You hear the conversation from the other room, and your whole world spins out of control. Can it be true? Doesn't cancer happen to other people and their families? We never thought it would part of our journey- not now! Or the phone rings, and you hear words you hoped you would never hear- "your husband had a heart attack, and has been taken by ambulance to the local emergency department. Please come right away." Or your son is in a serious battle with depression, and you are desperate to get him help! These are moments that forever change our lives, and we feel compassion and a strong desire to do anything possible for them. We long to alleviate their pain and assist them in their health crisis.
When health issues assault a loved one, we work hard to make life comfortable for them. We drive them to appointments, we lighten their work load, we buy them gifts, and offer them unlimited support. We shave our heads so they aren't bald alone, we encourage them to seek counseling, or try eating the same heart healthy diet. We cry with them, listen to them, and try our best to understand, on some level, the journey they are on. Why do we do it? Because we love them, and their pain is personal to us. Our compassion capacity is "all in" for them, and we make sure they know it.
Why then, do we have such a hard time feeling compassion when the sickness isn't physical?. What about when the sickness is spiritual in nature? Why do we so easily walk away, offering little to those we claim to love? When we are able to see infidelity, among other spiritual struggles, as a real battle against our sinful flesh, it transforms how we see our spouse. Yes- what they have done has caused a great deal of pain, but it often wasn't intentional, but rather the result of the "slow fade" Casting Crowns sings about.
Many have asked, through our own journey through infidelity, how I felt about my husband during those difficult months and years. Choosing to feel bitterness and focus on the anger, would result in my own "slow fade". These feelings are not meant to be a part of who we are, as Christians, even though anger has its place in any affair. But when I chose to look on my husband with eyes of compassion for his fall, it changed my way of thinking altogether. This man that I loved, was in a crisis, and by golly, I wanted to help him! If we all walked away from those who have fallen and are broken, then we are quitters. We are prideful. We are hard-hearted. We are missing the call of the gospel.
If you know someone who has fallen away from their faith, struggling against their flesh and the devil, and walking in ways contrary to scripture, can I ask you to show them compassion? Pity and feeling sorry for them isn't the same being compassionate. Pity involves pride, while compassion understands our own ability to fall- choose compassion over pity! They are spiritually sick, and they need help. They need love. They need wise counsel. They need a hug. They desperately need prayer. They need the body of Christ more than ever before. Please don't neglect those who are floundering in their faith. What I realized is this- I am capable of the same fall. My sincere hope is that should it ever happen, you will faithfully pursue my restoration. Your help may not be accepted for a long time, or possibly ever, but God has called us to live out the gospel. This doesn't only pertain to the lost, but also to those who have fallen away. God never turns His back on us when we fail or fall, and I pray I will live out that same principle in my own life, regarding others! See them with eyes like Jesus, and you'll start to see that they look an awful lot like you.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, Colossians 3:12 ESV
"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 ESV
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8 ESV
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Matthew 5:9 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, may we train our eyes to see others with compassionate eyes, like Yours. It's so easy to dismiss those who have hurt us, refusing to restore relationships, and seeking revenge, instead. Help us to see the hurting, even though they have hurt us, too. God, help us to draw alongside the spiritually ill, and love them through it. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen!
There are a few things I have proclaimed I would never do in life! One was marrying my husband;) My husband was my younger brother's BFF, so I never took him seriously when he said he liked me. I also never really thought I would be a fan of spray tans, but today, I sit here nice and golden (not orange), waiting to board a ship tomorrow. I mean, who likes to be pale when you're cruising the high seas? So I've learned something about the word "never" - a word I should use less often, and with careful consideration.
Never was a word we used about infidelity. In our marriage, we believed it was a "never"- yet here we are, living in the "it happened to us". I wonder if you've said it about your marriage, too. While it's an admirable goal, and one we hope to live up to, it's also a prideful statement. Anyone can fall, and I was taught that lesson in a painful way. I think a much better way to look at infidelity is to not say "never", but to carry out daily practices to protect you from a real possibility of falling to it. Because if you know my husband, you know, like me, that it really can happen to any of us. And while you may outwardly acknowledge the truth in that, you may inwardly whisper- but not for us.
What are your "nevers" in life? Looking back, how many did you actually end up doing at some point? For me, I have crossed plenty "nevers" off of my mental list. I've found that my "nevers" were rooted in pride, believing myself to be better than I truly am. But I've also found freedom in falling to them- freedom that when I do fall to my own ridiculous standards, God isn't surprised, and He is there for me, waiting for me to allow Him to carry me through.
If you feel as if you are safe from an extramarital affair, let go of that assumption. There isn't a need to feel fearful when you let go, but instead, look to God as the foundation in your marriage, and build it up day by day. Acknowledge your need of protection from sin, and arm yourselves daily in staying committed, and faithful. And please, never say never when it comes to infidelity. Instead, pray that God protects your marriage, and that you remember Who should be guiding each of you every day! You are never safer than when He is at the center of your marriage- so don't let Him go!
But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3 ESV
Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 ESV
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, I confess my pride in believing I am above falling to sin. Help me protect my marriage by allowing You to be at the center of it, and encouraging my spouse to allow that as well. Thank You for faithfully restoring and forgiving when we do fall. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
Have you ever sat your child down, and warned them about a certain behavior, explaining the consequences that could come from failing to listen? I know I sure have. If your kids are like mine, they likely told you, "Mom, don't worry, I wouldn't do that." My kids are no longer little, but sometimes I still sit them down and give them advice. And still, most times they will reassure me I don't have to worry about them. But with age comes wisdom, and I know the hearts of us sinful humans- we often have the best intentions of not falling or failing, but we aren't fail-proof.
This brings me to a story about Peter found in Luke 22. Peter loved Jesus, and was one of His twelve disciples. He left everything he had to serve and follow Him. And while Peter did some pretty great things, he was still just human, capable of messing up. Jesus knew it, and He knows it about me, too! While they were sitting together, Jesus told Peter he would betray Him- not once, but three times. And just like my own kids, Peter doubted this could be true of him. He passionately argued that it couldn't be so- he said, "Lord, I would go with you to both prison, and to death." (Luke 22:33 ESV). He was basically saying, "NO WAY! I would go to prison for You, and I would die for You. I would never deny You." But we know the rest of the story, and we know that he does indeed deny Him three times. We also know how full of sadness and sorrow he was, when he realized what he had done. He never would've believed it possible, but God knows our hearts.
What have you denied was possible for you? I am confident that had my husband been warned of the consequences of being unfaithful, he would have reassured whoever was speaking with him. He would have told them not to worry, it wouldn't happen to him. We don't often see the truth of our weakness, and don't believe our sinful nature is really as ugly as it is. We think we are better and stronger than we naturally are.
There are things I have sworn I would never do- and I can tell you, I've done them. It's easy to shake our heads in shame at those who fall, and fail to see there is the same capacity within me. While it never excuses infidelity, or any other sin, it does help us to understand we are all fallible people- people that need God to be our strength and His Spirit to be our conscience. I pray for eyes and a heart like Jesus, and if I see someone who falls to sin, that I'll reach out my hand to help them up, rather than shake my head and walk away! Just as Peter went on to do great things for the kingdom of God after his betrayal of Jesus, so can anyone else! I love that our God gives second chances- I'm living proof of this wonderful truth!
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 ESV
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 ESV
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." Mark 7:21-23 ESV
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, my heart is capable of sin and deceit. Help me to recognize that, and to follow You in my life, and not seek my own way. Help me to lift up my brothers and sisters that fall, and not turn my back on them. Help me to know that without Your leading, I could be in the same position myself. Jesus, we need You each moment of each day, in Your name I pray, Amen!
You may be familiar with David's story in the Bible. It's a pretty shocking one, to be frank. You have a man lusting after a bathing woman, and he uses his position of authority to claim her, sexually. Never mind that she is a married woman- married to one of his faithful soldiers. David has Bathsheba brought to the palace, and takes what he has no business taking from her. His sin led to a pregnancy. The pregnancy would expose his sin- and so he has her husband placed in the front lines of battle, knowing it would claim his life. He then takes her as his own wife, but God will bring to light what David tried to hide, as He always does.
This story isn't just a story, it happened. It reeks of sin and selfishness, yet King David is known to God as a "man after God's heart." In fact, God called him this on two separate occasions. Our humanity often doesn't speak the language of grace, like God. We look at this story and see someone who is awful, selfish, evil, and deserves punishment- but fail to see it in ourselves. Some possibly struggled with the blog post yesterday about the beginning of my husband's story of infidelity. But in all honesty, before God, we are all just sinners in need of His grace and mercy.
I love how King David's sin didn't disqualify him from further service to God- in fact, some of his best days came after his affair and murder of Uriah. Many of the most touching Psalms were written by David, with a broken spirit sold out for His beloved God- the God of grace and redemption. This brings another story to mind found in Luke 7 of a sinful woman who entered the home where Jesus was, and poured out an outrageously costly jar of perfume on the feet of Jesus, and used her hair to wipe it off. Simon didn't understand why Jesus would let this sinful woman come close to Him. I love how Jesus admonishes him and says these precious words: "because her sins have been forgiven, she has loved much (Luke 7:47)."
When we have experienced God's grace from a very low point in life, we have the makings of David's heart- one that wants to please God. We may look down our noses at sin, and never experience the joy of knowing God's grace at a level that brings absolute love and devotion. I want to have a heart like David, and I want to have compassion for those that are brought low. I want to see myself in David's highs, but I also want to see myself clearly as the sinful David- capable of falling, and often failing. I pray that I will guard myself each day, and understand how easily I can give in to temptation. And I pray most of all, to show God's grace to any who fall along their way, and to love them unconditionally, just as God loves me.
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15 ESV
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, Ephesians 1:7 ESV
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23 ESV
I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." Selah Psalm 32:5 ESV
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to recognize my own weaknesses, and not just see them in others. Give me a compassionate heart- one that sees the lost, the hurting, and those who have fallen, with love. I thank You for being a God of restoration, and I thank You for the countless times You have showered me with Your undeserving grace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!
