want to have a heart like David, and I want to have compassion for those that are brought low. I want to see myself in David's highs, but I also want to see myself clearly as the sinful David- capable of falling, and often failing. I pray that I will guard myself each day, and understand how easily I can give in to temptation. And I pray most of all, to show God's grace to any who fall along their way, and to love them unconditionally, just as God loves me. 

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15 ESV
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, Ephesians 1:7 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV

Dear Heavenly Father, help me to recognize my own weaknesses, and not just see them in others. Give me a compassionate heart- one that sees the lost, the hurting, and those who have fallen, with love. I thank You for being a God of restoration, and I thank You for the countless times You have showered me with Your undeserving grace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!